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JudgyBitch: Trump won debate because he “spanked Hillary just enough to let her know her place”

Trump: Winning?
Trump: Winning?

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As you bask in the satisfaction that comes from knowing that the unflappable Hillary Clinton decisively defeated the sputtering, sniffing Trump in the debate last night, there are probably not a lot of you who are wondering, “hey, what does that racist Canadian MRA lady who thinks unmarried women shouldn’t be allowed to vote think of what happened?”

But I’m going to tell you anyway: The woman known as Janet Bloomfield and/or JudgyBitch thinks Trump gave the world “a master class in how to fight with a girl.”

Yep. It was a famous victory for the orange-faced tycoon.

“I am going to call this a decisive victory for Trump, but not because of anything he said,” Judgy (real name Andrea Hardie) declared in a blog post today.

Trump won by delivering a master class on how to fight with a woman and win. In general, men can’t win fights with women. If you beat the crap out of her (metaphorically or otherwise), you’re a bully who hates women, and not a real man. If you stand there and take a pummeling from her, you’re a pussy who isn’t a real man anyways. Fighting with a woman is almost always a lose-lose scenario. That’s called male privilege, or something.

Huh. If this were true, wouldn’t female politicians hold pretty much every elected office in the known world?

From the very first moment, Trump signaled his place at the top of the nation’s hierarchy. He didn’t need to do anything other than adorn his suit with a small American flag. For many undecided voters, it was over the moment they noticed Trump had a flag pin, and Hillary didn’t.

Apparently in Judgy’s mind, voters are such unsophisticated rubes that they’ll vote for any piece of crap who adopts even the most superficial trappings of patriotism.

If a tiny little flag pin has such power, imagine how successful you could be in politics if you covered yourself head to toe in the stars and stripes? You know, like future president Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho:

Flags and guns, an unbeatable combination?
Flags and guns, an unbeatable combination?

By contrast, Hillary merely “looked pretty. As pretty as a slightly dumpy, frowny, overweight 60 something woman can look.”

Really?
Really?

As Judgy sees it, the colicy baby who looks like he was spray-tanned by a drunken howler monkey is the epitome of gravitas.

Trump looked Presidential. He looked like the quintessential patriarch. The man who will make the tough choices and accept the consequences. Hillary got turned into a pretty accessory.

A pretty if “slightly dumpy” accessory who needs a SPANKING:

He stood on the debate stage, and let her walk up to him. He’s the alpha, she’s the supplicant. That was perfect. He is very gently laying on a spanking, but only with her consent, and again, that’s exactly how you do it. I’m not an advocate of spanking children ever, but grown women are another story altogether. She may not know she needs it, but she probably does.

Apparently, the fact that The Donald didn’t literally lunge at Hillary like an angry gorilla shows how totally alpha and in control he is. Because “Trump looks like a bully,” Judgy admits,

average people are watching to see if Trump can constrain himself and not lose it and just beat the crap out of her. …

Trump won, because he spanked Hillary just enough to let her know her place, but not so hard he triggered the latent white knight in undecided viewers.

Weirdly, none of the polls conducted in the wake of the debate dealt with the spank factor, not even the bullshit online polls that Trump fans love to spam.

Instead, they asked totally unimportant questions like “do you trust Trump with the nuclear codes” and “do you think Trump is prepared to be president” and “who won the debate.”

In case you’re wondering, most voters said “no,” “no,” and “Hillary.”

And now, the Pledge Drive capybara:

Put a bird on it!
Put a bird on it!
68 Comments
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Morton
8 years ago

Hillary won, but I wouldn’t call it decisive. She got embarrassed on the e-mail server issue.

LindsayIrene
LindsayIrene
8 years ago

Between Milo calling Trump Daddy and Hardie’s spanking fantasies, I’m gonna need more brain bleach.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/68efc993537ac5f81b133eb4b9d86b81/tumblr_o9834czqsC1sutuwgo2_500.gif

Jen
Jen
8 years ago

Redditors and 4chan idiots didn’t manage to spam yougov, CNN, or PPP? o.O I know they took over the other polls to claim Trump won like on Time.

ColeYote
ColeYote
8 years ago

I feel like she wrote that nonsense after only seeing a picture of the debate.

Moggie
Moggie
8 years ago

Kat:

Trump referred to his opponent as Secretary Clinton — and made a big fuss about being so courteous — but she called him Donald. That was harsh but if anyone deserves it, it’s the airhead braggart Donald Trump, the guy who is totally willing to lead my country off a cliff.

Well, what title could she give him, other than mister? Despite being mobbed up, he’s not a made guy, so it would be wrong to address him as capo.

CZ1975
CZ1975
8 years ago

Judgy Bitch—”Trump won, because he spanked Hillary just enough to let her know her place.”

Actually, it was the other way around. Seriously, Trump acted like a cry baby, bully, and heckler by interrupting both Lester Holt and Hillary (55 times according to Time; 25 times within the first 26 minutes according to Vox) with words like “excuse me, excuse me,” “Not!,” “That’s called business, by the way,” “Wrong!,” “No!.” He also had no ability to focus and moved and jumped around nervously.

Hillary on the other hand gave us complete sentences and spoke articulately. She was focused, and not surprisingly, was knowledgeable about the issues. So it was Hillary that did the spanking. She was the adult, and Trump was the child.

AsAboveSoBelow
AsAboveSoBelow
8 years ago

Her hair doesn’t look like a Pomeranian sitting on her head.

A Pomeranian on Trump’s head would be an improvement.

comment image

Donald got his ass handed to him. I’m With Her.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
8 years ago

Hillary won, but I wouldn’t call it decisive. She got embarrassed on the e-mail server issue.

Which debate did you watch again?

Zatar
Zatar
8 years ago

How does his performance even count as Alpha here? I mean the whole alpha thing is really toxic and stupid anyway but the person supposed to at least look in control right? Trump doesn’t look in control, his inability to take control of the conversation like he’s done in other debates makes him look like a weak petulant bully.

Or like Donald Trump in other words.

Weird (not wired) Eddie
Weird (not wired) Eddie
8 years ago

At the end of the debate, Trumpffff was a man and Hillary was a woman. In Bloomfield’s opinion and, I fear, in the opinion of a great number of voters, that makes Cheeto Jeezus the winner.

I believe a huge (YUUGE) number of white men and a smaller but still significant number of white women will vote for him simply because they believe he is the last hope for white cultural dominance.

I just hope those voters aren’t enough.

personalpest
personalpest
8 years ago

I’m not an advocate of spanking children ever,

Amidst all the horror, a faint glimmer of human decency.

Zatar
Zatar
8 years ago

personalpest: The thing is though that its a super weird stand to take in comparison to everything else she says and does. Like I’m totally against spanking children to but I’m even more against everything else she says in that sentence.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Trump looked Presidential. He looked like the quintessential patriarch. The man who will make the tough choices and accept the consequences.

Authoritarians are so weird. I don’t want my elected leaders to be stand ins for my daddy. I want them to be competent, I want them to share my values, and I want them to govern based on the best available information and expertise as well as the will of their constituents.

All these MRAs who tell us that feminists just want “Big Daddy Government” to take care of us in lieu of a husband, should perhaps turn their attention to Trump supporters, who actually want a stern father figure to take over government and make everything okay for them again.

personalpest
personalpest
8 years ago

@ Zatar: I agree with you 100%, and that’s why I wrote the post. With all the hateful things Andrea Hardie has said and done, it’s really weird (and gratifying) that there’s at least one issue where she’s in favor of compassion.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
8 years ago

Re: Trump’s Pomeranian hair.

Would it be reasonable to assume that with grey/white hair, he would look like he’s wearing a Pomsky (Pomeranian Husky mix) on his head?

http://www.thepomeranianhusky.com/wp-content/gallery-bank/gallery-uploads/o_19oevirg71sq81a4e1iivosvvvvp.jpg

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

I need a pomsky to be snuggling me now please.

vox
vox
8 years ago

Slightly OT, perhaps, but Trump mentioned in the debate that not paying anything in federal taxes made him “smart.” Isn’t that kind of like saying that everyone who did pay taxes is dumb? I haven’t heard anyone mention it anywhere, but it just kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

Also, I don’t think that’s a pom on his head, but a hunk of dessicated capybara hide. Shame. Shame.

itsabeast
itsabeast
8 years ago

Trump is wearing so much makeup in that still, he looks like CGI. He’s an actual cartoon character.

HawkAtreides
HawkAtreides
8 years ago

I want to know why JB felt the need to plagiarize the famous* political fanfiction “50 Shades of Orange”.

* – I just made it up

Bina
8 years ago

From the very first moment, Trump signaled his place at the top of the nation’s hierarchy. He didn’t need to do anything other than adorn his suit with a small American flag. For many undecided voters, it was over the moment they noticed Trump had a flag pin, and Hillary didn’t.

Virtue Signalling: not just for essjews only!

Trump won, because he spanked Hillary just enough to let her know her place, but not so hard he triggered the latent white knight in undecided viewers.

O RLY? Meanwhile, the internetz be like:

http://mol-images.s3.amazonaws.com/i/newpix/2016/09/27/08/38D4C63F00000578-0-image-m-16_1474962439849.jpg

EJ (The Orphic Lizard)

I’m terrified of dogs but still, I need that pomsky. For reasons.

Snowberry
Snowberry
8 years ago

Having never heard of them, I tried looking up pomskies. It seems that they vary greatly in appearance, and some of the adults look kind of like oversized fox kits with husky coloration.

occasional reader
occasional reader
8 years ago

Hello.

> Celly
Arf, that is harsh. We had something close to that in France, with the rapper Orelsan. Our justice seems to say it is ok to sing about doing violence on women, because “artistic license”.
So, doing shows that promote hate is not ok (good), but singing how you want to beat your woman with a lot of details is ok (er, what ?).

Art and justice, two weights, two measures.

Have a nice day.

rugbyyogi
8 years ago

I’m really not a dog person, but those pomskies… wow!

Not that i would have one, it’s not really suitable for my lifestyle. My son asked me for a dog again and I said – well, you have to be old enough to come over to my house and walk the dog even when it’s your dad’s day if I’m not working at home.

He says: “I don’t think I really want a dog.”

Yep.

Kootiepatra
8 years ago

@rugbyyogi, I feel the same way as your son does about dogs.

I really like dogs. Specifically, I really like other people’s dogs. They’re delightful, and I get to play with them, but they don’t live at my house. :3