It may have stopped trending, and a giant DDoS attack may be slowing Twitter and much of the rest of the internet to a crawl for a lot of you at the moment, but this #TrumpBookReport hashtag is still a thing of beauty.
The premise is pretty simple: Trump’s answers to specific questions about policy questions tend to sound a lot like the bullshit answers you might expect from a high-school student who didn’t do the reading. So the question arises: What if Trump actually were a high school student who didn’t do the reading?
This is what you’d get:
https://twitter.com/TheLincoln/status/789276744247377920
Oedipus. Tremendous leader. The best. I've always said that if Jocasta were my mother, perhaps I'd be dating her. #TrumpBookReport
— kyla crowther (@whatkyIasaid) October 20, 2016
https://twitter.com/sadydoyle/status/789144700569677824
"Othello. Let me ask you, have you been to Othello? Have you seen it?" #trumpbookreport
— gendertotenlieder (@topgallantry) October 20, 2016
https://twitter.com/marthacohara/status/789213599516401664
https://twitter.com/noblerzen/status/788944742788829184?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
https://twitter.com/joshgreenman/status/789300879635742720
I just start catching them. I just catch, I don't wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it. Grab them in the rye. #TrumpBookReport
— David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) October 21, 2016
So, post your favorites, if you can get through to Twitter. Make up new ones, even if you can’t get through. Ignore the DDoS attack and the Trump fans trying to subvert this lovely hashtag.
The Little Engine That Could? Pffft…what a low-energy hunka junk! “I think I can”? I know I can do it so much better, believe me!
Schindler made a list. I know what’s on the list. I know better then he does but I won’t give it away to the enemy. But he was a loser. Not like that Gothe guy, great energy.
Tom Sawyer is a loser. I can build a biglyer fence and get it whitewashed by a whole country. Trust me on this.
It’s like I always say: those places, those areas 61s, Slaughterhouse-Fives, they keep talking about those. Do you know where they are? Nobody knows, they just don’t tell those things.
“There was this merchant. In Venice. He was a YUGE merchant. The yugest!”
“I’m the Lord of the Flies. I have the most and the biggest flies. That’s why I’m their lord.”
“If Romeo had just grabbed Juliet by the pussy, everything would have worked out great. I know.”
“Wife of Bath? I moved like a bitch on that wife. Took her to Bed, Bath and Beyond. And then she got these big fake tits and everything…”
I must say, Two Samuel is tremendous. It’s got all the best words, believe me. That Solomon character, he was a great leader. Went and grabbed Philistia by the pussy. Built a yuge wall. Several yuge walls, all the best walls, I must say.
[I am well aware that Solomon is not in II Samuel.]
“Chamber of Secrets? Not for long! Wikileaks, baby!”
“Hillary should be the next Prisoner of Azkaban”
“Say what you want about Jadis, the White Witch…she never forgot my name” (The Deplorable Word)
“Little Boy Blue? He couldn’t blow his horn to save his life! I, on the other hand, am an amazing horn-blower. Nobody blows a horn better than me!”
I think — I think, for me, nuclear is just the power, the devastation is very important to me. That’s why we’re making them! Hell, I could say the word and it’s Goodnight, Moon! Why can’t I just nuke the moon? It’s full of Moonies! And it’s a big place!!
That Rochester, he knew what he was doing. Locked his wife up in the attic! Imma lock all my wives up in the attic – I have a tremendous attic, everyone says so. The bigliest. But I’d never lock up my wife in it! Why would you think that? Did Hillary tell you that?
So I was talking to Petruchio about women, and I said to him “I get the best women.” (Holds hands out by chest) “When you’re rich, they let you do anything. Bianca? Not very attractive. Kate? Kiss me, Kate!”
Outsiders? Outsiders like me know how to get things done. Believe me.
I’m like , Lion, fighting this nasty Witch. And I’ve got the best Wardrobe! Such a nice wardrobe, it’ll make your head spin!
These are all so brilliant.
“See Dick Run…..” Stared at the page for an hour. Nothing happened. Total Sham. Jane is a nasty girl. Sally is lazy and a four.
@Mish: What DID I start?! Haha
“Fried Green Tomatoes?! You can bet your bottom dollar that mine are better!”
http://66.media.tumblr.com/acc74138d6fe9bfac44127a5c28961cb/tumblr_inline_n19ockuG2m1rjhg79.gif
This article and thread. I love them.
@Violet – something wonderful, is what you started XD
That Gulliver, I dunno. Sure his travels were kinda bigly. But he got tied up by those tiny … people. I like travellers who don’t get captured by tiny people. I woulda bombed the shit out of ’em.
Guys, guys, guys! There’s also a Trump movie reviews hashtag…it’s not trending–yet. Together with my Tweeps however, I’m going to try and get it trending.
So there’s this book and it’s got three guys in it, right? Taran, Llyr, and the King. Well, an evil cauldron turns Llyr into a castle, makes Taran wander for the rest of his life, and the King turns into a junkie. Annuvin isn’t sending their best cookware into Prydain, people.
So there’s this group of happy aristocrats – maybe they’re gay, I dunno – who go around doing crazy stuff. Licking frost, kissing shadows, even committing crimes against God. Weird stuff. And they’ve got their own courts, like Sharia courts. Real crazy stuff. I’d abolish their courts and ban them from the country until we figure out what’s going on.
So this guy, MacBeth, lives near my golf course, great guy, very high-energy, NASTY wife, probably killed some guys…NOT a ten is what i’m saying…anyway, Elsinore should be one of my hotels.
A Layman’s Guide to Generally Accepted Accounting Principles: not very absorbent OR flushable. Useless book, probably put out by those Business Ethics idiots.
Das Kapital: A great book, probably the best book every written. I’ve never been in the same room with it. YOU’RE THE PUPPET.
Why would a shop sell curiosity? I’ve got no time for curiosity and Little Dorrit is only a 2 anyway. The shop was way smaller than my hands and my wall which is gonna bu YUUUUGE. Also I like new shops. Old shops are old, you know what I’m saying? Some people are saying new shops are better. new shops, new towers, new wives.