So today some anonymous someone posted an almost certainly bullshit story on Reddit’s Men Going Their Own Way subreddit claiming that he just learned that his ex-wife (and mother to his children) had been murdered — and that he was feeling pretty happy about it.
![Found out my wife had an affair, left her, she divorced, find out today she's been murdered. (self.MGTOW) submitted 6 hours ago * by [deleted] I was gone the week and the weekend. If I have to guess it was the other guy. Feels good actually. Was not so fun being arrested and questioned, but I'm out. Had an alibi; my entire family. Pretty sick though. I have a feeling I'd on my way to be doing time if I'd just gone away alone like I'd planned to. Am I a bad man for being happy with this? Probably. But she said this word for word last we spoke "I'm going to take our children and the house is mine, our children are staying in what's going to be my house, you're going to be bought out and leave or never see our children again"](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/exmurder.png?ssl=1)
Nothing about the story rings true, but Reddit’s MGTOWs, who like nothing so much as hearing about allegedly evil women getting their comeuppance, were happy to take all these alleged facts on faith — and, in many cases, even happier to have a chance to crow over the death of a “c*nt.”
Someone called justaskingman7 acknowledged that the situation might be a little rough for the children of the allegedly murdered woman, but, hey, she was probably a crappy mother anyway.
Divorcedbp suggested that her death was nothing to celebrate — but also the equivalent of winning the lottery.
MGTOWs sometimes show up in the comments here at WHTM, asking why feminists are so critical of men like them who just want to lead independent lives with no financial or emotional entanglements with women. This is why. MGTOW has never actually been about men “going their own way.” It has always been about providing a space for misogynistic men to reinforce and even revel in their hatred of women.
My best wishes for the meditation, Lea. You sound like very mature grownups about this, and the kids sound like they’re benefitting enormously from that maturity.
@Lea
Word? If’n ya don’t mind, who takes these classes and what’s taught?
In slightly nicer news, here’s some Redditors (though not the MGTOW type) smacking down an abuser whose girlfriend left in a most remarkable and well-planned fashion. Short story, the apartment was in her name only, so she disappeared and had a lawyer show up and give the asshole 45 days notice to vacate. Guy whines on Reddit. Redditors tell him he’s an asshole and she’s totally right.
Link
<3 Lea. My sister is going through similar, though I think her road's been more rocky – her ex is very avoidant along with being emotionally manipulative, so it's been a struggle to get them separated. This May they finally got the custody questions solved, and their belongings have been separated. He drained my sister's appreciable savings dry, but it managed to pay off their debts.
She's now living separately in a home that my parents own, works a good job, and is dating again. He's still something of a leech, though, and I can certainly see him being twisted into the bitter divorced man that you're talking about. He accused her of cheating multiple times, even took her phone from her (I pay for it, it's mine, I can take it from you). I bought her a replacement that day because like hell if I'm going to let Pasty McFakepants cut my sister off from me. I worry about the days he's got their kids, because he will say things about her in front of them – mostly about how much she's hurt him and how much he misses her, but I can easily see that twisting into how horrible she is.
Sorry. It makes me angry to think about! I wanted to just mention that she had parenting classes as well, mandatory for the divorce to proceed. Social services teaches it here. Very glad for that course, it really helped her.
@Lea
Firstly, thank you for sharing your experience. Secondly,
This is true pretty much everywhere, and yet the myth that child support and visitation are linked is incredibly pervasive. I think it’s related to two common misconceptions: 1) that visits to family court are a typical, or even mandatory, part of divorce, and 2) that it is the mandate of family court to punish the naughty and reward the nice.
In case anyone is unaware, custody hearings have a single guiding principle: do what is best for the child. Often, that’s one parent paying support. Almost always, that’s both parents maintaining a relationship with the child. If the parent who is supposed to be paying support doesn’t pay, the court has no interest in further harming the child by canceling visitation, and thereby compromising the child’s relationship with that parent.
I have seen a similar comment just yesterday, on a forum for people whose spouses abandoned them. That comment was written a couple of years ago, however. It came from a man who was telling the world how happy he was that his ex-wife was murdered by someone she met through a dating / hookup site.
These men are for real and yes, they think like that. (No wonder women leave them.)
If someone I knew (even hated) was murdered, and I were a prime suspect, and had been picked up by the police and questioned, I don’t think I’d be quite so tra-la-la about it, much less brag about it on an internet forum in a few clipped, cavalier sentences.
I mean, think about it. Even setting aside the astounding and very problematic lack of affect here, these guys write entire novels about a girl they saw sitting in a coffee shop that morning. And yet being part of a murder investigation – a thing that is probably the most exciting thing that has ever happened to this guy – merits only a couple of ho-hum sentences? What gives? Why the sudden reticence?
It’s like those RP field reports that go on for thousands of unbroken paragraphs about what the competing alphas looked like and the HB sticker value of the women to a precision of 7 decimal places and the thought processes of everyone in the room (because they have magical ESP). And then when the story finally gets around to the exciting part, they gloss over it quickly: “We went back to her place and did it. Then the next morning she made me pancakes”. Because it’s a complete lie and they know it, so they don’t dwell on it or offer any specifics. They don’t want people asking too many questions.
(It is possible the OP is being deliberately vague because he’s a suspect, but in that case, why post about it on the internet in the first place? JFC.)
If those kids are real, I feel so sad and heartsick for them, losing the only parent who cared about them, and having to grieve without adult guidance. They certainly can’t turn to their emotionally stunted dipshit father for support.
I was gonna reply to Daughter of Bilitis by recounting my own, eerily similar case, and I realized I couldn’t do so without getting way angrier than I care to be right now. I’ll just leave this here : you’re not alone. The best coping mechanism I found was to make fun of him. Here’s my personal favorite : when people are offended that I’m so cold when it comes to that guy, because, well, “he’s your FATHER !”, I usually reply that just because he jerked off in a jar don’t mean I owe him anything.
Granted, that only works because I’m a result of the super seekrit NWO eugenics supersoldier project otherwise commonly known as IVF.
Other than this one, my mother and I have literal hundreds of inside jokes about the shit he says about her. That always was a huge help.
@Buttercup
PUA: Then we got back to my place
Redditor: *zip* Uh huh?
PUA: I hid in her bathroom for a while, cos something something Alpha
Redditor: *pantpant* Then what!?
PUA: I awkwardly nudged her into my room
Redditor: *hi pitched squeal* Bring it on home, Cunnybreaker1995!
PUA: We intercoursed, and my bros hi fived me the next day
Redditor: …
PUA: Bro?
Redditor: Gonna hafta gimme minute, chief. Let the glow wear off…
I’m not at all sorry about that ?
@Pinko, yep, my mom and I cope with his weekly bullshit by just… laughing at the ridiculous things he can come up with.
Luckily, I’m getting closer to the day where I can finally cut that fucker off.
I think there is something rather suspicious in this, actually. Someone who craves attention like MGTOWs do, involved in a murder investigation, boasting about his happiness that his ex-wife was murdered.
The police will likely find his comment. The comment would, to me, be worthy of further investigation if I was them.
I’m going to show anyone who claims MGTOWs just want to ‘go their own way free of influence’ or whatever this. They probably still won’t shut up, but anyway.
@ Dan
You aren’t a bad person, no. As Lady Mondegreen says, you can’t help feeling that way. It is understandable. They literally woo-hooed an ex getting murdered basically because she was a woman. That type of person shouldn’t be forgiven anything for the sake of feeling like a better person.
Personally, I hope they one day realise the error of their ways and teach other men to steer clear of MGTOW. I have to force myself to believe that everyone can be redeemed, but I do think that.
I could see this coming from my ex. During the initial stages of divorce proceedings, he wanted full custody of our two kids, spousal support, child support, and wanted to force me to sell our home, not just buy him out. Multiple times he failed to consider the effects of his actions on our kids. We’ve been divorced for over two years, and we are heading back to court because our 16 year old daughter refuses to see him and I backed her up and didn’t force her to get into a car with an angry man who she didn’t trust to let her come back to her home. Our 14 year old son wanted to see him and made three offers, but was ignored because my ex just wanted to make me make our daughter comply.
Honestly, I see my ex so much in these guys, everything is still my fault, according to him. And the single most important thing to him in life is his boner. I would think he would be happy now that he and his boner are free to do whatever pleases him, but he is still heavily invested in controlling me, as well as now shifting focus to controlling our daughter.
I don’t post much here, but have been around for years. This site has helped me so much in dealing with and understanding my ex. Thank you David, and oh so many fabulous commenters.
Reading some of the divorce tales in this makes me sad. I was so lucky. My ex could be a real asshole sometimes, but he is fundamentally a good man. The divorce settlement was more than generous. In fact I never took advantage of some of the clauses because I thought they were too much. His lawyer told me that if all divorces were like ours, he would be out of a job.
Of course, it helped that we had been separated for many years at the time. All the old anger and sorrow for the loss of what we had at the beginning had settled, slowly and naturally, over time. The divorce was just making everything de jure instead of just de facto.
I guess what I am saying is that if both divorcing people can treat each other with a little respect, it just doesn’t have to be that bad. But when one or both are out to “get” the other, it turns into emotional butchery for every one involved. Which is really sad.
@Axe: Hubba HUBBA! *fans self briskly* You sure do know how to write RP erotic fanfiction.
Now that I think about it, one sentence is all you need to accurately capture the essence of RP sex.
“Tab A –> Slot B, now go make me a sammich”.
Thank you for sharing that, Laserqueen, and for being a badass awesome human being.
@Buttercup
Don’t get me started with MGTOW erofic, you might just pass out
‘The female slid her eager fingers into my wallet. In bliss, the world faded away as I contemplated all the angry upvotes’
Slap a HB10^4 hottie on the cover, and it’s gold. Maybe have a gimmick where the beginning of each chapter starts with me badmouthing Lisa Mastacelli from 10th grade geometry, WHY CHET AND NOT MEEE!
Watch out, Sherrilyn Kenyon, there’s a new regent of romance
Thanks y’all. It’s a process.
The parenting classes were very basic information on not tramatizing your kids too much during a divorce. It is taught by some government employee or another, (I have no idea what sort of training they had, though I’m sure they told me.), costs $50 and was mostly just a sad afternoon where people talked about what they were going through. There was a booklet.
They kids also attend a class where they get to ask questions and talk to an informed adult about divorce. The kids said it was a good class.
Ex took his class at another time and had a similar experience.
@ everyone sharing your stories: thank you. It looks like many of you have been hurt by someone you loved, and that’s terrible. Even more terrible when it’s your parents or your children. I hope all of you are well now, and for those of you still working through it, good luck!
SORRY BUT I HAVE JUST MET THE SINGLE BEST PUPPY
http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/Mobile%20Uploads/20160823_180207_zpskf5sddbs.jpg
I SUDDENLY LOVE DOGS NOW OH GOD
I knew bitter divorces were a thing growing up, but my only close experience with one while I was pre-High School was that of my best friend’s parents which was super-amicable. They legally separated, so the father moved to an apartment 10 min away with him visiting often and kids staying with him at times. Then almost as soon as the divorce was final he moved to a separate room back in the house.
So I grew up with that idea that divorces happen, but the parties generally act like adults and co-parent even if they are no longer together.
I don’t think anyone I grew up with had their parents go through a super bitter divorce either. I did know lots of people who had a completely deabeat dad though. By his choice, not ebil maternal brainwashing.
@Bakunin
That was a very satisfying read. Also, fuck that guy.
Back when I left an abusive ex, she had been in the process of coercing me to move in with her – part of which was having had me sign the lease when she moved in. That came back to bite her on the ass, since after I finally made the decision to leave, she had asked the landlords not to let me into the place while she was out at work. But since I was on the lease they obliged and opened the door for me when I came to gather my belongings. They were also happy to let me sign off of the lease at the same time, leaving me free to never see her face again. (except for the short time she stalked me at work)
@IP
All puppies (of all ages) are the best puppy. But congratulations on meeting yours (by which I mean your best puppy, not necessarily that s/he now lives with you; double congrats if s/he does, and good luck – puppy cohabiting is quite a ride!).
🙂
@WWTH
Not really a response, so much as me just thinking thru text
I’m a child of… amicable deadbeatery? My mom took the kids (me and my brother, other half bruh stayed w/ him) to the other side of the country for work. I’m under no illusions that he was heroically fighting for the opportunity to pay child support, but she’s not the really type to take literally anyone else’s money anyway
My parents are super cool now, probably have been since forever. They reconnected online some time before my HS graduation. Friends on FB. He’s got his family (nother lil half bruh), she’s got hers, it’s all fine. To be real, I’m more awkward about the guy than she is (‘dad’ is never gonna happen, I’m afraid). That, or they’re just method level amazing at pretending. Never asked, never needed to know, still don’t…
@Lea
I see, thanks 🙂
@IP
One of us… One of us…