After that now infamous tape of Donald Trump boasting about grabbing women’s private parts came out on Friday, film critic Devin Faraci — a self-described feminist and one of the more aggressive opponents of GamerGate — took to Twitter to excoriate Trump’s abominable remarks.
Then this happened:
In a series of tweets, @spacecrone told the whole story:
The accusation stopped Faraci in his tracks. He didn’t quite admit that it was true, but he also kind of did. And he asked for forgiveness for something he said he couldn’t remember doing.
This was on Sunday. Today, Faraci resigned as Editor-In-Chief of Birth.Movies.Death, saying:
This weekend allegations were made about my past behavior. Because I take these types of claims seriously I feel my only honorable course of action is to step down from my position as Editor-in-Chief of Birth.Movies.Death. I will use the coming weeks and months to work on becoming a better person who is, I hope, worthy of the trust and loyalty of my friends and readers.
He still hasn’t quite admitted to anything, but @spacecrone says she’s heartened that Faraci seems sincere in his contrition.
“I am really happy that it sounds like Devin is interested in getting help about this, and I’m open to any accountability processing that might be part of his treatment,” she told Variety.
I really hope this can be a moment of self-interrogation for all of us, myself included, about the ways we might use positions of power to silence people, and the ways we all turn away from things that might seem a little too complicated to deal with.
Faraci’s alleged assault is more proof (as if we needed any) that being on the “right side” on the issues — in Faraci’s case, taking on GamerGaters, calling for greater representation of women in the movie business, and so forth — does not automatically make you a good person. (Hugo Schwyzer, anyone?)
As it turns out (as it so often turns out) plenty of people — and not just GamerGaters — have been pointing out seriously assholish language (and behavior) from Faraci for some time. In the wake of @spacecrone’s accusation, writer and Bibliodaze co-editor @Ceilidhann set forth some of her issues with Faraci on Twitter:
Devin Faraci sexually assaults women, tries to goad people into suicide & cyber-stalks basically everyone but sure, fandom is the problem.
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 9, 2016
Honestly, the continuing silence over his years of bullying & attacks on this site & elsewhere make this round utterly unsurprising. https://t.co/ewLVAUxjoN
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 10, 2016
(By “this site” she means Twitter.)
Faraci's bullying & misogyny were blatantly clear to everyone for a long time & many still harboured him at the expense of those he hurt.
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 10, 2016
Naturally, the Gamergaters, have seized on Faraci’s alleged sexual assault as an excuse to attack, well, the same women they always attack.
It took less than an hour for my tweets on D*vin F*raci to be used by GG/MRAs as an excuse to attack Anita Sarkeesian & SJWs. Typical.
— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) October 9, 2016
Because of course.
H/T — The Daily Dot, NYMag, GamerGhazi
His statement is bullshit. There were 2 parts to her claim, the sexual assault and the bragging about it. “I can only believe you” may work for the first part if he was too drunk to remember, but for the second, it isn’t hard to go to all the people you bragged to and ask for confirmation. He sounds like an employer promising an investigation of something that happened at the workplace, not the groper. Nice that he will search his soul and get to the bottom of this.
“Allegations were made about my past behavior.” It’s in the past, people. Nothing to see here.
“I feel that my only honorable course of action…” There’s only one honorable course of action. Refraining from sticking my hand down a woman’s pants isn’t that action.
“I will use the coming weeks and months to work on becoming a better person…” This “work” must of course remain unspecified.
“…who is, I hope, worthy of the trust and loyalty of my friends and readers.” I hope I’m worthy. In fact, I know I am. I’ll still have friends. And I’ll still have readers. I’m not going anywhere!
Ultraviolet Action is an online feminist group. They’ve got a petition asking Gov. Rick Scott of Florida to, in the wake of Hurricane Matthew, extend the deadline for voter registration. Apparently lots of people register to vote just before an election.
Want to sign?
Click here:
http://act.weareultraviolet.org/sign/Florida_Vote?akid=s153135..-NVvrA
@Kylo Ronin Ugh, that’s awful. That’s a film that would bring out the knuckle-draggers, sadly. I’ve written for a couple of sites myself in the past, and fortunately they’ve been really genuine about inclusivity. The plethora of bad ones are why I don’t read much film criticism these days.
I can’t speak for victims and what they would want from someone who wronged them in specific terms. But in general making amends does have a structure that is useful to be able to line up with what we see in society.
*Apologize for what you did in specific terms and be able to name names (if appropriate) to tie those things to.
*Be able to express how your made other people feel in specific terms. Again, be able to name names if appropriate.
*Be able to describe future you. Be able to describe what you want to be like instead of what you have been. Make sure this picture is based off of how you made others felt.
*If intentions are to get involved they only factor in when finding acceptable ways of meeting needs with future you. It’s entirely up to the victim(s) if intent is to be worth anything.
It’s also useful to get some help in doing this since society is not very good at this process, but that can be difficult for a lot of reasons.
If I’m missing anything feel free to add.
Never trust a “male feminist”. How is this hard to understand?
Um…because one doesn’t fight social issues using their genitalia? Or am I doing it wrong?
Yeah, this is why I don’t self-identify as a feminist or feminist ally. I know myself well enough to know that I’d try to take that as a license to be a bigger a-hole than I already am.
Regarding NotABul’s comment, I have noticed people on the internet tend to jump to conclusions rather quickly. However, this post is the first time I’ve ever heard of Mr. Faraci (I just had to scroll up to confirm the name), so there is probably more in his past posts to validate the above conclusions in this case.
@IP: I do believe in forgiveness. I believe that it is a part of the healing process, and that a person cannot move on from a traumatic event without somehow coming to terms with the person responsible for it*. Many people find forgiveness helps them to do so. I don’t know if I’d be able to forgive someone who violently assaulted or raped me. I hope I’d be able to, but I don’t know.
I do not think, however, that any person has a right to demand another person forgive anyone (well, any person other than God, of course). If the victim does not make the decision to forgive on their own, than they loose most of the psychological benefit of the action. The decision to forgive someone who has wronged another person has to come from the person who was wronged. Otherwise, there is no point to it.
*A Lutheran pastor I once knew (divorced woman Lutheran pastor, so she probably has more insight into it than I do) once described it in this way: ‘refusing to forgive someone is like keeping your hands locked around their throat: they can’t do anything, but neither can you’. Apologies if that sounds trite, but it matches my limited experience with the subject.
The other thing she’d say is this, ‘Just because you forgive a child molester doesn’t mean you let that molester teach Sunday School’.
@runsinbackground: you realize Dave Futrelle identifies as male?
For that matter, genitalia doesn’t define gender, but I take your point.
I think forgiveness means different things to different people. For myself, forgiveness means I can let the person back into my life and trust them again (it has taken time to realize this is not what forgiveness means to most people). Some terrible things were done to me in the past, and I cannot let those people back in, ever. I don’t think about them much (not even sure where any of them are these days) nor do I let their past actions dictate my life, but I can’t ever trust them, either. So, no forgiveness on my part; they can’t come back. But I also don’t feel a need to wish them ill, and I hope they have been able to learn and change their ways — and this last part is how I think most people view forgiveness.
@Diptych
Yeah, sorry. I know better than to imply that.
You’re good; no biggie!
With the ink not even dry on the accusation, already sounds the cry, “Has he not suffered enough?” Must be a day that ends in why?
This was one famous deathbed take on the whole forgiveness thing.
http://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-i-do-not-have-to-forgive-my-enemies-i-have-had-them-all-shot-ramon-maria-narvaez-59-6-0604.jpg
Yeah, saying “well, I don’t remember doing it but I guess I probably did” is an answer that, at my most charitable, indicates someone who’s in the habit of getting severely intoxicated and using that to evade responsibility. Sort of like when Toronto Mayor Rob Ford said “sure, I probably smoked crack in one of my drunken stupors”.
And he can’t be unaware of the fact that he’s using intoxication in that way if his reaction is not “I could never do that however drunk or high I was” but rather “I don’t remember so I can’t really be responsible but I guess I did so please forgive me and I will try to get myself fixed through treatment now that I’ve been called on it”
As a person who has been violated by another person: I’ve managed to move on in my life without forgiving the person who did it, and it’s worked for me just fine.
Now, I understand not everyone can do this. Not everyone can go through carrying that visceral hatred in their heart, and if they want to forgive someone who has hurt them the same way I was hurt, then that’s their prerogative.
However, I won’t ever accept anyone telling me I should forgive the bastard who did what he did to me because whatever reason (religion, “healing”, “it’s the right thing to do”, etc.).
Because my hatred for that man is my motivation. It’s what gets me out of bed in the morning. I live to spite that asshole because he didn’t just violate me, he broke me. He made me believe I was worth less than the dirt he walked on every single day of my life, and I’m still feeling the effects of it. I still have issues with my self-worth and I still suffer from depression and social anxiety. I will never be the same person I was before that shit-fuck came into my life, and neither will my family. The two siblings he gave me (and the only good thing he brought into this world, as far as I’m concerned), and my mother both have suffered at his hands as well.
And I had to go to two separate trials to prove it. And I proved it both times.
On top of that, he also has sexually harassed my sister (his biological child) from prison by sending her disgusting letters, and roped another woman into being “in love” with him, and thus encouraged her to harass my mother via Facebook. He’s an unrepentant asshole who doesn’t give two flying fucks about anyone but himself.
So, fuck ‘im. I’m glad he’s rotting in prison, and I personally can’t wait until he drops dead so I can dance on his fucking grave.
EDIT: Almost forgot about that bastard’s mother, who blackmailed me into silence* when she caught him abusing me, and forced my sister to be her little porcelain doll.
Oh, and she sided with him, of course, and blamed me personally for her father-in-law’s death, because he got sick and died right around the time of the trial.
Yeah, not forgiving her either.
*Pretty much telling me if my mother found out that he was abusing me, she’d blame me and send me away to a girl’s home and I’d never see my family again. As you can imagine, that shut me up pretty good.
… but rather, “I was high and don’t remember, so I can apologize for doing it WITHOUT HAVING TO ACTUALLY OWN having done it.”
Maybe I’m being over-sensitive but, define male. Would you consider a trans-woman to be male? How about a trans-male? How about we just recognize that some people mis-represent themselves for whatever reason and not tar whole groups with the same brush?
OT: Is there an intro section somewhere or should I just say ‘Hi, I’m new ~^.^~’ here?
@ Paradoxical
you have my empathy and respect, my friend, I wish you well.
@ paradoxy
Well said (as usual). You remind me of a song some friends did about someone who went through something similar to you. You might appreciate it.
(New Model Army – ‘Ambition’ if you want to hear it)
@Petal
Nice catch
@Joek
Yeah, stow it
Somethinv that I’ve seen attributed to JFK goes to the effect that: Everyone talks about burying the hatchet but no one forgets where they buried it. Google didn’t turn up anything just now.and I’m not aware of the context but the line always seemed meaningful to me. Forgiveness should only go to those who demonstrate that they are no longer going to be a threat and only for as long as they don’t fall back to their old ways. The past is never truly gone and forgiveness should never be a requirement or unconditional.
Thanks Alan, I’ll be sure to check it out. 😀
@joekster
My problem is that I seriously don’t know what “forgiving” entails. What exactly do you do when you “forgive” someone?
I looked up “forgive” in Merriam-Webster:
“to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)”
Why should I, or anyone, ever stop feeling anger toward a sexual assaulter? And why would we ever stop blaming him for what he did? He will always have done the thing he did, so of course we’ll blame him for it.
I don’t see the point of doing any of these things. I don’t think I ever really “forgive” anyone.
I love my dad, and he’s been a great dad. However, I don’t forgive him for throwing a rage fit and threatening to leave the family because of my disobedience as a 4 year old. He did call me names. He did blame me for breaking up the family. He did say he was never coming back, and that it was my fault. These are things that I don’t forgive. I don’t bring it up with him, and I have a great relationship with my dad. He has never done anything like that again. But he did do it that one time. I do blame him for it. While I don’t actively feel anger toward him now, I do feel angry whenever I happen to think back to that moment.
I think it’s useful to remember what people are capable of, and not pretend as if actions can be undone. I don’t think guilt can ever be absolved. When you do something, whatever it is, you will always have done that thing. If you do something very bad, it’s likely that other people will always remember that thing and suffer from it. Why should you be let off the hook when your victims aren’t? A rapist will always be a rapist. He will never become not a rapist. Similarly, his victims will never become unraped.
I don’t know, I just think it’s a pointless concept. Forgiving doesn’t change anything. It seems to me that “forgiving”, to most people, simply means saying you’ve forgiven someone. It’s an empty word.