After that now infamous tape of Donald Trump boasting about grabbing women’s private parts came out on Friday, film critic Devin Faraci — a self-described feminist and one of the more aggressive opponents of GamerGate — took to Twitter to excoriate Trump’s abominable remarks.
Then this happened:
In a series of tweets, @spacecrone told the whole story:
The accusation stopped Faraci in his tracks. He didn’t quite admit that it was true, but he also kind of did. And he asked for forgiveness for something he said he couldn’t remember doing.
This was on Sunday. Today, Faraci resigned as Editor-In-Chief of Birth.Movies.Death, saying:
This weekend allegations were made about my past behavior. Because I take these types of claims seriously I feel my only honorable course of action is to step down from my position as Editor-in-Chief of Birth.Movies.Death. I will use the coming weeks and months to work on becoming a better person who is, I hope, worthy of the trust and loyalty of my friends and readers.
He still hasn’t quite admitted to anything, but @spacecrone says she’s heartened that Faraci seems sincere in his contrition.
“I am really happy that it sounds like Devin is interested in getting help about this, and I’m open to any accountability processing that might be part of his treatment,” she told Variety.
I really hope this can be a moment of self-interrogation for all of us, myself included, about the ways we might use positions of power to silence people, and the ways we all turn away from things that might seem a little too complicated to deal with.
Faraci’s alleged assault is more proof (as if we needed any) that being on the “right side” on the issues — in Faraci’s case, taking on GamerGaters, calling for greater representation of women in the movie business, and so forth — does not automatically make you a good person. (Hugo Schwyzer, anyone?)
As it turns out (as it so often turns out) plenty of people — and not just GamerGaters — have been pointing out seriously assholish language (and behavior) from Faraci for some time. In the wake of @spacecrone’s accusation, writer and Bibliodaze co-editor @Ceilidhann set forth some of her issues with Faraci on Twitter:
Devin Faraci sexually assaults women, tries to goad people into suicide & cyber-stalks basically everyone but sure, fandom is the problem.
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 9, 2016
Honestly, the continuing silence over his years of bullying & attacks on this site & elsewhere make this round utterly unsurprising. https://t.co/ewLVAUxjoN
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 10, 2016
(By “this site” she means Twitter.)
Faraci's bullying & misogyny were blatantly clear to everyone for a long time & many still harboured him at the expense of those he hurt.
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 10, 2016
Naturally, the Gamergaters, have seized on Faraci’s alleged sexual assault as an excuse to attack, well, the same women they always attack.
It took less than an hour for my tweets on D*vin F*raci to be used by GG/MRAs as an excuse to attack Anita Sarkeesian & SJWs. Typical.
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 9, 2016
Because of course.
H/T — The Daily Dot, NYMag, GamerGhazi
@PI: I’ve never been through anything similar to what you’re describing. I don’t know how I’d react, and if your way of moving on with your life is working for you, than good. I have no right telling you how to cope. Blanket forgiveness works for some people, conditional forgiveness works for others, and using the hate to drive yourself on seems to work for you. That’s as it should be: what’s good for the goose is not good for the gander. Never has been, never will be.
I DON’T think anyone should tell another person to forgive anyone. It has to be a personal decision if it’s going to do the person any good at all.
@Fred_the_dog: I think the pastor I mentioned above had a similar definition of forgiveness to the second one you mentioned: she viewed it as more of a ‘letting go’ than an ‘inviting in’.
Anyhow, I’ve got work to do, patients to see. I’ll check in tonight.
@NotABul
You are conflating the ideas of personal forgiveness and forgiveness as a social ritual/mechanism. An individual is free to choose to forgive a person, or not; that’s their prerogative. As a community or a society, the threshold at which a person is deemed to be forgiven by the community is one that is constantly negotiated amongst the members of a community, and therefore there can never be an absolute, universal level of contrition at which a person is found to be “sincere enough”. Attempting to force the issue on grounds of “reasonableness” is ultimately counter-productive.
That said, fuck this guy. And fuck you.
What do you think you’re trying to achieve with that comment of yours? Are you honestly trying to change people’s minds about a person who, need I remind you, committed an act of sexual assault? Reality check: Sexual assault is a terrible act committed by terrible people. Fuck. Them. This isn’t some convivial salon where you can engage in a no-holds-barred intellectual joust with peers; this is a site whose stated aim is to mercilessly mock terrible people who rightly deserve it (e.g. people who’ve sexually assaulted someone).
Who do you think you are, coming to a site frequented by people who have been victims of sexual assault, or who know people who have been assaulted, and post something that tries to defend a person who has committed sexual assault? Protip: I don’t bring a pig into a mosque, or kiss a guy in a Southern Baptist church, because I have enough self-awareness and self-respect that I don’t actively try to fuck with a community unless they’re actively fucking with me and mine.
Is this some kind of ‘social experiment’? Are you trying to learn more about how a community negotiates the issue of penitence and forgiveness? Newsflash: If you want to do that, start by enrolling in Sociology 101 in your local community college (and don’t just pretend that you did, like that pissant Mick Dash). Alternatively, Google is your friend. Either way, do it the fuck away from here, because I ain’t seeing you paying me no goddamned tuition.
Why the fuck do you care, anyway, what some people in the comments section of a website think about this slimebag? You don’t know me, so don’t even try to pretend that you are familiar enough to try to push my buttons. I don’t know you; give me some time, and I could be your best friend, or I could be your worst fucking enemy. Right now, however, you’re just some fuck that walked in off of the proverbial street, and you’re failing spectacularly at first impressions.
In conclusion, go eat the shit out of a sheep’s unwashed anus.
NotABul:
Most of the good folks here have dealt with the bullshit approach to “forgiveness” you put up, so I’m going to address the other bit:
In a court of law, under criminal charges? Sure, that’s the standard, because it needs to be. But that’s not the situation here.
The closest comparison between ‘the world at large’ and ‘court case’ actually comes from civil court cases. You don’t have an accuser and an accused; you have a plaintiff and a defendant. The difference is subtle but strong; the plaintiff is considered an equal of the defendant, and both their claims about events are given equal weight before being judged by the jury (or judge, if they bypass a jury trial).
And because of that, we use a different standard, at least in the U.S. Because the case is between two ostensibly equal litigants (rather than a lone individual vs. the entire government criminal apparatus), the standard used is “preponderance of evidence” instead of “beyond a reasonable doubt”. The jury looks at all the evidence available to them, and decides which side is more likely to be telling the truth.
Finally, in the world at large, we’re each our own jury on cases like this. Faraci’s comments, his past behavior, other reports of different-but-similar forms of conduct–the sum total of that evidence is all we’re reasonably required to consider before deciding if the claim of assault is credible enough to react to it accordingly. And that’s pretty much where we’re at now, and it doesn’t seem like anyone other than you has much doubt on the matter at all.
I committed sexual assault a number of years ago. I got blackout drunk and groped a girl at a party. I was roundly rebuked by almost everyone there and almost got my ass kicked. When I came too the next day I sent her an apology letter, and then gradually cut everyone who knew about the incident out of my life because I was too ashamed to face them. It was an incident that contributed to me switching from heavy drinking to heavy pot smoking as a way to cope w/ my issues.
I still feel guilty about it to this day. Ironically I myself experienced groping* at the hands of an older woman some years later, so I got a taste of my own medicine. It made me realize that the whole “don’t be unattractive” rule of sexual harassment has not an inkling of truth. The woman who groped me was fairly attractive; what made me feel gross and violated was how sloppily drunk she was and how public and embarrassing her actions were.
Some people here have been suggesting counseling for people who commit sexual assault. I’m already seeing a therapist (for other reasons), but, as she’s a woman, I’m loathe to bring it up with her.
*tbh I don’t know what counts as groping in men – technically the lady didn’t touch my genitals, whereas the act I committed involved touching the girl’s breasts
What debt to society has this guy paid? And what debt to his victim? (nice way to erase her there, btw)
How has he accepted accountability? Do you know what “accountability” means? It doesn’t mean that someone posted 1 short paragraph sortakinda copping to the behavior.
What help has he sought? He said he’s going to – what has he actually done as of today? Is that help adequate? What has he done to help his victim? Or is the perp the only person who deserves help when a crime is committed? (again with erasing the victim)
If he were legitimately contrite, he wouldn’t have written a nonpology. ’nuff said about that one.
Who are you to offer forgiveness to someone for committing a sexual assault? Seriously, who are you and why do you think you have that power and that authority?
Heaven forfend we drive away people who can’t understand why we don’t want to move on a hot minute after the accusation comes out. Those are definitely the people we want on our side. Dipshit.
@ Petal
Reasonable questions, these. This isn’t a case of someone losing control of their car and killing someone else. It’s not a case of someone getting drunk and losing control of their car and killing someone. I believe this person made a conscious decision, in the moment, to physically assault someone else, basing that decision on the belief that they had the right to do so.
TW – sexual assault, rape culture
CNN current story: Trump’s ‘locker room talk’ stirs real talk about sexual violence
Kelly Oxford asks Twitter followers to tweet assault stories
“I am currently receiving two sex assault stories per second. Anyone denying rape culture, please look at my timeline now,” she said.
If we want this to stop, we HAVE TO OBJECT, EVERY TIME, AND AT EVERY TURN! Maybe forgiveness IS divine, but I’m not god. If someone does this, they need to be called into account. It gets f***ing sickening hearing people try to minimize this. Where the f*** do I get the right to the bodies of others just because I’m cis-het and white???
It’s not the victim’s fault, no matter what the circumstance. To give someone the judicial deference to innocence is to erase the victim. The research* I’ve seen tells me that people who say they are sexual assault victims are telling the truth.
One of the things I like about this blog is that the regulars do not tolerate those who minimize Social Conscience issues. There’s a piece from a favorite spoken word poem I’d like to share…
“… people, you are staring out at a world on fire and complaining about how ugly you think the ashes are…”
*(note, most of what I’ve read concerns people who identify as female)
Yeah, I’m not big on the forgiveness thing. I don’t forgive my mother for breaking me, little by little, day by day, to the point where I will probably never be comfortable in my body. I talk to her. I tell her I love her, and I do, despite the pain. But why should I forgive her? She damaged me. She’s not sorry for it and she doesn’t think she was ever wrong (it’s about health, she tells herself). Even if she apologized, that doesn’t mean a damn thing.
And Joekster, I hate to call you out again, but you home off as holier than though when you talk about how forgiveness us freeing. It may be for dome people, but you put it in terms that make it sound absolute. If someone has harmed me and I’m unable to forgive them for it, I’m not the one holding myself back. I’m not the one hurting myself. It’s still what that person did to me that’s hurting me. Those chains weighing me down were not put there by me, and telling me I should just free myself from them is blaming me for my continued pain.
I’m pretty sure Runs In Background meant Male Feminists™, not feminists who happen to be male. They just punctuated it badly.
I might be misunderstanding the argument here, but I’m assuming that nobody is expected to forgive the perpetrator on behalf of the victim. Rather, each person judges the former for what they’ve done and can choose for themselves whether to forgive or punish them.
For example, we know that Hamish Imlach got very drunk and groped a girl. We also know that he expressed strong regret. Now, let’s say that one day his car breaks down on his way from work and he is stuck on the road on a cold, rainy night. And I just happen to drive by and just happen to be able to help him, if I want to. So, I recognize him, I know what he’s done, and I consider whether his regret is sincere enough by my standards (as is my prerogative). Depending on my conclusions, I can go “Nighty night, you creepy bastard” and drive off, or I can figure that he’s a fundamentally good person that has learned from his mistakes, and thus help him as I would any other upstanding citizen. I don’t need to be a judge or a police officer to be able to negatively impact his life because of my personal judgement.
So, I think that, in the court of public opinion, the victim is not the only person whose forgiveness is important. And avoiding, ostracizing, harassing, beating up, etc are all forms of punishment that can be employed by anyone regardless of whether they have the law on their side, were impacted by the crime, or are related to the victim in any way.
Note:I’m not talking about the case in the OP (does sound like a non-pology), but about forgiveness in general.
I’d also like to point out that the “apology” was only issued after he got called out. It’s not like he came clean on his own. It’s going to take more than one semi contrite statement for me to be convinced he’s not just sorry he was caught.
I’m sick of people prioritizing the feelings of men who commit assualt and men who identify with them over the actual victims of assualt.
@IP and everyone else discussing “forgiveness”
I think the term is so loaded with different meanings and narratives that it’s become almost useless.
What was a helpful concept for me in dealing with my own past was to put self-care first. As in when I remember the stuff and get angry I try to refocus that energy on myself and taking care of myself…and not dwell on the people who hurt me anymore than I have to. But sometimes…that can mean finding a safe outlet for my anger and just be angry. But I’m doing that for me now and it’s slowly becoming less about them.
I don’t think I’d call that forgiveness. Attempt at the indifference they deserve more likely. I really don’t know. There’s just so much expectations and stuff in that one word.
If you in any way force yourself to “forgive” and not ackowledge the anger that is just there because of what happened, that can really backfire badly. Because you can’t make these things go away, you can in some cases decide how you deal with them, but nothing more. At least that’s what’s true for me. Your experiences might be completely different. Thank you for making me think about this and for sharing your experiences and feelings.
@Diptych
A whole, whole lot of people. Religion is often invoked.
@Paradoxy
Much empathy and support.
@Chairs
Close, but no cigar. I really do think that any person who identifies as male (especially if they are cismale, like me) and also identifies as a feminist is suspect, in a “trust, but verify” sort of way. Feminism, to me anyway, means participating in the conversation about how best to achieve equal treatment and dignity for women and men, from the perspective of the feminine. I don’t know what it’s like to be treated as feminine (and even if I were to do something like crossdressing it’s still a persona that I can put on and take off, not who I am 24/7), so my suggestions for how to improve that treatment wouldn’t be much help at best, and at worst would remind me of Sean Hannity complaining that the real problem in the African-American community is black-on-black crime. Also, in my opinion, men can get by just fine without feminism. Instagram slacktivism aside, how much worse would the average cishet man’s life be if they were allowed to go around pinching secretaries like Roger Sterling after a four-martini lunch? How can a member of a minority group really trust in the intentions of a member of the majority group who professes loyalty to their cause, since the majority member would be in effect saying “I support the reduction of my own class privileges because It’s The Right Thing To Do.” How can the minority member know that when the chips are down the majority member won’t say, “you know, on second thought, I rather like my privileges and I think I’ll keep them, thank you very much.” As far as I’m concerned, the correct thing for cismen who support the feminist project to do is to shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down, and pay attention. Even in David’s case, I don’t generally see him making prescriptions about what ought to be done to achieve equal treatment for men and women, do you?
@NotaBul Fuck you, guy. Your urge to play devil’s advocate is the product of centuries of conditioning that have caused you to believe that it’s okay to assume women are dishonest and duplicitous. Don’t do that. Don’t cosign misogynist practices. Do better.
Then why don’t you fucking do that instead of telling us which genders we are and are not allowed to trust?
@everyone via runs
Is this bit really, kinda fucked up to anyone else? The rest is pretty suspect too, but it’s super not my place to deal with. Something about this digression specifically has me feeling some typa way, but I can’t word it. Not an uncommon occurrence actually. Is it just me, or is there something… not quite right here?
ETA: @kupo
Indeed
^bingo
The society should forget/forgive in due time offenses. But individuals don’t need to have that obligation. The fact an offender is allowed to rebuild a new life if he reform don’t mean that he is entitled to have his old life back entirely and that other people have to bend over for him.
It’s the same as with impolite behavior. There may not be laws against being a jerk, but individual are very much allowed to shun you for that.
@runsinbackground : I viscerally dislike putting purity tests on allowing someone to call a feminist, because too many people think that feminism is a crazy idea of a small group of madwomen, and it’s important to fight against that to show feminists as a varied group of person with very different level of implication ; and it’s important for me to frame both small, consensual goals like lowering the gendered bias in education, and more ambitious projects, like fighting rape culture or fighting for representation, as different facet of the same ideology. But on the other hand, I see the problem of people using feminism as a shield or as an apology.
It’s also important to remember that humans are faillible, and someone can be a feminist and have misogyny problems. Or can be a feminist who alway watch itself to not fall back in his or her old problems. I don’t want anyone to think that being feminist is some kind of impossibly hard task, even tho removing all sexist mental reflex is hard and can take some time.
My current way of thinking is to self-describe as a feminist to anyone who think it’s a flaw or an insult, and leave the monicker to actually helpful people when I am in civilized company.
@Axe
That, plus the “feminism doesn’t benefit men because all men want to pinch the secretary’s ass” really did not sit well with me at all.
NotABul’s comments on peace, love, and understanding could be taken more seriously if Faraci made a real apology and owned up to his many awful behaviors. Faraci has done neither. Even NotABul is unable to argue that Faraci’s “apology” is believable. He frequently refers to “if” Faraci is sincere, then we should forgive him. Saying, for example, “And if (in the incredibly rare chance.) Mr. Faraci is in fact sincere…” So, we’re being asked to feel guilt for being exhausted or angry about yet another sexual predator on social media, when the person calling for our collective shame isn’t able to defend the man they’re supposedly defending?
Sure, it’s arguably a little rich for any man to righteously come out and say that they hate or don’t believe in forgiveness whatsoever when very likely all men have been guilty of being sexist and aiding in the continuation of society’s sexist attitudes at some point in their lives. But most men are not rapists or guilty of sexual assault. Many men have been shit friends, partners, co-workers, and so on. But most men are not rapists or sexual assaulters. So, it’s also a little rich to manipulate Faraci into a metaphorical everyman (based on an “incredibly rare chance” that Faraci’s forgivable) and declare that if we can’t forgive him, we can’t accept change from anyone.
Also, why should forgiveness of this man be the standard by which our capacity to accept change in others is judged?
@Axe
What part of “I am a straight cismale” is causing you trouble? When people who identify as female wear the clothing associated with the female identity they are, of course, just wearing their normal clothes, the clothes that express who they are, regardless of what their junk happens to look like. If I, who do not identify as female, wear clothing associated with the female identity, I am putting on a costume, like dressing up as a mad scientist for Halloween.
@kupo
Keep your words in your own mouth, please. What I said was “how much worse would the average cishet man’s life be if he were *allowed* to go around pinching secretaries like Roger Sterling after a four-martini lunch?” Not every single Mad Man pinched secretaries (Salvatore Romano, for example), but all of them could have if they’d felt the need. I thought that was what rape culture was all about, “a conscious process by which all men keep all women in a state of fear.” Men as a class don’t benefit from feminism in the same way or to the same extent that women as a class do, unless you want to argue that giving up a privilege is really an advantage.
@runsinbackground
Sit down and shut. The. Fuck. Up.
@runsinbackground : at the risk of choking you, a lot of men don’t actually derive advantage from pinching secretaries, or women in general, but do benefit from lowered toxic masculinity and better equality in the form of having more competent (and diverse) coworkers.
http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/151182%20-%20animated%20applejack%20digging%20pinkie_pie.gif