Ever since the execrable Roosh Valizadeh decided he’d rather be a patriarch than a pickup artist, he and the writers on his Return of Kings garbage site have been singing the praises of traditional religion.
Not so much for them, or for the male readers of his site, very few of whom seem to be religious, but for women and girls. In Roosh’s fantasy world, you see, traditional religion means more hot young virgins for him.
But how does the aspiring patriarch choose what religion to pretend to believe in order to score himself a virginal wife who will probably cook dinner for him and wash his fetid socks?
Enter regular Return of Kings contributor Max Roscoe with a new series promising to answer that important question. Roscoe, who previously wrote about his failed attempts to pick up chicks at what he decided was a too-liberal church retreat, has generously agreed to attend services of three relatively conservative faiths in order to scope out hot virgin chicks for the benefit of Return of Kings readers.
First up, the Mormons.
Roscoe starts off with some general impressions of Mormons:
Mormons are extremely family oriented. They are very clean, and often talk like Ned Flanders.
Then, after describing a rather uneventful visit to a local Mormon ward, Roscoe offers his assessment of the pros and cons of the religion. He praises Mormonism for being, among other things, a “very patriarchal” religion that is “nominally Christian [and] moderately accepted in [the] West,” then rattles off a slightly longer list of cons, including
- Dubious beliefs
- Prohibitions on alcohol, caffeine, and other intoxicants …
- Probably the most hostile to the ideas of “game”
He’s also not impressed with the Morman church’s renunciation of plural marriage, which causes him to “wonder if they will not cave to demands of the corrupt outside world at some point.”
While Roscoe himself isn’t too keen on becoming a Mormon, he sees some hope that the religion could help Return of Kings readers in their search for virgins.
Sure, you might get stuck playing a lot “of board games and bible trivia [and] hanging out with the extended church family.” And you’ll have to stop banging sluts. Oh, and you’ll probably have to actually become a Mormon yourself.
“But the payoff,” he happily concludes,
is an extremely submissive wife who knows that her eternal salvation depends on fulfilling her motherly and wifely duties so that one day you can have endless celestial sex among the gods. Expect a Mormon girl to barely know what a penis or vagina is, but to do anything that her Priesthood holder (you) tells her. … the only single women I saw were in middle or high school.
I would make a joke here but honestly I feel a bit ill.
@Gert
http://66.media.tumblr.com/08bb54161312f8e77eb92e9db457c6fe/tumblr_nu8z1pSiRK1tjnfcso1_500.gif
Isn’t it tiring pulling shit from your ass all day? Call me when Milo is done making a fool out of himself and is done spewing bullshit. That’ll be news.
(Begging whatever higher power may exist)
“Please don’t let him breed. Please don’t let him breed.”
Podkayne – right? Especially when they start talking about polygamy and how it never occurs to them that in such a system, they could (and probably *would*) be one of the majority of men *without* wives.
@Handsome Jack:
No sure where you’re coming from with that.
Couldn’t the same be said of WHTM as a site? It really would be real, good news if the whole new Misogyny/MRA/MGTOW just ceased to be but that ain’t happening anytime soon either.
You don’t think links between Roosh V., Milo et al and other alt-right misogynists warrants attention?
@Gert
Oh, sorry, Gert. I was talking about Milo pulling stuff out of his ass. My bad.
@Hansome Jack:
Thanks for clearing that up.
Milo’s latest ‘essay’ (link via wonkette, above) on washing machines and the pill really is worth a gander, you know? Sh*t you couldn’t make up if they paid you for it. Oh wait, he does get paid for it!
Oofda! Scildfreja is on to something. The less like zucchini you can make zucchini taste, the more it becomes food instead of fertilizer for growing other food with. 😛 I cannot STAND the squishy death-squash. Summer squash is just one rung down the ladder for elimination from the face of the earth once I complete my death-ray.
Seriously, Space Cowboy. Try it out. I don’t really like zucchini all that much (I’m warming to it lately though) and I love them zucchini skins. Garlic and cheese makes a lot of things better after all! Oh, need that olive oil and a bit of salt, too. That’s about it! Simply and tasty as heck.
OT: First time going out with my mom with my meds in my system, saw a movie, went shopping, at out, the works. The best part is, I’m pretty sure we both enjoyed ourselves. Before the meds I’d be constantly on edge wondering where the conversation was going to get dour. Now with space, I feel better than ever.
@Oogly
That’s wonderful! I hope it keeps going well. 🙂
I used to hate zucchini until I found out that it’s actually okay to *not* cook it until it reaches the consistency of boogers. A light sautee in lemon and dill–so it still has substantial firmness but is only juuuust barely softened–is a game changer. (Same goes with summer squash.)
Of course that doesn’t change the core flavor, but I just wanted to throw one in for the pro-zucchini crew. ;D
(Actually I’ve found this to hold true with most cooked vegetables–most of the ones I used to despise are actually pretty good if you just don’t cook all the structure and flavor out of them.)
@Ooglyboggles
I’m glad things are going so very well for you.
If you’re okay with fried food, then zucchini fries are delicious. Don’t do it for too long though – as Kootiepatra says, the firmer they are, the better.
I do a super easy sort of Lebanese-style dish with zucchini: sauté with lots of garlic in lots of olive oil. Take off the heat, squeeze some lemon over, coarse salt to taste, and eat with some plain yogurt.
You could add a herb or two if you like, but I enjoy it as is.
LG… I was abusive to my first partner. Less verbally and more physically, but still, I was abusive, I was wrong and he kicked me out which was the right and necessary thing to do and helped me to change..
I am afab/read as woman, that was my first relationship and it was not so long and during puberty (I was 17, the relationship was like 8 months or 9 months long)
So I don’t know whether applicable
But if you wanna talk to me, just ask me about it. I will try to answer all of it truthfully.
I changed, I think.I hope. I am with my partner of almost 9 years now and I never used any kind of verbal or physical violence against any of my later partners.
We both sometimes had problems with trying to nag to get something out of the other., but this stopped too because I am trying very consciously to recall that nagging is not okay and hes the same.
We talked about our communication so we now have a clear sign that a certain thing is a hard boundary and not negotiable and that either of us will cease any tries to get the other to do [whatever is wanted]
But I think nobody feared the other, so even when we argue, its not scary because nobody uses aggressive body language etc.
tl;dr I was the abusive partner in my first relationship and I think I changed for the better, so if you got questions here just ask.
technical stuff:
1. I don’t really know how the comment system works here, sometimes I think discussions run over several different comment sections from different postings? Is that correct? because I think I read a discussion but couldn’t find the rest of it and found that mildly confusing.
So should we discuss it here in this comment-section or are there special ones that are more for free discussion?
2.)I don’t wanna post an email here and I am open to discuss this openly here because I think its important to talk about this(and btw also to see that women(or afab that are read as such) can be physically abusive too, but on the other hand..the people we rightfully mock and criticize me.. eh.. I fear being made an example and used then by them just to support their shitty hate-campaigns but on the other hand not doing that for fear of proving some point they pull out of their collective asses isnt cool either :/
Still seeing some of the people who come here because they are mocked here, I am a bit hesitant with giving my email into the formula here, so mr futrelle please dont be mad but I dont wanna use my own so I will make a temporary one for it.
I need to vent up frustration over that : https://twitter.com/1followernodad/status/770495177299460096
How can ANYONE ever give such utterly stupid advices ? I litteraly have foam coming at my mouth just thinking of all the stupid contained in that. All parts of their “routines” are things that make me want to be violent when someone try it. Should we start to beat people doing that up to make sure they understand that we are actually sentient being that have the right to not want to do anything with strangers when we don’t feel like it ?
Have you tried making noodles from zucchini/marrow/courgette? This seems to be a bit of a food fad in the UK at the moment, you can even buy your courgette pre noodled in Sainsbury and Waitrose etc. It’s a very healthy option for people avoiding gluten and carbs etc.
@ohlmann
I just had a read of that article, truly horrifying advice indeed. I worry about the people who read this and hand on every word. It is basically harassment, no better term for it. I wear a big pair of Beats Studio’s, the noise cancelling kind when I listen to music on the bus, purely because I want to just listen to music not other people’s chatter and noise. The only people who do exactly what that guy advises in the article are ‘chuggers’, or ‘charity muggers’. You know the guys who try to sign you up to charities by standing in the way, trying to block your path and being over friendly and ‘confident’. But at least that’s their job. If a bloke did this just to get attention I would actually be very upset. I like staying in my little world with my musc thank you very much.
@ohlmann: i got midway through the article before rage scrolling down to see if there were comments where incould say NO YOU ARE WRONG. IF YOU ASK ME TO TAKE OUT MY HEADPHONES INEXPECT IT TO BE BECAUSE THERE IS A FIRE. No one gets to decide what my time is worth.
Everything in that article is awful. @David, this is totally worth a WHTM piece.
Directly linking to it, as i think donotlink is still down?
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-talk-to-a-woman-who-is-wearing-headphones.html
Up yours, guy. Women smile because we don’t know what else to do, and we’ve been socialised that if anything happens in this interaction that is bad, it will be our fault. It is our job to keep the person who is rudely forcing us to acknowledge him happy so he doesn’t attack us. I know i know you are a nice guy. But i was sitting here with a social signal that everyone understands and you just violated those boundaries, so…?
Didn’t know whether to post this here, as its a bit off topic, but Ghostbusters stuff is always good value. I can’t believe this actually happened and how the Old Navy store could be so stupid. We have seen the same kind of thing happen with the superhero stuff ( the Batman’s girlfriend toddler T) and the way they choose to ignore Black Widow on Avenger’s merch and Rey and Leia on Star Wars merch, but the whole point of the Ghostbuster’s movie (and the reason for so much hard trolling) was that it celebrated the talents of four very funny and intelligent women, much to the chagrin of the pessimistic Patriarchalists, they provided great Role Models for girls.
Then we see stuff like this.
http://metro.co.uk/2016/08/30/shop-misses-the-point-with-sexist-ghostbusters-tees-for-toddlers-6098260/
And it makes me kinda angry that this has to be ‘boy stuff’. Now if I were a little girl, there’s nothing stopping me wearing the boy shirt, but the goal of the pink girly ‘in training’ shirt is to make girls feel stupid and incompetent, not make them feel strong and heroic. That goes completely against what the movie is about. Old Navy need to be publicly shamed for doing this. 🙁
@ rhuu
In the Metro story about the article there is a great comment: “Don’t interrupt me unless you’ve won an Oscar or I’m on fire”.
There’s already been a post on headphones spoiling day game
https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2014/05/17/breaking-women-using-earbuds-to-commit-grave-misandries-upon-innocent-men/
Bonus abelism in the comments when a concern troll does the “what if the guy ripping off your earbuds is a disabled person in distress” thing. Because apparently women have to let men violate our boundaries just in case they’re autistic.
@Alan Robertshaw: hahaha, right? There are times when it’s totally cool to interrupt someone. Did you know your bag is open? There is a ‘kick me’ sign stuck to your back. That bench has just been painted, don’t sit on it! Did you know there is an entire pack of wolves chasing you? Have you noticed you are slightly on fire?
Basically if someone is trying to help the person they sre interrupting. If the interrupter is trying to help themselves, then they are doing it wrong and should go home and think about what they did.
Looking at the twitter thread Ohlman linked, it appears that this guy also gives tips on how to stalk your ex. This dude seems seriously like he’s about to go on a murder spree.
That Modern Man site is seriously gross and an obvious scam. If there was a magical trick for getting women to all be attracted to men, it would be widely known and used by men already. They wouldn’t need to pay this Dan Bacon miscreant to tell them what it is.