So cargo shorts, a staple of casual menswear since the 1990s, are going out of style like, well, they’re going out of style.
The anti-cargo shorts backlash, many years in the making, kicked into high gear after the Wall Street Journal reported last month that increasing numbers of women have started resorting to drastic tactics to stop the dudes in their lives from wearing these new fashion no-nos. One man told the WSJ that his wife had secretly disposed of more than a dozen pairs of his over the years; another only wears them around the house when his wife is away, in what has become an act of “disobedien[ce] in my marriage.”
Within a few days the media was filled with denunciations of the (really quite comfortable) shorts. “Dear Men, Please Stop Wearing Cargo Shorts,” Buzzfeed urged, while Business Insider declared that cargo shorts are “the single worst item a man can wear in the summer.”
Really? Worse than these?
Now some Men Going Their Own Way have adopted the shorts as a way to stick it to women.
“I think of cargo shorts as a form of protest now,” a MGTOW called Tyler_Gatsby declared in a recent post on the MGTOW subreddit.
I wear them with pride. And with all that dick moving room, it almost feels like it’s flipping them off sometimes.
While it was news to many in Mr. Gatsby’s audience that a lot of people really hate cargo shorts, other Reddit MGTOWs reported that they too were wearing the shorts as an act of defiance against giant-pocket-hating feminazi gynocrats, or something.
“From now on, rebrand them as ‘Tactical Shorts,'” one commenter suggested. “It will piss off the Special Snoflakes to no end….”
Another reported that he’d been wearing the hell out of cargo shorts as soon as he discovered that a lot of women hate them.
I wore all mine until they fell apart, and wore them even more often once the fashion police took aim at them. Now I can’t buy any new ones these things were literally purged from existence by manginas and women.
Others went even further. Several confessed their love for “the ones with the zipped trousers – trousers and shorts in one!” And one bold fellow suggested escalating the protest:
Let’s take it a step further: denim cargo shorts.
The horror.
As for why women hate cargo shorts, most Reddit MGTOWs seem to agree it’s because women don’t like anything that is useful. And because the lustful ladies like staring at men’s butts.
“It does come down to something fundamental between men and women,” wrote someone calling themselves feedmecarrots.
Men love cargo shorts because they are functional. Women hate them because they do not enhance a man’s form.
Pfthewall lamented the evil hypocrisy of these butt-loving women:
You mean women get pissed when it is difficult for them to ogle men, all the while they complain about men ogling them?
Linux_Guy91, meanwhile, let loose with an angry rant centered abound his need to store phone chargers on his person.
Any chick who disses cargo shorts is ignorant as f*ck. I’ve had stares in the past from girls who would bug out when their phone was low on battery but didn’t have a charger on them because they couldn’t carry it in their tight pockets or wrist purse thing. My phone gets low, I pull out my charger and i’m good.
And these pocket-laden shorts come in especially handy when riding roller coasters.
Not to mention they’re awesome for when you don’t want to keep your wallet in your back pocket or if they have zipper pockets perfect for storing stuff if you like roller coasters. Functional > fashionable.
Duly noted.
In all my years of wearing cargo shorts, I think I’ve made use of the big pockets like once.
I still haven’t given my cargo shorts up, but I think I’ll have to now that they’ve gotten themselves drenched in the stench of MGTOW.
NOTE: Just FYI, the dudes in the top photo don’t have anything to do with the MGTOW subreddit post; the pic has been floating around the internet forever and seemed apropos
Thank God, I always thought I was the only one who didn’t like cargo shorts. I feel a little less alone in this bleak and dreary world.
@ buttercup
I love her version of “There’s no business like show business”
Am I weird if this is literally the first person I thought of:
I love my cargo shorts.
Probably because I’m a 90s throwback, rather than a fruitcake determined to make an unintentionally hilarious stand against the non-existent system of oppression put in place by women, which is intended to emasculate me at every turn.
My missus still hates them, though…
😀
@Alan – Her live shows stank, though.
@ buttercup
Badoom-tish! 🙂
Did you know they actually use the gas as an alarm system in noisy environments?
Ah yes, the evil feminist conspiracy against cargo shorts. Damn those feminists for constantly dictating what people ought to wear so it makes their boners happy!
Oh, wait.
I don’t wear shorts if I can help it, but I do love me some pockets. Unfortunately, most pants for women rely on the assumption that their wearer will simply have a handbag to store all her stuff in.
And ‘women hate all things practical’? Dude, bras are the ultimate practical thing. At one point, the things I stored in there (for lack of adequate pockets) included my cellphone, my I-Pod touch, my keys, my earphones, a small notepad, a bunch of loose pages, my work schedule for the next week, two pens and a lighter.
Great party trick. Like one of those clown cars except with boobs.
Good to see you back, Anarchonist.
The Plains of Misandria needs to be a fantasy series.
Is TB really not a comedian? I thought they were a comedian 🙁
That little sequence of posts of subtly increasing risibility would have been a pretty neat trick, if they were being funny on purpose.
Oh well.
(seriously, not knowing this poster’s history I initially thought they must be a returning former regular with a really deadpan sense of humour, cara de piedra and all that. Alas for the humourist they could have been, I suppose.)
Wait, wait, wait…these guys are complaining about their clothing choices being limited by a societal standard of beauty at the expense of practicality? Why yes, I’m sure that’s a feminist plot, no way women have ever had to suffer through that…
But I need my cargo shorts for functionality!
Where else am I going to stick my keys, phone and wallet when I’m walking around in the summer time? I sure don’t want to have to carry a back-pack or satchel everywhere I go.
Not putting them in my back pocket, because I don’t want to kill my phone when I sit down and forget it’s there. I’m paranoid that the bulge of my wallet is also a tempting offering to would-be thieves on the crowded streets.
Not putting them in front pocket because it’s slightly uncomfortable and that ugly bulge looks worse than any big cargo short pocket. Also, sometimes those pockets are too shallow…and again, paranoia.
Now I need to read up on why there’s so much cargo short backlash. It better not boil down to “eww, they’re not stylish/classy/suave” or some BS because I’m way too old to care. I’m also not giving up my convenience, comfort and piece of mind for someone else’s subjective fashion tastes!
Dang it, now I’m going to have to get rid of my cargo shorts as well . . .. And I never used the big pockets, either.
The pockets on my work uniform tees don’t button shut, and I sure as hell don’t want my phone falling out while I’m cleaning a toilet or dumping trash.
@Alan – Hopefully they only use it in nonsmoking environments…
I used to love getting those natural gas scratch ‘n’ sniff cards in the mail. The poor post office workers who had to deliver those things, though.
Yes, you’re valiant defenders of safe utilitarian fashion. If job interviewers won’t allow you to dress like you’re attending a Pantera concert, then you don’t want their oppressive mangina jobs anyway.
Sheesh. Next they’ll be waving the bloody Crocs.
Bleh. I like my cargo shorts due partly to the large pockets – I use any pocket that’s not on the caboose since those are uncomfortable to sit on, haha, but if it’s being adopted as a uniform by these asshats I guess I should find a different kind of shorts with the same range of motion and just store more stuff in my rucksack… Annoying for things like keys, but whatever I suppose.
@ buttercup
Ooh, I never got one. If I accidentally blow the house up I can sue.
I remember the King Kurt single ‘Banana Banana’ had a scratch and sniff cover (for younger readers, singles was what we had before illegal downloads). The relevant scratchy bit was on the lead singer’s crotch.
(Luckily it just smelt of bananas)
Still this would explain why I had some trouble finding some earlier this year – clearly it’s a plot by the womz. 😮
Phyllis’s hypocrisy was required. The men’s rights movement talks about alpha males a lot; yet by clear logical exposition, it becomes clear that The simulacra of civilization needs alpha females to maintain a perspicacious level of control over other women. And bigotry is a human right; I am not a racist but as a feminist I must respect Phyllis’s choice to be one. You are all going to fall victim to the thought police at one point or another, so you should be grateful that I will respect your choices.
Phyllis died on September 5, 2016. Wolfgang Mozart died exactly 224 years and 9 months before that, on December 25, 1791. 2+2+4 = 8 and 8*9 = 72. 72 is an important number in banking calculations etc. Thus Mozart reveals that he was leaving the freemasons and returning to the Catholic Church when he died.
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/072011/1311246801_cute_baby_sloth_yawns.gif
@Alan – ooh, a scented fucking single! (literally)
When I was eight I got into my mom’s collection of essential oils and tried to make my own scratch ‘n’ sniff storybook. It worked, sort of, except all the oils clashed with each other and within a week or so all the fragrance had evaporated, leaving behind greasy splotches on the page. I didn’t know about the microbubble technology.
Obliviate…
Rancorous…
Nevertheless…
Extemporaneous…
Sociodemographic….
Committeewomanship…
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch…
This is fun 😀
Regarding cargo shorts, as long as someone’s clothes aren’t filthy and smelly I usually don’t even notice what they are wearing. Why should I care what someone else wears?
@TB — According to Wikipedia, Mozart died on December 5, 1791. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that December 25 was a typo. But how do you know you shouldn’t be figuring 2*2*4=16 and 16+9=25?
Wait, maybe I don’t want to know.
@Thomas Beckett
Are you… are you seriously doing this right now ? Are you trolling yourself ? Is this an elaborate joke ?
WTF IS GOIN ON FOLKZ.
OK, TB’s a comedian.