After that now infamous tape of Donald Trump boasting about grabbing women’s private parts came out on Friday, film critic Devin Faraci — a self-described feminist and one of the more aggressive opponents of GamerGate — took to Twitter to excoriate Trump’s abominable remarks.
Then this happened:
In a series of tweets, @spacecrone told the whole story:
The accusation stopped Faraci in his tracks. He didn’t quite admit that it was true, but he also kind of did. And he asked for forgiveness for something he said he couldn’t remember doing.
This was on Sunday. Today, Faraci resigned as Editor-In-Chief of Birth.Movies.Death, saying:
This weekend allegations were made about my past behavior. Because I take these types of claims seriously I feel my only honorable course of action is to step down from my position as Editor-in-Chief of Birth.Movies.Death. I will use the coming weeks and months to work on becoming a better person who is, I hope, worthy of the trust and loyalty of my friends and readers.
He still hasn’t quite admitted to anything, but @spacecrone says she’s heartened that Faraci seems sincere in his contrition.
“I am really happy that it sounds like Devin is interested in getting help about this, and I’m open to any accountability processing that might be part of his treatment,” she told Variety.
I really hope this can be a moment of self-interrogation for all of us, myself included, about the ways we might use positions of power to silence people, and the ways we all turn away from things that might seem a little too complicated to deal with.
Faraci’s alleged assault is more proof (as if we needed any) that being on the “right side” on the issues — in Faraci’s case, taking on GamerGaters, calling for greater representation of women in the movie business, and so forth — does not automatically make you a good person. (Hugo Schwyzer, anyone?)
As it turns out (as it so often turns out) plenty of people — and not just GamerGaters — have been pointing out seriously assholish language (and behavior) from Faraci for some time. In the wake of @spacecrone’s accusation, writer and Bibliodaze co-editor @Ceilidhann set forth some of her issues with Faraci on Twitter:
Devin Faraci sexually assaults women, tries to goad people into suicide & cyber-stalks basically everyone but sure, fandom is the problem.
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 9, 2016
Honestly, the continuing silence over his years of bullying & attacks on this site & elsewhere make this round utterly unsurprising. https://t.co/ewLVAUxjoN
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 10, 2016
(By “this site” she means Twitter.)
Faraci's bullying & misogyny were blatantly clear to everyone for a long time & many still harboured him at the expense of those he hurt.
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 10, 2016
Naturally, the Gamergaters, have seized on Faraci’s alleged sexual assault as an excuse to attack, well, the same women they always attack.
It took less than an hour for my tweets on D*vin F*raci to be used by GG/MRAs as an excuse to attack Anita Sarkeesian & SJWs. Typical.
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 9, 2016
Because of course.
H/T — The Daily Dot, NYMag, GamerGhazi
All of this is just my interpretation.
Forgiveness is an inward action. It is the attempt to no longer judge a person for an action they have taken; to no longer include the terrible event when evaluating a person’s character. Sometimes it’s in order to move on from the terrible event and to put it in the past, sometimes it’s out of social pressure.
It’s also impossible.
Forgiveness is an inward action. It is the guilt one feels for evaluating someone else poorly; it is the scolding voice of a parent or teacher telling us to “be nice” and “don’t be bossy”. Sometimes it’s due to a long history of slow, steady self-deconstruction as we are told that we should sacrifice for the good of others, sometimes it’s out of the scorn or disapproval of others who are telling us we need to stop being so sensitive.
Source: I’m always telling myself I need to forgive people for things, often things for which they should not be forgiven.
@kupo
So argument. Much rhetoric. Wow.
@Ohlmann
Thank you. That’s the kind of response I was looking for! I would call “lowered toxic masculinity and more competent and diverse coworkers” benefits of lesser extent than the increased autonomy that feminism affords to women, especially in light of the fact that the men who were the contemporaries of the women who founded the modern feminist movement weren’t exactly clamoring for a less oppressive definition of masculinity and more different kinds of people in their workplaces, but they are benefits.
I think it was Heina Dadabhoy who recently pointed out (in connection to the Richard Carrier revelations) that one red flag when it comes to cis men who self-identify as feminists is when they are too over the top in their rhetoric and too extreme in their positions.*
That’s what I’m reminded of here. runsinbackground came out with “don’t trust male feminists”, and “men should just sit down and shut up”. When I find out, through subsequent comments, that he himself is a cis man, I am suddenly suspicious of him.
Therefore I’m not very surprised that he is so quick to mansplain feminism to women, at the first hint of disagreement.
*I realize this makes me suspect as well, and that’s fair. I don’t mind it.
This is what I do now. 24 hours of dealing with this! Why do I even try? Why do I think, consider, edit, revise, ruminate? I should just vomit any and everything I’m thinking onto the screen. Everyone else seems to be!
@runs
That you’re anything like me…
Fuck off!
*shaking*
*glares at comments policy*
For those not in the know. SPOILER ALERT:
Salvatore is gay, thus runs’ stupid ass is saying you’re either a secretary pincher or gay
Male Feminist(tm), everyone! You should be proud of yourself. You proved your own point! QED! Jackass
Now back the fuck outta this thread before I get mean…
Yep. Praise the man who calmly explains feminism 101 concepts to you and condescend to the woman who’s angry with you. Male Feminism, everyone!
@Axe
I’m also shaking with rage. That’s why I can’t even with him.
@runsinbackground
I can sort of see the gleam of The Right Idea in your posts, but it seems to be coming through a filter of other, shit ideas, leading to something imperfect and side-eye worthy. Essentially, you’re coming across as one of the sort who co-opts progressive terminology in order to be a shit. Getting defensive and snippy with people here is not going to do anything to dispel that impression.
One thing to note is that even if you do have pure intentions, whatever you are trying to say, we already fucking know. Like, it’s nice to have people reinforce the good word, but you’ve done a poor job of that here, and clarifying your message isn’t actually necessary, because it’s not going to be new to us. You are not an educator here. You can either apologize and drop it, or apologize and ask for clarification in what you got wrong, and that can be it. If you’re committed to being a good ally, part of that is recognizing that your intent is not magic and that you won’t always immediately “get” when you fucked up. Digging in your heels is not going to lead anywhere productive.
Also also, for future reference, it’s “cis male” not “cismale”.
]> ^C
^C
^C
sigh
^T
]> sudo ps
]> sudo pkill
@ Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Yeah, that’s what I had thought as well. Like the difference between White Feminism(R) and feminists who are white. Or Nice Guys(R) and guys who are nice.
@ runsinbackground
Except that by running this site, David Futrelle is not, in fact, shutting up and sitting down. Although he most certainly is paying attention. Also, he does make claims about what is or is not OK. His blog on Jen Kirkman was very controversial. One could even argue that because he makes the rules of behavior on this site, he does, in a sense, tell feminists how they’re allowed to act on a pro-feminist blog. So, by your own logic, Futrelle’s blog should not exist and he should delete it.
I’ve got to ask, how are we supposed to believe you that all cis men are “suspect” or untrustworthy, because at any given moment they could resort to sexist ideology to defend themselves when “the chips are down”, when a man who defies all of your standards for how men should behave is given a pass? You say, “How can a member of a minority group really trust in the intentions of a member of the majority group” and yet you are asking all of us to trust you that your words and intent are good.
Moreover men, including cis men, are found in those same minority groups. There are African-Americans who identify as male and as men. They both benefit from male privilege and are victims of anti-black racism. How do you, as a cis man, think they should exercise their voices if, for example, White Feminism(R) excludes or marginalizes the voices of people of color? Your solutions fail to account for these kinds of complex scenarios.
Yes, but by your own logic, you’re telling people what feminism is and demanding we all agree with it. In that one sentence, and later on when you define rape culture, you’re being a cis man defining what feminism is. By saying, “I thought that was what rape culture was all about,” the implication appears to be that you, regardless of being a cis het man, get to define the tenets of feminist philosophy. Not only this, but in all of your posts, you’re imposing your feminism on others and telling them to, basically, fuck off if they don’t live up to your standard of what feminism is and how feminists should be. Something you say no cis man should do.
It’s called toxic masculinity. Although it does not impact men in the same way as as it does women, it hurts all of us. You know who else argues that point? Feminists! Including Anita Sarkeesian, if I’m not mistaken. That we can even have a discussion about whether all men are inherently suspect or untrustworthy is because of toxic masculinity.
So, do you think that what is essentially feminine and what is essentially masculine are neatly separate categories that do not overlap? Sure, there are stereotypical associations with what is or is not feminine. But one could easily argue that feminism is not about knowing “what it’s like to be treated as feminine” and that it’s about what it’s like to be a female-bodied woman. Because lots of people are “treated as feminine”, but they aren’t necessarily women or identify as women. Gay men, for example. And even then, saying “what it’s like to be a female-bodied woman” would not be uncontroversial either, and with good reason. So, what is essentially feminine? Or masculine?
Here’s a thought. What about a woman who crossdresses as a man? Or women who enjoy action movies? Do you think they are taking on the persona of a man? Or, as you would say, dressing up in a male identity? Do you think that you, as a cishet male, can tell women like that that they don’t know what it’s like to be masculine?
Also, to follow up on what disturbed Axecalibur, because it may be related, what do you think of trans women? Or trans men for that matter?
Or maybe don’t answer. I mean, to want to hear your response, I’d have to trust you to not be disingenuous. But we know how we should think about straight cis men like yourself…
Hugs, Scildfreja.
I missed this while writing my comment, so I would like to also add: fuck off.
@Scild
I love it when you talk Unix to me. 😉
Aw, thanks EJ. Better day today! Decompressing. Empty house, finally.
…
@runsinbackground
Being willing to call yourself an ally instead of a feminist if asked is a good thing (I’d argue that it’s the main difference between a male feminist and a Male Feminist™, although as we’re about to learn, it’s not the only one) – but mansplaining, being immediately hostile to women who rebuff your mansplaining, casual actual-misandry and bizarrely random transphobia? All bad things.
This is a nicely ironic thread to watch a Male Feminist™ meltdown in real time, though, so don’t let me stop you.
@Tragedy of the Commas
Right?
“Don’t trust male feminists, but trust me, a man who doesn’t call himself a feminist.”
It’s basically the Male Feminist(tm) schtick, just taken one step further. He’s so aware that he won’t call himself a feminist, which is why you should totally trust him. Unlike all those other men who are calling themselves feminists so that you’ll trust them.
I apologize and withdraw. I should think before I get mad. Please carry on.
Sorting out the good and bad parts of ourselves is really hard, @runsinbackground, and voicing our feelings never works out the way we think it should. Take heart. This was just a point on a line.
I can’t find the right word for it, but I feel there is parralels between the meltdown of runsinbackground and the discussion about forgivance. Something about how nobody here should feel compelled to forgive him, while he may be allowed to not be hounded by that meltdown on other sites or aspect of his life
(I *am* mad at the post where he say Kupo to fuck off just because Kupo did not have the patience for this, partly because I was elevated as example, as if my behavior were somehow superior to the one of Kupo)
Don’t tell me what to do! You can’t just unpologize like that. I’d be less mad if you just disappeared without the ‘apology’! Wouldn’t be the 1st time around here. And what the fuck kinda apology is that. Even fuckin Faraci’s was better than that! What are you apologizing for? How is what you did wrong? What possessed you to do something like that in the 1st place? How’re you gonna make amends? Anything? Course not
Also, you “should think” 1st? Really!? Seriously, why do I try? Ya know why nobody should trust you? It’s not cos of your gender. It’s cos you apparently lose the ability to think about what you’re doing when you get angry. And the angry version of you (the calm version too, more than likely) is a splaining, erasing, essentialist, tone policing, logicbro asshat. And that has nothing to do with wearing boys clothes. Get your shit together. Fuck!
Now I’m done
Not to get off topic but Trump fans are tweeting #repealthe19th after seeing the hypothetical electoral maps of male-only and female-only votes…
http://www.latimes.com/nation/politics/trailguide/la-na-trailguide-updates-trump-backers-tweet-repealthe19th-1476299001-htmlstory.html
I’m wearing no boys clothes or girls clothes right now. How do I know which gender I am? :/
@IP : roll 1d6. 1-2 male, 3-4 female, 5 Flying Polyp, 6 roll 2 dice and use both results.
I’d like to add something about forgiveness:
I understand and am capable of forgiveness ONLY in the context of forgiving myself for something i did to myself (i can’t forgive myself if i hurt someone else tho, i just live with that dissapointment in mah heart. Not that it’s happened a lot :p) and it took me 20 something years to be able to do that.
Example: until very recently, i hadnt forgiven myself for quitting piano when I was a stupid teen, i was forever sad and bitter about it, but now i have because it’s the only I can more on and put that energy towards something productive, like learning to play the damn piano because it’s not like i’m dead goddammit!
I’m with imaginary petal on forgiving people who’ve hurt me bad: how??? And why :p
Hey so patriarchy isn’t the oppression of skirts, it’s the oppression of women, and it affects all women (cis & trans) no matter what their presentation.
@Mels
Quelle suprise
@Petal
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vWmxXin79Kk/Vnk1G_2Pw-I/AAAAAAAAbIA/4UFIZE0Kn08/s1600/eddie%2Bizzard.jpeg
Ok, I’ve had some wine, but here are my thoughts.
Describing yourself as a feminist is just that; a self-description. Given a) the wide variety of definitions, and b) the wide variety of motivations for using the description, someone calling themselves a feminist does little more than establish a starting point for discussion (and hopefully agreement and progress).
It does not get you brownie points, a pedestal or a “get out of jail free” card. Being a feminist, you are still judged on the basis of your actions.
This is true, whether you are a male feminist, female feminist, or non-binary feminist (apologies if I’ve missed a category). But if you are a male feminist, it is helpful to be aware that there are some men out there who think describing themselves as feminist is the shortcut to all of the above (I.e. Brownie points, pedestal AND free pass), and there is no secret password that will differentiate you from them. So don’t be surprised if other feminists reserve judgment until they have got to know you better.