Brace yourself, fellas, because Return of Kings is about to blast you with THE TRUTH about those gigantic peens you find everywhere in porn — the TRUTH being that porn penises tend to be larger than the average penis in the real world.
I know this may come as a shock, but unlike most of what appears in Return of Kings, this particular assertion is true. The average erect penis, regular RoK contributor “Bob Smith” informs his readers, is roughly 5.2 inches long, according to some scientific study, whereas the average penis in porn is, well, quite a bit larger than that, according to pretty much every porn clip involving penises that’s out there. I mean, you’ve watched porn, right?
Why so big? Bob Smith thinks he knows: it’s all about making dudes, especially white dudes, “feel like your own equipment is the genital equivalent of sporting a sub-100 IQ.”
After innumerable breathless paragraphs attempting to prove that most porn schlongs are not only larger than average but also fake — nothing more than cleverly designed prosthetics — Smith asks why the porn industry is so obsessed with size.
It couldn’t possibly be that male porn consumers tend to prefer big dicks in the porn they watch, for assorted psychological reasons I don’t completely understand.
Nah, it has to be a CONSPIRACY against the white man.
Now, why would the porn moguls want to do things this way. Well, I can think of one main reason – for purposes of psychological warfare.
The uber-rich own everything, porn-production companies included. And we already know they use mainstream Hollywood films to fuck with your head. And if they can get inside your head, and make you feel bad about yourself, while you watch porn movies, they win again. …
If most men believed that their equipment was substandard, well, that would definitely have a negative psychological effect on them and white men in particular, who always seem to come out second-best in today’s porn films.
Smith does allow that your average black dude might also feel a bit bad after watching all those BBC’s in porn, “because the average black man isn’t packing anything close to what the black porn actors appear to be packing.”
Porn’s big peens also make straight women feel sad in their pants, Smith suggests.
So women go looking for those gigantic porn phalluses out in the real word, because most young females today are raised on Internet porn as well as the Bunyanesque tales regarding massive penis sizes, told to them by their exaggerating girlfriends, and then they can’t find them. So they feel like they are not getting the very biggest and the very best that the world has to offer, and consequently, they feel unsatisfied.
After busting porn’s big dingle conspiracy wide open, Smith turns his attention to those scenes in which female porn stars squirt like Buckingham Fountain — concluding, as you might expect, that these scenes are also faker than fake. This actually seems like a fairly plausible thesis.
So is this a plot to make your average non-squirting real woman feel bad about herself? Smith does acknowledge that seeing female squirters in porn might make some vagina owners feel frustrated and “inadequate.”
But the real target? Dudes. Women need to have someone to take out their assorted sexual frustrations on, you see, and, well, you guessed it:
That would be us. That would be men. Psychological warfare.
What did you do in the war, daddy?
I watched a lot of porn, son. I watched a lot of porn.
JessicaRed:
I wonder whether one could make porn for libertarians, featuring the invisible hand-job of the market?
They could call it “The Trickle-Down Effect”
Or maybe “Human Action“
Not one of my partners has ever so much as commented, much less complained, about my own dimensions. And since I tend to favour pretty outspoken women with lots of sexual experience, I conclude from this that they’re perfectly happy.
And at least two have told me about having sex with someone who was too big for comfortable intercourse – as kupo says above, all that does is bash and even bruise the cervix. If size matters at all, the impression I get is that thickness is very much favoured over length.
Mainstream porn, straight or gay, caters to men far more than it caters to women. These characteristics exist because the target audience wants them to.
Ninja’d by JessicaRed.
I’m sure there’s already dozens called that for a particular fetish.
“The Trickle-Down Effect” Is that a euphemism for Golden Shower?
Alternatively, a series aimed at a Marxist audience, showing workers seizing control of the means of reproduction.
https://youtu.be/Vowm7Hn3ozo?t=14s
Out of curiosity, what’s the venn diagram look like between:
* Dudes who think that women only care about massive cocks and talk about them all the time without valuing men
and
* Dudes who only care about huge breasts and talk about them all the time (‘I’m a breast man’) without valuing women?
Three is too small and seven is too big, as a general rule. Anything between is generally okay, though it varies a little between one partner and the next.
Exception: those masochists who like getting rammed in the back of the cervix or colon generally prefer 7-9. They’re not very common, though. I guess there are also those who have a fetish for porn-ish physical separation who would also likely prefer that range? Most people who try that find it disappointing though.
Above 9 and it usually doesn’t work very well, and would be awkward to use even if it did work, making it more of a visual stimulation than a usable sex tool.
And how many hours of porn did he view before reaching this conclusion? Was he taking notes?
This is one of those things I probably don’t want to know, but can’t help asking.
@The Thousand Cock Stare
You know the answer. You know the answer…
Handsome “Punkle Stan” Jack:
Hrrm I have issues with saying mainstream porn is “obviously what most people want.” There are a lot of problems with mainstream porn and the industry does a lot of shaping expectations. It’s not simply a reflection of the audience’s desires.
Going indie is good advice though.
For some reason I found that so hilarious that I had to quote it.
I really wish the “bigger is better” thing would just stop. Pretty please.
Thinking the size of your penis determines how adequate you are at sex is not only completely fucking wrong, it’s also detrimental to all parties involved in said sex.
For one, the most obvious reason for that is that, hey, guys, trust me, sex isn’t only about what you do with your dick. Did you know that your body is made up of, like, a lot of other things that can also be used for sex ? Think about it for a second. Your whole body. Y’know I’ve actually had a lot of sex where my penis wasn’t involved at all ? But well, it’s not like people who only care about their boner might understand that.
Point is : larger doesn’t mean you suck less if you’re gonna have sex the way Roosh says you should. Actually, it’s even gonna make it worse for your partner – but you don’t care, do you ? Which brings the second point :
While women may or may not have individual preferences on the matter, just like with everything else (but again, it’s not like RoK cares about what women may want, huh), as a general rule, the main thing that larger does is that it hurts more. I can say with certainty that whoever started the whole “it’s more pleasurable” meme wasn’t a woman. That’s the thing with sensitive body parts – obviously they’re good for sex, since they’re sensitive, but it also means they can only take so much stress before it gets painful.
Oh hey RoK, by the way you can totally trust me on that, since I’m a man and I learned those things in women’s bed – ain’t that what you pride yourselves on being all about ?
But then again, from people who actually encourage men to hurt women and only care about their own boners, I really shouldn’t be surprised at the kind of shit they spew.
Mainstream porn seems a lot like those obnoxious internet warriors *cough*-trolls…grotesque displays intended to see how far things can be pushed with new extremes that none of the participants seem to be enjoying but are there doing it anyway…
Porn used to be people having regular PIV and oral, then anal, then gangbangs, fisting…if it weren’t illegal there’d probably be more human and non-human species out there…But nobody really seems to be having fun since things started going up “extreme porn mountain road”.
Do they even know who casts and produces porn? Who the industry has always been marketed and catered to? If big dicks make them feel inadequate then maybe they shouldn’t demand to see giant cocks in their porn?
Hello.
Walter !
…
Sorry, just jocking.
> Moggie
That is “the Dong of Wank Street” for you.
Anyway, as Joeb said, if the main goal is obviously to stick to the physical fantasy, the other point is that make things easier to film. And same thing for the “positions”. The goal is not to have positions that are pleasant for the actors (especially not the women), but positions which can allow easier close-up filming.
As sound is part of the stimulation, it is also pretty faked. And in the case of Japanese porn (ask Brian), it can come to a point that it is pretty disturbing (in my opinion) with the opposite effect of the intended goal (this also happens in non japanese porn, though).
But this is strange, because i was thinking that “Alphas” at RoK did not watch porn, them having all the women they want, being alphas. I just hope they do not break some of their bone with the “cunning crane sleeping under the mighty moon” position or the like.
Have a nice day.
Porn does create unrealistic expectations about how long it takes for someone to come round to mend a boiler.
This being the topic at hand, it’s likely unnecessary. Safe than sorry:
Oversharing Ahead
Pornography featuring smaller than average penes is rather tougher to come by. Unless you’re into the whole humiliation thing. Then there’s plenty. And the good stuff is utterly magnificent, but it’s not for everyone
So those who are insecure are generally stuck with either ‘Hulk Smash Cervix’ or ‘Microscopic Loser Gets Pity Fuck, Now Laugh’. The former will probably just make things worse for em. The latter might be a reprieve, but not always in a healthy way (feel superior to someone even smaller). Then there’s those who are insecure, cos they feel they’re too large. A vagina can pop out a human baby, it can probably fit you with proper communication, preparation, and, most importantly, your partner’s enthusiasm
And all of this is wrapped up in the idea that sex is necessarily, aggressively penetrative and that ‘real’ men get all the tang. Whole thing’s a crapshoot, and, tho I managed to get over my own phallic anxieties (save the rare, mild flare up), a ton of people never will. And they’ll write bitter, conspiracist screeds about it on RoK. A smaller penis doesn’t make you a loser, half cocked (puns) antifeminism does
Many of my favourite sex positions would be rejected by most porn producers because “you can’t see anything”.
Take my word for this, RoK readers, Mammotheers — a soft-hearted collection of people — are lying to you. I’m the one Mamotheer who respects you enough to tell you the truth.
I’ve had a lot of sex. Lots and lots.
Those guys in porn? They’re smaller than average. Significantly.
And the expression Size doesn’t matter? Oh please. It’s all that matters.
The one thing the RoK poster got right is that we women discuss penis size all the time. We’re obsessed with it. We’re all looking for a way to one-up other women. That’s just how we roll.
Trust me on this one, guys. Would I steer you wrong?
Kurt Vonnegut makes reference in one of his books to an alien plot whereby the aliens arrange for a popular cereal brand to carry a series of trivia facts on their packaging. One of the facts is a grossly exaggerated ‘average’ penis size. Then, once everyone is suitably demoralised, they just invade without resistance.
Well, now we know what Dr. Manhattan did after the end of “Watchmen”.
Hey! It’s one of the largest cities in central Minnesota!*
*Actual Wikipedia quote. My mother, who lives there, finds this hilarious.
[moar oversharing on top of Axe’s (puns)]
I’m starting to see a pattern there by the way.
No but seriously, do you have any idea what kinda hell my teenage years were ? It takes more than communication, preparation and enthusiasm when you’re both 14, not to mention the inherent clumsiness at that age.
ETA : @Wetherby
The first time I laid eyes on porn, I already had some experience with sex, and it had so little to do with what I knew that I thought I was weird and liked weird positions.