An open thread for everyone sick of talking about the orange monster and/or other crappy news stuff. No trolls, MRAs, etc. Yes kitty pics, capybara pics, ponies, stuff you’re reading or watching, etc.
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Time Out For Kitties: Non-Election Fun Stuff Open Thread
Who likes Gazelle Twin?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1GFDKaFufJg
DandAHC,
I do and don’t understand how you feel. Mostly do. I didn’t have my first date until my early 20s and lost my virginity at the end of my freshman year of college. About a month shy of 19. I’ve never felt and mostly haven’t been desirable to “normal” guys. I’ve had a few boyfriends and a higher than average number of sex partners, so I suppose it could be worse. But no serious relationships. I constantly wonder if something is wrong with me. Although I think part of it is that I’m on the aromantic sprectrum somewhere and am not really suited for a serious romantic relationship and guys can surely sense that, it still hurts like hell to feel ugly and unlovable.
Unlike you, despite attracting a limited number of regular guys, I have always attracted so many street harassers. And it started young. Most of the harassers were older. Trust me, it does not boost the self esteem. It’s just scary. I do get it though. Society sends us fucked up messages. Including romanticizing older men preying on young girls and acting like it’s some sort of right of passage. It fucking shouldn’t be! I’ve had my own fucked up issues with being jealous of 13 year olds though. At the peak of when I had an ED, I would gaze enviously at really young girls who had had a growth spurt and were adult height, but were still in early puberty and so were really skinny still. Again, society sends some really toxic messages. Like adult women should weigh same as 13 year olds!
Hopefully this post isn’t too rambling and nonsensical. I’m a bit drunk. Anyway, welcome!
For some reason it double posted. I’ll delete the 2nd tl;dr
@DandAHC:
Firstly, welcome and thank you for sharing with us.
Secondly, that story is totally gross. It is utterly unacceptable for an adult to sexualise or romanticise a thirteen year old. I have a great deal of sympathy for the author if that was her personal experience, and I’m not going to tell her that she’s a bad person for having it happen to her; but to write positively about it is to normalise it, and that’s not something I think people should be okay with.
Thirdly, you are not a bad person because you feel jealous. You’re responding to the way our society socialises women to hate themselves and each other. However, you’re aware of those socialised feelings and you’re aware that they are different from your own genuine feelings on the matter. That’s an enormous step which demonstrates tremendous strength, and I admire it immensely.
(On the informal poll: ambidextrous but mostly right-hand dominant.)
Late to the party, but I’ve been having a really rough go of things lately and kinda spiralled down hill after going on a course where our client was a domestic violence service. Never really understood triggering before but it made me face some shit I’d been sweeping under the carpet and it wasn’t fun – panic attacks, nerves shot to hell, anxiety through the hoo-ha, etc etc.
Then a bunch of unfortunate shit happened – boiler broke down, unexpected bills, etc etc. and then my dryer broke. But my mom happened to be visiting and she bought me a new dryer. She hasn’t helped me a whole lot over the years and in fact stole money from me in the past, but she forked out for a new dryer which has just been delivered and I installed it. Doing a wash now – hopefully it all works out.
FIELD REPORT
– Literally three steps out the door, a woman with a dog said “Are you going to Mordor with the ring?” But then she caught herself and said “NO! Wait… Snow? No no no, the guy who likes to read!”
– The tram system had collapsed, so we had to take a bus.
– Hatched a 91% IV (13-14-14) Porygon on the way to the bus (42 candies!!!). This almost led to divorce.
– Saw nobody in costume until we got close to the club. Started to worry that we had the wrong date and we’d be the only ones in costume.
– Someone yelled “JON SNOW!!! BASTARD!!!”
– Bouncer thought I was Arn the Knight Templar.
– Got a table and did some people watching.
– Saw two guys dressed up as Fez and Kelso from That 70s Show, so I complimented them on being spot on. Turns out they weren’t in costume.
– Most people were zombies of various kinds, or were just in regular clothes with drawn on whiskers.
– More involved costumes included: giant demon with horns, all blue Avatar princess (or Smurfette?), zombie cop tangled up in barricade tape, full SWAT uniform, Bane from Batman.
– Bartenders were too stressed out to make proper drinks. We got drunk off Red Bull & vodka, beer, rum/malibu/lemonade/passionfruit/curacao/sparkling water specialties, and wine.
– Lots of people yelled “WINTER IS COMING!!!”
– Some guy tried to bond with me at the urinals. He complimented my costume and said he was dressed up as “generic gay dude”.
– Met an Asian woman on the stairs. She asked me to guess what her costume was, but she was just in regular clothes. When I shook my head, she said “Thai whore!!!” I was like ooookay. But you’re not Thai, right? (She didn’t look Thai.) She said “nah I’m Filipina, but I’m definitely a whore”. I’m like “Oookay. I gotta get back to my wife now.”
– There was a dragshow competition and I think Smurfette won, but it was unclear.
– Music was mostly 90s and early 00s radio pop hits. Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, N’Sync, Brandy/Monica, Destiny’s Child, early Britney and Christina, mixed Eurovision gems, etc.
– Did some frenzied dancing until we realized we’re in our 30s and get exhausted immediately.
– Left the club at about 2am. The coat room guy said I had the best costume of the night. Walked to a burger place with good vegetarian options.
– A group of Muslims at the burger place called me over to explain my costume, and a woman tried to teach me how to be a proper Shi’ite.
– Got a halloumi burger, a vegan crispy Mexican burger, jalapeno cheese poppers, and cheese smothered fries.
– Tried to get on public transportation to get back home, but it was impossible. Waved down a cab instead ate the poppers in the car.
– Got home and yelled at the cats for being too cute.
– Swallowed the burgers and fries in less than 2 minutes.
– Got the costume off and fell asleep immediately.
– Woke up at noon.
TL;DR I suddenly remember why people go out and get drunk. Weird things happen.
Love this.
First time poster too! Hi all!
This is a response to DandAHC. Trigger warning and also gushiness.
When I was in my mid teens I started being aware that I was becoming a “pretty girl” and got a lot of attention. I didn’t know what to think of it because I had been a shy child but everyone was saying it was a good thing so I got used to it. When I was 15 I started doing modelling. My parents were very pushy about it and used to be more interested in the business side than they were in supporting me. I got a lot of attention from older men though and I got used to taking that as a good thing. I did modelling until I was 29 including a lot of nude stuff. I dated a lot of older men during that time. I think it was because I had grown up accepting that older male attention was a good thing. It also made it harder for me to make friends with other women because I had to fight them for the attention. Now I’m learning about feminism and I realize that I was exploited and had cut myself off from other women. I didn’t feel safe with the male gaze on me but I was terrified that other women would steal it. I felt very jealous.
It was so strange when I read what DandAHC said because you might hate me for having that same experience you didn’t have, but I also hate other people for having had it even though I had it too. I don’t know enough feminism to know the proper words for it but it’s something that I feel every day. I was taught to feel competition for the attention of older men when I should have been feeling solidarity. Even worse I was taught that my self worth should come from that attention. You have my HUGE thanks for writing that because it really helped me make a breakthrough and realise that no matter how pretty we are, they treat us the same and make us feel the same. There’s always someone prettier and patriarchy wants us to feel threatened and jealous of her.
You are amazing and I hope you comment more if you want to. Everyone else here is awesome too. Thank you David for keeping a really awesome site!
PS: (((Chiomara))), those are the cutest kittehs EVER AND I MUST HAVE ALL OF THEM!
Well, that’s actually completely average. Some 13 yos attract the eyes of some messed up old men just because their develop breasts and curves earlier, but from my experience, nearly everyone is virgin until 15 or 16.
Maybe it’s comforting to hear you’re not the only one, so let me tell about me:
I never dated. Have a boyfriend who I met online and dated online for one year. Then we personally met and I gave my first kiss and had sex for the first time at 19. Still with him. Our relationship is open and long distance and sometimes, rarely, I have drunk one nighters with women, but still go majorly unnoticed except by harassers and abusers. It’s shit. You don’t want that.
Speaking from self experience, the only thing worse than having constant, unfulfilled desires and asking why no one looks at you, is having constant, unfulfilled desires but constantly hiding and being weary of every man because most times you get out wearing feminine clothes, or every time you trust one even slightly, they trick and harm you like you are prey, and not in a sexy way, for you, at least.
I ask myself what is wrong with me all the time too, if I looked so much like a scared deer that only bad people find me attractive, if I am rude without noticing, if I am just ugly, I don’t know. It hurts. But just know you wouldn’t be happier if you only attracted the eyes of abusers either.
A woman who is close to me was a virgin and never kissed or dated until 24. Now she’s 29, and dated, kissed and slept with just one guy.
She had self esteem issues her whole life too. I don’t know if there’s anything to say to help, but a conclusion that both me and her arrived to is: There is way more to life than sex, and the male gaze, or the lack of those. So we just focus on other things, career, studies, a hobby, rescuing kittens (:p)… It happens when it happens, you know, and I’d say that not obsessing about it makes the chances higher. Just seek to feel your best, try to dress in a way you feel beautiful, take a shit ton of smiling selfies, love and value yourself and go live your life! Screw most men (sorry, guys, your gender in general sucks, but I think you are alright here!) and some women (who can also be terrible)! From what I have seen from them, in general, they don’t deserve to be a constant thought in your head, especially not a thought that makes you feel bad. You need a man like a fish needs a bicycle. You can live your life completely fine, and it will be probably easier, without it ^^ So no worries.
I hope I helped a bit. I have a weird way of expressing but it comes from a good place. If you need to talk again, just say!
Hey guys, how can I add gifs in the comments, I found one that seems like I need to share? :/
That’s the best night out account ever, IP.
Can you remember what her pointers on being a good Shi’ite were? Are they possible to carry out without violating the oaths of the Night’s Watch?
@Valkyrine:
Use image tags around the URL. Make sure the URL ends with a .gif. If in doubt, try changing the http:// to a https:// and see if that helps.
Policy of Madness wrote an excellent guide recently and it’s around here somewhere.
@Valkyrine
Just post the direct link (ending in .gif) on a separate line.
@EJ
I was carrying a light green ribbon which she said to hold in my hand and keep it pressed to my heart. Being a Shi’ite seems pretty easy!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Adults suck on Halloweening.
You stabbed him with the blade, right?
*Cringe* Jesus. You presented her to the generic gay dude, right?
Okay, let’s see if this works…
http://67.media.tumblr.com/dcc8cf0b7b16bab49bab36f67aa117fe/tumblr_nl40jkSmuo1tqtfrjo1_1280.gif
Edit: It did! 😀
@Chiomara
Well, the generic gay dude was just an actual gay dude who hadn’t bothered with a costume. So I guess he’s forgiven. 😉
Btw, I’ve posted wigless pics here before. Nudes even: https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2016/10/11/birth-movies-death-top-editor-devin-faraci-steps-down-after-sexual-assault-accusation/comment-page-3/#comment-995756
@Valkyrine
Excellent!
@IP
Aaaah. Forgiven. Definitely forgiven ^^
Oh. You’re bald!
Cute! Still cute cute cute! But a kind of sexy cute this time. I hope you wear make up sometimes, cause you’d look awesome. You look so “feminine” and “masculine” at the same time, it’s amazing! Congrats, very awesome face ^^
Do you do your eyebrows? I’m very jealous of them. And such a pretty beard color.
Thanks so much to all the people who replied, because you guys all helped a ton. I was afraid I would be dismissed, because it’s awkward when a stranger comes up to you and asks you to help them feel better, but I’m glad I wasn’t rude or anything.
I know that getting rid of these insecurities will take a ton of time and effort and probably won’t ever happen fully, but it does help to hear from people who are in the same boat as me. It also helps to hear from people who HAVE dealt with those things I’m irrationally jealous of and know that they also struggle with the problem, even if in a different way. I’m not GLAD that anyone has to deal with this, but at least I can have a crowd to talk to about it who knows where I’m coming from, no matter their different life experiences.
Also, to the folks who said the author’s comments on the topic are disgusting: I completely agree. It makes me so angry to think that this author is out there encouraging children to think that adults taking advantage of those little crushes kids sometimes get is those same adults “respecting” their autonomy.
@Chiomara
Aww, very sweet compliments. I don’t really do makeup. I’ve tried it a few times but it hasn’t turned out great. The eyebrows are all natural too. 😉
@DandAHC
Misery loves company but that doesn’t mean that we enjoy that our company is miserable. Well, not for most people. It’s nice to have someone understand what you’re going through. 🙂
@Petal
I also liked that other photo you shared on your vacation where you were all bundled up. Adorable. 🙂
@kupo
I totes forgot about that one!
https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2016/01/18/martin-luther-king-day-open-thread/comment-page-1/#comment-645278
@IP your costume is superb, and deserved a much better reception–I hope you get to wear it to an SF con sometime; people will LOVE it.
@Scildfreja
I hope your friend has a better time of it than I’ve had. I also hope they have money, next to nothing in transition is cheap (unfortunately).
@DandAHC
You’re not abnormal. I didn’t date at all until college. I never even thought that was unusual because at least half of the people around me (male- and female-presenting alike) had a similar story.
It was hard, though, even though I didn’t feel unusual. We’re told by society that we must be paired off, and we’re not happy unless we have a special someone in our lives. I’ve discovered that that’s bullshit. I don’t date these days and I’m not in a relationship, because of reasons (good ones, trust me). But you know what? Being non-paired is not terrible. It actually kind of rocks. You are a complete human being, in yourself, and being paired up is optional, not required.
It’s normal to be jealous when other people have things that we want. It’s worth examining, though, why we feel like we want that thing so badly, and if it’s really so terrible to not have it. You’re not a bad person to be jealous, though.
Here is something I watch occasionally when I need to:
I must share this very important kitten photo