Some great news for the sentient pile of burning garbage known as Matt Forney!
He has won the first Donald Trump Memorial Complete Lack of Self Awareness award (hereafter known as the Donald Award), which is an award I just made up and which I will henceforth bestow on people from time to time as necessary. I’ve named it the Donald Trump award as a way to avoid giving it to Trump, because otherwise he would pretty much be winning it every day.
Forney, a hateful rape-apologizing “pickup artist” turned freelance white supremacist dickhead, wins the award this week for a series of Tweets that collectively represent a failure of self-awareness of truly Trumpian proportions.
Hell, he could have won the award for this Tweet alone:
https://twitter.com/basedmattforney/status/787906976231620608
Even setting aside Forney’s delusions of grandeur here, this is patently ludicrous. Twitter is so lax about enforcing its rules that it isn’t even able to keep the ban-evading Forney, a regular violator of said rules who’s been permabanned already at least once, off of its platform. Yet Forney thinks he’s so important, and so “dangerous” to the status quo, that Twitter is engaging in some sort of high-tech secret censorship against him.
https://twitter.com/basedmattforney/status/788116121752834048
Here Forney accuses someone critical of Trump of being a “paid Hillary troll” working for peanuts.
This is, of course, silly, but what makes it ironic is that Forney used to make much of his living writing clickbait/SEObait articles for $5 a pop on Fiverr, a fact he actually brags about on his blog.
At one point in January, I was getting upwinds of 8-10 orders a day, with gig multiples bringing my total earnings to around $400-500 per week.
On paper, it would seem like I had it made, right?
Yeah, except for the part where you’re literally writing 80-100 articles a week — in other words, roughly 4200 to 5200 per year — for the equivalent of a yearly salary of somewhere between $21,000 to $26,000. Which at the low end isn’t that much more than you’d make working 40 hours a week for minimum wage.
Though Forney ultimately realized that the “Fiverr Hamster Wheel” was a pretty “demoralizing enterprise,” he went on to recommend it to others in a Kindle mini-book titled “Writing for Peanuts: How to Make Easy Money on Fiverr” in which he offered specific tips on writing phony reviews on Amazon, Yelp and TripAdvisor.
Yes, that’s right: He wrote a how-to guide on becoming an internet shill. Based on his personal experience.
https://twitter.com/basedmattforney/status/787412323057086464
“Sperging out?” I guess that’s one way to try to convince yourself that a good portion of the Internet wasn’t just flat-out laughing at you.
https://twitter.com/basedmattforney/status/786371457655902208
Yet Forney is an avid fan of a guy so thin-skinned he thinks that Alec Baldwin’s spot-on parody of him on Saturday Night live this past weekend was a “hit job” by an evil media conspiracy trying to rig the election against him.
Watched Saturday Night Live hit job on me.Time to retire the boring and unfunny show. Alec Baldwin portrayal stinks. Media rigging election!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 16, 2016
Yeah, Donald, you just tell yourself that.
https://twitter.com/basedmattforney/status/786259746496012288
Nepotism, huh? Here’s a photo of Forney’s idol, whose entry into the real estate world was greased with a “small” million dollar loan from his father (among other favors). He’s posing with several Executive Vice Presidents of the Trump organization who may look a little familiar to you.
I wonder how they got their jobs?
Meanwhile, Forney’s successful career as a sentient pile of garbage was made possible with help from his father, the notorious Islip Garbage Barge.
Here’s a, well, revealing pair of Tweets:
https://twitter.com/basedmattforney/status/787896453922455553
https://twitter.com/basedmattforney/status/786696353854423040
Nah. I’m pretty sure both terms are useful descriptors for “dudes who are such racist pieces of crap that they use a Tweet about Julian Assange as an excuse to drop one of the white supremacist internet squad’s favorite racist catchphrases.”
https://twitter.com/basedmattforney/status/788113248918839298
Forney’s bestest friend in the whole wide white world is a fellow named Davis Aurini, one half of the Sarkeesian Effect team that is no longer a team, and the, er, director of an unauthorized feature-length spinoff of the Sarkeesian Effect. That is, a whole “film” about someone he hates on the internet.
https://twitter.com/basedmattforney/status/788113676431663104
Dude.
Back at @Axecalibur
I haven’t seen it in a while. Perhaps I should see what they’ve been doing with it.
Oh, so that’s why he’s an asshole online. To help others.
Wait. Assange is a Trump-supporting rapist, Forney’s a Trump-supporting rapist; I know alt-rightists love hating eachother almost as much as they love hating everyone else, but what’s the specific beef between these two?
Dear Penthouse Letters: I never thought this would happen to me….
Got this gem from a CNN piece on why Trumpf’s supporters don’t care that he’s lying….
@IP
I would like to put “shitthatdidn’thappen.txt” for 500.
@Weird Eddie
I swear to Pan that we’re living in some Truman-esque setting amd the viewers are
having the time of their lives.
“That video was totally a joke!”
Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure it was.
@Weird (and worried about the election) Eddie: I spent a few years in Great Britain, growing up. I am certain you are aware that “to trump” is British slang for “to noisily pass gas.”
There is probably a Brexit joke in there somewhere.
Vogue magazine has endorsed Clinton.
http://www.vogue.com/13492873/hillary-clinton-endorsement-president-united-states-democrat/
Pretty interesting. I went through a phase in my late teens and early twenties of reading a lot of fashion magazines. This was right about the time Donald and Melania married. Back then, they could not give the Trumps enough fawning coverage. I guess Vogue feels he’s so hated by women that they can’t afford to do that anymore. It’s going to be interesting to see how much this toxic campaign costs the family business if (when?) Trump loses.
I realized the other day, if I were out in public with my small daughter and saw Obama or Clinton, I’d be like, “Here, kiss my baby!”
If we saw Pence, Ryan, or Cruz, I’d discreetly try to avoid them while muttering to her, “Mommy thinks those men are trying to curtail your future, but we’ll fight against it.”
If we saw Trump or his sons, I would physically put my body between her and them the same way I would if I saw a dangerous animal then book her out of there as quickly as possible.
wwth – That’s interesting about Vogue. I was more of a Cosmo gal myself, and that was back in the’80s.
Last week, Rachel Maddow ran a piece on Trumplethinskin’s new hotel down the street from the White House where he had his “press conference” to talk about how wonderful, under budget, and ahead of schedule the hotel was. Turns out, they had so many empty rooms (which normally go for $850 a night and require $750 a night to break even) they were being offered for $500 a night.
I wonder if the rooms are decorated in the same overwrought, gold-plated, pseudo-Regency style as Trump’s living quarters?
Ugh, I loathe the two elder Trump kids, not least for the innocent animals they’ve slaughtered. As John Fugelsang put it, the douche doesn’t fall far from the bag.
Ooh, talk dirty to me, you great big alpha mayonnaise ad, you.
I love how Matt Forney seems to think that it’s such a devastating blow to my self-esteem that Trump apparently wouldn’t think I’m fuckable.
Such hurt. Much wounded.
@Petal’s Quote:
“I’m not creative enough to come up with something that doesn’t make a mockery of everyone who isn’t a cishet white dude like me, but now people don’t like that and laugh along with me like they used to, and that means Political Correctness has gone too far!!!”
Dude, like I said about Jerry Seinfeld: You don’t get to dictate how your…*ahem* “craft” (and by Hephaestus I use that term loosely) is perceived by your audience. If they don’t find it praise-worthy, that’s on you, not them.
If you don’t feel like people are “appreciating” your act/craft/whatever, maybe you should come up with new material instead of stamping your feet and shouting about how everyone’s too “Pee-Cee” these days to just nod along and laugh with you.
It’s not a hinderance to your Freeze Peaches if no one likes your “work”. That’s the Free Market at work.
Though, I will say how very lucky you are that “free speech” is your only issue, so much so that you can risk voting for Trump and not worry about dying like the rest of us.
Trumpspawn 2nd from the left may have the most repulsive facial expression I’ve seen all year.
“Like they’re Mr July and November in the Ivy League Assholes calendar. Like if the fuckin Kratt Bros went undercover in a megacorporation to stop deforestation or some shit, but then they stayed inside too long. Like they’re visiting the planet to learn the ways of Earth’s businessmen in order to bring that knowledge back and revitalize the economy of Xheturniklon 4. Like they got Huey Lewis and the News on CD.”
I burst out laughing at “they got Huey Lewis and the News on CD.” That is a brilliant finish to a brilliant rant.
The whole “You’re not good enough for me to assault / harass / f*ck” thing literally dates back to Aesop. Do these guys even KNOW the fable that give us the phrase “sour grapes”??
I would also love for some of these guys to experience the Total Perspective Vortex. http://hitchhikers.wikia.com/wiki/Total_Perspective_Vortex
Tw rape culture
Women: We really want you guys to stop treating us like sexual objects created for your consumption. We are people. We exist separately from your sexual feelings towards us.
Misogynists: Hey look, these particular things for having sex with seem upset. Maybe they are mad that we don’t want to have sex with them in particular?
@Aussiesmurf
I wonder what they’d think about it’s being powered by a piece of fairy cake .
David, I fear this award may have been premature! No less a leading figure than Friend of the Site Scott Adams has spent a good chunk of the day complaining of this same “shadow ban” effect on Twitter. His best moment was, after being told that people were just turned off by him blaming all future problems on women, to defend himself by declaring that only 5% of his followers were women to begin with.
Checkmate!
A “zesty” threesome? Dear heavens. I dislike the word, for some reason, the way many people dislike the synonyms for “damp or juicy,” or “women’s lower undergarments,” although I do not ask that others not use it in my presence. But in this sense, the meaning that most resonates with me is “removing the outer part of the skin with a grater.” I don’t think it’s technically considered a “threesome” when it’s a “brutal and torturous ritual killing.” I read that in a Xaviera Hollander column once.
Actually, I give 50% odds that it’s an imaginary act, and 50% that it’s disingenuously-titled clickbait a recipe he made up involving French and Russian dressing, or hanging out with his French poodle and another dog—- and 100% odds that I don’t care enough to find out.
Professor Snugglesworth
Is it wrong that I imagine him dropping a microphone when he says that?
Re: Zesty Threesomes.
Maybe he just really likes french guys? In his defence, I have to say they sure can dress to impress.
I’m sure in the tale I can’t be bothered reading he notes the gender of his French partner, but I like to imagine Mr. Zesty helping Matt overcome his secret guilt and shame over being bisexual, and eventually one day Matt realises he can be a good person and cast off his own homophobia and has a spiritual awakening in a run on sentence.
Isn’t “Zesty threesome” a salad dressing?
(Insert your own white goop joke here.)
@Elisabeth
Hiya, I’m Axe! Thanks for the compliment. Worked hard on that one ?
Oh, while I’m at it and assuming you’re new, be at home among the commentariat! Welcome package is on the right side of the page, and do stick around, eh? 🙂
@Steampunked
*sigh of sighs*
Not cool, and that joke is tired as a muffuga anyway. Can everyone just agree to stop speculating on people’s orientations? And can we super agree to stop thinking that bad people just need the right kinda lay/partner to cure their wickedness? I mean damn
The ‘Julian dindu’ tweet confused me as well. I’d assume that what it was supposed to parse as was “Julian Assage truly did nothing wrong and should be absolved of all guilt, unlike those filthy thugs who claim that they didn’t do anything and I am unable to pass up the opportunity to mock those people.”
Though it is entirely possible that Forney does hate Assange for some reason. These types seem to eat their own as much as they turn on idealogical opponents, so who can say?