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A #TrumpBookReport thread: Post your favorites, write your own, it’ll be great, believe me!

It was the best of times. The best, believe me! We don't win any more.
It was the best of times. The best, believe me! Tremendous. We don’t win any more. We don’t win.

It may have stopped trending, and a giant DDoS attack may be slowing Twitter and much of the rest of the internet to a crawl for a lot of you at the moment, but this #TrumpBookReport hashtag is still a thing of beauty.

The premise is pretty simple: Trump’s answers to specific questions about policy questions tend to sound a lot like the bullshit answers you might expect fromĀ a high-school studentĀ who didn’t do the reading. So the question arises: What if Trump actually were a high school student who didn’t do the reading?

This is what you’d get:

https://twitter.com/TheLincoln/status/789276744247377920

 

https://twitter.com/sadydoyle/status/789144700569677824

https://twitter.com/marthacohara/status/789213599516401664

https://twitter.com/noblerzen/status/788944742788829184?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

https://twitter.com/joshgreenman/status/789300879635742720

So, post your favorites, if you can get through to Twitter. Make up new ones, even if you can’t get through.Ā Ignore the DDoS attack and the Trump fans trying to subvert this lovely hashtag.

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Ooglyboggles
8 years ago

There is no Running Man better than me.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
8 years ago

I couldn’t tell the pigs and humans apart. Couldn’t do it, folks. The same, exactly the same. Tremendous, tremendous amount of weight. 3s, maybe 4s tops…

Laserqueen
Laserqueen
8 years ago

The first letter, A, it’s red. And the letter W? It’s nasty, it should just roll over and be an M, which is a tremendous letter.

JM
JM
8 years ago

When the Outsiders send their people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re sending SodaPop, PonyBoy, Two-bit Matthews. Theyā€™re bringing drugs. Theyā€™re bringing crime. Theyā€™re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.

theseventhguest
theseventhguest
8 years ago

I know Boston, I own property there. Let me tell you, these women, with these bodies. We couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves. Look, it was 45 years ago. Forget it, and Let’s Make America Great Again!

hottotrotsky
hottotrotsky
8 years ago

This K chatacter–this guy, lots of questions about him, this whole trial has been debunked, it’s a tremendous lie, a total lie.

Moggie
Moggie
8 years ago

This country, we’re a laughing stock, the world is laughing at us because we’re letting in all those caterpillars. The insects, they’re not sending their best, they’re sending caterpillars, with their caterpillar drugs. But I’ll make the country great again, a wonder, a real wonderland. And that Alice, I’ll be dating her in ten years, can you believe that?

Janet Walenta
Janet Walenta
8 years ago

I don’t even know this Portnoy woman. Lies, all lies.

Makroth - Agent of the Great Degeneracy
Makroth - Agent of the Great Degeneracy
8 years ago

Describe books you’ve never read. Sounds fun!

OK. So there’s this guy called Gatsby. He’s pretty great. His buddies all call him ”Great Gatsby”. He’s a righteous dude that doesn’t afraid of anything. He builds orphanages for kittens and stuff. The book ends with him riding a dinosaur into the sunset.

”Blades of Grass”. They’re great if you’re a pixie warrior. They make them really sharp.

”As i lay dying” is a pretty cool band. Too bad the frontman’s an asshole.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
8 years ago

You have war, and you have peace. And sometimes we have to ask ourselves, do we really want to keep defending … Look, so many of these other countries, like Japan and South Korea and Saudi Arabia, they want peace but they don’t want to pay for it. They don’t want to pay for it! And they’re not paying for it! They get this tremendous peace, but who’s paying the cost for it? If I had the nuclear codes, believe me, we’d get a much better deal from these countries. Much better deal, beautiful deal, I’d get for us.

Nick G
Nick G
8 years ago

Moby dick? Who’s got a moby dick? There’s absolutely no problem down there, believe me.

Moggie
Moggie
8 years ago

I think I’d get along very well with Sauron, I just think so. He respects me, he’s said great things about me. He’s running his country, and at least he’s a leader, and he knows what to do with hobbitses.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
8 years ago

All quiet on the Western Front? I never said that.

Schnookums Von Fancypants, Purveyor of Misandrist Klondike Bars
Schnookums Von Fancypants, Purveyor of Misandrist Klondike Bars
8 years ago

They’re not sending us their best. They’re sending us their scarred, they’re sending us their vile..and some, I assume, are bands of brothers.

Moggie
Moggie
8 years ago

Nasty little women!

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
8 years ago

I was there on 9/11, when so many firemen lost their lives, so many firemen. So many. And I was endorsed by the firemen, just earlier today, the first time in history that’s happened and the firemen have endorsed a candidate. Crooked Hillary wants to tell you that firemen are burning books or something, but she’s a liar. A li.ar. She should be in jail, for all these lies. Firemen are among the finest people that … Nobody has more respect for firemen than I have. Nobody.

Weird (and wishing the election were today) Eddie
Weird (and wishing the election were today) Eddie
8 years ago

Winston Smith won the battle over himself? Ha! Smith doesn’t know what battle is! He loved Big Brother??? Ha! I AM Big Brother!!

Dan Kasteray
Dan Kasteray
8 years ago

Here we go!

I haven’t personally met Warmaster Horus, I know he said nice things about me. But he’s outsmarted the God Emperor thousands of times! We need a better god emperor! He had two centuries with this golden crusade thing and where has it gotten? Horus has outsmarted the Emperor thousands of times and maybe it would be nice to have a good relationship with the traitor legions, I don’t know, you tell me.

Kestrel
Kestrel
8 years ago

Red Badge of Courage – The best color of courage. So much courage. No one had more courage. Any reports to the contrary are huge lies.

By the way, the DDoS is attacking a company called Dyne which is a large DNS provider here in the US. This is the third wave today. So it is more than just Twitter unfortunately.

Bob Eckert
Bob Eckert
8 years ago

God created the heavens and the earth, and he said that they were good, but I’ve built better, believe me. Those heavens are extremely unattractive, and that earth is just a total disaster. Sad.

RosaDeLava - Praying for Sexbots
RosaDeLava - Praying for Sexbots
8 years ago

Do you hear what those people say? They never do anything, it’s all talk, they just try persuade you. Persuasion, Persuasion, Persuasion. You can’t use Persuasion on ISIS.

Edit: Or Napoleon!

EJ (The Orphic Lizard)

So there’s this guy, and he has this blade, and he’s running with it. What a guy. Only in America. He reminds me of myself like that.

skybison
skybison
8 years ago

1984 was a terrific year. Made great deals. And there’s a Big Brother. The Biggest! Tremendous leader, unlike what we have in this country.

Lady Mondegreen
8 years ago

Hard to Find? WRONG. Good men. Some bad hombres, immigrants mostly, but plenty of good men. This guy Flannery O’Connor, he writes these lies.

Sheila Crosby
8 years ago

These vampires are so low energy. Make the vampires pay for the wall instead of just sparkling. Sparkly vampires are a bigly problem, like crooked Hillary’s nasty foundation. Not as big as my hands, but some people say they’re very big.