Brace yourself, fellas, because Return of Kings is about to blast you with THE TRUTH about those gigantic peens you find everywhere in porn — the TRUTH being that porn penises tend to be larger than the average penis in the real world.
I know this may come as a shock, but unlike most of what appears in Return of Kings, this particular assertion is true. The average erect penis, regular RoK contributor “Bob Smith” informs his readers, is roughly 5.2 inches long, according to some scientific study, whereas the average penis in porn is, well, quite a bit larger than that, according to pretty much every porn clip involving penises that’s out there. I mean, you’ve watched porn, right?
Why so big? Bob Smith thinks he knows: it’s all about making dudes, especially white dudes, “feel like your own equipment is the genital equivalent of sporting a sub-100 IQ.”
After innumerable breathless paragraphs attempting to prove that most porn schlongs are not only larger than average but also fake — nothing more than cleverly designed prosthetics — Smith asks why the porn industry is so obsessed with size.
It couldn’t possibly be that male porn consumers tend to prefer big dicks in the porn they watch, for assorted psychological reasons I don’t completely understand.
Nah, it has to be a CONSPIRACY against the white man.
Now, why would the porn moguls want to do things this way. Well, I can think of one main reason – for purposes of psychological warfare.
The uber-rich own everything, porn-production companies included. And we already know they use mainstream Hollywood films to fuck with your head. And if they can get inside your head, and make you feel bad about yourself, while you watch porn movies, they win again. …
If most men believed that their equipment was substandard, well, that would definitely have a negative psychological effect on them and white men in particular, who always seem to come out second-best in today’s porn films.
Smith does allow that your average black dude might also feel a bit bad after watching all those BBC’s in porn, “because the average black man isn’t packing anything close to what the black porn actors appear to be packing.”
Porn’s big peens also make straight women feel sad in their pants, Smith suggests.
So women go looking for those gigantic porn phalluses out in the real word, because most young females today are raised on Internet porn as well as the Bunyanesque tales regarding massive penis sizes, told to them by their exaggerating girlfriends, and then they can’t find them. So they feel like they are not getting the very biggest and the very best that the world has to offer, and consequently, they feel unsatisfied.
After busting porn’s big dingle conspiracy wide open, Smith turns his attention to those scenes in which female porn stars squirt like Buckingham Fountain — concluding, as you might expect, that these scenes are also faker than fake. This actually seems like a fairly plausible thesis.
So is this a plot to make your average non-squirting real woman feel bad about herself? Smith does acknowledge that seeing female squirters in porn might make some vagina owners feel frustrated and “inadequate.”
But the real target? Dudes. Women need to have someone to take out their assorted sexual frustrations on, you see, and, well, you guessed it:
That would be us. That would be men. Psychological warfare.
What did you do in the war, daddy?
I watched a lot of porn, son. I watched a lot of porn.Â
He’s also not technically not wrong about the psychological aspect either. It’s not warfare designed specifically to make men feel inadequate though. It’s designed to take money from mens wallets. Both by having them buy big schlong porn and then buy schlong-increasers later on. Making them feel inadequate was a means to an end for the porn and schlong-extender industry.
i can’t believe how close he was on that front either. He just barely missed the point.
and it’s not like he was on the wrong track either. He just derailed before the station and decided the trees he hit must have been the point all along.
How do you want to bet this same guy has mocked or dismissed feminists talking about unrealistic body expectations for women from magazines and media in general?
Sorry, I don’t take obvious losing bets.
Yeah, ’cause the porn industry totally caters to women.
Misogyny in porn? Who cares? What matters is dicks. Porn makes them feel good but fails to flatter the average man’s.
Oh woe, oh conspiracy of darkness.
Oh, how I miss the 1970s.
Porn stars have big dicks because women demanded them.
Average was not on our fantasy list.
We were expecting porn. Excess. Wild and crazy.
We understood that the actors were gross cartoons. The pathetic scripted openings (pizza delivery!) We’re a cue not to take them too seriously.
Before AIDS,there was a time when we had sex for fun. No guilt. We owned our bodies in ways I hadn’t seen since. Miley Cyrus not withstanding.
My grandmother was a flapper.
but, i mean, there’s a cultural bent to it as well, obviously, right? check out some japanese porn. aside from a lot of differences, both minor and major, one of the things that I think is obvious is the average porn dick size: e.g. they aren’t, as far as I’ve noticed (not haven’t done anything close to a scientific study, or anything), anything like as unreasonably large as the typical porn dick in western videos.
exactly why this is, or what differences there might be in other cultures as well, i don’t know, but this kind of limited scope seems silly. in this day and age you can find porn from all over the world without too much effort.
Is this clod not familiar with the concept of “average”? If the average penis is 5.2 inches, then by definition some men are bound to be larger and some are also *gasp* smaller. Since mainstream porn is about male power fantasies as much as it as about sex and a penis is symbol of masculine power, then obviously porn producers are going to hire the guys with the bigger dicks. It’s no more a conspiracy than superhero comics depicting men with huge muscles; it’s the economics of selling men a power fantasy.
Aaaand MexicanHotChocolate gets it in one.
(Can you hook me up with some of that Mexican hot chocolate? That sounds like it would be amaaaazing)
I dated a guy with a lot of self-esteem issues. It was heartbreaking because a lot of it came from how his parents treated him growing up. But he also, due to those same shit parents, learned everything about sex from porn, and he refused to believe me that his size had no effect on my enjoyment. I wish this longer is better myth would go away because not only is it wrong, for people with sensitive cervixes, longer can be much worse.
TLDR – watching porn makes me feel bad but damn it if I’ll stop watching.
What’s frustrating is that he’s basically admitting that media representations can set oppressive standards and that lack of representation doesn’t feel good…but you can bet he won’t make the next logical step.
Oh, god, he is SO CLOSE to having that revelation that unrealistic body image goal harm everyone – that this is the very same thing that he and his lot are forcing on to women daily – but you just know he’s going to sail an inch past the target and on into infinity.
If the dude didn’t insist on wallowing in his imaginary victimhood, he’d actually be on to something here.
The expectations raised by porn are indeed unrealistic. It’s unrealistic to expect all women to have the perfect gloss magazine cover bodies seen in porn and it’s unrealistic to expect all men to have dongs the size of their forearms.
Because porn is, most often, directed at straight men. The male actor is the vessel the viewer is supposed to mentally transfer himself into – thus, big dicks – while the female actor is supposed to represent what the viewer wants but most likely can’t have – thus, pretty, thin and willing to do whatever her male partner wants her to do.
If porn had started minding not just their male but their female viewership a few decades ago, I suspect we’d have a very different kind than what exists now. (Because I do believe that porn influences both men AND women when it comes to how they view themselves and the opposite gender. And as long as this isn’t talked about more, it will lead to a cycle in which we are damned to repeat the mistakes of those that came before us.)
Then again, feminism has been talking about body shaming for years and of course MRAs don’t give a shit until it’s about how porn makes their boners feel inferior.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nGRPFUYUUdQ
@ Scildfreya
Mexican hot chocolate really is excellent. It’s got some cinnamon and other spices in it. The recipe isn’t terribly difficult either.
Meanwhile, here’s what porn is doing to some women. Conspiracy? You be the judge…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oFDuN0QlfE
Yeah, surprise, Return of Peasants: You’re not the only ones with porn-induced genital insecurities (to add to the fact that women find your douchey personalities repulsive, and therefore aren’t gonna be jumping on your dicks no matter what size they might be).
There, now. Don’t you feel better?
I’ve also heard some in the porn industry say bigger is better for practical reasons, more separation of the bodies possible = easier to film what’s going on.
Wait a second. “Most young females” are “raised” on Internet porn? OK, I’m sure he didn’t mean little girls are shown porn by their parents/guardians, but the phrasing is awkward at best. Moving on…
Bunyanesque? As in Paul Bunyan? What I remember of those stories is things not only being giant but also blue – Bunyan had a huge blue ox, he had to deal with blue snow, etc. – so I got a weird mental picture of a lumberjack with a bright blue penis. Which amused me slightly, so… thank you, RoK?
@Tessa
You silly. “Unrealistic body expectations” afflict girls. Manly he-men are beset by psychological warfare.
They’re totally different things. Like Diet Coke and Coke Zero.
“Psychological warfare” sounds so much more
cartoonyserious.Can’t roll my eyes any more after reading that. MAXIMUM EYE ROLL REACHED.
To any men out there who feel bad about their bodies because of the size of their penises relative to those that they’ve seen in porn, I’m really sorry that you feel that way. Please know that penis size is probably way less important to your would-be partners than it is built up to be. Your dick isn’t what makes you attractive, and it isn’t what makes you a man. But please, please don’t look to the Bob Smiths of the world to feel better about yourself. They’re only going to fuck with your head even further.
Also, hi everyone. Went to Vegas on Wednesday and immediately lost my phone, like the poised and accomplished traveller I am. Just got my backup device running today.
Everyone already pointed this out, but no demographic expects their partners to look and act like porn characters more than straight dudes, so yeah.
Isn’t Bob Smith the one who did that post about the HB10 cancer chick who fucks dogs and says all women do?
Brainerd, Minnesota is misandry!
I love it when they confuse “things I once imagined women do while I was feeling insecure and paranoid” with actual women and the things we actually do.
He thinks we just sit around bragging about giant cocks like we’re fishermen telling tales to impress one another. Because Thats a thing that impresses other women, right?
We really want to know all about the cocks other women have had. Usually, we immeadiately greet each other by announcing the size and quantity of cocks we’ve had. I mean, you have to establish status asap when it comes to bragging about peen. Yup. That is such a real thing penis liking ladies do.
I’m doing it now.
*headdesk*
Penis envy intensifies.
Like, there’s a lot of porn out there I mean, it’s the internet, you can find anything, just watch some other type of porn. They’re complaining about mainstream porn problems, it’s obviously what most people want, so, like, go indie. Stop watching it and find something else to wax on, wax off to. Obviously you aren’t getting off to it if you’re so concerned about the size of your junk than getting off, just saying.
Maybe they just need to search for small penis porn? I’m sure it’s out there. But as an artist who makes porn for mostly straight male customers, I have to say more people request bigger secondary sex characteristics than the alternative (I try to keep things plausibly-sized, but some have complained about that).
Aren’t these guys all libertarians who think the invisible hand of the market fixes everything? Surely if they only pay for porn featuring realist-dicks and not for giant forearm-dicks, the market will respond to the pressure, no?
If they’re not paying for their porn (and in my experience, no one who thinks they’re better than everyone else does), they have no right to complain. At that point, they’re just looking a gift horse in the dick.