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self-care trump

Put the Oxygen Mask on Yourself First: Dealing with the new realities of Trump’s America

Take care or yourself, or else you wont be able to take care of others
Take care or yourself, or else you wont be able to take care of others

When I finally went to bed late last night, there was a small part of me that hoped I would wake up this morning to find that Donald Trump’s improbable victory had been nothing more than a very bad dream.

Barring that, which I knew was a bit of a long shot, I hoped that I would at least wake up with the inklings of a plan for what to do about this catastrophe. I hoped I could write a rousing blog post sketching out my thoughts on the road ahead– for this blog and for the anti-Trump movement as a whole.

Alas, that didn’t happen either. I’m still processing the bad news, emotionally and intellectually. And I know a lot of you are doing the same.

And that’s ok. Trump will not take office until the end of January. There will be plenty of time to come up with ways to fight back against the orange one.

Right now the important thing is to take care of ourselves and those around us. Give yourself however much time you need. Avoid stress. Don’t beat yourself up for what happened, and don’t take out your anger on others on our side. Turn off the news if need be. Do whatever you need to do to clear your head and keep yourself safe.

In the comments here, feel free to continue the discussion that started in the “VOTE” post yesterday. And please share any self-help and self-care strategies you have — even if all you’ve got at the moment is pictures of cats and videos of hedgehogs.

If trolls show up, or if there is anything else that pops up in the thread that I should know about, please send me an email about it.

We can fight this thing. We can beat this thing. But first we need to get ourselves centered.

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Laugher at Bigots
Laugher at Bigots
8 years ago

@Ooglyboggles: That reminds me of the Onion article “Nation Throws Off Tyrannical Yoke Of Moderate Respect For Women”. Thankfully, there’s no comment section into which Trumpets can inject their bile.

Handsome "Punkle Stan" Jack

I did some googling and the website I found seems legit. Here’s the link to the explanation if anyone is interested in reading it. The home page has videos.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
8 years ago

@Laugher at Bigots
The onion is always good for a laugh, less so when at times when the articles are practically seers in ridiculous things.
@BritterSweet
Thank you, I really needed that as a reminder that good still exists.

Handsome "Punkle Stan" Jack

Jessi Mitchell, of local News 9 reports that “family members of Caddo Nation chairwoman Tamara Francis-Fourkiller said an anonymous donor paid $2.5 million late Saturday afternoon to release everyone arrested on Thursday at the Dakota Access Pipeline site.”

Humans aren’t complete shit after all.

Number Sequence
Number Sequence
8 years ago

@Scildfreja

Thank you. It means more than you know.

@Axe

I appreciate the caveat. Made me smile to be mentioned.

For everyone, David included, here’s the other thing I wanted to say.

I owe this community a lot of gratitude for any progress I’ve made. I came here in a shock moment when I was confronted with an MRA argument for the first time in the comments of a youtube video. I don’t know why I read them, but I was so confused. I knew about MRAs, but I’d never seen an arguement with one. He was so… nice. He talked about how he was trying to help the person arguing back understand their folly and that he wouldn’t give up because it was always worth trying to help someone break through. I had gotten so used to the idea of reasonless yelling that I just couldn’t process it. So I came here looking for something, anything to help me grasp what I’d just seen. I’d heard about this place in passing from an article somewhere else. I just kept reading posts and comments, and slowly I started to understand more of where we really are in society. My classes in university taught me a lot of history and fundamentals, but this gave me a stark look at the contemporary and the practical.

It’s not always easy to read things here, even in the comments. I don’t absorb anger very well. I’m very socially anxious and afraid of being hated, so anger is hard for me, even justified anger that I agree and empathize with. But I’ve powered through lurking and learned a lot. I learned of the concept of ableism here. I’ve Iearned what empathy means to me. What sticks out in my mind, though, is what changed in me the most. Everything else has been reinforcement of what I knew in some way even if I didn’t accept it, but this one thing was completely uprooted and redefined. For the longest time, I had learned that it was the responsibility of who did something wrong to make amends and it was the responsibility of the wronged to forgive. That if someone apologized, they were owed forgiveness. In my time here, I’ve realized what a crock of shit that is. People have no obligation to forgive those who wrong them. That’s a personal decision. And I’m talking about if they apologize, legitimately, to who they have wronged and not to someone unrelated.

I’m starting to ramble. What I’m trying to say is how greatful I am for what this community has done for me. I hope I have what it takes to show it in the coming years. I know this place won’t disappear, but it feels like everything is slipping away, and I wanted to say this while I can. Thank you all so much.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
8 years ago

@Number Sequence
http://66.media.tumblr.com/c63c1222d38a83a05c1f193050ac1af2/tumblr_inline_nl5nofC2YY1sptc1c.gif
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You’ve shown you’re capable of more than just a single step. Take care.

Samantha
Samantha
8 years ago

I thought of a good, descriptive name for Trump, since he shares so many lovely character traits with the following: Adolf Caligula Mussolini. ACM, for short.

Now I am going to start working to help create something like the Progressive Democratic Party. On local levels, we can build a truly progressive movement and take our country back. I, for one, will follow the example of Bernie Sanders and, in the immortal words of Capt. Taggert of Galaxy Quest – Never Give Up! Never Surrender!

thedeardeparted1
thedeardeparted1
8 years ago

I have been lurking here for the last several years, but in light of events I just wanted to say thank you all so much for being here. The love and support on this comment section is like nothing I have ever seen on the internet. Please remember this, the vile and vainglorious boasting of the supporters of that cruel child in a ridiculous old man’s body is as nothing to what we have here.
I come from a little rural community and have friends who support that petty, awfully man. I try hard to understand why, but can’t. They have helped and been kind to me when I needed it badly. There are POC here and they treat them with dignity and friendship and the complete disconnect from how they treat people individually and their larger actions is baffling.
I remind myself they, without exception, believe every insane conspiracy theory, up to and including lizard people. That level of foolishness is not something I can readily grasp. I have in truth pitied them but I am so angry and scared right know. They are all so broken. But they want to hurt others and I can’t ignore that, not anymore, not when it’s real now.
It hurts, to be honest. It hurts a lot. I am writing this through tears that seem they will never stop. But if that man is simply a gross incompetent or if the worst comes know they will never have what we have.
Whatever happens, whatever you believe, know you are loved.

Snowberry
Snowberry
8 years ago

@ Samantha:

Adolf Caligula Mussolini. ACM, for short.

This is going to sound really petty, but could you please not use the abbreviated version on this site? ACM is my initials. I don’t know why, but it made me really uncomfortable to read that.

gijoel
gijoel
8 years ago

Possibly great new series on Cartoon Network to take your mind off shit. Also talking Corgis.

Snowberry
Snowberry
8 years ago

Actually, I think I know why. I’ve got stuff monogrammed with those initials, so I see them around the house all the time but nowhere else, and subconsciously very strongly think of them as “me”. Seeing them associated with those awful names was a little bit of a shock.

(Note: I prefer to keep my identity private and was uncomfortable even revealing my initials here… so I was hesitant to say why. But it wouldn’t have made sense without mentioning it.)

Kat
Kat
8 years ago

@Snowberry
That makes sense. My own initials are “me” too.

Skiriki
Skiriki
8 years ago

Oh god, the Tangerine Hitler is still around.

I hate the helpless feeling of being this far away, yet being way too close to fire that may erupt any moment if the Overgrown Oompa Loompa gets into a tizzy OR too chummy with Stalin-Wannabe.

Fuck, eight years of Dubya was enough — it was like watching a toddler with matches walking around in a room full of gunpowder kegs, while you stand on the other side of room behind a pane of glass that just won’t break and the kid won’t hear you, just giggles and lights one match after another and sprinkles them around.

I wonder if this will lead into future where the name “Donald” is going to be “popular” the same way as “Adolf” is (read: really isn’t, unless you’re a total shitheel who hates the kid) these days?

I hope not.

Yet, at the same time my Twitter feed has reported already:

* Men in MAGA hats assaulting Muslim women and pulling off their jihabs, threatening or telling them to commit suicide now.
* Men in MAGA hats sexually assaulting women by groping and berating them/telling them now that Trump is gonna be the president, this will be legal and liberal *****s should learn to like it.
* Men smashing a bottle to a man’s face and yelling that the new president will put f*****s like him to their place.
* KKK marching — with full hoods on — in North Carolina.
* Swastikas painted in Pennsylvania.
* POC — especially WOC — intimidated all over the country, including with firearms. Ethnic slurs flying, and being told that they’re not allowed to be here anymore.
* Students in schools telling other students — POC, of course — that they will be “sent back”, complete with ethnic slurs.

Tangerine Hitler sure has lots of willing henchmen ready to do whatever he wants them to do.

Kat
Kat
8 years ago

@thedeardeparted1

Thank you for those very kind words.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

abars01
abars01
8 years ago

As an Australian – a citizen of a country with a fairly self-deprecating national culture – I just have to say: fuck you, America. Last night, what little respect I had left for you, as a nation, was completely flushed down the toilet. I have had it, up to my neck, with, among other things, America’s celebrity worship, its income inequality, its police brutality, its gun fetishism, its war fetishism, its racism, its denial of its racism, its culture of greed and materialism, its ridiculous red-baiting that acts as if the Cold War didn’t end 25 years ago, its enslavement to alternate reality-dwelling fundamentalist Christians and fundamentalist capitalists, and above all its faith in the smug, shit-eating concept of American exceptionalism.

So America was the first nation in the world to be specifically founded on the principles of freedom from tyranny, individual liberty, blah blah? Great. Wonderful. Good for you. Thing is, nowadays, in actual practice, Americans do not possess a single right or a single freedom that the citizens of every other first-world industrialized nation on earth don’t also possess. Canada has freedom of speech. The UK has free enterprise. The Japanese have the right to a fair trial. What this means is that, if America wants to continue holding itself as somehow superior to these countries, it needs to offer something more than just basic human rights. But it doesn’t. Do some browsing on the UN’s website – those other first-world nations routinely outpace America with respect to almost every indicator of the quality of life. Norway has better public schools. The UK has cheaper healthcare. Canada is more polite. So get the fuck over yourselves! I am fully-aware that Australia has its own share of problems – its own racist history and its own growing far-right fringe – but at least it doesn’t feel the need to constantly brag about how it’s the “greatest country in the world because muh freedums”.

It’d be one thing if the fallout from America’s faults were confined to America. But now, I can’t help but feel as if the entire planet has been taken hostage thanks to the narcissism, stupidity and bigotry of half of America’s population. If the Toupeed Traffic Cone starts a nuclear war because someone in Russia, China and Iran posts a tweet making fun of him, I don’t see why my country should have to get roped into it, as it inevitably will. I don’t see why I should have to pay for your mistake.

Kat
Kat
8 years ago

Amy Goodman (Democracy Now!) interviews Nikole Hannah-Jones, an award-winning racial justice reporter.

Just Like After Reconstruction, Trump Vote Highlights White Backlash to Recent Racial Progress

AMY GOODMAN: Nikole Hannah-Jones, we are going from the first African-American president in the United States to a president supported by the Ku Klux Klan. Your thoughts?

NIKOLE HANNAH-JONES: Well, I think if one studies history, this is not a surprising outcome. I’ve been tweeting about this all morning. Look at what happens after the Civil War, after Lincoln’s assassination. You get Grant, and then you get Hayes. And Hayes basically returns the white South to power and ends Reconstruction. You look at Lyndon B. Johnson, who of course passes and helps pass the most expansive civil rights legislation since Reconstruction, and we replace him in this country with Richard Nixon, who runs on a Southern strategy that plays on the racial fears of white Southerners and white ethnics in the North, and they quickly roll back and decide that they are not going to enforce key civil rights legislation. And now we have the first black president, and he gets replaced with someone who has been endorsed by white supremacists, white nationalists and the KKK. So, I think while a lot of people are reeling, I think that this is probably a very unsurprising outcome, when you look at history. Whenever there are great strides towards racial progress in this country, there is a white backlash, and we’re in the middle of that.

And I think the media coverage that is trying to call this an issue of working class, without saying “white working class,” when we know that black, Latino, brown working class did not vote for Donald Trump, is dishonest. I think also that we know that, at least from preliminary results, Trump won across the board with white voters, with educated white Americans, middle-class white Americans, that it was not just white folks who didn’t know any better. So I think there’s a lot of soul searching that needs to be done. But I also think that this election is very American.

AMY GOODMAN: What do you mean, American?

NIKOLE HANNAH-JONES: Like I just said: If you look at history, this is unsurprising. This has been a country that has never been comfortable with racial progress for ethnic and religious minorities, and still is not so.

http://www.democracynow.org/2016/11/9/just_like_after_reconstruction_trump_vote

Shadowplay
8 years ago

I just read here and follow David on Twitter. Commenting isn’t my thing usually, especially since my politics is not exactly the norm for this site. Hesitated to post this.

But …

You people here. Watching you in this thread? You have class. A community which supports each other. Thank you all for the uplift from that.

Kat
Kat
8 years ago

@abars01

But now, I can’t help but feel as if the entire planet has been taken hostage thanks to the narcissism, stupidity and bigotry of half of America’s population.

You’re right.

Please help us meet this challenge.

Kat
Kat
8 years ago

TW: Mention of rape

When I heard Trump give his victory speech, and he said, “She fought very hard,” his tone and his choice of words made me think of a rape victim.

We’re not going back.

I’ve just received a call from Secretary Clinton. She congratulated us. It’s about us. On our victory, and I congratulated her and her family on a very, very hard-fought campaign.
I mean, she fought very hard. Hillary has worked very long and very hard over a long period of time, and we owe her a major debt of gratitude for her service to our country.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/11/09/politics/donald-trump-victory-speech/

Not going back. Not going back. We are not going back.

TW: Mention of rape

(((Chiomara)))
(((Chiomara)))
8 years ago

I would like to know if the person who was talking about suicide is alright. Is anyone talking to her/him?
@David, can you give her my email? I’m in better shape to help now ^^

About coping mechanisms… I think I am at the denial phase. I blocked everyone who was even slightly cheering from my facebook, am avoiding the news, and officially forbade talks about the one who shall not be named in my household. Which everyone automatically agreed on, because my family is so very upset.

By the way, my parents are quite right leaning. Actually, I think it’s fair to say Brazil as a whole, or at least Sao Paulo, is going through a very scary and backwards right leaning phase. Still, except from a few selected very stupid bigots, everyone is outraged and terrified. In the barbecue place I waitress on great part of the costumers are douchey middle class men, and even them couldn’t stop talking about it and looking very upset. I believe that after looking up to the US and comparing ourselves to them for so long, this election was a huge, burning slap to our face. I think great part of the population just realized we are not friends or part of the family, we are the illegal cleaning staff who can and will be thrown at the streets at any moment. Huh. What a cold shower for Brazilians, to finally realize we are latinos, and not of the good kind, because there isn’t any.
Oh well. Hopefully this makes us less dependent.

Ghost Robot
Ghost Robot
8 years ago

I reacted to the realisation of Trump’s win with a full-blown panic attack at work. Shaking, feeling like the walls were closing in, crying. Fortunately my work has staff trained in mental health first aid, and I had just enough wherewithal to find one of those staffers, who helped settle me down.

I’m not even American, and I was shaken really hard by this. I’ve never even had a panic attack before, at least nothing like that, and certainly not at work.

I saw a lot of anguished faces at work that afternoon (Australian time), but I was the only one to have a panic attack like that. My partner was absolutely brilliant at looking after me last night and today, so I feel very fortunate.

What this incident made me realise is that I need to go back into counselling (which I’ve done from time to time), and really work on developing strategies to cope with things like these. I got a referral today, and I’m calling my old counsellor tomorrow.

Amid the terror and pain I felt yesterday, the first aider reminded me that speculating, though a natural reaction, only serves to intensify anxiety. As such, I’m going to refrain from speculating what might happen next for my own peace of mind.

Make sure you take the time to work on your own wellbeing. You need it, and you are worth it.

Margot
Margot
8 years ago

It is terrifying in a way to realize that many white, straight dudes fear hearing opinions they don’t like so much, that they enthousiastically vote Agent Orange into the White House to protect them from meanies. How? I don’t know, because he won’t be able to outlaw being an ”SJW” (= saying something a Trump supporter doesn’t like) and eventuallly, feminazis have freeze peach, too. ”Having manners” is already too much adjustment for some, but everyone should bow down to the sensitive little whims of the people who care so much about the threat of ”PC”.

The US isn’t my country, but I find the precedent it sets worrying. I mean, bigots over here are overcome with joy that their orange idol actually managed to become elected as POTUS, and we already have a problem with right-wing types and their popularity, so I’m afraid that this really emboldens the (alt-) right, and given that we’ll have elections ourselves in the near future it doesn’t look promising at all.

Yay, eh? Anti-feminists and racists really got a massive boost. I’m doing the thing I can do now by debating them when I find them. It sounds pointless, but I believe that it’s good to offer countering views as people tend to stay in their bubble, and you don’t just win the battle on a political level, the people need to be convinced as well, it needs to happen on a ”lower” level. Sometimes, when there’s a huge comment thread full of bigots, someone offers a different opinion and it’s like a breath of fresh air and in such situations, really needed to break the monotone circlejerk imo.

So that’s why. I hope that I help convince 1 or 2 people, or at least make a few uncomfortable about their self-image. (not a native speaker, I mean: people often like to see themselves as ”good” and ”smart” and ”well-informed”. It’s good sometimes for them to have a tiny bit of wonder, even if pushed to the back of their mind, about whether they really DO know what feminism is about, or whether they really AREN’T racist/misogynist/poorly-informed, etc)

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