Today, a food metaphor that won’t make you hungry, courtesy of the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit:
Men Are Hamburger. Women Are Hamburger Helper.
Does hamburger need Hamburger Helper? Of course not. Hamburger can be made into a simple hamburger, or a hearty meatloaf. Bachelors and MGTOW are hamburgers and meatloaves.
Hamburger Helper, on the other hand, is nothing without hamburger. It will sit in the pantry, collecting dust and mites and attracting mice, while the clock ticks closer to the expiration date. Where’s the beef?
Cat ladies and single mothers are boxes of stale Hamburger Helper.
Now, Hamburger Helper is nice to have, if you like Hamburger Helper, and don’t mind all the salt. But hamburger doesn’tneed it. There’s a million other things we can do with hamburger.
Well, if nothing else I think this gives us a little insight into the MGTOW diet.
I’m not going to call myself a good cook or say I ate well the times in college/military I had a kitchen, but I can honestly say I never used hamburger helper.
ETA: I didn’t have a spice cabinet but I had a decent sized spice corner of the cabinet.
I guess “men are the key ingredient and women the spice” was too general for this guy.
But now I have questions about Tuna Helper. Are some lesbian women like the tuna, and others the Tuna Helper? Which are which??
And how the heck can you make meatloaf without breadcrumbs, spices, and eggs? Do men also metaphorically represent all those grocery items as well?
So, now we’re not even meat, but an additive? Why we keep gettin’ downgraded to lesser ingredients? Next we’ll be the soy lecithin of Hamburger Helper, whatever that is.
How many bugs and rodents are running around in this guy’s pantry that if he leaves a closed box of dried food for a while it fills with mites and mice? Clean that thing out, Jesus.
I’m guessing from the context that hamburger is what we (Brits) call mince?
I’ve made Hamburger Helper without the hamburger many times. It’s quite delicious, actually.
Mince meat = ground beef, right, Alan?
What other things are they talking about? Bestiality? Necrophilia? Dendrophilia? Sex robots? Marrying their favorite chair? What?
I’m not sure exactly what things other than human women they think they’d have a relationship with, other than more hamburger, but that’s hardly a “million things you can do with it”.
@ Vicky P
Yup, although you can also get other types of mince (lamb etc,)
And for some reason the fruity mixture you get in Christmas pies is also called mincemeat.
There they go again, trying to fool themselves into thinking they are needed by the very people they despise.
MGTOWs: I’m going my own way, and avoiding you.
Women: Sure.
MGTOWs: You are nothing but a thing for me to use, and you can’t even do that right. You instead are using me for free hypothetical stuff!
Women: Didn’t you say you were going?
MGTOWs: If I were ground beef, you’re the hamburger helper! You need me, but I don’t need you.
Women: Nah, I’m fine.
MGTOWs: Wait until I see the look on your faces when robots replace you. You’ll be sorry!
Women: Why are you still here?
I doubt meatloaf appreciates the comparison.
Wait. I thought MGTOW were steak and women were slutty cheeseburgers? Now MGTOW are hamburger?
Why do they use so many food metaphors? Maybe they’re so angry because they never learned to feed themselves. Because cooking and sandwich making is women’s work. Perhaps they’re just hungry all the time.
And yeah, I don’t even eat meatloaf because it grosses me out and I knew that it wasn’t just a hunk of meat thrown in the oven.
You actually CAN have Hamburger Helper without hamburger. I have a cousin who only eats fish who just cooks it without. It’s still pasta and sauce, and that’s a pretty filling dish on its own.
And even then, you still need milk and water to make it, so the metaphor is still a fail.
And Margaret also made the point that you can’t just mush hamburger together and make a meatloaf or even a burger. You still need a binder to hold it together, otherwise it just turns into a pile of ground hamburger.
And even then, you still need seasoning and stuff to make it taste good.
This metaphor is silly and nonsensical on all levels. No wonder he wants a woman to cook for him, he doesn’t even understand how Hamburger Helper works.
@ kupo
Ah, but that’s Meat Loaf.
(I love the fact that he insists on being called either Meat or Mr. Loaf)
To extend the analogy:
Hamburger helper without the meat is seasoned pasta. Hamburger alone is super bland burgers.
So basically mindless meat that rots a helluva lot faster than the grain-based stuff sitting in the box on the shelf, then.
You guys…you really need to think your awful metaphors through.
(Also, you really fucking need to learn how to cook properly. A diet of ground beef and pre-packaged food isn’t doing a thing for your brains.)
Damn, now I want to have meatloaf for dinner, and there’s me with a steak under the grill.
Limey question, what is hamburger helper?
@snork maiden
Prepackaged raw pasta and seasonings, meant to be added with fresh-ish ground (minced) beef and cooked to make a meal.
http://mealsandmovesblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/image28.png
@Alan
I didn’t know that. You learn something new every day.
It’s funny, I was actually planning on having some Hamburger helper for dinner tonight. Now I’m tempted to use ground turkey just for these guys.
If housepests is the first thing you refer to, then you might have a problem on your hands. Also the irony is that dry foods such as pasta can last a pretty long time while with beef you have to worry to not to cause freezer burn to the meat, or leaving the meat out for too long or it’ll spoil or so forth. Is he actually eating hamburger like just the meat part like a steak? In that case you still need spices and other complementary things to make it taste good. If he’s talking about the whole sandwich you still need loaves, lettuce, tomatoes, mayo/mustard, onions salts and peppers.
In other news Obama recently banned the Confederate Flag from national cemeteries.
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/aug/29/va-nix-flying-confederate-flags-cemetery-flagpoles/
I would like to cook myself Hamburger Helper, but I may have to settle for a sandwich.
I read the first line and I bursted into laughter. What goes on in their minds? Still, that was quite entertaining.
@JoeB: thanks for the explanation. I didn’t know what a ‘hamburger helper’ was, either. 😛
Thank you! That has confused me for, well, most of my life.
Hamburger is made from the cheap cuts of dead cow.
Give me a steak, any day.
1)Hamburger Helper is delicious, and I will go to war with you over that fact
2)But I thought women who were ‘used up’ single moms (dogwhistle alert) went bad. Now they also rot if they don’t get “the beef”? Given the choice between you, no wonder women choose the seasick crocodile
3)This is precisely how you know MGTOW is for the converted and only the converted. Women need men. Why? Cos. But men don’t need women? Yep. Mind explaining? Yep. At least PUAs try to present a framework where there bigotry makes sense
@Lkeke
Don’t know why that cracked me up, but it did ?
@kupo
Ooh! Gettin fancy with the Helper
Oh, I remember you mentioned getting a new food machine a while back. We got a slow cooker recently. Been makin stews. Well, they’ve been makin stews, I make the main course (rice or whatever). After like 2 weeks tho, if I never see another thing in that pot it’ll be too soon :/