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Posts will be a bit light for a few days

What? I'll stand here if I want.
What? I’ll stand here if I want.

Hey, folks. I’m taking care of some non-blog business (nothing bad), so posts will likely be a bit light for a few days, and moderation will be a bit slow. But please keep sending tips!

In the meantime, here’s a cat. I posted this one before but, come on, this is an excellent cat who deserves some more publicity.

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Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

In other words, I am a man of unshakable faith in my values. Ethically, I consider myself a deontologist, that is, one who recognizes the intrinsic nature of an act and whether or not it is permissible. It is what enables me to do what I know is right even when my heart is in the wrong place

This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day.

Is it just me or do all Nice Guys have an over-inflated ego and a mind-boggling sense of superiority ?

“I can’t put women on a pedestal” – dude, watch your footing on your own pedestal, gonna break your neck if you fall from that height.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

Ethically, I consider myself a deontologist, that is, one who recognizes the intrinsic nature of an act and whether or not it is permissible.

That’s a fancy-ass name for a basic part of childhood cognitive development.

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

The other disturbing thing about this guy was the “oh yeah, I’ll just go to prostitutes instead of date and then you bitches will be sorry!” portion of the rant.

The implication is that with sex workers he doesn’t have to worry his poor little oppressed mind about pesky things like consent. He doesn’t seem to understand that sex workers can and do turn potential clients down and he would still have to obtain consent.

It’s a giant red flag when men see women who do sex work as some other subhuman category they don’t have to respect at all.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

There’s this too.

I called the girl in question and tried to plan an official date. Not only did she reject me, which is strange after initially expressing interest and volitionally giving me her phone number of her own choice

comment image

Dude, I officially and volitionally ask you of my own choice to please stop using those words. Actually, all the words. All of them.

Re sex workers : I missed that part, but I can’t wait for his angry piece about how he gets turned down and it’s totally a crime because it’s their duty and he’s such a nice guy too.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
5 years ago

#SorryNotSorry, but younger girls are not worth it anymore

This dude is a louse

My general rule: I don’t give a shit what the legal loopholes are in your jurisdiction. If you’re hitting on high school girls, I have nothing good to say about you. But it’s OK, cos he’ll only try his hand at older ‘girls’ from now on (older or him is still <30). Until one of them doesn't accept his bullshit. Then it's even older and older. And at no point will he question whether or not he actually is a nice guy (hint: not)

Also, he goes on this self righteous, deontology kick. But why is his whole essay about the consequences of his actions? He decides not to harass children anymore, only after the underage object (keyword) of his affections pushes back. He wants to do the right thing (or what he’s deluded himself into believing is the right thing) only because he thinks he’ll “succeed”. And that’s just the tip of the disingenuous iceberg. Not even gonna touch his mommy issues…

And he keeps apologizing but he never actually apologizes for anything! ‘I apologize for being so perfectly ethical and moral. Everything I do or have ever done makes perfect sense, and I haven’t learned a damn thing, but I’m so sorry’. Can’t fuckin stand that shit! We should have a Not Being Shitty course in middle school, and a whole month should be spent on apologies! Aaah!!1!!

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

We should have a Not Being Shitty course in middle school

We’ve actually got that in France.

Granted, it’s very flawed.

It doesn’t have dedicated teachers, so those classes often end up just being your math/history/english/whatever teacher doing their usual class instead of that. Even if they do it, they do it according to their own (often very loose) interpretation of what it’s supposed to be. And even if they do it well (which has only ever happened one year in my life, with my awesome philosophy teacher, all the gods bless her until the end of times) it’s only one hour every two weeks.

But hey, at least we tried !

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
5 years ago

@John
B-but that’s big gummint indoctrinating my babies! They’ll teach ‘leftist’ propaganda like tolerance of individual differences, basic empathy, or responsible sexual practice/consent. Can’t have that!

Some schools here (not where I live, somewhere in the country) do something like that, but there isn’t a school system in the nation that isn’t funded like ass. Get what you pay for…

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

@Axe

Responsible sexual practice is taught in our biology classes. To everyone – I believe even private schools have some obligation to teach it. By the way we don’t have the whole creationism/evolution debate either, heh. Nothing about consent though… that’s down to the teachers. But I hope it has changed since. Not gonna lie though, I won’t be surprised if it hasn’t.

Okay there’s some weird animal making some weird animal noises right outside my window. It sounds weird, but also super cute. No idea what it is.

The problem with our big gummint is that it doesn’t (want to) change anything to the funding problem. Systemic racism plays a huge role in it – those schools are barely standing, and it seems there’s a tendency for teachers who fuck up one way or another to get sent there. My high school was right on the fault line – enough white kids for the state to give a slight fuck about it. Go a few streets downhill (literally, look up Thiers, that city is freaking vertical) and it’s a very different tune – they don’t even pretend anymore. Oh, and they build different kinds of schools for different social contexts. After junior high you get to choose whether you’re going in “general” or “professional” (read : learn to work in a factory) and those are in separate schools. I’ll let you guess how they then distribute the number of either in each area.

Oh and of course, it’s illegal here to make “ethnic statistics” – it’d be racist to do so. Convenient. Systemic racism remains obvious, but completely unprovable. The paragraph above might even be illegal, I’m not sure.

Some socialist pinko commie country.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

The icing on that euphoric gentlesir’s rant is the half-naked lingerie models every other paragraph.

“I’ve sworn off women” (pinup girl) “foreverrrr” (bikini model) “the evil conniving bitches” (hot actress)

P.S. I miss katz too. And Falconer. And Sir Bodsworth.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
5 years ago

@WWTH. Hi, didn’t see ya there

“oh yeah, I’ll just go to prostitutes instead of date and then you bitches will be sorry!”

[insert revolving door of slurs here] are never, have never, and will never be sorry to lose out on a penis they weren’t already interested in. ‘You didn’t know I existed until I wrote this Reddit post, but I’m not gonna fuck you. Bet ya feel sorry now, doncha!?’ Nope, nobody’s sad. There are literally billions of other penes out there, GenderRealist1995 taking himself outta contention ain’t gonna upset the balance
And the rest of your comment is spot on, per yoozh

@John
The whole country isn’t a disaster. I love in the Deep South, the Bible Belt, and I got pretty good sex ed (lotsa black people where I live. That means fewer Republicans 😃). Mostly about STDs, puberty, pregnancy, and what your parts are called. Like you, no consent (mighta glossed over it) or anything too ‘graphic’. Then again, everything is too graphic for some parents. A plus tho, they did highlight the whole ‘everything’s fine, you’re not weird, whenever you’re ready’ schtick. That was nice 🙂

Oh and of course, it’s illegal here to make “ethnic statistics” – it’d be racist to do so. Convenient. Systemic racism remains obvious, but completely unprovable. The paragraph above might even be illegal, I’m not sure

A persistent topic in previous comment sections (and elsewhere on the net) has been about a Black Lives Matter type movement in other countries. Whether it’s necessary or appropriate or feasible, stuff like that. That ‘color blind’ thing has the unintended(?) consequence of making that sorta campaign far less feasible. IMO, BLM’s biggest strength is in the availability of the facts and figures. ‘Black people get killed by cops sometimes’ is way less impactful than ‘346 in 2015 and 3x more likely than white people’. Everyone’s equally French tho… right? And fuck the burkini ban!

Some socialist pinko commie country

Indeed😞

numerobis
numerobis
5 years ago

So, about cats that stand up: we had a pair visiting (while their human was gallivanting about on vacation). The boy learned to stand up and try to turn the door handle in the month he was with us. Impossibly adorable. And only effective as a beg.

His mother, on the other paw, learned to open the door if it wasn’t quite latched, which meant she got out rather more than we’ve admitted to her human.

epitome of incomprehensibility

@Axecalibur – I agree: facts and figures are useful, even if the categories aren’t absolute. Also definitely agreed that racist police violence/racial profiling isn’t just a U.S. problem: in Montreal, for instance, there were the killings of Fredy Villanueva and Jean-Pierre Bony (as far as I gather, both were suspected for drug crimes, not violent crimes).

@Sinkable John: France and Quebec seem to be having the same problems about using “state secularism” (is that a good translation of “laïcité”?) against Muslims. In 2013 the Parti Québécois proposed a “Charter of Quebec Values” that would ban “conspicuous religious symbols” for govt./public service employees, and, guess what, they focused mostly on hijabs.

As for Christian symbols, well… (quoted from Wikipedia): “[C]ertain items and customs with an ostensibly religious nature, such as the large crucifix on display in the Quebec National Assembly, and observing Christmas are exempt on the rationale of them reflecting the province’s cultural heritage.”

Nice rationale they had… Anyway, the law never passed, since a different government got in.

OT: I’m not in Quebec at the moment, but on vacation (yay!) in exotic Ontario. Right now I’m staying in Windsor, and there was a beautiful sunset on the Detroit River this evening. (Hello, USA! Nice to see you, even if only from afar).

(((VioletBeauregarde))): Social Justice Necromancer
(((VioletBeauregarde))): Social Justice Necromancer
5 years ago

*waves from the US*

EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

I have promised myself that if I go to a town where burkinis are banned, I shall wear one.

Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
5 years ago

@louwe

True, three years doesn’t sound a lot to an experienced person, but by the looks of things, the girls he pursues are the most naive and submissive, and probably brow beaten Christian fundamentalists as well, who think that standing up to a guy is un feminine. (The girls who are up voting his posts certainly believe this) although it is exactly this environment which ‘breeds victims’, lets men get away scott free with bullying and sexual harassment and blames women for the aggressive behaviour of the man, saying she led him on, or in fundie parlance ‘sexually defrauded’ him. This makes me shiver, as I said I have seen where this leads first hand, and it is not pleasant.

Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
5 years ago

@pinko

One of the problems I have with communism is the state atheism part. This was originally to remove the power of the church from government, and support the idea of ‘separation of church and state’. There are other reasons, the link between the church and the ruling class / monarchy, tithing of the peasantry etc (paying 10%of your income to the church) otoh some Christians and other religions have suffered terrible persecution despite not being involved with this stuff. I don’t approve of religious intolerance in any form, like the stuff we are seeing in France recently. Removing power from the church institutions does not give them the right to persecute the followers of these faiths.

Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
5 years ago

Just thought I’d say, I’m away till Monday.
Going to Portmerion, where the Prisoner was filmed.
That’s up in North Wales. 🙂

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ Virgin Mary

Watch out for killer weather balloons!

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

@Axe

A persistent topic in previous comment sections (and elsewhere on the net) has been about a Black Lives Matter type movement in other countries. Whether it’s necessary or appropriate or feasible, stuff like that.

Way ahead of you, we’ve had that for a few decades :p
Okay, so to be fair it’s more of a bunch of separate group, one for each victim. They’re almost always named on this model “Verité et Justice pour [Victim’s name]” – it’s our equivalent to BLM. Each group is headed by either the victim’s family or people who were close to them, and mostly made up of people who live in the same city/area. But all groups communicate between them, there’s a few structures that provide aid between all of them (legal aid for example). That’s our workaround to the color-blindness problem right there : the names of the victims are enough. Here’s a few examples :

Zyed Benna & Bouna Traoré – the most famous case, 2005
Abdoulaye Camara – 2014
Adama Traoré – 2016
Wissam El-Yamni – 2011 (this happened in my city)
Sakine Cansiz, Fidan Dogan and Leyla Saylemez – 2013 (This case is a bit different but it is relevant and worth looking up especially from a feminist perspective.)
Hakim Djelassi – 2009

I could go on. I picked some of those at random, the others because they were important to me in one way or another. See the pattern ? We don’t need statistics with this kind of list.

Everyone’s equally French tho… right?

That’s another thing. Some people aren’t “French” enough. They may be French in every official sense, if they aren’t white and named Durand, they won’t be called French. They’re viciously refered to by their “country of origin” even if they were born here and have never even been there. Hell even I can’t escape it. I’m basically the Polish dude, I’ll never be French enough. To add insult to injury, people then explain that they see me as Polish because… I drink too much ? What the hell ? You think of Poland and the first thing that comes to mind is alcoholism ? WHAT. And then the struggle faced by Muslims becomes clearly apparent : they’ll never be French, because Muslim. Islam is a country, dontcha know. The burkini ban is the latest example, which brings me to this :

@epitome of incomprehensibility

First off : laïcité – state secularism, yeah, that’s a good translation.

“Charter of Quebec Values” that would ban “conspicuous religious symbols” for govt./public service employees, and, guess what, they focused mostly on hijabs.

Yep, we’ve had that in the public sector since 2004, and I’m glad it didn’t pass in Quebec. The controversy on that still lives on here, and the burkini ban is its latest incarnation. And yeah, of course there’s a ton of ink spent just on rationalizing why “christian symbols are okay, because ME CULTURE” – hey, Muslims ! This country is not YOUR culture ! It’s MINE ! Actually, not even. But still !

The burkini ban in itself is particularly disgusting. Under some “feminist” rationale, they go and police what women can wear. Nice one, fuckers. But it’s okay, it’s for secularism ! Which brings me to :

@Virgin Mary

The religious persecution here really has nothing to do with secularism. (Also did you mean we’re a communist country ?) We have a certain “religious right” political fringe, the one that was most active during the rabidly homophobic “Manif Pour Tous” back in 2013 when we (finally) decided to make marriage law equal. Those guys aren’t persecuted. Like the american religious right, they like to pretend they are. I’m an agnostic atheist and big time secularist, but apparently the state and I disagree on what that means. These days, laïcité/secularism is a codeword for “No Muslims allowed”.

This specific debate has been hijacked by a particularly vicious fringe of the far-right, which tries to co-opt Muslims as allies in their big fight for “traditional values”. Look up Alain Soral if you feel you need some anger in your day.

So all in all, there you have it : it’s really all the same thing. Racism is a very versatile thing.

Re : schools – of course human beings and social dynamics being what they are, the poor areas are also where someone who wants to learn can find the most interesting places. Since I was kicked out of school, I’ve been to a few places where badass social workers and street teachers do by themselves what the state refuses to do. And they do it much better. Writing classes for the poor kids – that’s the awesome stuff. Been to those as a guest of sorts, to learn a lot and teach a bit about writing – come October, I’ll do a lot more of that in the town I’m moving to. Among other things, it’s how I ended up doing rap in addition to previous work in blues and hard rock. Also come October, my DJ/rapper buddy and I will work on recording some of our stuff, and I’m ridiculously excited about it. Haven’t recorded shit in so many years I’m not sure I can hold a mic anymore.

Whew, that was one long post. Woke up from a nightmare into a bad headache, heart and brain trying to one-up each other in making this morning shitty. The teal deer got it out of my system.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

@Sinkable John
Whew! Nightmares can be really scary.

Sounds like you’re feeling better now.

Enjoy your day!

And congratulations on your kickass plans!

@Virgin Mary
I hope that you have a good time in North Wales!

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

@Kat

I like scary nightmares, sort of 😐
You always wake up from them and reality kicks back in. It’s the “good dreams” I’m most afraid of, for the same reason.
This one was a peculiar thing, a nightmare that reflected the worst of reality. Wake up, go “phew, just a nightmare” then realize it could basically be real. Well at least waking up wasn’t too brutal, since there’s no contrast.

I’ll become a transhumanist the day they find a way to make sleep unnecessary – I’ve got a shitty relationship with every aspect of it.

But yeah, ’tis better now, thanks :p

@Virgin Mary

Didn’t see that second post, have a great time there 😀
Teach me some cool welsh words when you come back. That language is awesome.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ sinkable john & virgin mary

Either of you two familiar with Sleaford Mods?

I think you both might like them for different reasons. SJ, they have a really interesting take on rap. They’re great live. The guy who does all the actual production and music comes on stage but he just stands around drinking whilst his mate actually sings.

Mary, I think you might like their politics; though it might be a bit left wing for you 🙂

All their stuff is officially on YouTube (heaven forfend that they should actually make profit)

Maybe start with ‘Jobseeker’. The lyric is hilarious.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

@Alan

I can’t understand dem lyrics 🙁
I no can engrish enoof good for dis
I’d never heard of them before, although I’ve heard this kind of musical approach before : sounds like the post-punk I’m used to hearing at my usual hang out, an “underground” concert hall where math rock is played the same night as regular old school hip-hop and weird fetish punk. The drinks are cheap and there’s fucking couches. Awesome place.

EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

@Sinkable John:
I have been to metal clubs where you could probably contract any of a number of diseases from the couches. I’m a little scared of couches in clubs now.

That said, that club sounds badass awesome and now I want to go to the Auvergne to check it out.

Your music sounds very interesting. I’d love to hear it, if you want to share (or just post a link to where we can buy it.)

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ sinkable john

there’s fucking couches. Awesome place.

Heh, think we’re on the same wavelength. It’s always been a bit like that for me when my mates try to drag me out.

“We’ve managed to blag into this great gig!”
“(Such and such DJ) is doing a special appearance!”
“We’ve scored some top notch MDMA!”
“It’s got a VIP area with a free bar!”
“There’s somewhere comfy to sit”

“I’m in!!!”

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

@EJ

Sadly I don’t think a single recording survived since then 🙁
Might be for the best, they weren’t that great anyway. Now I’m moving on to other kinds of music and actually writing my own lyrics, and my voice has fully matured, so the half-assed garage blues and punk from my preteen-teen years is probably best left in the past.

Also, just one small thing, is it “go to *the* Auvergne” ? I always thought it was just “go to Auvergne” by the english standard.

It’s not a club though ! It’s really “just” a concert hall, albeit in a squatted building. And it really is awesome. There’s a cool thing going on with the general benevolence there. People watch out for you, among other things.
Last time I went I was super tired because I’d been up for around 40 hours, and what with the beer and weed I started dozing off and waking up repeatedly. This awesome gal woke me up once to check that I wasn’t slipping into a coma, and when I said no she just sat next to me and made sure no one else woke me up again for the same reason. Even got me a few beers sitting right in front of me for those moments I’d wake up.
That’s the kind of attitude towards others that seriously lacks in the more usual party settings – at music festivals I tend to always look out for the younger ones, for example. Always got the “first-aid kit” on hand – that includes a lot of water, food, coffee, stuff people may need in case of over-intoxication. Since I don’t sleep I keep my tent open for them to sleep in if necessary. But then I see a number of assholes who’d rather take advantage of vulnerable drunk teenagers… the Raymond is awesome in that it doesn’t have that. People watch out.

@Alan

A prerequisite indeed. Can’t have a good night if you can’t sit down when you need to. ’tis why I avoid the more “regular” settings like clubs and such. Plus alcohol, drugs and standing up are the worst mix as soon as you start getting just a little bit tired – and you can’t go until 6am if you can’t rest a bit.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ sinkable john

tis why I avoid the more “regular” settings like clubs and such.

When I lived in London we used to hire an old Russian sub and use that for parties. It was great (until the tide went out, then it just fell over). The best thing about it was you could always find somewhere to crash back in the engine rooms.

(It actually had beds in the officers’ bit but I can only assume no submariner is over four feet tall)

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

This is the single most amazing thing I’ve ever heard of. Them acoustics must’ve been interesting too.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ sinkable john

The acoustics are very weird. It’s like the most ‘dead’ space you can imagine (no reverb whatsoever). We used to have the dancey bit in the old battery compartment. That was the biggest open space. The weird thing is that even though we put a fairly big PA in there, if you went a couple of compartments back, you couldn’t hear a thing, even with all the hatches open. Joeb can probably explain the science behind that (unless of course it is actually magic).

The other great thing is that there’s no ambient light down there at all so you could just dance in total darkness apart from a few LEDs on the gear.

This is the magnificent lady* in question. Thank you ma’am for many nights of fun!

comment image

(* I think Russians use masculine pronouns for submarines)

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

@Alan

When I lived in London we used to hire an old Russian sub and use that for parties.

I’m stunned!

What’s a Russian sub doing off the coast of England?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ Kat

What’s a Russian sub doing off the coast of England?

Dropping to bits mainly; although it was actually on the Thames.

A guy just bought it from the Russian Navy (he actually bought two but one sank, which is ironic). He said they were really cheap, like “Here’s a few thousand dollar US to look the other way” cheap. Then he just charged people to look around it. It was very interesting just in its own right, but we asked if we could hire it and he said yes.

ETA: One very interesting thing is that it came with an old (disarmed) torpedo. It was a Russian torpedo but all the markings were in English because someone had stolen the dies back in the Cold War.

EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

Surely the virtue of a submarine is that it can sink without being harmed? Isn’t that what they’re for?

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

Wow!

And I can see that it’s all rusty. I wouldn’t want to travel in it, but it would be fun to party in.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ EJ

Surely the virtue of a submarine is that it can sink without being harmed? Isn’t that what they’re for?

Yeah, but generally “and come back up again” is an essential part of the equation; a feature the other one sadly lacked.

ETA: Semantic query; when does it stop being ‘coast’ and start being ‘river bank’?

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

I think Russians use masculine pronouns for submarines

I’m totally in favor of that if it means they can name a submarine Ivan.

(GET IT !?)

(yes, this is my cryptic bad puns week)

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

@Alan, @EJ

Surely the virtue of a submarine is that it can sink without being harmed? Isn’t that what they’re for?

Yeah, but generally “and come back up again” is an essential part of the equation; a feature the other one sadly lacked.

Hmm. Coming back up again does sound important.

(You made me laugh.)

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
5 years ago

Ermergerd, that submarine! Alan “Best Anecdotes” Robertshaw outdoes himself 😀

I’ve also been missing Katz. When I first de-lurked here, she was consistently kind and gracious to me, plus I love her comments.

Seeing as this is kind of an OT thread in general, I have a question that perhaps some of you could help with. I currently have a student with severe OCD and this last week it’s been really affecting him, to the point that he’s raging, crying, and shouting over things that up to now he’s been able to handle, even if he didn’t like them. Yesterday he noticed that there was a minor discrepancy in the marking criteria for an assignment, and for him it was the end of the world (I’m not being sarcastic or nasty in saying that – it destroyed him).

He has support, obviously, at home, and from professionals. But my question is, how can I best help him as his teacher when he is in these moments of intense frustration? Be calm, take him seriously, of course – but does anyone know of specific strategies that might help?

Please don’t feel obligated, ok? I’ve asked the powers that be at uni for more help, but I also thought of asking here, as many of you seem to be familiar with OCD. Depression and bipolar are my personal demons, so I feel like I’m flailing around when it comes to this area.

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
5 years ago

Forgot to add,

@ cleverforagirl
Kimchi has THE most gorgeous little face in the universe. I remember when you posted his first pic. Kudos to you for what you’ve done (plus, I never make my bed, so no need to worry)

@ Victorious Parasol, best warm wishes to you.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
5 years ago

@EJ

I have promised myself that if I go to a town where burkinis are banned, I shall wear one

Burkas, hijabs, burkinis, let’s go. Freeedooom!!! Besides, and at the risk of some insensitivity, burkinis are fuckin cute! Has anyone ever not looked adorable in one of those? I could probably pull it off…

Oh, and apparently, half the people who wear burkinis aren’t even Muslim. Also, Thierry Migoule should be made to wear a swimsuit made of legos!

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

@Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy

Take this with a large bag of salt because I’m only speaking from experience.

I have slight, irregularly recurring OCD but your student’s situation is obviously on a scale that I can’t comprehend, so I wouldn’t know about managing that. But from what I understand of mental illness in general – again, from personal experience with depression, insomnia, OCD, so I may be missing the point entirely in your student’s case – external factors often play a much larger role than is attributed to them. People with mental disorders are expected to work on themselves and their own brains but little to no attention is paid to “mundane” causes for grief (that is, stuff not related to mental illness) that could very well be aggravating the situation.

That could be just about anything, stuff that you as a teacher aren’t supposed to look into or offer support with – if so, then there really is nothing you can do except show a general supportive attitude.
Or it could be student stress – in which case you could recommend he takes a break, get some rest. I don’t know the specifics so maybe that’s not a good thing to do if he ends up being late on work though.

Or it could be nothing at all, “just” OCD with no outside catalyst. In which case I don’t know.

I’m gonna leave this out here to illustrate my point : last year I went into full-blown depression because of choking loneliness. They “treated” me by putting me in a closed hospital for a whole month, with barred windows and locked doors everywhere, and enough Tercian in my system to make it impossible to even keep busy since my brain just couldn’t turn on. That’s like treating a stab wound with painkillers and more stabbing. This is what happens when outside factors are dismissed, or when people are told to “tough it up”.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

ETA : oh yeah and Mr Psychiatrist McStupidpants completely dismissed my insomnia, said it was caused by my use of cannabis. It never occurred to him that smoking to put myself to sleep might just be how I deal with insomnia in the first place, not the cause of it.

As a result of his fucking around my brain with seriously inappropriate drugs, my insomnia got fucking worse.
As a result of his fucking around my personal life with assumptions and police calls, it is now pretty much impossible for me to find access to cannabis in my city, as the cops have an eye on me. So there goes my only respite. Hello, beer. My alcohol intake has more than tripled in the last year, and it was already bad before.

So it’s also not a good idea to make assumptions based on “lifestyle” things, particularly when doing so from a moral high ground based on “it’s bad, mkay ?”. Could be your student had some sort of personal coping mechanism, that he either clearly identified it as such or didn’t, and that said mechanism, whatever it is, is now gone, for whatever reason.

ETA again : okay, this escalated quickly. Sorry this turned into a personal rant more than actual advice.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

@Mish

I’ve also been missing Katz. When I first de-lurked here, she was consistently kind and gracious to me, plus I love her comments.

Yes, same here.

Yesterday he noticed that there was a minor discrepancy in the marking criteria for an assignment, and for him it was the end of the world (I’m not being sarcastic or nasty in saying that – it destroyed him).

My experience isn’t as extreme as your student’s. But here is what helps me: (1) calm, steadfast acceptance of my fear, and (2) calm, steadfast reassurance that my fear is outsize.

This turns off “the thing” for me — or at least a good part of it. Out of deference to the fear(!), I might hesitate to show it, but I am calmer.

It’s actually quite unusual for anyone to exhibit numbers 1 and 2. I mostly have to do it for myself.

If you try this technique, I’d love to hear how it goes.

@Sinkable John
Damn, that’s tough.

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

@Sinkable John
Your shrink sounds like an idiot. I’m sorry you’re going through that. Alcohol is likely to make your insomnia worse, though. It might help you initially fall asleep but then you’re likely to wake up again a few hours later. Personally I’ve found mental health professionals to be shit at helping with insomnia, but primary care physicians have been good at finding prescriptions that actually helped me. So maybe give that a try?

@Mish
I immediately thought the student probably had something else going on, too. I don’t have OCD, but as a kid stuff like grading discrepancies could cause a melt down in me. I had a lot of anxiety and grades were extremely important to me because I didn’t have any friends so bring smart was the one thing I felt I could be happy about my personality, and on top of that we were constantly reminded that our futures were on the line and if we didn’t get good grades we wouldn’t be accepted into college.

All that said, if my parents were fighting or the other kids were playing pranks on me again I was more likely to melt down. Also, if whatever it was (the assignment, the discrepancy, the subject) didn’t make sense, that made it more difficult. So my advice is to help the student understand the work and the grading discrepancy as best you can, and be patient as they’ve likely already shut down and aren’t going to be very receptive.

Fabe
Fabe
5 years ago

I’m totally in favor of that if it means they can name a submarine Ivan.

(GET IT !?)

(yes, this is my cryptic bad puns week)

I’m assuming you’re referencing the maneuver know as a “Crazy Ivan”?

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

@kupo

Alcohol is likely to make your insomnia worse, though. It might help you initially fall asleep but then you’re likely to wake up again a few hours later.

I know, I actually take advantage of that when I need to limit the amount of time I’m gonna be sleeping. Like if I haven’t slept in around 40-50 hours but when I finally start getting sleepy it’s too late and I need to be up less than 6 hours later. I know it’s unhealthy but in those situations it’s the only way I can make it. Otherwise I try to stay sober when there’s the slightest chance I’m gonna be sleeping. I don’t drink in order to sleep, but to deal with the aftermath of not sleeping enough. @anyone who dare say I’m destroying myself and it’s not helping : I know that full well, also fuck you. @pretty much everyone on WHTM, not including trolls : I love you folks for not being judgmental assholes.

Personally I’ve found mental health professionals to be shit at helping with insomnia, but primary care physicians have been good at finding prescriptions that actually helped me. So maybe give that a try?

In France, mental health professionals seem to be shit, period, and especially with insomnia. Especially when they fucking deny it. Like I don’t know what I’ve been living with for 24 years.
Sadly in my case medicine is out of the question anyway. I was pretty much born with insomnia, it seems to run in the family to a certain extent (apparently I’m the worst case so far 🙁 ), and never goes away. I can’t ride it out on a prescription because then it’s gonna be for life, and it seems I have very strong and quick drug tolerance : most prescriptions I’ve had have lasted me 2 weeks before they completely stopped having any sort of effect. The one thing that lasted longer was the massive doses of Tercian in hospital, and even that stopped working in less than a month. Stronger doses, or a longer period of time, would be harmful.

Really the only thing I’ve found to work somewhat reliably is weed : even if it doesn’t knock me out (it does under certain circumstances, that would be approximately half the time) it also makes the time spent laying awake trying to sleep much more bearable. My brain doesn’t keep replaying a never-ending loop of whatever I heard during the day like I’m hearing voices on a broken record, it doesn’t keep processing the most painful information it can find, it doesn’t make me miserable for hours before I can finally sleep. Half of the trouble with insomnia is what happens in your head while you try to fall asleep, a little personal slice of self-inflicted hell. Shutting that down is half the battle.

But hey, the only reliable thing I have found also happens to be illegal. These days I’m considering moving to any other country with permissive laws on acquisition and consumption, because I’m sick to death of my mental health essentially being outlawed while ministry-of-health-approved morons keep throwing useless and harmful crap at me, or outright telling me to “get a job, it’ll tire you out”.

@Fabe

I only found out about it when I then started googling for a submarine called Ivan. But no, that wasn’t the pun :p

Hint : if somebody finds a pic of a submarine called Ivan, I’ll use it as my avatar.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ sinkable john

Really the only thing I’ve found to work somewhat reliably is weed

Have you tried experimenting with different types of weed/hash. I’ve find over the years that different stuff works (on me, YMMV) in different ways. A lot of the newer strains especially don’t seem to have the soporiphic affect of some of the classic bush types. Pity you’re not over here, there’s some home grown stuff sourced in London that makes people really sparko. (The young ‘uns complain it’s not strong enough but kids today eh? 🙂 )

I also recognise that ‘brain lock’ thing you describe. I’m lucky in that I don’t get insomnia in a genuine sense, but sometimes I do have that ‘million things all competing for attention at once’ thing buzzing around in there. It’s hard to snap out of. What works for me (apologies if you’ve already tried this) is less trying to achieve total tranquilly but instead providing a distraction/diversion that isn’t itself too stimulating. There’s certain types of music that do it for me.

Oh, and don’t know if you’ve ever tried mead but that’s something that makes me pleasantly drowsy.

Disclaimer: -As will be readily apparent I am not a doctor. 🙂

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
5 years ago

@Sinkable John

I feel you. My problems are nowhere near as severe, but on occassion I’ve had quite a bit of alcohol and/or weed on order to fall asleep. The noisy loop of useless thoughts, I recognize very much.

Sadly, I don’t think marijuana will be legalized here any time soon. Even our left wing parties are generally quite conservative when it comes to drug use. It’s one issue on which we’re far behind the US and many other countries. For me personally weed is extremely useful for pain management, so that’s the main reason why I long for legalization.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

@Alan

True, different stuff has different effects. Sadly there’s the matter of availability : right now, in my case, it’s pretty bad, so I don’t get to be picky. I find that stronger-but-not-fancy-Amsterdam-kinda-strong weed works best for achieving sleep, for me at least. There’s decent sources in the city I’m moving to “soon” (was supposed to be three days from now, but it had to be delayed again to next month) so I’ll have to start working on cutting a budget.

I still haven’t found another way out of the brain-lock (that’s a nice way to put it, by the way – better than “Joan of Arc Syndrome” which is how I call it when I get especially upset about it). Music works fine during waking hours but now for some reason it also keeps me awake. Same with any other kind of diversion – even keeping my thoughts focused on something that isn’t the brain-lock itself will keep me awake.

@Imaginary Petal

Sadly, I don’t think marijuana will be legalized here any time soon.

Sorry, I don’t remember where you live, stoopid memory never registering the right stuff. Although it seems most countries in the world are far behind on this specific matter. Meh, even the US itself, although their problem as I understand it seems more about state-specific laws impeding national progress, as with pretty much all other social matters. Correct me if I’m wrong, I mean, I don’t understand US politics that well.

For me personally weed is extremely useful for pain management, so that’s the main reason why I long for legalization.

Damn, you’re the whole reason prohibition needs to end. Recreational use is one thing, the need to induce sleep is another, but at least it’s possible to make do without. Pain management is something else entirely.

ETA : @Alan

Forgot about mead – yeah, I know what you’re talking about. Mulled wine does it pretty well too, when cooked the right way (I have the best recipe ever, got it from a former bar owner friend whose bar used to be my main hangout even though I had to walk 30 minutes to reach it, that’s how good the place was). Grog too, I have dozens of different recipes for grog, it’s a huge hit with some of my friends in Paris. They basically house me, feed me and keep me stocked with ingredients as long as I keep making truckloads of the stuff.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

@Sinkable John – wow, that’s awful. I’m so sorry. 🙁

I’ve been having trouble falling asleep (yay perimenopause) and looking for distractions from brain loops. Someone suggested ASMR videos, but they don’t work on me. It seems to be like Magic Eye: either you get it or you don’t. I’m curious – has anyone else tried them and gotten the magical warm tingle/brain orgasm effect?

Meanwhile, I’ve been watching the “Most Satisfying Video In The World” series on YouTube, and they really are hypnotically satisfying and relaxing. I could watch them all day. I guess people’s mileage varies on whatever soothes their particular neural circuitry.

Back to Mr. Nice Guy for a moment (I missed this chewy quote):

Ethically, I consider myself a deontologist

“…and it was incredibly wrong and evil of this one girl to reject me and overlook my awesomeness, so from now on I am RIGHTEOUSLY and JUSTLY going to reject all women and overlook their awesomeness.”

This guy strikes me as more of a situational ethicist, which seems to be very common in the manosphere. The black-and-white rules apply to everyone else, but not to him.

But he still gets to wave the banner of STOIC MALE HONOUR.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko
5 years ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

I’ve been meaning to look into ASMR for two years now (can you say procrastination) and I still haven’t 😐

It’s the first time I hear of this Most Satisfying Video thing though, I’ll look into it too.

The Nice Guy is a most excellent specimen of his kind. The deontologist thing is seriously the most egregious thing I’ve read in a while, and I wade through the fever swamps of the Daily Stormer and Return of Kings, among others, as a hobby and on a daily basis. It’s almost glorious in its ridiculousness, well at any rate it would be if there wasn’t a very real woman being targeted by all his vicious abuse.