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If you thought Chuck Tingle’s version of the Clinton-Trump debate last night was surreal, well, take a look at what Dilbert creator and wannabe master persuader Scott Adams has to say about it.
Unlike some of Trump’s superfans, Adams is willing to admit that, yeah, Hillary kind of won the debate, at least by normal debate standards.
Clinton won on points. She had more command of the details and the cleaner answers. Trump did a lot of interrupting and he was defensive. If this were a college debate competition, Clinton would be declared the winner.
But Adams thinks this “victory on the 2D chess board” doesn’t really matter, because in his mind, apparently, Trump is playing some kind of 95th Dimensional mashup of Chess, Cribbage, and Hungry Hungry Hippos, or something. And in this game, Trump is the clear winner.
“Clinton won the debate last night,” Adams explains. “And while she was doing it, Trump won the election.”
IS YOUR MIND BLOWN YET
On the off chance that your mind is not, in fact, blown, let’s look at exactly why Adams thinks Trump is the real victor in this game of 95th Dimension Chesscribbippos.
As he sees it, Hillary needed to prove to skeptical Americans (or at least to Dr. Adams) that she’s healthy. And she failed.
Clinton looked (to my eyes) as if she was drugged, tired, sick, or generally unhealthy, even though she was mentally alert and spoke well. But her eyes were telling a different story. She had the look of someone whose doctors had engineered 90 minutes of alertness for her just for the event.
Huh. This is your takeaway from a debate in which Trump sniffled so much that people started to wonder if he wasn’t hopped up on the cocaine?
Some will say Clinton outperformed expectations because she didn’t cough, collapse, or die right on stage.
But that’s not enough for Adams, who raises the serious medical question: Is Hillary’s smile kind of weird?
Clinton’s smile seemed forced, artificial, and frankly creepy. … My neighbor Kristina hypothesized that Botox was making her smile look unnatural. Science tells us that when a person’s mouth smiles, but their eyes don’t match the smile, they look disingenuous if not creepy. Botox on your crow’s feet lines around your eyes can give that effect. But whatever the reason, something looked off to me.
CLEARLY UNQUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT
Trump, by contrast, was the perfect model of health and handsomeness! Well, not entirely.
To be fair, Trump’s physical appearance won’t win him any votes either. But his makeup looked better than I have seen it (no orange), his haircut was as good as it gets for him … .
But Trump didn’t WIN THE ELECTION LAST NIGHT just by being somewhat less orange than usual. He showed what a calm, cool, and collected customer he is.
Trump needed to solve exactly one problem: Look less scary. Trump needed to counter Clinton’s successful branding of him as having a bad temperament to the point of being dangerous to the country. Trump accomplished exactly that…by…losing the debate.
Wait, what?
Trump was defensive, and debated poorly at points, but he did not look crazy.
MASSIVE WIN
And pundits noticed that he intentionally avoided using his strongest attacks regarding Bill Clinton’s scandals.
You actually think he lost the debate … on purpose?
In other words, he showed control. He stayed in the presidential zone under pressure. And in so doing, he solved for his only remaining problem. He looked safer.
As I put it in a tweet to Adams last night (you’ll have to forgive my typo):
Yeah, Trump throwing a tantrum as the same exact moment he was attacking Hillary for having a bad "temperament" was super duper reassuring. https://t.co/RQnRLxd66C
— David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) September 27, 2016
Trump definitely looked presidential, not at all like a giant petulant baby who shouldn’t even be in the same city as the nuclear codes.
BLINKING SARCASM.GIF
The most memorable moments of the first debate: Clinton laughs off Trump’s temperament barb https://t.co/NW6ToTCDFS https://t.co/IR90V9KcLc
— POLITICO (@politico) September 27, 2016
Ladies and gentleman, Donald J. Trump! https://t.co/H9Uy8yzNYZ by @RiosJose559 via @c0nvey
— FLOR DO DESERTO (@FlorDeserto) September 27, 2016
https://twitter.com/peterwsinger/status/780607277938147328
https://twitter.com/CCW000/status/780897508310458368
Oh, wait, that last one isn’t Trump. Hard to tell sometimes.
And here’s the latest Pledge Drive capybara, with a friend:
Viscaria pins it in a paragraph, as always.
Roger, the idea of “let’s try it and see” regarding a President Trump is the most ridiculously reckless thing I’ve read in awhile. That’s not how you science, as EJ said; it’s also not how you weigh in on the future of the 300+ million people living in the USA, not to mention the impact that US foreign policy has on the 7 billion people on this planet.
There’s no mulligans in the real world, Roger. If you give the keys to a tin-pot dictator, we can’t just rewind the clock.
Every reason you’ve given for voting for him is spurious, at best a deflection from the actual reason. He’s not an uncle that says racist shit but is still lovable – he’s a benefactor of nepotism, an amoral oligarchic millionaire with deep ties to hostile foreign powers and absolutely no clue about the world beyond his own selfish desires. Why would you want to give the leadership of the country to that?
Well, I did the Kessel run in under 11 parsecs, better than that other guy, does that count?
Epistemology is not what you’re doing here Roger, and you know it.
Another shower thought, I’m fairly sure I’m thinking of it wrong. A rational is only composed of two parts, whereas a statement is composed of an indefinite number of parts. I can imagine that Cantor’s Diagonal would apply there, making it ℵ(1) and not ℵ(0). My bad!
@ dalillama
Adding ‘mancy’ gives any discipline a nice aura of cool mysticism.
“Why are you fiddling with that plug socket?”
“Electro-mancy”
Technically, “mancy” means you’re using it for divination; that is, to tell the future. That means that looking at the weather forecast is, properly, meteoromancy.
Uh, well, I already knew it’s, like, 3-4 lightyears. I’m not sure…about…uh…the arc stuff about it…like, how much do I need to know to understand the definition? A lightyear is how far light travels in one year and a parsec is, like, 3-4 of them, and parsecs are used in equations and stuff to make the math easier when mapping distances or whatever? That about right?
@Alan
It’s a common English translation of the concept of Feng Shui, although there are other traditions with similar ideas.
@EJ (TOL)
And astrology could equally be called astromancy. In the case of geomancy, one of the things people are typically divining is where an auspicious place to put a building is. (Added note, technically necromancy has nothing to do with animated corpses, but refers to the practice of calling up ghosts to interrogate for information)
@Handsome Jack:
Why is a parsec defined as three and a bit light years? What distance is exactly one parsec?
@Dalillama:
I knew the bit about necromancy, but the rest is new. Thanks! I learn a lot from you!
@ dalillama & EJ
Mancy is the divination thing, but what’s that other similar sounding one that just means General Magic?
@ handsome jack
Hold your finger up in front of you. Then close your eyes one at a time. Your finger will appear to move. Move your finger further forwards and backwards and see how much it appears to move compared to the background. The further ways it is the less it will seem to jump.
Now imagine that you’re looking at a nearby star. Mark where it is against the background stars. If you do the same again six months later when the Earth has moved to the other side of the Sun the star will appear to have moved against the background.
Like your finger, the nearer the star the more it seems to move.
It’s as a result of PARalax, and if the star is three and a bit light years away it will appear to have jumped a distance equal to one SECond of arc.
Something like that anyway. EJ care to step in here and explain it properly?
@Alan
There isn’t one. Everyone’s just taken to using -mancy for that :). I think that much of the blame can be placed on Gary Gygax, Terry Brooks, and IIRC Robert Howard, but it might have been Sprague de Camp.
That would ruin Jack’s penance.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/d0a3a67d05f4c9994b9b9fbf0e3f0fda/tumblr_nbpj9aFkPc1ri5hrko1_500.gif
What the hell is this, the HISTORY of the parsec or the DEFINITION?
I imagine it has to do with angles and gravity and stuff.
19 trillion miles or, like, traveling from Earth to the Sun and then to Mercury. Well, that’s a little more I think but it’s approximately one parsec if I added the distances right, which i probably didn’t considering I had to retake all of my math classes.
Yeah, at an angle and out of my field of vision–my left eye doesn’t work properly. Joke’s on you!
You silly humans and your stereoscopic vision that I have never in my life experienced, your dumb ability to dodge things thrown on your left side, your ability to judge the actual angle people are pointing in–how do you live?
@Jack
The sun is about 8 light minutes from us, so that combination of distances doesn’t equal up. I think what EJ is looking for is not the history or definition but why it’s a useful unit of measurement. Hope that helps. 🙂
Thaumaturgy?
@ POM
Yes!!! That’s the one I was thinking of. Ta
I have a bachelors in Thaumaturgical Studies from Miskatonic University somewhere in storage. I bought it at a con, and the lady who sold it to me signed 4 different signatures on it in 4 different hands, right in front of me. She was clearly qualified to award the degree.
An eye in a triangle is actually a good way of representing it, ironically enough.
Draw a right-angled triangle. Make one side very short. You’ll notice that as you do so, the other sides become almost the same length, and one angle becomes very small. It looks like a sliver.
Imagine a triangle so narrow that the small angle is one-sixtieth of one-sixtieth of one degree. That’s incredibly small. The triangle won’t look much like a triangle: it’ll look like a line which gets slightly wider towards one end.
Draw that triangle. Now label the very short side “the distance between the Earth and the Sun.” That’s an enormous distance, and that’s only the short side of the triangle. The long sides are one parsec long. It is a long distance, but is expressed in terms that (kinda) make sense to humans.
The nearest star to us is 1.3 parsecs away. Compared to that distance, all the planets are almost touching the Sun. We are in a tiny little island surrounded by nothingness, and are so far away from anything else that they would almost certainly not have noticed us, let alone influenced our horoscopes.
This is the difference between an astronomer and an astrologer: a sense of scale.
Meanwhile, I can barely do addition once I run out of fingers. =P
This reminds me a bit of a conversation I had about whether music and language had the same capacity for unique permutation. Essentially, if they had the same cardinality (I think). My thought was that since language can precisely describe music, but not vice-versa, language would have more unique permutations.
Following that line of thought: since language “contains” (has a way to precisely describe) every possible number in every possible set – meaning we can construct at least one unique statement about any conceivable number – and there’s no upper limit to the cardinality of sets, could we then say that the number of possible statements has infinite cardinality?
I guess it would just seem odd to me if something that we can use to describe these incomprehensibly large sets somehow had fewer “items” than the sets themselves. But “seeming odd” has never stopped math before, so. Also this is way interesting but also way out of my depth, so apologies to everyone who understands this math way more than me, and I hope that if I just spouted off a bunch of nonsense it was at least entertaining nonsense.
I found this really fun satire article I want to share with everyone. Except Rodger. I have something else for you. Words!
Fuck off. I will not be your social guinea pig who will live or die on the childish whims of a tiny-handed, orange lizard man who can’t even communicate properly in English what he fucking wants half the time.
And I will also not be your social guinea pig for his anti-LGBT+ running mate who would sooner see my queer ass in “rehabilitation” being mentally and physically tortured by asshole Christians who seem to think I’m “diseased” and need to be “cured” than allow me to live my life.
Fuck you. You don’t even deserve the energy of a gif.
Don’t worry, PI. I got you covered.
@EJ
That’s not a definition but an explanation and those are two different things.
“Let’s try Trump and see what happens.”
Cut to Roger hiding in a fallout shelter with nothing to eat but cockroaches, occasionally fiddling with the old radio hoping desperately for evidence that someone else, anyone else, survived.
Remember, we told you so.
When I left I thought that Rodger’s argument’s couldn’t get any worste. But I was wroing…so so wrong.
I don’t think he’d actually last in the Ace Attorney world. Even the jugde would hear his argument and go “Wait…. no that’s stupid.”
In the article Bina links to Mr. Trump is quoted saying
I rate this as possibly the truest thing he has ever said. He and I, however, have very different interpretations of what this fact means.