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Has Chuck Tingle become Hillary Clinton’s new secret weapon? One so secret that Hillary may not even know he exists?
Tingle — the REAL HUMAN MAN (and not a writhing mass of crabs) behind a series of butt-centric science fiction novellettes — provided his fans with a live-tweeted alternate version of the Clinton-Trump debate last night in which DOMALD TROMP — a mass of space crabs wearing human skin as a disguise — faced off against HILL CLINTONS, a “top wizard” with thirty years of experience.
And then, noticing that the Trump campaign had neglected to purchase the URL TrumpDebateFacts.com, Chuck went set up his own site by that name and offered his take on some of the howlers the Tingle-universe Trump spouted during the debate that happened in Tingle’s imagination last night:
If you missed Tingle’s live-tweeting last night, here are some highlights.
DOMALD TROMP arrives at debate flanked by two devils in disguise. dark magic already clearly afoot as debate auditorium reeks of The Void pic.twitter.com/Mr7yK4Bmrl
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
main event HILL CLINTONS VS. DOMALD TROMP begins now as the audience snarls and claws the air, frothing at the mouth for flesh of the void
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
1st falter of night from CLINTONS as she mistakes Tromps bubbling void speech as rational human thought and not the screams of 1000 crabs
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
Domald Tromp alienating the HANDSOME BILLIONAIRE AIRPLANE VOTE by trashing united states airports as 'from the 3rd layer of the void'
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
'maybe they didnt do a good job and maybe they should be fed to crabs at the bottom of the lake' – DOM TROMPS on his hardworking employees
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
tromp invokes MIRACLE POST OFFICE as proof he is not a shrieking collection of cosmic horrors barely held together by bloated stolen skin
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
Dom Tromp of HANDSOME PRESIDENT'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE: 'i like to think about it, i like to think about it a lot so what?'
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
domald tromp FEVERISHLY CASTS DARK MAGIC SPELL in a failed attempt at claim that he is not a racist throbbing mass of carnivorous crabs pic.twitter.com/xTnrHb4yZ5
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
DOMALD TROMP: "i once opened a club and human beings were allowed not just crabs, i swear". moderator declines to interject with fact check
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
dissapointed in moderator for no DIRECT followup: 'Are you a poorly disguised mass of crabs wearing the skin of bloated human?' disgraceful
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
claiming 'better temperament than clintons," dom tromp nearly falls off of stage in a blind crustacean rage, black ooze spilling from body
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
debate ends. Audience lead away still thristy for carnage, spilling onto the streets with teeth snapping wildly and eyes rolled back
— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) September 27, 2016
You can see the rest on this Storify.
Tingle’s latest book is Brangelina Splits Apart And Then Pounds Their Own Butt.
And here is the Pledge Week capybara for this post:
I do like “shrieking collection of cosmic horrors barely held together by bloated stolen skin”. That may just be one of the best Internet descriptions of Trump to come out of the entire campaign.
Chuck is incredible and a true genius. His wisdom words are strong power.
https://twitter.com/ChuckTingle/status/781205137805053952