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Porn’s huge dingles are a form of “psychological warfare” against men, Return of Kings insists

The hot dog is a lie!
The hot dog is a lie!

Brace yourself, fellas, because Return of Kings is about to blast you with THE TRUTH about those gigantic peens you find everywhere in porn — the TRUTH being that porn penises tend to be larger than the average penis in the real world.

I know this may come as a shock, but unlike most of what appears in Return of Kings, this particular assertion is true. The average erect penis, regular RoK contributor “Bob Smith” informs his readers, is roughly 5.2 inches long, according to some scientific study, whereas the average penis in porn is, well, quite a bit larger than that, according to pretty much every porn clip involving penises that’s out there. I mean, you’ve watched porn, right?

Why so big? Bob Smith thinks he knows: it’s all about making dudes, especially white dudes, “feel like your own equipment is the genital equivalent of sporting a sub-100 IQ.”

After innumerable breathless paragraphs attempting to prove that most porn schlongs are not only larger than average but also fake — nothing more than cleverly designed prosthetics — Smith asks why the porn industry is so obsessed with size.

It couldn’t possibly be that male porn consumers tend to prefer big dicks in the porn they watch, for assorted psychological reasons I don’t completely understand.

Nah, it has to be a CONSPIRACY against the white man.

Now, why would the porn moguls want to do things this way. Well, I can think of one main reason – for purposes of psychological warfare.

The uber-rich own everything, porn-production companies included. And we already know they use mainstream Hollywood films to fuck with your head. And if they can get inside your head, and make you feel bad about yourself, while you watch porn movies, they win again. …

If most men believed that their equipment was substandard, well, that would definitely have a negative psychological effect on them and white men in particular, who always seem to come out second-best in today’s porn films.

Smith does allow that your average black dude might also feel a bit bad after watching all those BBC’s in porn, “because the average black man isn’t packing anything close to what the black porn actors appear to be packing.”

Porn’s big peens also make straight women feel sad in their pants, Smith suggests.

So women go looking for those gigantic porn phalluses out in the real word, because most young females today are raised on Internet porn as well as the Bunyanesque tales regarding massive penis sizes, told to them by their exaggerating girlfriends, and then they can’t find them. So they feel like they are not getting the very biggest and the very best that the world has to offer, and consequently, they feel unsatisfied.

After busting porn’s big dingle conspiracy wide open, Smith turns his attention to those scenes in which female porn stars squirt like Buckingham Fountain — concluding, as you might expect, that these scenes are also faker than fake. This actually seems like a fairly plausible thesis.

So is this a plot to make your average non-squirting real woman feel bad about herself? Smith does acknowledge that seeing female squirters in porn might make some vagina owners feel frustrated and “inadequate.”

But the real target? Dudes. Women need to have someone to take out their assorted sexual frustrations on, you see, and, well, you guessed it:

That would be us. That would be men. Psychological warfare.

What did you do in the war, daddy?

I watched a lot of porn, son. I watched a lot of porn. 

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JSun
JSun
4 years ago

He’s also not technically not wrong about the psychological aspect either. It’s not warfare designed specifically to make men feel inadequate though. It’s designed to take money from mens wallets. Both by having them buy big schlong porn and then buy schlong-increasers later on. Making them feel inadequate was a means to an end for the porn and schlong-extender industry.
i can’t believe how close he was on that front either. He just barely missed the point.
and it’s not like he was on the wrong track either. He just derailed before the station and decided the trees he hit must have been the point all along.

Tessa
Tessa
4 years ago

How do you want to bet this same guy has mocked or dismissed feminists talking about unrealistic body expectations for women from magazines and media in general?

JSun
JSun
4 years ago

How do you want to bet this same guy has mocked or dismissed feminists talking about unrealistic body expectations for women from magazines and media in general?

Sorry, I don’t take obvious losing bets.

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
4 years ago

Yeah, ’cause the porn industry totally caters to women.

Misogyny in porn? Who cares? What matters is dicks. Porn makes them feel good but fails to flatter the average man’s.

Oh woe, oh conspiracy of darkness.

Robyn Blanpied
Robyn Blanpied
4 years ago

Oh, how I miss the 1970s.
Porn stars have big dicks because women demanded them.
Average was not on our fantasy list.
We were expecting porn. Excess. Wild and crazy.
We understood that the actors were gross cartoons. The pathetic scripted openings (pizza delivery!) We’re a cue not to take them too seriously.
Before AIDS,there was a time when we had sex for fun. No guilt. We owned our bodies in ways I hadn’t seen since. Miley Cyrus not withstanding.
My grandmother was a flapper.

brian
brian
4 years ago

but, i mean, there’s a cultural bent to it as well, obviously, right? check out some japanese porn. aside from a lot of differences, both minor and major, one of the things that I think is obvious is the average porn dick size: e.g. they aren’t, as far as I’ve noticed (not haven’t done anything close to a scientific study, or anything), anything like as unreasonably large as the typical porn dick in western videos.
exactly why this is, or what differences there might be in other cultures as well, i don’t know, but this kind of limited scope seems silly. in this day and age you can find porn from all over the world without too much effort.

MexicanHotChocolate
MexicanHotChocolate
4 years ago

Is this clod not familiar with the concept of “average”? If the average penis is 5.2 inches, then by definition some men are bound to be larger and some are also *gasp* smaller. Since mainstream porn is about male power fantasies as much as it as about sex and a penis is symbol of masculine power, then obviously porn producers are going to hire the guys with the bigger dicks. It’s no more a conspiracy than superhero comics depicting men with huge muscles; it’s the economics of selling men a power fantasy.

Scildfreja Unnýðnes
Scildfreja Unnýðnes
4 years ago

Aaaand MexicanHotChocolate gets it in one.

(Can you hook me up with some of that Mexican hot chocolate? That sounds like it would be amaaaazing)

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

I dated a guy with a lot of self-esteem issues. It was heartbreaking because a lot of it came from how his parents treated him growing up. But he also, due to those same shit parents, learned everything about sex from porn, and he refused to believe me that his size had no effect on my enjoyment. I wish this longer is better myth would go away because not only is it wrong, for people with sensitive cervixes, longer can be much worse.

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
4 years ago

TLDR – watching porn makes me feel bad but damn it if I’ll stop watching.

Ellie
Ellie
4 years ago

What’s frustrating is that he’s basically admitting that media representations can set oppressive standards and that lack of representation doesn’t feel good…but you can bet he won’t make the next logical step.

David
4 years ago

Oh, god, he is SO CLOSE to having that revelation that unrealistic body image goal harm everyone – that this is the very same thing that he and his lot are forcing on to women daily – but you just know he’s going to sail an inch past the target and on into infinity.

Blackrising
Blackrising
4 years ago

If the dude didn’t insist on wallowing in his imaginary victimhood, he’d actually be on to something here.
The expectations raised by porn are indeed unrealistic. It’s unrealistic to expect all women to have the perfect gloss magazine cover bodies seen in porn and it’s unrealistic to expect all men to have dongs the size of their forearms.
Because porn is, most often, directed at straight men. The male actor is the vessel the viewer is supposed to mentally transfer himself into – thus, big dicks – while the female actor is supposed to represent what the viewer wants but most likely can’t have – thus, pretty, thin and willing to do whatever her male partner wants her to do.
If porn had started minding not just their male but their female viewership a few decades ago, I suspect we’d have a very different kind than what exists now. (Because I do believe that porn influences both men AND women when it comes to how they view themselves and the opposite gender. And as long as this isn’t talked about more, it will lead to a cycle in which we are damned to repeat the mistakes of those that came before us.)

Then again, feminism has been talking about body shaming for years and of course MRAs don’t give a shit until it’s about how porn makes their boners feel inferior.

Bakunin
Bakunin
4 years ago

@ Scildfreya

Mexican hot chocolate really is excellent. It’s got some cinnamon and other spices in it. The recipe isn’t terribly difficult either.

Bina
4 years ago

Meanwhile, here’s what porn is doing to some women. Conspiracy? You be the judge…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oFDuN0QlfE

Yeah, surprise, Return of Peasants: You’re not the only ones with porn-induced genital insecurities (to add to the fact that women find your douchey personalities repulsive, and therefore aren’t gonna be jumping on your dicks no matter what size they might be).

There, now. Don’t you feel better?

JoeB
JoeB
4 years ago

I’ve also heard some in the porn industry say bigger is better for practical reasons, more separation of the bodies possible = easier to film what’s going on.

epitome of incomprehensibility

So women go looking for those gigantic porn phalluses out in the real word, because most young females today are raised on Internet porn…

Wait a second. “Most young females” are “raised” on Internet porn? OK, I’m sure he didn’t mean little girls are shown porn by their parents/guardians, but the phrasing is awkward at best. Moving on…

…as well as the Bunyanesque tales regarding massive penis sizes

Bunyanesque? As in Paul Bunyan? What I remember of those stories is things not only being giant but also blue – Bunyan had a huge blue ox, he had to deal with blue snow, etc. – so I got a weird mental picture of a lumberjack with a bright blue penis. Which amused me slightly, so… thank you, RoK?

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
4 years ago

@Tessa

How do you want to bet this same guy has mocked or dismissed feminists talking about unrealistic body expectations for women from magazines and media in general?

You silly. “Unrealistic body expectations” afflict girls. Manly he-men are beset by psychological warfare.

They’re totally different things. Like Diet Coke and Coke Zero.

“Psychological warfare” sounds so much more cartoony serious.

Viscaria
Viscaria
4 years ago

Can’t roll my eyes any more after reading that. MAXIMUM EYE ROLL REACHED.

To any men out there who feel bad about their bodies because of the size of their penises relative to those that they’ve seen in porn, I’m really sorry that you feel that way. Please know that penis size is probably way less important to your would-be partners than it is built up to be. Your dick isn’t what makes you attractive, and it isn’t what makes you a man. But please, please don’t look to the Bob Smiths of the world to feel better about yourself. They’re only going to fuck with your head even further.

Also, hi everyone. Went to Vegas on Wednesday and immediately lost my phone, like the poised and accomplished traveller I am. Just got my backup device running today.

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

Everyone already pointed this out, but no demographic expects their partners to look and act like porn characters more than straight dudes, so yeah.

Isn’t Bob Smith the one who did that post about the HB10 cancer chick who fucks dogs and says all women do?

Bunyanesque? As in Paul Bunyan?

Brainerd, Minnesota is misandry!

Lea
Lea
4 years ago

I love it when they confuse “things I once imagined women do while I was feeling insecure and paranoid” with actual women and the things we actually do.

He thinks we just sit around bragging about giant cocks like we’re fishermen telling tales to impress one another. Because Thats a thing that impresses other women, right?

We really want to know all about the cocks other women have had. Usually, we immeadiately greet each other by announcing the size and quantity of cocks we’ve had. I mean, you have to establish status asap when it comes to bragging about peen. Yup. That is such a real thing penis liking ladies do.

I’m doing it now.

*headdesk*

Ooglyboggles
4 years ago

Penis envy intensifies.

Handsome "Punkle Stan" Jack

Like, there’s a lot of porn out there I mean, it’s the internet, you can find anything, just watch some other type of porn. They’re complaining about mainstream porn problems, it’s obviously what most people want, so, like, go indie. Stop watching it and find something else to wax on, wax off to. Obviously you aren’t getting off to it if you’re so concerned about the size of your junk than getting off, just saying.

JessicaRed
JessicaRed
4 years ago

Maybe they just need to search for small penis porn? I’m sure it’s out there. But as an artist who makes porn for mostly straight male customers, I have to say more people request bigger secondary sex characteristics than the alternative (I try to keep things plausibly-sized, but some have complained about that).

Aren’t these guys all libertarians who think the invisible hand of the market fixes everything? Surely if they only pay for porn featuring realist-dicks and not for giant forearm-dicks, the market will respond to the pressure, no?

If they’re not paying for their porn (and in my experience, no one who thinks they’re better than everyone else does), they have no right to complain. At that point, they’re just looking a gift horse in the dick.

Moggie
Moggie
4 years ago

JessicaRed:

Aren’t these guys all libertarians who think the invisible hand of the market fixes everything? Surely if they only pay for porn featuring realist-dicks and not for giant forearm-dicks, the market will respond to the pressure, no?

I wonder whether one could make porn for libertarians, featuring the invisible hand-job of the market?

FoxKit
FoxKit
4 years ago

I wonder whether one could make porn for libertarians, featuring the invisible hand-job of the market?

They could call it “The Trickle-Down Effect
Or maybe “Human Action

Wetherby
Wetherby
4 years ago

To any men out there who feel bad about their bodies because of the size of their penises relative to those that they’ve seen in porn, I’m really sorry that you feel that way. Please know that penis size is probably way less important to your would-be partners than it is built up to be. Your dick isn’t what makes you attractive, and it isn’t what makes you a man.

Not one of my partners has ever so much as commented, much less complained, about my own dimensions. And since I tend to favour pretty outspoken women with lots of sexual experience, I conclude from this that they’re perfectly happy.

And at least two have told me about having sex with someone who was too big for comfortable intercourse – as kupo says above, all that does is bash and even bruise the cervix. If size matters at all, the impression I get is that thickness is very much favoured over length.

Peregrine
Peregrine
4 years ago

Mainstream porn, straight or gay, caters to men far more than it caters to women. These characteristics exist because the target audience wants them to.

Peregrine
Peregrine
4 years ago

Ninja’d by JessicaRed.

Handsome "Punkle Stan" Jack

They could call it “The Trickle-Down Effect”

I’m sure there’s already dozens called that for a particular fetish.

Ooglyboggles
4 years ago

“The Trickle-Down Effect” Is that a euphemism for Golden Shower?

Diptych
Diptych
4 years ago

I wonder whether one could make porn for libertarians, featuring the invisible hand-job of the market?

Alternatively, a series aimed at a Marxist audience, showing workers seizing control of the means of reproduction.

Handsome "Punkle Stan" Jack

“The Trickle-Down Effect” Is that a euphemism for Golden Shower?

comment image

Alternatively, a series aimed at a Marxist audience, showing workers seizing control of the means of reproduction.

https://youtu.be/Vowm7Hn3ozo?t=14s

Steampunked
Steampunked
4 years ago

Out of curiosity, what’s the venn diagram look like between:

* Dudes who think that women only care about massive cocks and talk about them all the time without valuing men

and

* Dudes who only care about huge breasts and talk about them all the time (‘I’m a breast man’) without valuing women?

Snowberry
Snowberry
4 years ago

Three is too small and seven is too big, as a general rule. Anything between is generally okay, though it varies a little between one partner and the next.

Exception: those masochists who like getting rammed in the back of the cervix or colon generally prefer 7-9. They’re not very common, though. I guess there are also those who have a fetish for porn-ish physical separation who would also likely prefer that range? Most people who try that find it disappointing though.

Above 9 and it usually doesn’t work very well, and would be awkward to use even if it did work, making it more of a visual stimulation than a usable sex tool.

FoxKit
FoxKit
4 years ago

Out of curiosity, what’s the venn diagram look like between:

* Dudes who think that women only care about massive cocks and talk about them all the time without valuing men

and

* Dudes who only care about huge breasts and talk about them all the time (‘I’m a breast man’) without valuing women?

comment image

The Thousand Cock Stare
The Thousand Cock Stare
4 years ago

And how many hours of porn did he view before reaching this conclusion? Was he taking notes?

This is one of those things I probably don’t want to know, but can’t help asking.

Handsome "Punkle Stan" Jack

@The Thousand Cock Stare

You know the answer. You know the answer…

Tessa
Tessa
4 years ago

Handsome “Punkle Stan” Jack:

Like, there’s a lot of porn out there I mean, it’s the internet, you can find anything, just watch some other type of porn. They’re complaining about mainstream porn problems, it’s obviously what most people want, so, like, go indie. Stop watching it and find something else to wax on, wax off to. Obviously you aren’t getting off to it if you’re so concerned about the size of your junk than getting off, just saying.

Hrrm I have issues with saying mainstream porn is “obviously what most people want.” There are a lot of problems with mainstream porn and the industry does a lot of shaping expectations. It’s not simply a reflection of the audience’s desires.

Going indie is good advice though.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
4 years ago

they’re just looking a gift horse in the dick

For some reason I found that so hilarious that I had to quote it.

I really wish the “bigger is better” thing would just stop. Pretty please.

Thinking the size of your penis determines how adequate you are at sex is not only completely fucking wrong, it’s also detrimental to all parties involved in said sex.

For one, the most obvious reason for that is that, hey, guys, trust me, sex isn’t only about what you do with your dick. Did you know that your body is made up of, like, a lot of other things that can also be used for sex ? Think about it for a second. Your whole body. Y’know I’ve actually had a lot of sex where my penis wasn’t involved at all ? But well, it’s not like people who only care about their boner might understand that.

Point is : larger doesn’t mean you suck less if you’re gonna have sex the way Roosh says you should. Actually, it’s even gonna make it worse for your partner – but you don’t care, do you ? Which brings the second point :

While women may or may not have individual preferences on the matter, just like with everything else (but again, it’s not like RoK cares about what women may want, huh), as a general rule, the main thing that larger does is that it hurts more. I can say with certainty that whoever started the whole “it’s more pleasurable” meme wasn’t a woman. That’s the thing with sensitive body parts – obviously they’re good for sex, since they’re sensitive, but it also means they can only take so much stress before it gets painful.

Oh hey RoK, by the way you can totally trust me on that, since I’m a man and I learned those things in women’s bed – ain’t that what you pride yourselves on being all about ?

But then again, from people who actually encourage men to hurt women and only care about their own boners, I really shouldn’t be surprised at the kind of shit they spew.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
4 years ago

Mainstream porn seems a lot like those obnoxious internet warriors *cough*-trolls…grotesque displays intended to see how far things can be pushed with new extremes that none of the participants seem to be enjoying but are there doing it anyway…

Porn used to be people having regular PIV and oral, then anal, then gangbangs, fisting…if it weren’t illegal there’d probably be more human and non-human species out there…But nobody really seems to be having fun since things started going up “extreme porn mountain road”.

Do they even know who casts and produces porn? Who the industry has always been marketed and catered to? If big dicks make them feel inadequate then maybe they shouldn’t demand to see giant cocks in their porn?

occasional reader
occasional reader
4 years ago

Hello.

Walter !

Sorry, just jocking.

> Moggie

I wonder whether one could make porn for libertarians, featuring the invisible hand-job of the market?

That is “the Dong of Wank Street” for you.

Anyway, as Joeb said, if the main goal is obviously to stick to the physical fantasy, the other point is that make things easier to film. And same thing for the “positions”. The goal is not to have positions that are pleasant for the actors (especially not the women), but positions which can allow easier close-up filming.
As sound is part of the stimulation, it is also pretty faked. And in the case of Japanese porn (ask Brian), it can come to a point that it is pretty disturbing (in my opinion) with the opposite effect of the intended goal (this also happens in non japanese porn, though).

But this is strange, because i was thinking that “Alphas” at RoK did not watch porn, them having all the women they want, being alphas. I just hope they do not break some of their bone with the “cunning crane sleeping under the mighty moon” position or the like.

Have a nice day.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

Porn does create unrealistic expectations about how long it takes for someone to come round to mend a boiler.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

This being the topic at hand, it’s likely unnecessary. Safe than sorry:
Oversharing Ahead
Pornography featuring smaller than average penes is rather tougher to come by. Unless you’re into the whole humiliation thing. Then there’s plenty. And the good stuff is utterly magnificent, but it’s not for everyone

So those who are insecure are generally stuck with either ‘Hulk Smash Cervix’ or ‘Microscopic Loser Gets Pity Fuck, Now Laugh’. The former will probably just make things worse for em. The latter might be a reprieve, but not always in a healthy way (feel superior to someone even smaller). Then there’s those who are insecure, cos they feel they’re too large. A vagina can pop out a human baby, it can probably fit you with proper communication, preparation, and, most importantly, your partner’s enthusiasm

And all of this is wrapped up in the idea that sex is necessarily, aggressively penetrative and that ‘real’ men get all the tang. Whole thing’s a crapshoot, and, tho I managed to get over my own phallic anxieties (save the rare, mild flare up), a ton of people never will. And they’ll write bitter, conspiracist screeds about it on RoK. A smaller penis doesn’t make you a loser, half cocked (puns) antifeminism does

Wetherby
Wetherby
4 years ago

Anyway, as Joeb said, if the main goal is obviously to stick to the physical fantasy, the other point is that make things easier to film. And same thing for the “positions”. The goal is not to have positions that are pleasant for the actors (especially not the women), but positions which can allow easier close-up filming.

Many of my favourite sex positions would be rejected by most porn producers because “you can’t see anything”.

Kat
Kat
4 years ago

Take my word for this, RoK readers, Mammotheers — a soft-hearted collection of people — are lying to you. I’m the one Mamotheer who respects you enough to tell you the truth.

I’ve had a lot of sex. Lots and lots.

Those guys in porn? They’re smaller than average. Significantly.

And the expression Size doesn’t matter? Oh please. It’s all that matters.

The one thing the RoK poster got right is that we women discuss penis size all the time. We’re obsessed with it. We’re all looking for a way to one-up other women. That’s just how we roll.

Trust me on this one, guys. Would I steer you wrong?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

Kurt Vonnegut makes reference in one of his books to an alien plot whereby the aliens arrange for a popular cereal brand to carry a series of trivia facts on their packaging. One of the facts is a grossly exaggerated ‘average’ penis size. Then, once everyone is suitably demoralised, they just invade without resistance.

Ledasmom
Ledasmom
4 years ago

Bunyanesque? As in Paul Bunyan? What I remember of those stories is things not only being giant but also blue – Bunyan had a huge blue ox, he had to deal with blue snow, etc. – so I got a weird mental picture of a lumberjack with a bright blue penis. Which amused me slightly, so… thank you, RoK?

Well, now we know what Dr. Manhattan did after the end of “Watchmen”.

Brainerd, Minnesota is misandry!

Hey! It’s one of the largest cities in central Minnesota!*

*Actual Wikipedia quote. My mother, who lives there, finds this hilarious.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
4 years ago

[moar oversharing on top of Axe’s (puns)]

I’m starting to see a pattern there by the way.

Then there’s those who are insecure, cos they feel they’re too large. A vagina can pop out a human baby, it can probably fit you with proper communication, preparation, and, most importantly, your partner’s enthusiasm

No but seriously, do you have any idea what kinda hell my teenage years were ? It takes more than communication, preparation and enthusiasm when you’re both 14, not to mention the inherent clumsiness at that age.

ETA : @Wetherby

Many of my favourite sex positions would be rejected by most porn producers because “you can’t see anything”.

The first time I laid eyes on porn, I already had some experience with sex, and it had so little to do with what I knew that I thought I was weird and liked weird positions.

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