Ever since the execrable Roosh Valizadeh decided he’d rather be a patriarch than a pickup artist, he and the writers on his Return of Kings garbage site have been singing the praises of traditional religion.
Not so much for them, or for the male readers of his site, very few of whom seem to be religious, but for women and girls. In Roosh’s fantasy world, you see, traditional religion means more hot young virgins for him.
But how does the aspiring patriarch choose what religion to pretend to believe in order to score himself a virginal wife who will probably cook dinner for him and wash his fetid socks?
Enter regular Return of Kings contributor Max Roscoe with a new series promising to answer that important question. Roscoe, who previously wrote about his failed attempts to pick up chicks at what he decided was a too-liberal church retreat, has generously agreed to attend services of three relatively conservative faiths in order to scope out hot virgin chicks for the benefit of Return of Kings readers.
First up, the Mormons.
Roscoe starts off with some general impressions of Mormons:
Mormons are extremely family oriented. They are very clean, and often talk like Ned Flanders.
Then, after describing a rather uneventful visit to a local Mormon ward, Roscoe offers his assessment of the pros and cons of the religion. He praises Mormonism for being, among other things, a “very patriarchal” religion that is “nominally Christian [and] moderately accepted in [the] West,” then rattles off a slightly longer list of cons, including
- Dubious beliefs
- Prohibitions on alcohol, caffeine, and other intoxicants …
- Probably the most hostile to the ideas of “game”
He’s also not impressed with the Morman church’s renunciation of plural marriage, which causes him to “wonder if they will not cave to demands of the corrupt outside world at some point.”
While Roscoe himself isn’t too keen on becoming a Mormon, he sees some hope that the religion could help Return of Kings readers in their search for virgins.
Sure, you might get stuck playing a lot “of board games and bible trivia [and] hanging out with the extended church family.” And you’ll have to stop banging sluts. Oh, and you’ll probably have to actually become a Mormon yourself.
“But the payoff,” he happily concludes,
is an extremely submissive wife who knows that her eternal salvation depends on fulfilling her motherly and wifely duties so that one day you can have endless celestial sex among the gods. Expect a Mormon girl to barely know what a penis or vagina is, but to do anything that her Priesthood holder (you) tells her. … the only single women I saw were in middle or high school.
I would make a joke here but honestly I feel a bit ill.
Doosh needs Jesus.
No, wait, it would backfire
So these dudes catched on that some religious groups create enviroments for women, that makes it easier for abusers to victimise them and they kind of want in on it. wow. congrats
(I am not saying that these groups are inherently abusive, just that they often promote certain thinking, that makes it harder for women to recognise if they are being abused, and make it harder for them to leave these relationships. e.g: congregation or preacher/pastor/elder etc, do not support divorce, or blame abusive behaviour on the wife not being submissive enough.)
I read “wash his fetid socks” as “wash his fetid cocks” and immediately thought that wasn’t allowed due to the “garment.”
Only with these folks would that sort of misreading be so plausible.
My girlfriend likes to call me an “agnostic on a good day” and I lead a very secular life but I can still understand the appeal of religion. And of all the reasons for converting to a religion, “picking up chicks” is the lamest, most shallow reason I think I’ve read about. Wanting to wage war against “Western Infidels” seems like a deeper reason.
My favourite thing about ROK is that they brag about being these alpha gods, while being the absolute poster-children for male insecurity. “I want a wife but I’m scared of women! I know, I’ll try to find one who is so cowed that she won’t express any opinions or disagree with me ever and will just trail along after me like a puppy dog. Then I won’t have anything to be frightened of! She’ll basically just be an ornament, like a lamp. And lamps aren’t scary!”
I have to say that, compared to RoK, the *%^#@*! sparkly vampires look very slightly less bad.
Once you have sex, you are no longer ‘virgin.’
Is basement boy seeking exclusivity or ignorance in a sperm holder for his sacred emissions?
Mormons generally marry young. Including the men. An aging PUA who suddenly converts and starts trying to hit on 18 year old church members is probably not going to have that much success and is going to look suspect as hell.
Also, I hate to break it to the RoK guys, but Mormon feminists exist. Exhibit A:
http://mormonfeminist.org/
Actually, I don’t hate it to break it to them at all. We’re everywhere! Mua ha ha!!!
I can already see where this is going.
Eventually they’re gonna try to become cult leaders.
Mark my words.
I’m sure the single ladies of the Mormon community will be thrilled to hear that these dudes are on the way.
Also, these jackasses would not be able to function as Mormons from what I’ve seen of both them and Mormons.
Huh. I’m curious what songs they were doing in “shape note singing” – it almost sounds like they were singing motets.
I hate that I have a similar like to our intrepid spiritual explorer 🙁 No common ground!
Sorry Douchey Rooshy, guess you can’t be a Mormon.
So the guy who wants to sexually, socially and economically exploit Mormon women is afraid that the Mormon church will be corrupted by the outside world, is he? These dudes are not real big on self-awareness, are they?
Pfft. They are in for a rude awakening. They would stick out like soar thumbs and be surprised at the lack of the type of submission they are looking for. That and, as someone else noted, they’re all kinda aged out the typical dating pool of Mormons. If your religion says horny young people shouldnt have sex, they tend to marry young.
I just don’t get it. These guys most likely know plenty of women in their families and communities who are leaders. Even among very traditionally religious people the women aren’t pets. They are depended upon. At the very least there is a give and take. Men are given power and responsibility. Responsibility these guys are running from and complaining about as women being entitled. The women in these religious communities would sense that on these guys from a mile away.
But you have to have at least some charisma to become a cult leader, a personal magnetism, an ability to speak or connect with others, SOMETHING.
I don’t think we’re in danger of any of these bozos becoming cult leaders, although their attempts will probably be quite amusing in some ways.
I’m sure the Mormon ladies and their parents are just lining up to welcome the cesspit-dwellers of ROK into the family.
huh. how about that. the stuff he describes as the “payoff” sounds exactly like what i wouldn’t want in a wife/girlfriend/partner.
I hope they don’t think of the, uh, population one. You know what I’m talking about. I mean, it’s their wet goddamm dream.
I’m not a fan of religion on the best day but, in my feeble optimistic yet sadistic heart, maybe finding religion will make them fucking stop being disgusting, cankerous humans because you know there’s plenty of tightly knit religious towns that will, in fact, beat a fuck up for being shit to their spouses. Momma and Daddy Mormon aren’t gonna sit around watching their daughter be unhappy, they’re gonna do something about it.
Also, religious freedom, sarcasm alert, was a mistake.
Men who’ve very publicly made careers out of treating women like disposable sex toys want to snag a nice Mormon girl? Good luck with that.
@Ktoryx:
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/ce/ce95bef30f0fe1b77135991cac5dfb3c402688c5d18f0cfa90d467ab901ca9c2.jpg
Mormonism? Really? How are they meant to get their victims drunk without any alcohol?
Or is Roosh striking back at his old enemy, beer?
These guys really take the cake. They are the most poisonously sleazy, cynical hawked mucus of humanity, but they believe they entitled to demand innocence and purity. Gah!
Off topic but Frances Bean Cobain’s ex husband is seeking $25,000 a month in spousal support in part to pay to raise a child he has from a previous relationship.
I’m sure any minute now we’ll hear the MRAs and MGTOWs cry about how he’s a hypergamous gold digger and “divorce raping” her. Right? Right?
Even if there were such a thing as a “submissive Mormon housewife”, I doubt very much that she would be submissive to just any creep who came along. This is something that creeps generally seem not to understand.
Is it just me, or is it similar to their behaviour towards women who choose to wear revealing clothing? A woman’s behaviour is not an indiscriminate standing invitation to every man in the world, dammit. How hard is that to comprehend?
I keep wondering what they think happens next if this somehow worked. I mean, you’ve sleazed your way into Salt Lake City, converted, and somehow deluded a comely virgin and her parents into marrying your creepy ass. Now what?
Well, now you’re married, she won’t be a virgin after the two of you have sex, everyone will expect you to start a big family, she’ll be pregnant and caring for children for years to come, and may even gain weight, or start to age. Plus, you are now a member of a patriarchal community that places major demands on its members, and determines which males lead and which follow by a system that has nothing to do with your weird Penthouse fantasy world. And you don’t believe in the religion the community subscribes to.
But sure, yours is the only penis your wife has known, so you, uh, win.