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I’m just crying because I don’t understand the people around me right now. My mother has a lot of left-leaning beliefs. She believes in women’s right to choose. She COUNTER PROTESTED with me before against people standing outside Planned Parenthood clinic. She believes in gay marriage. SHE LITERALLY JUST WATCHED A GLOBAL WARMING DOCUMENTARY *YESTERDAY* and literally cried because “People don’t care enough about the Earth or preventing mankind from messing it up.” Yet she cast her vote for an anti-choice a-hole who thinks funding PP is “an insult” and believes global warming is a made up Chinese conspiracy and thinks same-sex marriage should be decided state wise. Like, she literally voted against the things I thought (and she acted like?) were parts of her core belief system, all because she “Wants to shake things up a little.”
I don’t understand people at all anymore
I think this is it. I had/have anxiety and depression, and have huge gaps in my employment because of it, despite having graduated from a top college and having served in the Peace Corps. I’d started to put my life back together a little bit, have managed to keep a part-time job for the past 3 months, but even my therapist says that at this point the amount of time I spent out of work means that I won’t be able to get a full time job with benefits now. And now I’m going to lose my health insurance, so I can’t go to my therapist or doctor or get my medications, and that plus the now inevitable economic collapse, even the tiniest hope I had of being able to put a life together again is gone.
So… I’ve decided it’s not worth trying to see 30. There’s no way to put my life back together now– even my therapist admits it. Since I don’t have access to guns, the most effective thing to do is to jump in front of a train. I guess it’s fitting, it’s what my first boyfriend did over a decade ago to end his life. I genuinely believe it’s the most rational decision– not existing is genuinely the more preferable option to attempting to struggle through a life that cannot be put back together into anything meaningful or even pleasant, especially in a country where over half the population are racist sexists who are happy voting in a racist, sexist Fascist as President.
THIS is what my country wants and nothing makes sense anymore
http://38.media.tumblr.com/38e161ab3745f26be5a759e510aa49c8/tumblr_nhff5q8mM01qdlh1io1_400.gif
Anisky no! I know things look bleak, but we need good people like you. We need you when we fight. Hang in there if you can. Please.
@Ainsky
Please don’t do anything to hurt yourself. There will be brighter days ahead.
@Kobun37
The thing is, there aren’t brighter days ahead, not for me. I can’t get any kind of full time job with benefits now that I have over 2 years of a gap in my employment, even my therapist admitted that. If the economy could have kept getting better, maybe things could have changed, but it’s not to be. All that would be ahead of me would be darkness anyway. I’m sorry I don’t have the will to stick around and fight for others who might need it, but without any money or ability to support myself, I wouldn’t have been able to devote much to that effort anyway. This really is the way to reduce my suffering overall, and while I know that’s a little selfish, as I said, I wouldn’t be in any position to help others now anyway.
All of you who comment on here are great people. I wish you the best of luck in trying to make the best out of this situation and in fighting the fight to keep this from being another 1930s Germany situation. I’m heartened to know that all of you here will be out there doing your best for America and the world.
@Anisky
I have been where you are and I promise it will get better. Please don’t give up.
@Ainsky
I’ve also been to good schools and have fine degrees, but that doesn’t always guarantee things.
Full time jobs with benefits are kind of a, a, a, …..i dunno….good luck with that, kind of thing for all of us right now.
I really need to find a dentist who doesn’t tell me to find a job with dental insurance!!!!
@Anisky I don’t know you but You are loved by me, okay? Please just don’t hurt yourself. Please.
Anisky… I know I don’t comment here a lot so you don’t know me, but echoing everyone else – don’t hurt yourself. I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time and over-the-internet stranger hugs if you want them. =(
You are worth MUCH MORE than that stupid walking cheeto Trump, so don’t hurt yourself over someone that awful. It’s scary and worrisome that he won but I don’t want you to hurt yourself over it
Anisky, by existing you help others. With you in existance there is one more person who isn’t racist sexist bigot.
@Anisky
All the hugs. The world is a better place with you in it.
The US Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (1-800-273-TALK [8255])
Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741
The Trevor Project (LBGT+): 1-866-488-7386
There was voter suppression in southern states in counties with large racial minority populations.
@Anisky life is worth living. This won’t last forever because love will always beat hate.
Anisky, I know you’re going through a lot but trust me you can’t know for sure if your life is going to turn out really badly or not at this point. I know the results of this election are bad, but that’s no reason to do anything you’ll regret later. Trust me I also had similar thoughts at one point in my life but I am now glad that I didn’t follow through with them. Just stay with us
@Anisky please call that number that @Dalillama posted.
Please.
@Anisky, please hang in there. We need you. Are you able to talk to someone right now? Your therapist? Otherwise call one of the numbers that Dalillama posted. Or any of us here can talk to you.
I hope it doesn’t seem like too much pressure, but please don’t hurt yourself <3
Anisky, have David give you my email, I can give you leads on part time work at home stuff that pays pretty ok, and I can give you tips on discounted meds and navigating social services. It’s hard, but it isn’t impossible.
If things get really bad for LGBT people, then at least I have a boyfriend currently and not a girlfriend. So I can pretend to be a Kinsey 0 if I absolutely have to. But I won’t stop fighting for people who can’t reasonably claim straight privilege even then.
Edit: great, now I look like a jerk posting that after the suicide thing. Umm… don’t do it?
I want to go to sleep. And never wake up. But I’ll have to. I don’t want to.
Fuck you, America. And fuck you, Reagan. You started us down this path that led to the creation of this monster and the toxic society that spawned it. If I could, I’d drive to Simi Valley just to piss on your grave.
This is not my country anymore.
Anisky, please! We’re all shocked now, but whatever happens I know you can make it. Good things will come.
De-lurking, after not posting for years, to say I need Anisky to stay around.
Well, shit. I am so sorry – primarily of course for all of you living in the US, all the hugs, but ultimately for all of us because you just know a Trump presidency is going to have negative effects with global reach.
I would say let’s just hope that, no matter what other awful stuff he does, he manages to keep his finger off the nuclear button for the next four years and surely he can’t be a 2 term president? But of course people keep saying he can’t possibly achieve X success and then he does. Still, maybe this is different because for the first time he will be in power and there will be an opportunity to see what he’s like there. While I’ve no doubt he can and will cause real suffering, I don’t think he’ll manage to achieve half of what he’s promised his supporters, partly because the president doesn’t have the power to bring a lot of those things about themself (a Republican House and Senate will obviously help him there, but surely they’ll draw the line at his wilder plans), and partly because I don’t think he’s invested enough in the things he’s promised (as opposed to the support he can get from promising them) to really put in the necessary work. So surely there’s going to be a considerable feeling of betrayal among those who voted for him this time going into the next election?
I also wonder whether some of the shine will come off when they see a President-elect who has shouted so loudly about his opponent’s supposed criminality being proceeded against for fraud and child rape?
Anyway, I really hope you all stay safe, well, and able to exercise all your rights in the coming years – and once again, hugs if you want them.
Anisky,
Long time lurker, first time poster. I’m casting aside my lurker status to echo Dalilama, Kylo Ronin, grumpycatisagirl and the many other posters in this thread. Please hang in there. Trust me, there are people who love you and care for you.
I know you don’t know me from Adam, but if you want to talk I’ll post my contact information right here in this forum.