So cargo shorts, a staple of casual menswear since the 1990s, are going out of style like, well, they’re going out of style.
The anti-cargo shorts backlash, many years in the making, kicked into high gear after the Wall Street Journal reported last month that increasing numbers of women have started resorting to drastic tactics to stop the dudes in their lives from wearing these new fashion no-nos. One man told the WSJ that his wife had secretly disposed of more than a dozen pairs of his over the years; another only wears them around the house when his wife is away, in what has become an act of “disobedien[ce] in my marriage.”
Within a few days the media was filled with denunciations of the (really quite comfortable) shorts. “Dear Men, Please Stop Wearing Cargo Shorts,” Buzzfeed urged, while Business Insider declared that cargo shorts are “the single worst item a man can wear in the summer.”
Really? Worse than these?
Now some Men Going Their Own Way have adopted the shorts as a way to stick it to women.
“I think of cargo shorts as a form of protest now,” a MGTOW called Tyler_Gatsby declared in a recent post on the MGTOW subreddit.
I wear them with pride. And with all that dick moving room, it almost feels like it’s flipping them off sometimes.
While it was news to many in Mr. Gatsby’s audience that a lot of people really hate cargo shorts, other Reddit MGTOWs reported that they too were wearing the shorts as an act of defiance against giant-pocket-hating feminazi gynocrats, or something.
“From now on, rebrand them as ‘Tactical Shorts,'” one commenter suggested. “It will piss off the Special Snoflakes to no end….”
Another reported that he’d been wearing the hell out of cargo shorts as soon as he discovered that a lot of women hate them.
I wore all mine until they fell apart, and wore them even more often once the fashion police took aim at them. Now I can’t buy any new ones these things were literally purged from existence by manginas and women.
Others went even further. Several confessed their love for “the ones with the zipped trousers – trousers and shorts in one!” And one bold fellow suggested escalating the protest:
Let’s take it a step further: denim cargo shorts.
The horror.
As for why women hate cargo shorts, most Reddit MGTOWs seem to agree it’s because women don’t like anything that is useful. And because the lustful ladies like staring at men’s butts.
“It does come down to something fundamental between men and women,” wrote someone calling themselves feedmecarrots.
Men love cargo shorts because they are functional. Women hate them because they do not enhance a man’s form.
Pfthewall lamented the evil hypocrisy of these butt-loving women:
You mean women get pissed when it is difficult for them to ogle men, all the while they complain about men ogling them?
Linux_Guy91, meanwhile, let loose with an angry rant centered abound his need to store phone chargers on his person.
Any chick who disses cargo shorts is ignorant as f*ck. I’ve had stares in the past from girls who would bug out when their phone was low on battery but didn’t have a charger on them because they couldn’t carry it in their tight pockets or wrist purse thing. My phone gets low, I pull out my charger and i’m good.
And these pocket-laden shorts come in especially handy when riding roller coasters.
Not to mention they’re awesome for when you don’t want to keep your wallet in your back pocket or if they have zipper pockets perfect for storing stuff if you like roller coasters. Functional > fashionable.
Duly noted.
In all my years of wearing cargo shorts, I think I’ve made use of the big pockets like once.
I still haven’t given my cargo shorts up, but I think I’ll have to now that they’ve gotten themselves drenched in the stench of MGTOW.
NOTE: Just FYI, the dudes in the top photo don’t have anything to do with the MGTOW subreddit post; the pic has been floating around the internet forever and seemed apropos
Apparently the word hasn’t gotten around that women’s clothing often doesn’t have functional pockets. Either there are no pockets at all or the pockets are simply decorative and unable to hold anything.
I’ve never understood why people carry their wallets in their back pocket. I’m a front pocket guy.
I like cargo shorts and cargo pants. Guess I’m not a woman, then. *rolls eyes*
Re cargo shorts – my partner loves wearing them and and I honestly don’t care. He doesn’t tell me what to wear and I don’t tell him what to wear. Wait… if he tried to wear double-denim, we might have to have harsh words.
Re Phyllis Schlafly – one less narrow-minded, hard-line, hard-hearted Republican conservative in the world working to make other folks miserable? I consider that a win for humanity. Don’t rest in peace, Ms Schlafly.
Oh, I agree that it’s always frustrating when the media starts shaming people for their fashion choices. Why they think there’s some kind of feminist fiat against cargo shorts rather than a simple collection of gossipy media types doing what they do and making fun of acceptable targets. Of course, it just makes it worse when these kinds of douchbags jump on it like this and ruin it for the rest of us. Like trilbies. I love my trilby; my wife bought it for me because I look hot in it (allegedly). I certainly won’t stop wearing it, but it annoys me to know that Internet douchebags have besmirched the reputation of trilby-wearers everywhere. Can’t even get the name of the accessory right, either.
Cargo pants and cargo shorts are cool. Cut-off BDUs are cooler. Or is that hotter? I dunno, but I like them.
I confess, my purse/bag generally has everything but the kitchen sink or another human being in it. I’ve tried to cut back on the stuff I carry around in it, even attempted to force that by getting smaller sized bags…haven’t succeeded. At least I’m the only one who has to carry the thing?
I find cargo shorts/pants unflattering on me, therefore I do not wear them. The mister might own a couple pairs and as long as he likes wearing them I’m ok with that.
‘The cargo pockets are too far down on the leg and that makes accessing them cumbersome, especially when moving.’
A friend explained to me that that pocket location comes from military pilots; you can reach the pockets while squashed into a small cockpit. Said friend drives a Morgan, and wears cargo pants for that same reason.
Cargo shorts are hideous because most men walk around in them with the giant, loose pockets hanging empty and sloppy and the pocket flaps all bent and rumpled. And changing the name to ‘tactical shorts’ doesn’t change the reality that very few guys use them to cart around tactical gear! But the same can be said for any shorts that look unkempt. Most straight women prefer a man’s clothing to be clean and neat, and cargo shorts can be both of those things.
Oh, and if your wallet is thicker than two inches, you shouldn’t be wearing it in your pants unless you’re also wearing a jacket that covers your ass, otherwise you end up with a butt tumor. The front thigh wallet tumor in tight pants is also weird.
I have a pair of both cargo pants and cargo shorts, and I use them for weekend-wear. They’re actually pretty handy for storing spare Cliff-bars in for when I’m wandering around town.
However, if the MGTOWs succeed in identifying with them, I’ll have to ditch my favorite relaxation wear.
Thanks, MGTOWs. Will you guys please go your own way and stop ruining things for everyone else? Please?
However, I’m already married, and the only person who gets a vote on my appearance on my off-time is my wife. She doesn’t care. End of story.
Oh, and I’m pretty sure that the lack of usable pockets in ‘fashionable’ women’s wear is a not-subtle form of misogyny designed to make women feel they have to be dependent on either a handbag or another person in order to be attractive. It’s really quite twisted, if you think about it.
You should definitely do a post about Phyllis Schlafley. On the other hand, I’m not sure how you can justify doing so as you are a feminist and Phyllis was a woman of public repute who deserves respect for her choices.
@Thomas Beckett
I have no idea who this woman was, but feminists believe that women should be held up for criticism for their actions just like men are. Just because someone is a woman doesn’t mean feminists give her a pass.
POCKETS FOR EVERYBODY!!!
@Tommy Boy
Justification: a thing happened
Problem sorted
@kupo
In short, the worst
@Axe
Just read the cliffs notes version on Wikipedia. Yup, the worst. Not sure which version of “respect” TB was going for there, but I’m going to hope it was the basic respect for fellow human kind.
Wasn’t there some PUA blogger who suggested keeping an assortment of phone chargers on hand so that women could no longer use “low phone battery” as a ruse to deep-six an evening with one of these delightful would-be alphas?
Re: Phyllis Schafly–I wish I could say I was sad, but I still had the “Ding Dong the witch is dead” feeling. I just wish this was a trade-off, she dies and we get Prince or Alan Rickman or Gene Wilder back.
@joekster: Hmmm…now that I think about it, you might be right. I’m still sticking to my practical large-pocketed clothing and/or a bag. Thankfully clothes can be nice-looking *and* comfortable *and* practical–there seems to be an increase in those kinds of clothing for women.
Dangnab it! What happened to my “s”? I somehow turned into a Skullpant (singular) and got stuck in moderation.
(My ancestral surname was Skullcargoshorts, but the feminazis purged it from existence)
@kupo
This is my favorite part.
Like, what? What?
And, then, like:
http://i588.photobucket.com/albums/ss328/LoLane87/Glee%20Gifs%202/SantanaWhy.gif
Thanks for reminding me Gene Wilder’s dead.
Thomas,
Never fear. David has already done a post about her.
https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2014/04/16/phyllis-schlafly-channels-the-manosphere-with-a-column-about-female-hypergamy/
Since feminism doesn’t actually mean that we must agree with every woman no matter what, I don’t see why we should respect her opinions though. With her campaigning against the ERA and abortion rights, she’s done a lot to hurt women. Definitely not a feminist.
Bring back the FUNCTIONAL fanny pack, too!!
Fashion has a way of turning on itself after a period of… a while. Mullets were fairly functional – “business in the front, party in the back” – but now beards and faux mo’s have taken over. Functional fanny packs are also faux pas. ‘Tis what ’tis.
It’s not specialized man-oppression that men are getting their functional cargo shorts taken from them by conscientious significant others… or men risk wearing them and being derided. Women know this “can’t win” situation better than men do (imho) — and I speak for myself when I say that I don’t care if a man wants to wear cargo shorts! I just will wonder why he hasn’t evolved to the equally as functional man purse! Those things are sharp! A nice cross body bag is much preferred to hold all your extra stuff.
My 80 yo father likes his fisherman’s vest (aka photographer’s vest) for holding all his goodies, and at his age no one cares. If men want to make photog vests a Fashion Do, I would support that. In the meantime, the unisex bags are quite nice.
I wonder why a man wouldn’t just choose a BAG as an accoutrement to hold all their stuff…….. ?? Why must it be “cargo shorts or bust?”
Indubatibly and definitively, Phyllis was a great lady who quite reasonably may have been put forward as Queen of the United states in a just world where the Catholic Church took its rightful place as center of all government. Indeed many solypsystic actions are taken against women who commit thoughtcrimes against the new progressive order. By feminist logic, we conservative men must defend them against discrimination.
I bet you all despise and denigrate Mother Theresa as well.
Thomas really thinks this blog never criticizes women? What is Andrea Hardie, a chupacabra?
Oh, and Schlafly supported the death penalty for kids. It’s claimed that she died of cancer, but I think she was slain by Sam and Dean Winchester.