There’s been a bit of excitement amongst the Flat Earthers over the past couple of days, as word spread that none other than Donald J. Trump had come out publicly as a Flat Earther, telling an Associated Press reporter that:
I fly a lot, and I mean a lot. No one flies more than me. Listen, I own a jet. I own a 757, beautiful plane, it’s the best plane! If the world were round, believe me, I would know!
Flat Earthers around the globe reacted with excitement to Trump’s apparent endorsement of their peculiar theory — forwarding the story to fellow Flat Earth conspiracy theories, posting comments on Flat Earth sites happily welcoming Trump into the fold. Internet-famous Flat Earth Youtuber Mark Sargent posted a video reporting the, er, “news” as if it were something that might have actually happened.
Responding to Sargent’s video on flatearthscience.org, one Flat Earther allowed himself to dream:
One year ago today, I learned about FE. What an October Surprise this could be. It seems likely to me, that he will have to address it. Trump has said that he will reveal the truth about 911, when he is elected. There is a lot of Truth in FE and ME. A wise man such as he, should be able to see it as easily as we do. A Globalist Trump is not, it would be a nice one year anniversary present to me, from the Goddess herself, if he was to call himself a Flat Earther. The Truth is very Powerful and will certainly set us Free as we were promised.
But despite being gullible enough to literally believe we live on a flat disc with a little snowglobe over it, that the moon and sun are basically big ceiling lamps, and that gravity is a hoax, many Flat Earthers thought the Trump news sounded a bit fishy.
“Wouldn’t that be something!” one commenter on flatearthscience.org declared. “But it sounds too good to be true.”
Another thought the “news story” in question was an attempt to make Flat Earthers look bad –by linking them to Trump:
This is to attach Flat Earthers to Trump (who says wildly outlandish things) … seems more like a discredit.
As it turned out, the obviously fake story had originated on an obviously fake news site crudely impersonating CNN and featuring only two other “news” stories in its archives, one of them headlined “World’s Biggest Starbucks Opening In Phoenix AZ [featuring] Roller Coaster, Underground Water Slide & Robot Baristas,” and written by a fellow who says his name is “Jimmy Rustling.”
The site’s “About” section, at the bottom of each page, makes a reference to “Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin” and encourages anyone with complaints to call a phone number that turns out to be the number of the Westboro Baptist Church.
So, yeah, fake story is fake.
But I am happy to report that the whole embarrassing spectacle did at least inspire a couple of crappy Trump-centric Flat Earth memes. I found these on Whotfetw.com, my go-to site for crappy Flat Earth memes.
But it’s not just political memes the Flat Earthers have trouble with. They do a pretty terrible job with cat memes, too.
In conclusion, this is the weirdest damn election year I’ve ever lived through.
Shermer could be good on scientific methodology and still be an awful person.
(I find the revelations about him frustrating because I found Why People Believe Weird Things to be quite a good book, and his essay on Ayn Rand still essential reading for just how warped Objectivism could get.)
I’ve been bedridden for a few days thanks to my evil bad back and marathoning Star Trek: Voyager to stop myself going mad with boredom. There’s an episode where ex-Borg Seven Of Nine downloads the entire Voyager database into her mind one night, but can’t process it all like she could back when she was a drone and well goes off the rails somewhat spouting mutually contradictory conspiracy theories so initially convincing she actually briefly suckers in Janeway and Chakotay. Her paranoid rantings and the final theory she has which boils down to “It’s all about ME” are textbook stuff and I do wonder if information overload and the inability to filter are what might be causing the uptick in conspiracy theories we see now.
@Moggie
Yeah, I wonder if there’s a link between two things which are exactly the same thing. :p
Look, the solution is simple. It’s “M.E.”, off The Pleasure Principle by Gary Numan. You know, the Basement Jaxx sampled it for “Where’s Your Head At?” Just because they believe in a flat earth doesn’t mean they automatically have bad taste in music.
To be fair, not *all* flat earthers believe the world is a flat disc with a snow globe top suspended in space. Some Flat earthers believe this disc-dome system is continually accelerating upwards (and that the sun, moon, and stars, if they exist, are also accelerating upwards at the same rate, which is why their positions don’t appear to change) and it’s this constant upward acceleration which gives Earth a downward force of gravity.
What I’m trying to say is Flat Earthers have learned basic physics in an attempt to refute Galileo.
@Schnookums
A bit late to the party, but…
@ David Futrelle
I concur, and I am clearly not alone.
In the beginning, CNN had difficulty filling those 24 hours every day, and so once it ran a live interview with a Flat Earther because, well, at least that was ten minutes filled. The FEer apparently decided that he would try to win people over not with logic but with confidence–i.e., make the viewers think “There must be something to his ideas if he is so certain about them.” He thus took the stance that there was no need for him to defend or even explain his positions, as everyone who mattered already accepted them as obviously true. When the interviewer presented arguments against the theory, he merely shook his head and expressed astonishment that there was still anyone who did not know that all of that had been disproved long ago. His basic stance could be described as “If you do not believe in the flat Earth, you are too stupid to be worth bothering with.”
This seemed very odd to me at the time. Now, of course, I see that approach used on the Internet all the time, and not only when the shape of the planet is under discussion. Mostly this can be found in comments sections, but it is also standard in anything Scott Adams writes.
There was a nice quote on a news programme here last night (apologies if it’s not original):
@Alan
I don’t know what the specifics would be, but “…its last ever president” indicates that whatever they are is BAD.
My absentee ballot should be here mid-October, and I shall be voting for Hillary. Afterwards I will be performing various rites and rituals from various religious/spiritual belief systems in hopes of ensuring that Hillary wins. Can’t hurt.
OK, so a flat earther is an F.E., what is an M.E.?
And since there is an evangelical demographic that is flat earther because of something in the Bible, wouldn’t it make more sense to link Pence to this story than Trump.
I see an opportunity just waiting to be exploited.
Please, please, please tell me that Fappy the Anti-masurbation dolphin is a real thing!
If it isn’t, someone needs to make it one. Now!
“No cat is stupid enough to believe they live on a spinning ball”
“…’cuz if it was a spinning ball, we would be playing with it!!”
I do think ME stands for Motionless Earth.
‘Cause crank magnetism.
First debate tonight, and my fingernails are ragged. I don’t know how I’m going to make it to November.
@Falconer
I avoid the debates like the plague, personally. It reduces my stress levels, blood pressure, and desire to throw things at the candidates until they shut up. Also, there is basically zero possibility that anything will be said there, by either candidate, that will actually convey any new information about them or their policies, so I really don’t see the point in watching.
I’m planning to check it out, just to see if there’s any entertainment value to it.
Trump said at one point that he wanted to debate very badly. Let’s see if he actually does… debate very badly.
I’m watching the debate for the sake of love tweeting and finding shit the media won’t comment on but is alarming.
I hope I did the absentee ballot thing right. I think I wrote the wrong address.
@Dalillama
I watch the debates for secondary information, i.e. I don’t expect to learn anything about the policies or personalities of the candidates, but I can learn what the campaigns have decided that their candidates should do and say. I like knowing what the campaigns believe to be a winning strategy.
@IP
That still leaves my first reason, which is that I have yet to come across a politician who I can listen to for 30 seconds or more without wanting to do whatever is necessary, up to and including the use of high explosives, to not have to hear it anymore.
I might make the Trump lies bingo cards into a drinking game. It will have to be sips of wine and not shots though. I have to work tomorrow. Plus, I want to live.
So, I scienced that cat meme, and here are my results.
When I asked Pixel if the Earth is flat or round, she responded with “Murrrrr!”, followed by a headbonk.
When I asked Phantom if the Earth if flat or round, she looked at me, then up at where I keep the treats, then back at me. She repeated this twice more, and since I wasn’t actively going for the treats, Phantom decided to wander off to somewhere that I wouldn’t interrupt her precious naptime for unimportant (read as: non-treat-related) reasons.
So, that’s two ambiguous responses, which means that the Flat Earth theory is automatically correct.
I’m going to use this new, revolutionary, 100% accurate method of science, which I’m calling the Felinterrogatory Process™, to answer several other burning questions of today. Soda or pop? Vi or Emacs? How much wood WOULD a woodchuck chuck?
Nobel Prize, here I come!
It’s both hilarious and sad that they can’t see that linking them to Trump is an attempt to discredit Trump, not them.
Fappy is real!!!
Follow Fappy on FB!
https://www.facebook.com/fappythedolphin
The flat earthers think TRUMP says “wildly outlandish things”? Have they ever listened to THEMSELVES??? They would have to gain some functioning brain cells to improve to merely “wildly outlandish”.