So cargo shorts, a staple of casual menswear since the 1990s, are going out of style like, well, they’re going out of style.
The anti-cargo shorts backlash, many years in the making, kicked into high gear after the Wall Street Journal reported last month that increasing numbers of women have started resorting to drastic tactics to stop the dudes in their lives from wearing these new fashion no-nos. One man told the WSJ that his wife had secretly disposed of more than a dozen pairs of his over the years; another only wears them around the house when his wife is away, in what has become an act of “disobedien[ce] in my marriage.”
Within a few days the media was filled with denunciations of the (really quite comfortable) shorts. “Dear Men, Please Stop Wearing Cargo Shorts,” Buzzfeed urged, while Business Insider declared that cargo shorts are “the single worst item a man can wear in the summer.”
Really? Worse than these?
Now some Men Going Their Own Way have adopted the shorts as a way to stick it to women.
“I think of cargo shorts as a form of protest now,” a MGTOW called Tyler_Gatsby declared in a recent post on the MGTOW subreddit.
I wear them with pride. And with all that dick moving room, it almost feels like it’s flipping them off sometimes.
While it was news to many in Mr. Gatsby’s audience that a lot of people really hate cargo shorts, other Reddit MGTOWs reported that they too were wearing the shorts as an act of defiance against giant-pocket-hating feminazi gynocrats, or something.
“From now on, rebrand them as ‘Tactical Shorts,'” one commenter suggested. “It will piss off the Special Snoflakes to no end….”
Another reported that he’d been wearing the hell out of cargo shorts as soon as he discovered that a lot of women hate them.
I wore all mine until they fell apart, and wore them even more often once the fashion police took aim at them. Now I can’t buy any new ones these things were literally purged from existence by manginas and women.
Others went even further. Several confessed their love for “the ones with the zipped trousers – trousers and shorts in one!” And one bold fellow suggested escalating the protest:
Let’s take it a step further: denim cargo shorts.
The horror.
As for why women hate cargo shorts, most Reddit MGTOWs seem to agree it’s because women don’t like anything that is useful. And because the lustful ladies like staring at men’s butts.
“It does come down to something fundamental between men and women,” wrote someone calling themselves feedmecarrots.
Men love cargo shorts because they are functional. Women hate them because they do not enhance a man’s form.
Pfthewall lamented the evil hypocrisy of these butt-loving women:
You mean women get pissed when it is difficult for them to ogle men, all the while they complain about men ogling them?
Linux_Guy91, meanwhile, let loose with an angry rant centered abound his need to store phone chargers on his person.
Any chick who disses cargo shorts is ignorant as f*ck. I’ve had stares in the past from girls who would bug out when their phone was low on battery but didn’t have a charger on them because they couldn’t carry it in their tight pockets or wrist purse thing. My phone gets low, I pull out my charger and i’m good.
And these pocket-laden shorts come in especially handy when riding roller coasters.
Not to mention they’re awesome for when you don’t want to keep your wallet in your back pocket or if they have zipper pockets perfect for storing stuff if you like roller coasters. Functional > fashionable.
Duly noted.
In all my years of wearing cargo shorts, I think I’ve made use of the big pockets like once.
I still haven’t given my cargo shorts up, but I think I’ll have to now that they’ve gotten themselves drenched in the stench of MGTOW.
NOTE: Just FYI, the dudes in the top photo don’t have anything to do with the MGTOW subreddit post; the pic has been floating around the internet forever and seemed apropos
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xvkrGfGBj9g/UVdmGDQCQII/AAAAAAAAAKk/7e2YM0Qhkfo/s1600/Cat+and+Question+Mark.gif
Are cargo shorts the new fedora?
@Handsome Jack:
I’m sorry…I wish it were just a hoax (like it was last year). All the hugs if you want them
@Ali: Bring back the FUNCTIONAL fanny pack, too!!
Good news, those do seem to be coming back
@Thomas Beckett
Okay, I was going to joke that you should put down the thesaurus but I copied and pasted what you said and saw you misspelled several words and figured you have a vague idea what those words mean and have no idea how to spell them.
I mean, I don’t mind spelling and grammar mistakes, but you could do less of them if you didn’t pretend to be a pretension douche.
Also, aren’t you that dude that called themsleves Thomas Hobbes or something and was really, really boring because they were obviously a troll pretending to be a conspiracy theorist? You write the same way. If you are, go away, you’re boring me already.
If you need me, I’ll be writing fanfiction about certain fictional old men hanging out in Stonewall which I’ll likely never finish. Excuse me.
My favourite trousers are ‘cargo pants’ (I still call them ‘combats’ (despite them being neither OG or DPM) I dunno if that’s a UK thing or coz I was in Air Cadets when I was a kid)
@Thomas Beckett
I’m not massive on Mother Theresa; she didn’t use her ample funding to provide better conditions in her hospices and apparently had some weird notion about suffering levelling up her dying patients before they went.
My boyfriend wears cargo shorts pretty much all the time, even on mild winter days. Personally, I think they’re cute. I will note, however, that they do end above the knee.
My boyfriend’s reaction to this article?
“I go my own way. But I’m not an asshole.”
Shenanigans happened to my web browser and I posted twice.
Shenanigans, can’t live with them, can’t live without them, amiright?
My goodness, but the mendacious trolls are positively swarming the past few days. Anyone have any citronella candles?
Mr. Beckett,
You came here to make yourself feel superior to others by way of insulting them and their thoughts. The very picture of an out-of-touch ideologue with nothing to support his beliefs but cynicism and hubris.
Try having a conversation instead! Far more humble, and far more rewarding.
“Indubatibly and definitively, Phyllis was a great lady who quite reasonably may have been put forward as Queen of the United states in a just world where the Catholic Church took its rightful place as center of all government. Indeed many solypsystic actions are taken against women who commit thoughtcrimes against the new progressive order. By feminist logic, we conservative men must defend them against discrimination.”
1. Please use spellcheck. That’s ‘indubitably’ and ‘solipsistic’.
2. Why in the world would the United States, an historically Protestant-majority republic, place the Catholic Church at the center of our government?
3. I think you’re using ‘solipsistic’ incorrectly.
4. Phyllis was not exactly tossed into a dungeon for her thoughtcrimes. She made a lengthy career out of them. So I’m not sure exactly what discrimination you’re imagining protecting her from.
Also, I have no feelings about cargo shorts.
Shenanigan
doo doooo do do do
Shenanigan
doo do do do
Shenanigan
doo doooo do do do,
do do do
do dodododo doot doot do do do
Does anyone actually have a thing about cargo shorts? I know I don’t. It’s not like I think they’re hot, so I can see how you might not wear them if you’re dressing to impress, but for casual wear, why not? Typical internet outrage. 😛
@Thomas Beckett
Ooh, you misspelled “solipsistic” (pertaining to the theory that one’s own existence is all that is real or can be known; also extreme egocentrism) in a very solipsistic way.
Clever!
Say, is Thomas Beckett actually Sedentary Reactionary not bothering with spell check?
What’s next — British spelling?
Anyway, Phyllis was a hindrance to humanity. And now she’s gone.
Gene Wilder was secretly and surreptitiously a proponent of Catholic monarchy. Willie Wonka symbolizes the Pope, who teaches valuable lessons to those in his charge. Gilda Radner agreed with him and encouraged him to be more public about it.
Duh! You’re not telling us anything new.
We Hunted the Mammoth has at least one article a year about this.
I admire Sedentary Reactionary but it appears he is not Catholic. Thus I hereby and heretofore challenge him to come out and debate on the following topics; the inherent supremacy of the true church of God, the justice of the Jacobite cause in the line of British succession, and the proper explanation for the assassinations of John Kennedy, John Lennon, and Princess Diana.
Oh gods. Jack is right. He is that dumbass Hobbes troll.
Are the trolls going to duel? Man, I missed the medieval fair and haven’t seen a good jousting match in a while.
Is he just working his way through the famous Thomases? I suppose it’ll be Aquinas next, then Hiddleston, Cruise, the Myspace guy, and the Tank Engine.
I think you mean ydyosincratyc.
I have heard people complain about cargo shorts in the same way they would about socks and sandals.
It’s kind of hilarious to me that they want to call their own perfectly normal articles of clothing “tactical” in the same sentence as accusing other people of being “special snowflakes.”
@lindsayIrene
Hmmm….that makes sense – I think you may have stumbled onto something there.
@David Futrelle
Say whaaaaa? Oh fickle fashion!
I didn’t know cargo shorts were on the way out – I think they’re awesome. From my personal hetero female gaze perspective #notallmen have good rears, but almost all men from 20+ up to the age of 60 or so have good calves. Which is why the kilt is also sexy.
What’s not to love?
@Thomas Beckett
Your idea of who should be in charge in a “just world” is a tad disturbing.
Now, who will rid us of this turbulent priest?
[Alas, there is no YT clip of Brian Blessed where he talks about the two drunk knights fresh from the crusades…]