Ever since the execrable Roosh Valizadeh decided he’d rather be a patriarch than a pickup artist, he and the writers on his Return of Kings garbage site have been singing the praises of traditional religion.
Not so much for them, or for the male readers of his site, very few of whom seem to be religious, but for women and girls. In Roosh’s fantasy world, you see, traditional religion means more hot young virgins for him.
But how does the aspiring patriarch choose what religion to pretend to believe in order to score himself a virginal wife who will probably cook dinner for him and wash his fetid socks?
Enter regular Return of Kings contributor Max Roscoe with a new series promising to answer that important question. Roscoe, who previously wrote about his failed attempts to pick up chicks at what he decided was a too-liberal church retreat, has generously agreed to attend services of three relatively conservative faiths in order to scope out hot virgin chicks for the benefit of Return of Kings readers.
First up, the Mormons.
Roscoe starts off with some general impressions of Mormons:
Mormons are extremely family oriented. They are very clean, and often talk like Ned Flanders.
Then, after describing a rather uneventful visit to a local Mormon ward, Roscoe offers his assessment of the pros and cons of the religion. He praises Mormonism for being, among other things, a “very patriarchal” religion that is “nominally Christian [and] moderately accepted in [the] West,” then rattles off a slightly longer list of cons, including
- Dubious beliefs
- Prohibitions on alcohol, caffeine, and other intoxicants …
- Probably the most hostile to the ideas of “game”
He’s also not impressed with the Morman church’s renunciation of plural marriage, which causes him to “wonder if they will not cave to demands of the corrupt outside world at some point.”
While Roscoe himself isn’t too keen on becoming a Mormon, he sees some hope that the religion could help Return of Kings readers in their search for virgins.
Sure, you might get stuck playing a lot “of board games and bible trivia [and] hanging out with the extended church family.” And you’ll have to stop banging sluts. Oh, and you’ll probably have to actually become a Mormon yourself.
“But the payoff,” he happily concludes,
is an extremely submissive wife who knows that her eternal salvation depends on fulfilling her motherly and wifely duties so that one day you can have endless celestial sex among the gods. Expect a Mormon girl to barely know what a penis or vagina is, but to do anything that her Priesthood holder (you) tells her. … the only single women I saw were in middle or high school.
I would make a joke here but honestly I feel a bit ill.
Oh, I’m holding my breath over here.
actually Mormon men dont always marry young, in fact some of the more culty groups kick out young men so old men can marry young women, even teens. So a rando convert might not be so welcome.
From what I understand (very little) of the more… insular religiocultural groups is that they only really work within their own moral framework. Submission to a deity or divine authority is predicated on that authority being worthy of submission. Plenty of stories concerning prophets who were abandoned after their righteousness became doubted
This presents a problem for the opportunistically Mormon PUA. Yes, some interpretations of Mormon doctrine espouse (puns) matrimonial submission to the husband. But that’s because men are considered more holy. An unholy man (as someone who relocates to the Rockies and converts to LDS in order to have sex with teenagers would be seen) has scant more right to expect submission than an unrepentant sinner
None of this is to say that Mormons are necessarily a certain way or that I have some deep insight into their beliefs. Just that, even within the most doctrinaire Mormon tradition, it likely won’t go the way these predators imagine. Then again, who expected them to think this thru beyond ‘on 1 hand, high school pussy. On the other hand, no beer. Decisions, decisions’. Tho, if they actually thought things thru, they might not be PUAs in the 1st place…
@Podkayne
She really got to know it. On a personal level, ya know? Its hopes and dreams 😛
… Okay, there’s desperate, and then there’s joining a hyper-conservative religion that opposes premarital sex to hook up. You serious with this shit, RoK? You think Mormons just draw singles’ names out of a hat to arrange marriages or something?
Hey, Mammothers. I know I’m not that much of a regular here, and I know this isn’t an open thread, but is there anybody I could talk to about some personal stuff today? I think my marriage might be ending. I got married almost straight out of college and I’m almost 33, now. So yeah, major loss-of-identity terror that I’m worried may keep me from seeing things clearly. But we’re dealing with some fairly serious not-okay things, like threatening behavior (slammed furniture, punched hole in a wall) and some consent issues regarding sex (asking for things again after I’ve said no, don’t want that right now, being pushy about activities I’m open to, but have asked him to let me take the lead on).
I’m not ready to talk to people IRL, yet. Everyone sees us as “that perfect couple.”
@LG,
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. Do you have children? Are you able to support yourself away from him?
I’m in a similar, though not nearly as bad situation, where I’m stuck here for financial reasons; so I think I can empathize.
Hugs, if you want them.
I’m afraid the next thing is RoK wanting to join Daesh or Talibans.
@Morgana
That did occur to me as well–as did the delightful thought that Daesh would probably kill their wimpy and insufficiently fanatical asses–nastily–before they got a chance to try to acquire any young women as spoils of war, so there’s always that.
Thank you, snork maiden. I’m actually very lucky as far as my ability to leave. No kids, no mortgage, month-to-month rent. I’d need to find a full-time job, but I have people I can stay with while I do.
The question is whether I really want to. I know these are abusive behaviors I’m dealing with, but I may also be dealing with that rare sort of someone who’s actually capable of recognizing things and changing. But I’m not sure how I’d know for sure to be able to trust it, and we don’t know what kinds of resources would be helpful. It’s so rare for an abuser to change that how can I know what it looks like?
He seems to be facing things head-on right now. He’s promised to read Lundy Bancroft and anything else I give him, and he wants me to go ahead and start saving a “Fuck off fund” in secret.
@Podkayne Lives
Nah, they’ll take anyone. Especially the socially maladjusted.
Cannon fodder’s hard enough to come by as it is. You should see the kids they try to recruit here… Fucking sad. Society creates nihilistic behaviors in those who’re left behind, and Daesh knows better than not to take advantage of that.
Discussed this with a social worker recently, she gets to greet some of the kids back after they’re intercepted at the borders. Fun job, watching them break into tears when they realize they’ve been betrayed a second time.
The religion they’re really looking for is the pre-1986 Children of God, but even after they cleaned up their act, I believe the modern version still promotes pity sex for the unloved. That would suit the average MGTOW just fine, no doubt 🙁
I doubt they would last long in the LSD. They may be religious but they also have the Internet to look up reasons these are the most cynical of converts.
I was born and raised Mormon. Roosh and his followers (whom I call Rooshians) would definitely have to become Mormons in order to have half a chance with Mormon women. They will also probably have to serve two-year missions for the Mormon church, because it has been called a “priesthood responsibility” by church leaders, and they will find that most Mormon women expect to marry a “returned missionary”. (The Mormon priesthood consists of all “worthy” male Mormons aged twelve and up, and only males. There is a movement that advocates the ordination of women to the Mormon priesthood, called “Ordain Women”, but it is severely frowned upon by most Mormons.)
If a Rooshian does actually marry a Mormon woman, he will have to go through the “endowment” ceremony, where (among other things, which Mormons frown upon revealing) he and his wife will swear to have sex with nobody except each other, and they will get “garments”, which is special underwear that is to be worn at all times (except under specific circumstances, which sex is not necessarily included in). Furthermore, exploration of sexuality is strictly forbidden in both men and women (with Mormon leaders through the decades condemning porn and masturbation particularly harshly), so the sex will probably be awkward and uncomfortable.
In conclusion, if Roosh and company want wives, then they should consider reforming their attitudes and habits, because joining such a demanding and repressive religion as Mormonism seems like too much hassle for not enough gain.
@LG.
In addition to the fuck off fund, I’d recommend starting to explore your identity more, away from him. It’s hard to re-identify yourself when you’re hurting, so start now before things get messy. Find an activity that you enjoy or always wanted to try and start doing that by yourself or with friends.
@LG.: I’m sorry about what’s happening. Take very good care of yourself and stay safe.
@Eitan rosen
You mean LDS or, like, LSD?
@LG
Can’t offer anything but <3s, so have a few
<3 <3 <3
Best advice
@LG, I am so sorry you are dealing with some of the hardest most difficult shit there is.
I wish I had something really useful or smart to offer :-\ but I very much send my best wishes and hopes that you work out a course of action that is right for you.
Quite apart from the practicalities (and the fact that of course I don’t know the individuals involved in your case) by coincidence just a short while I was reading people’s (quite wide-ranging) comments in this recent Captain Awkward; who knows if maybe something rings any bells or if anyone’s accounts of their own thoughts and experiences crystallises anything for you …
https://captainawkward.com/2016/08/23/893-i-want-to-leave-my-husband-but-i-cant-seem-to-make-myself-go-also-its-pledge-drive-week/
Long-distance virtual hugs to you if I may.
I meant the church of Latter Day Saints and I was not aware of that organization.i did not notice the typo. Sorry for the confusion.
S’okay, dude, just teasing a bit. I’ve called LDS LSD before too and LSD LDS.
It turned some conversations just a bit awkward.
@LG
It’s not impossible for abusers to change, but it seems to be very rare. It seems more common for the abuser to claim they want to change, and fake/genuinely attempt some change, and then when the victim re-commits to the relationship the motive to (fake a) change disappears and so does the change.
The key to abusive relationships is that they are not abusive 100% of the time. Abuse comes and goes. “He is not being abusive right now” is not the same statement as “He is no longer abusive,” although those can look the same in the moment.
I can’t tell you whether to leave this dude, but I can say that if he genuinely wants to change, he will. That means there will be 0 abusive episodes after he claims he doesn’t want to be that way anymore. If he is abusive again, ever again, he isn’t changing and that will not be the only time he “relapses.” Remember that abusive people choose their victims. Abuse is not a loss of control, the way abusers usually claim; if it was, he would be abusing everyone and not just you. He chooses to abuse, and whom, and when, and in what context, and so even one abusive episode tells you that he is choosing to do this to you.
@LG
I’m sorry to hear that you’re in a scary situation.
I suggest that you call a local or national hotline for battered women.
Talk to them. They’ve heard it all and can give you advice that is very pertinent to your situation.
It really helped me when I was in an abusive relationship. No, the guy hadn’t hit me. But he was abusive and they understood that.
National Hotline for Domestic Abuse
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224 (for those with hearing impairment)
Also, some local battered women’s shelters have free individual and group counseling for battered women. That helped me too — even though I hadn’t been hit.
Best wishes.
Stay safe.
@Policy of Madness
You’ve summed up abusive relationships in three paragraphs.
Thanks!
I just, these prats get worse. They’d be funny if they weren’t ever so slightly disgusting.
Also, Roscoe,
“The only single women I saw were in middle and high school”.
(Can’t do block quotes yet)
Those are not women, they’re girls and you’re a creepy, creepy perv who should never leave you’re fetid swamp ever again.
@ L.G. I have nothing useful to add but my good wishes.