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Today in unappetizing misogynistic metaphors for women: Hamburger Helper

 

My feelings exactly
My feelings exactly

Today, a food metaphor that won’t make you hungry, courtesy of the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit:

Men Are Hamburger. Women Are Hamburger Helper.

Does hamburger need Hamburger Helper? Of course not. Hamburger can be made into a simple hamburger, or a hearty meatloaf. Bachelors and MGTOW are hamburgers and meatloaves.

Hamburger Helper, on the other hand, is nothing without hamburger. It will sit in the pantry, collecting dust and mites and attracting mice, while the clock ticks closer to the expiration date. Where’s the beef?

Cat ladies and single mothers are boxes of stale Hamburger Helper.

Now, Hamburger Helper is nice to have, if you like Hamburger Helper, and don’t mind all the salt. But hamburger doesn’tneed it. There’s a million other things we can do with hamburger.

Well, if nothing else I think this gives us a little insight into the MGTOW diet.

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Kat
Kat
4 years ago

@Alan
We live in all those homes and then some.

McMansions and log cabins. Cottages by the lake. Suburban tract homes. The White House.

I myself live in the Empire State Building. With my gorgeous white horse. I ride every day in Central Park.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

@Axe

Come now…

Sorry! I was channeling Trump’s own nasty bigotry for a moment and took an ill-advised descent into crude, insensitive language. Poe’s Law strikes again. And now I’m going to go shower.

@Alan – Don’t all of you live in half-timbered cottages named Hazeldene? I’m going to be very disappointed if that turns out not to be true.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
4 years ago

Orion:

Today a very strange alt-right man told me that the word for white people is “Arians,” not “Aryans,” and that spelling it with a “y” makes me a cuck.

Huh, maybe he had some half-understood reading about Germanic peoples and Arian Christianity in late antiquity. Like, Arian Christianity was some primeval white people Christianity and it was named after white people and later people confused Arian with Aryan because everyone pronounces these words like English speakers.

Jack:

It’s probably the brand of pre-made sushi that’s just, like, imitation crab meat salad wrapped in rice and seaweed with sesame seeds.

It’s alright.

I recall there was “instant sushi” as a joke in the anime film Cowboy Bebop.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

To be fair, everyone south of the Mason Dixon line lives in exquisitely crafted, Gone with the Wind style, plantation homes 😛

@Buttercup

Sorry! I was channeling Trump’s own nasty bigotry for a moment and took an ill-advised descent into crude, insensitive language

Sounds like you’re in too deep, Officer Skullpants 😀

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

I think it’s just that the trolls of yesteryear were more persistent. They spent half their lives here. I’ve been slowly working my way through the archives and for every gem like NWO slave’s Spanish and Cyrillic use the same alphabet or MRAL’s morning and evening height, there were herds of boring and derailing teal deer. Then there was Brandon, the most tedious person to have ever internet posted. I’m not sorry to have missed him.

Anyway, I love how the troll thinks women are the ones who can’t adapt. In my experience, the opposite is true. Women are socialized to change our needs and behaviors around others and women seem to accept societal change faster. Men are socialized to believe that they should be catered to and some can’t take it when that doesn’t happen. Hence this week’s viral posts about forcing headphone wearing women to talk to you and the misogynistic meltdown over being turned down by a teenaged coworker. Or the fact that so many mass murders are committed by men with some kind of grievance about his life or the world not being exactly how he wants it.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ buttercup

That’s an outrageous stereotype. I’ll be telling the Queen about you next time I see her. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to sip Earl Gray and stare out of the window at Big Ben until I’ve calmed down enough to write a stroppy letter to The Times.

Catalpa
Catalpa
4 years ago

Why are so many of these trolls named Mark?

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

Because they’re all the same guy.

occasional reader
occasional reader
4 years ago
Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ occasional reader

Ah tanks, the most bewildering of gendered products.

(Seriously, there are boy tanks and girl tanks depending on the armament)

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
4 years ago

I’d like a troll who writes like that Nice Guy. That would be fun.

“I volitionally came here of my own choice to tell you why I as a deontologist, that is, one who recognizes the intrinsic value of women, won’t sleep with you.”

ETA : @occasional reader, Alan

And Tank Girl too.

(I have no idea what this is, I just thought it would be a fun thing to google for, and lo and behold, an actual result)

occasional reader
occasional reader
4 years ago

> Alan and John
Yeah, and there is also “him”, but not a tank in the military meaning of the term…

But no worries, tank top are for anybody !

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@reader
See, feminazis!?!?!? Tank dimorphism is reeeeeeel!!!1!!!

BTW, James is the best Tank Engine

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
4 years ago

BTW, James is the best Tank Engine

I like how a troll led to this statement.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

@Axe

(whispers) The horror…the horror….

I felt really bad for James when he got bricked into a tunnel because it was raining and he didn’t want to get his new paint job wet. Harsh, man. “Hey, kids – do what you’re told and don’t get ideas above your station, or you’ll be punished for it.” The feudal robber baron in the top hat MUST be obeyed.

Or maybe I’m just reading too much into it. My kids enjoy the choo choos and clanking machinery.

My favorite troll was “DIRECTLY ON THE BEACH” Mikey. SPINSTERS!

occasional reader
occasional reader
4 years ago

> Axecalibur
Meanwhile, in Japan… Yeah, from an extreme to the other… Anthropomorphism but still with the graphic codes of manga. Ah, well, it could be worse, i guess.

dreemr
dreemr
4 years ago

Wasn’t it Henry that got bricked into the tunnel? I always called him “Handsome Henry” because, uh, I thought (and still do think) he was the most handsome of the engines…

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@Buttercup
If it was James, he probably deserved it. I love him, but he’s a right asshole

@reader
So… Kantai Collection on land? Not the worst idea I’ve ever heard

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
4 years ago

My favorite troll was “DIRECTLY ON THE BEACH” Mikey. SPINSTERS!

The one WHO randomly put WORDS IN capslock FOR NO clear reason AND QUOTED Ayn Rand ?

He definitely was a lot more fun.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

Isn’t there a theory that Thomas the Tank Engine was written as an allegory about the benefits (or evils, can’t remember which) of capitalism versus socialism, or is that an urban legend?

Bagpuss is definitely about Marxism though. The mice are trade unions, Professor Yaffle is Jewish intellectualism, Rosemary the rag doll is the bourgeoisie and Bagpuss is the lumpen proletariat (see how he ‘awakens’ from his false consciousness every week).

Either that or Emily is running that shop for money laundering purposes (it never bloody sells anything yet still somehow still makes a profit).

Croquembouche of patriarchy
Croquembouche of patriarchy
4 years ago

Catalpa said

Why are so many of these trolls named Mark?

And WWTH said

Because they’re all the same guy.

He tried calling himself Terrance, didn’t relaunch his career, so he’s going back to the classic name.

Now, I know none of you will listen to it – which makes it that much sweeter.

Thank you, occasional reader, for another link way more interesting than Timmarence’s would have been. I had not previously considered whether tanks have gender, and now I know that they do. Useful to know.

Sinkable John: Tank Girl was actually a pretty cool comic, the 1995 movie had an excellent cast and awesome soundtrack, pretty good script, funny as. More Whedonesque than the Buffy movie, and I think came out before the TV series did.

Post apocalyptic Australia setting: no worse than every Mad Max movie after the first.

Thank you for reminding me to seek this out and watch it again. The Bjork Army of Me sequence alone justifies this.

Handsome "These Pretzels Suck" Jack (formerly Pandapool)

Listen to this one video and you’ll realize the future that can’t be stopped. I’m glad I heard it. You will be too. MGTOW, feminism, MRAs, PUAs and traditionalists will all die off and true freedom for all will take their places. All were necessary, but all will eventually be replaced with a far more worthy end result. We humans. Gotta love us.

Now, Mark, we’ve all been waiting for the apocalypse all our lives, and I’m really tired of people saying that shit is going to end and then the “end time” comes and there’s no end and it’s just a disappointment for everyone.

Stop it, stop raising our hopes and dashing our spirits.

OoglyBoggles
OoglyBoggles
4 years ago

I thought that Marks go up in elaboration in the arms race of Internet arguments, instead the designers of Marks have opted for a more streamlined and easy to produce schematic. See for example this latest model of Mark. Like other Marks he uses a poorly produced and poorly written video and assumes it’ll work like a silver bullet to a werebeast, changing everyone around him into agreeing with NOT-MRA. And as a current trend of late Mark models seems to be less interested/capable of making more than a drive by comment. Should these trends continue it’ll be nothing more than a spam bot typing LOOK AT THIS ONE TECHNIQUE: FEMINISTS HATE HIM.

Falconer
Falconer
4 years ago

Thomas the Tank Engine; or, A Series of Bad Decisions.

Whether or not they can move on their own depends on how the plot needs to get them in trouble.

Henry won’t budge unless he wants to, and Thomas ignores the signs around the mine, so that’s their fault that they get bricked up or tipped down a sinkhole.

But when Thomas gets a big head and tries moving on his own, it’s only because the crew have left his throttle open. Regardless, they aren’t blamed when Thomas interrupts the station master’s breakfast.

I far prefer Bob the Builder, who never seems to refuse to help his team out of a jam.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ Falconer

Just for you

comment image

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@Oogly

LOOK AT THIS ONE TECHNIQUE: FEMINISTS HATE HIM

Haha! Brilliant
Speaking of which, I recently say a taboola ad that had a picture of who I assume was Melania Trump in front of a Murican flag with the caption, and I quote: 15 Photos Wife Donald Trump Spectacular. Nothing has ever been more fitting

ETA: speak of the fuckin devil, that ad popped up as soon as I mentioned it. Spoopy…

@Falconer

I far prefer Bob the Builder

Handy Manny tho…

(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
4 years ago

Sorry to derail, but I have a situation. Nothing earth-shattering, but I’m bothered.

Husbeast and his girlfriend left yesterday for a fairy-themed event up north. GF spent a couple of hours at my house waiting for Husbeast to get home from work. We were sitting in the living rm. watching MSNBC’s coverage of the Trump visit to Mexico and his speech afterwards, rolling our eyes at his statements about how the ‘blacks and hispanics’ should vote for him.

All okay and hunky-dunky, even though GF is not really my cuppa tea to socialize with. (not sure how to bring this up to Husbeast, but that’s a different issue)

Then, she tells me a story about how she was discussing some related thing with a black friend of hers and how she told them how the Irish were treated worse than the black slaves back in the day! Yep, she pulled that old piece of garbage with a black person. I was horrified and, as I am wont to do (from too many years of retail conditioning) I shut down and clammed up. Husbeast came home soon after and they packed up and left.

All I can think of to do is send her some links on FB, but she will be spending the night on Monday and I really have some anxiety about this.

I also had to restart my computer and lost my autofill; I may get my own handle wrong and go into moderation. Bah. Here goes…

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@Hambeast

not sure how to bring this up to Husbeast, but that’s a different issue

Excuse me for being too forward but…

I was horrified and, as I am wont to do (from too many years of retail conditioning) I shut down and clammed up

I don’t think it’s a different issue. I think it might be the same issue. I know nothing about romantic relationships in general, let alone yours. I do know a little something about interpersonal anxiety tho. I have no advice (fuck it, if you figure it out, you can teach me), I just thought I’d mention that. For some reason. Sorry for butting in

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ hambeast

The Irish certainly had some terrible experiences in Ireland. I have relatives who curse the name Oliver Cromwell to this day. And you may recall me mentioning why it would be a bad idea to order a ‘black & tan’ in a pub on the Kilburn High Road. Even in my lifetime property landlords had signs saying “No Blacks, No Dogs, No Irish”.

That was over here though. The US experience is somewhat different. The Irish travelled to the States voluntarily. That wasn’t the experience of the black slaves. There was obviously some prejudice against the Irish in certain parts back in the 19th century, but it didn’t result in slavery or lynchings.

Even today, if I was pulled by the cops in the US I’d feel perfectly safe and happy producing my Irish passport. Certainly another happier and safer than a lot of black folks I suspect.

(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
4 years ago

Axe – You’re probably right. It’s not a conversation I look forward to.

Alan – The thing is, apparently the Stormfront crowd started a meme back in 2013 or so, complete with books (by non-historians) published about how there were actually more Irish ‘slaves’ in the New World than African ones and that they were treated way worse. Because an African slave was expensive and Irish were much cheaper.* And how any talk of reparations is stupid; the Irish got over it, so should the blacks. *grr*

There’s no actual historical evidence for this, of course. But the morsel of truth around which this nonsense was built is that King James did send indentured servants to the West Indies and North American colonies in the 1600s. But the truth they skip over is that the Irish were indentured and got their freedom eventually (also, there were only around 10,000 of them over a period of around ten years.)

*Of course it was cheaper to buy the contract on an indentured servant than to buy a chattel slave! You only got seven years on the contract (usually) but you got the chattel slave, plus any and all of their descendants for the duration their lives!!

I was just gob-smacked when GF recounted her story. I also really side-eyed the part where she claimed that the black friend in question nodded in agreement.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

I don’t have any advice. My MO in these situations is to either say something like “I’ve heard that it wasn’t nearly as bad for the Irish but maybe I’m wrong” or something equally soft and uncertain. One thing I might feel comfortable trying is suggesting a book on the subject. I’ve recommended The Caliban and the Witch to someone who didn’t believe me that our capitalist system is rooted in sexism, for example.

(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
4 years ago

kupo – There aren’t any books on the truthful side of the subject, but there is a very good article by an Irish historian on the SLPC website from last Feb. who is going to write one.

Most of my discomfort is coming from the fact that I will have to explain my reaction to her even if she didn’t notice anything yesterday. This is someone I will have to deal with for the foreseeable future even if it wasn’t someone I chose to have in my life and I don’t know her well enough to know how to handle this.

I think I’ll probably approach it from the angle of “I know you wouldn’t want to spread something untrue that came from white supremacists, so please read this article.”

varalys the dark
4 years ago

Cracked have done a serious post about Trump and the alt-right. Nothing we don’t know already here, but more people spreading the word is good. I’m guessing the comments will be pretty vile, I’ve already skipped onto an article about gross recipes from the 60’s, much better for my blood pressure.

LindsayIrene
LindsayIrene
4 years ago

Now, I know none of you will listen to it – which makes it that much sweeter.

“Yeah, I totally want you all to ignore me! That’s why I keep showing up!”

comment image?

OoglyBoggles
OoglyBoggles
4 years ago

@varalys
I have a complicated relationship with Cracked. On one hand they make alot of clickbait articles that after being a reader for years realized wasn’t that funny or accurate. On the other hand they are perfectly capable of showing articles like these, the lives of women ostracized for beung a whustle blower, people who work in SVU, and other dark topics. It’s like the guy at work at makes corny jokes and comes off as an idiot, but then you realize he volunteers in Social Services, is very aware of awful things and isn’t afraid of speaking about them.

dlouwe
dlouwe
4 years ago

@Hambeast

If you are decided on bringing it up with her, I might approach it from the angle of “I found the things you said about X interesting so I did some research, and did you know that/it turns out that…” It can be difficult to bring something up after the fact just to correct someone without them getting really defensive, but trying to make it appear as a continuation of the conversation, and implying that you also didn’t know these things could help.

edit: I realize this involves a bit of “truth bending” in the interest of reducing friction – and if that isn’t your jam, then please disregard.

Also, maybe it would be useful to discuss it with Husbeast and get his input. It clearly bothers you, and he might be able to provide some insight towards a satisfactory resolution. That could also provide a good opportunity to segue into your reservations about socializing with her.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

Breaking in with some personal news.

I saw my doctor today, and he’s pleased with how I’m doing so far. Also, in terms of physical therapy, I successfully managed 2 short rounds of weightlifting. And I did some knitting.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@Hambeast

I also really side-eyed the part where she claimed that the black friend in question nodded in agreement

http://gifstumblr.com/images/true-story_1413.gif
Wait, refresh my memory. Were Irish people legally counted as a fraction of a full person? I musta missed that in history class. Murican schools, amirite?

I will nth both yourself and others as far as starting cordially. I get the shakes and the sweats and the breathing… Point is, it gets worse when it’s about to be a confrontation rather than a nice talk. Still difficult, but I’m less likely to freeze up and more likely to get words out

The best of luck, and try not to put it off too much (if you’re anything like me there’ll be at least a little procrastination). Love and hugs 🙂

ETA: @Vicki P
Woohoo! Getting ripped! And knitting. Also awesome! Speedy recovery 😀

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

@ Axe

Thank you. 🙂 I’m determined not to let my brain bleed get in the way of being, well, ME.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ hambeast

There’s a kernel of truth in many great lies. Of course white people have been exploited as free/cheap labour in the past, whether as actual slaves, indentured servants or transported convicts.

But, in the same way the Holocaust has a particular place in the history of genocide, the experience of black slaves in the new world has a unique horror to it. Not least because the effects still impact today.

Rich Australians can joke about their criminal ancestry and American chiefs of police can reminisce about their great grandfathers arriving at Ellis Island with not a shilling in their pocket. But the simple fact is they didn’t have to be accompanied to de-segregated schools by armed guards within living memory.

(Although if you do feel the need to assuage your guilt to us poor white folks I can set up PayPal account)

OoglyBoggles
OoglyBoggles
4 years ago

@VP
Congratulations on your workput and your recovery!

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ vicky p

Yey, I am so glad to hear that.

And I am also so hoping we get a “do you even lift?” troll just so you get to go “Well actually…”

Yutolia
Yutolia
4 years ago

Is this some sort of “I don’t need women!! See I can even make my own meals!! If you don’t come beg for me to let you make dinner for me I’ll go my own way!!!” attention-seeking message?

Please, please, please just go, dude. With or without your Hamburger Helper, I don’t care.

(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
4 years ago

Victorious Parasol – Yay for knitting! I started a poncho last week and overdid it, so this week my carpal tunnel is letting me know it. I’m gonna try a few rows this evening. But we both know that “a few rows” is probably a bit unrealistic, don’t we? >.< Katie, help me!

Axe – Yup, I'm a big old procrastinator! I'm going to try to do this Monday night if they get back early enough. If not, I plan to message her on FB.

dlouwe – I will probably take your advice. It seems a good way to do it, especially since I tend to be more intimidating than I realize in person, especially early in relationships before people I meet realize I'm really just a big ol' softie.

Thanks, everyone! Just being able to kind of talk it out a bit here has helped immensely. All of the folk I know outside of here are away for the holiday weekend, so once again, Cheers!

Mammothers are the BEST!!

varalys the dark
4 years ago

@OoglyBoggles: I do know what you mean about Cracked, but it’s thanks to a comment thread on there earlier this year that lead me to google this site and bought it to my attention, so for that I give great thanks.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@Alan

Although if you do feel the need to assuage your guilt to us poor white folks I can set up PayPal account

I’m imagining an Asian woman going around Kent or some such, pleading for ‘just the cost of a cup of coffee’ to take care of the ‘native population’. Tons of grainy B roll. They’ll send a brochure with a picture of 7 year old Avery Lancaster-Smythe (poshest name I could think of) to guilt people into sponsoring him so his parents can afford public school and that summer holiday to the Riviera. Won’t someone think of teh whites!?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ Axe

“If you can spare just £12 a month, that will pay for poor Tarquin to receive 20 hours talk time and unlimited free texts.”

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
4 years ago

Axe and Alan:

“Or a one time gift of £100 will provide Phoebe-Rose with enough organic, GMO-free food to last an entire fortnight.”

Kat
Kat
4 years ago

@Victorious Parasol
Good for you! I’m rooting for you.