It may have stopped trending, and a giant DDoS attack may be slowing Twitter and much of the rest of the internet to a crawl for a lot of you at the moment, but this #TrumpBookReport hashtag is still a thing of beauty.
The premise is pretty simple: Trump’s answers to specific questions about policy questions tend to sound a lot like the bullshit answers you might expect from a high-school student who didn’t do the reading. So the question arises: What if Trump actually were a high school student who didn’t do the reading?
This is what you’d get:
https://twitter.com/TheLincoln/status/789276744247377920
Oedipus. Tremendous leader. The best. I've always said that if Jocasta were my mother, perhaps I'd be dating her. #TrumpBookReport
— kyla crowther (@whatkyIasaid) October 20, 2016
https://twitter.com/sadydoyle/status/789144700569677824
"Othello. Let me ask you, have you been to Othello? Have you seen it?" #trumpbookreport
— gendertotenlieder (@topgallantry) October 20, 2016
https://twitter.com/marthacohara/status/789213599516401664
https://twitter.com/noblerzen/status/788944742788829184?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
https://twitter.com/joshgreenman/status/789300879635742720
I just start catching them. I just catch, I don't wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it. Grab them in the rye. #TrumpBookReport
— David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) October 21, 2016
So, post your favorites, if you can get through to Twitter. Make up new ones, even if you can’t get through. Ignore the DDoS attack and the Trump fans trying to subvert this lovely hashtag.
There is no Running Man better than me.
I couldn’t tell the pigs and humans apart. Couldn’t do it, folks. The same, exactly the same. Tremendous, tremendous amount of weight. 3s, maybe 4s tops…
The first letter, A, it’s red. And the letter W? It’s nasty, it should just roll over and be an M, which is a tremendous letter.
When the Outsiders send their people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re sending SodaPop, PonyBoy, Two-bit Matthews. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.
I know Boston, I own property there. Let me tell you, these women, with these bodies. We couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves. Look, it was 45 years ago. Forget it, and Let’s Make America Great Again!
This K chatacter–this guy, lots of questions about him, this whole trial has been debunked, it’s a tremendous lie, a total lie.
This country, we’re a laughing stock, the world is laughing at us because we’re letting in all those caterpillars. The insects, they’re not sending their best, they’re sending caterpillars, with their caterpillar drugs. But I’ll make the country great again, a wonder, a real wonderland. And that Alice, I’ll be dating her in ten years, can you believe that?
I don’t even know this Portnoy woman. Lies, all lies.
Describe books you’ve never read. Sounds fun!
OK. So there’s this guy called Gatsby. He’s pretty great. His buddies all call him ”Great Gatsby”. He’s a righteous dude that doesn’t afraid of anything. He builds orphanages for kittens and stuff. The book ends with him riding a dinosaur into the sunset.
”Blades of Grass”. They’re great if you’re a pixie warrior. They make them really sharp.
”As i lay dying” is a pretty cool band. Too bad the frontman’s an asshole.
You have war, and you have peace. And sometimes we have to ask ourselves, do we really want to keep defending … Look, so many of these other countries, like Japan and South Korea and Saudi Arabia, they want peace but they don’t want to pay for it. They don’t want to pay for it! And they’re not paying for it! They get this tremendous peace, but who’s paying the cost for it? If I had the nuclear codes, believe me, we’d get a much better deal from these countries. Much better deal, beautiful deal, I’d get for us.
Moby dick? Who’s got a moby dick? There’s absolutely no problem down there, believe me.
I think I’d get along very well with Sauron, I just think so. He respects me, he’s said great things about me. He’s running his country, and at least he’s a leader, and he knows what to do with hobbitses.
All quiet on the Western Front? I never said that.
They’re not sending us their best. They’re sending us their scarred, they’re sending us their vile..and some, I assume, are bands of brothers.
Nasty little women!
I was there on 9/11, when so many firemen lost their lives, so many firemen. So many. And I was endorsed by the firemen, just earlier today, the first time in history that’s happened and the firemen have endorsed a candidate. Crooked Hillary wants to tell you that firemen are burning books or something, but she’s a liar. A li.ar. She should be in jail, for all these lies. Firemen are among the finest people that … Nobody has more respect for firemen than I have. Nobody.
Winston Smith won the battle over himself? Ha! Smith doesn’t know what battle is! He loved Big Brother??? Ha! I AM Big Brother!!
Here we go!
I haven’t personally met Warmaster Horus, I know he said nice things about me. But he’s outsmarted the God Emperor thousands of times! We need a better god emperor! He had two centuries with this golden crusade thing and where has it gotten? Horus has outsmarted the Emperor thousands of times and maybe it would be nice to have a good relationship with the traitor legions, I don’t know, you tell me.
Red Badge of Courage – The best color of courage. So much courage. No one had more courage. Any reports to the contrary are huge lies.
By the way, the DDoS is attacking a company called Dyne which is a large DNS provider here in the US. This is the third wave today. So it is more than just Twitter unfortunately.
God created the heavens and the earth, and he said that they were good, but I’ve built better, believe me. Those heavens are extremely unattractive, and that earth is just a total disaster. Sad.
Do you hear what those people say? They never do anything, it’s all talk, they just try persuade you. Persuasion, Persuasion, Persuasion. You can’t use Persuasion on ISIS.
Edit: Or Napoleon!
So there’s this guy, and he has this blade, and he’s running with it. What a guy. Only in America. He reminds me of myself like that.
1984 was a terrific year. Made great deals. And there’s a Big Brother. The Biggest! Tremendous leader, unlike what we have in this country.
Hard to Find? WRONG. Good men. Some bad hombres, immigrants mostly, but plenty of good men. This guy Flannery O’Connor, he writes these lies.
These vampires are so low energy. Make the vampires pay for the wall instead of just sparkling. Sparkly vampires are a bigly problem, like crooked Hillary’s nasty foundation. Not as big as my hands, but some people say they’re very big.