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Today in unappetizing misogynistic metaphors for women: Hamburger Helper

 

My feelings exactly
My feelings exactly

Today, a food metaphor that won’t make you hungry, courtesy of the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit:

Men Are Hamburger. Women Are Hamburger Helper.

Does hamburger need Hamburger Helper? Of course not. Hamburger can be made into a simple hamburger, or a hearty meatloaf. Bachelors and MGTOW are hamburgers and meatloaves.

Hamburger Helper, on the other hand, is nothing without hamburger. It will sit in the pantry, collecting dust and mites and attracting mice, while the clock ticks closer to the expiration date. Where’s the beef?

Cat ladies and single mothers are boxes of stale Hamburger Helper.

Now, Hamburger Helper is nice to have, if you like Hamburger Helper, and don’t mind all the salt. But hamburger doesn’tneed it. There’s a million other things we can do with hamburger.

Well, if nothing else I think this gives us a little insight into the MGTOW diet.

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JoeB
JoeB
5 years ago

I’m not going to call myself a good cook or say I ate well the times in college/military I had a kitchen, but I can honestly say I never used hamburger helper.

ETA: I didn’t have a spice cabinet but I had a decent sized spice corner of the cabinet.

Margaret Pless
Margaret Pless
5 years ago

I guess “men are the key ingredient and women the spice” was too general for this guy.

But now I have questions about Tuna Helper. Are some lesbian women like the tuna, and others the Tuna Helper? Which are which??

And how the heck can you make meatloaf without breadcrumbs, spices, and eggs? Do men also metaphorically represent all those grocery items as well?

Lkeke35
Lkeke35
5 years ago

So, now we’re not even meat, but an additive? Why we keep gettin’ downgraded to lesser ingredients? Next we’ll be the soy lecithin of Hamburger Helper, whatever that is.

magnesium
magnesium
5 years ago

How many bugs and rodents are running around in this guy’s pantry that if he leaves a closed box of dried food for a while it fills with mites and mice? Clean that thing out, Jesus.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

I’m guessing from the context that hamburger is what we (Brits) call mince?

Sarah
Sarah
5 years ago

I’ve made Hamburger Helper without the hamburger many times. It’s quite delicious, actually.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

Mince meat = ground beef, right, Alan?

Snowberry
Snowberry
5 years ago

What other things are they talking about? Bestiality? Necrophilia? Dendrophilia? Sex robots? Marrying their favorite chair? What?

I’m not sure exactly what things other than human women they think they’d have a relationship with, other than more hamburger, but that’s hardly a “million things you can do with it”.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ Vicky P

Yup, although you can also get other types of mince (lamb etc,)

And for some reason the fruity mixture you get in Christmas pies is also called mincemeat.

BritterSweet
5 years ago

There they go again, trying to fool themselves into thinking they are needed by the very people they despise.

MGTOWs: I’m going my own way, and avoiding you.

Women: Sure.

MGTOWs: You are nothing but a thing for me to use, and you can’t even do that right. You instead are using me for free hypothetical stuff!

Women: Didn’t you say you were going?

MGTOWs: If I were ground beef, you’re the hamburger helper! You need me, but I don’t need you.

Women: Nah, I’m fine.

MGTOWs: Wait until I see the look on your faces when robots replace you. You’ll be sorry!

Women: Why are you still here?

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

I doubt meatloaf appreciates the comparison.

comment image

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

Wait. I thought MGTOW were steak and women were slutty cheeseburgers? Now MGTOW are hamburger?

Why do they use so many food metaphors? Maybe they’re so angry because they never learned to feed themselves. Because cooking and sandwich making is women’s work. Perhaps they’re just hungry all the time.

And yeah, I don’t even eat meatloaf because it grosses me out and I knew that it wasn’t just a hunk of meat thrown in the oven.

Paradoxical Intention- Mobile
Paradoxical Intention- Mobile
5 years ago

You actually CAN have Hamburger Helper without hamburger. I have a cousin who only eats fish who just cooks it without. It’s still pasta and sauce, and that’s a pretty filling dish on its own.

And even then, you still need milk and water to make it, so the metaphor is still a fail.

And Margaret also made the point that you can’t just mush hamburger together and make a meatloaf or even a burger. You still need a binder to hold it together, otherwise it just turns into a pile of ground hamburger.

And even then, you still need seasoning and stuff to make it taste good.

This metaphor is silly and nonsensical on all levels. No wonder he wants a woman to cook for him, he doesn’t even understand how Hamburger Helper works.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ kupo

Ah, but that’s Meat Loaf.

(I love the fact that he insists on being called either Meat or Mr. Loaf)

JoeB
JoeB
5 years ago

To extend the analogy:

Hamburger helper without the meat is seasoned pasta. Hamburger alone is super bland burgers.

Bina
5 years ago

Bachelors and MGTOW are hamburgers and meatloaves.

So basically mindless meat that rots a helluva lot faster than the grain-based stuff sitting in the box on the shelf, then.

You guys…you really need to think your awful metaphors through.

(Also, you really fucking need to learn how to cook properly. A diet of ground beef and pre-packaged food isn’t doing a thing for your brains.)

snork maiden
5 years ago

Damn, now I want to have meatloaf for dinner, and there’s me with a steak under the grill.

Limey question, what is hamburger helper?

JoeB
JoeB
5 years ago

@snork maiden

Prepackaged raw pasta and seasonings, meant to be added with fresh-ish ground (minced) beef and cooked to make a meal.

http://mealsandmovesblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/image28.png

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

@Alan
I didn’t know that. You learn something new every day.

It’s funny, I was actually planning on having some Hamburger helper for dinner tonight. Now I’m tempted to use ground turkey just for these guys.

Ooglyboggles
5 years ago

If housepests is the first thing you refer to, then you might have a problem on your hands. Also the irony is that dry foods such as pasta can last a pretty long time while with beef you have to worry to not to cause freezer burn to the meat, or leaving the meat out for too long or it’ll spoil or so forth. Is he actually eating hamburger like just the meat part like a steak? In that case you still need spices and other complementary things to make it taste good. If he’s talking about the whole sandwich you still need loaves, lettuce, tomatoes, mayo/mustard, onions salts and peppers.

In other news Obama recently banned the Confederate Flag from national cemeteries.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/aug/29/va-nix-flying-confederate-flags-cemetery-flagpoles/

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

I would like to cook myself Hamburger Helper, but I may have to settle for a sandwich.

Andy 707
Andy 707
5 years ago

I read the first line and I bursted into laughter. What goes on in their minds? Still, that was quite entertaining.
@JoeB: thanks for the explanation. I didn’t know what a ‘hamburger helper’ was, either. πŸ˜›

Iseult The Idle
Iseult The Idle
5 years ago

And for some reason the fruity mixture you get in Christmas pies is also called mincemeat.

Thank you! That has confused me for, well, most of my life.

Robyn Blanpied
Robyn Blanpied
5 years ago

Hamburger is made from the cheap cuts of dead cow.

Give me a steak, any day.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
5 years ago

1)Hamburger Helper is delicious, and I will go to war with you over that fact

2)But I thought women who were ‘used up’ single moms (dogwhistle alert) went bad. Now they also rot if they don’t get “the beef”? Given the choice between you, no wonder women choose the seasick crocodile

3)This is precisely how you know MGTOW is for the converted and only the converted. Women need men. Why? Cos. But men don’t need women? Yep. Mind explaining? Yep. At least PUAs try to present a framework where there bigotry makes sense

@Lkeke

Why we keep gettin’ downgraded to lesser ingredients?

Don’t know why that cracked me up, but it did 😁

@kupo
Ooh! Gettin fancy with the Helper
Oh, I remember you mentioned getting a new food machine a while back. We got a slow cooker recently. Been makin stews. Well, they’ve been makin stews, I make the main course (rice or whatever). After like 2 weeks tho, if I never see another thing in that pot it’ll be too soon :/

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

One of the things I learned about cooking from my mother – convenience foods like Hamburger Helper are for just that, convenience. If you have the time, energy, and ingredients on hand, you can make the same thing. Probably less expensive and better tasting, as well.

Minus the time, energy and ingredients, a box of convenience is mighty convenient. One of the best things about early retirement has been having the time and energy to cook from scratch almost every day. In today’s modern world of the future, that’s quite a treat.

I’m imagining one of these Masters of the Universe scorching a lump of 80/20 ground beef in an overheated, underseasoned skillet until it’s burnt on the outside and barely done in the middle, then grimly downing it while congratulating himself on having Gone his Own Way.

leftwingfox
leftwingfox
5 years ago

We used to make a “from scratch” variation on hamburger helper called “Western Casserole”: chili powder, tomato sauce, kidney beans, instant rice and macaroni mixed in with ground beef and topped with processed cheese slices.

(It’s better than it has any right to be)

Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
5 years ago

I have no idea what Hamburger Helper is, I thought that was someone wh works at MacDonalds?
Why can’t wimen be chips or even the bun, which makes more sense? I don’t know maybe men can be hot dog sausage and wimen can be the bun, that’s a pretty gross sex analogy. But some seasoning? That doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense. I want to be one of those thick milkshakes which give you a hernia sucking it up the straw.

peaches
peaches
5 years ago

For some reason, my husband won’t eat meatloaf, but he loves meatballs. It’s the same damn ingredients, just different shapes.

But yeah, these guys need to take a cooking class. Somewhere out there there’s a (male) chef who will takes these guy’s money. But then they’d have to be serious about this ‘going their own way’ stuff. And they’re not.

Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
5 years ago

I’m a vegetarian and would rather have some minced Quorn, but since when do you call all mince ‘hamburger’? I thought hamburger only meant the patties as that is how they serve them in Hamburg, Germany, a bit like they call Frankfurters after Frankfurt. What do you call Salisbury steak? That is basically hamburger again but served without the bun and maybe some mashed potato and gravy.

Rhuu
Rhuu
5 years ago

I can’t get over the fact that he used ‘Where’s the Beef?’ wrong. It’s a Wendy’s commercial.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dnUs2AqWvs

Nothing to do with Hamburger Helper at all.

Becky Hopkins
5 years ago

Funny enough, I googled “hamburger helper without meat” and found at least a few forum threads of people who admit to eating just the noodles and not even adding meat because they think it tastes better.

Dex
Dex
5 years ago

Oh lord,

Do you know what happens when you throw a hunk of ground beef into an oven? You do not get a tasty meatloaf. You get a crumbling dish of beef shards with almost no flavour. Salt and pepper are essential when cooking red meat. A binding agent is essential when making a meatloaf that remains a loaf.

Granted, Hamburger Helper without the beef is a somewhat salty pasta dish, but at least it contains some kind of spice. These guys need to stay away from the analogies.

Sarah
Sarah
5 years ago
Reply to  Virgin Mary

Ground beef is referred to as hamburger. A hamburger is also a meat patty made from hamburger. Ground turkey is referred to often as turkey burger, just as a burger made from that meat would be called a turkey burger.

leftwingfox
leftwingfox
5 years ago

Virgin Mary: It’s not constantly used that way, but once in a while I’ll come across an old recipe which calls ground beef “hamburger”. Most places I’ve been call “minced meat” “ground meat”.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

If Creepy-Ass Face-Glove Helper* is just pasta, why doesn’t he just say “Pasta”? Is it because he realised he’d then be comparing women to one of the most popular staple foods in the world?

*I’ve been a horror fan for decades and that thing still weirds me out.

JoeB
JoeB
5 years ago

@Becky Hopkins
People have their own tastes, I mean I worked with a guy whose usual lunch was one of those little ramen bricks, but he didn’t cook it, put hot sauce on it and ate it raw like it was a big granola bar.

Hamburger helper without the noodles sounds much better than that.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ robyn

dead cow.

Give me a steak, any day.

Hopefully your steak is also made from dead cow; otherwise it’s a bit cruel.

JoeB
JoeB
5 years ago

@JoeB
meant w/o beef obviously, but w/o noodles you at least have seasoned ground beef.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
5 years ago

I’ll never understand why MRAs think it’s useful to keep expressing the same old ideas by using new, increasingly tortured metaphors. A good metaphor can be uses to highlight an idea and explain it in more easily understandable terms, but for some reason MRAs do it the other way around. They have these weird ideas, and they just keep coming up with new metaphors as a sport. What the fuck is the point of this behavior? Are they just bored and lack the creativity to accomplish something useful and/or interesting?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ Virgin Mary

The Quorn mince is pretty good, especially for things like burgers. If though you’re making something that’s going to be strongly flavoured like chilli or curry, you might want to check out TVP if you can find it. It’s really cheap and even in my carnivore days I couldn’t tell the difference from real meat.

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

@Axe
Yeah, the new gadget was used extensively for a few weeks and got put away when I went out of town last week. I’ll pull it back out soon, I’m sure, but I’ve learned a lot already about what it is and is not good for. πŸ˜‰

@Everyone asking about hamburger helper:

http://thejewishlady.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/a14.png

Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
5 years ago

That Hamburger Helper is just this basically, I see no point involving hamburger of any kind. You can get it in all sorts of varieties just the same as Kupo posted. Maybe pasta needs hamburger like a fish needs a bicycle?

http://www.concordextra.com/img_uploads/Crosse-Blackwell-Pasta-cheese-Brocilli-6R026C_1.jpg

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
5 years ago

@JoeB
People still won’t leave me alone about not warming up my oatmeal. Folks will go to great lengths to fault others’ food habits for some reason. Like it’s a personal affront that my pancakes are thin…

@kupo

I’ve learned a lot already about what it is and is not good for. πŸ˜‰

Sounds ominous. Like mad science. It’s alive! πŸ˜€

Also, Asian Helper is the worst. Not like as a food, but as a name. How did nobody at Betty Crocker stop and think comparing (east) Asians to the scrumptious carcasses of cows was the wrong way to go?

BritterSweet
5 years ago

@ Becky Hopkins If what you say is true then maybe the metaphor may be on to something in a way. Hamburger Helper is labeled as meant for ground meat, but it’s actually still okay without it.

I have used Hamburger helper before. But ever since moving out of my parents’ house, that’s been almost never since most of them need milk, and I don’t keep dairy milk in my fridge, just vanilla soy milk.

Ooglyboggles
5 years ago

@IP
If they were capable of marketing their ideas, wait even then I doubt they would go through with the effort.

From a marketing perspective the growth of their club cannot grow beyond the “normal” exchange rate of those who become MRA and join MGTOW and leave MGTOW for various reasons. As their current modus operandi is to circle jerk ad nauseum, I cannot say with confidence that they’ll be able to compete with more extreme right wing subreddits and sites that are either thinly veiled fascists or out and about fascists in the near future.

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

@Axe
Well, it is chemistry. πŸ™‚ The idea is my device cooks to a precise temperature. It’s supposed to be good for veggies and fruits because you can get it to a temperature between when the starch and pectin breaks down, but I learned that no, pears are not good that way and might as well be served raw. Better raw, actually.

And yeah, I saw that Asian Helper in that image and did s double-take.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ Axe

People still won’t leave me alone about not warming up my oatmeal.

If you don’t do that for horses they can die of colic; so maybe they’re just looking out for you πŸ™‚

JessicaRed
JessicaRed
5 years ago

As the cat-lady daughter of a single mom, I don’t recall ever needing a man at all, let alone a misogynistic creep. Why do these guys think we need them, again?

dreemr
dreemr
5 years ago

Once we were Cheeseburgers and Greasy Pizza, but now…now we’re just noodles and msg.

And meatloaf needs at LEAST eggs, salt, and bread crumbs, if not also some ground pork, onion, parsley, and garlic, for it to be meatloaf and not just a dense loaf-shaped hamburger.

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