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Return of Kings: Female Olympic champs should get fake gold medals because women suck

All gold everything
All gold everything

Woman-hating internet garbage fire Return of Kings is celebrating the start of the Olympics by lamenting the fact that most of the athletes the US is sending to the games are women.

As regular RoK contributor John Carver figures it, using his very own system of mathematics,

this is actually a sad state of affairs. It means that the U.S. Olympic team will have less than a 50% chance of seeing a real champion, rather than a 2nd rate gold medalist from the weaker sex … .

According to Carver, women just plain suck at sports compared to men, but as I didn’t bother to read that portion of his post I can’t tell you why. Possibly cooties.

In any case, Carver feels that since women athletes will never be as good as men, any gold medals they win don’t really count. And so they shouldn’t be made of real gold.

Whenever female athletes are awarded a “gold medal” at the Olympics, it should just be a giant knockoff of that cheap Hanukkah gelt (chocolate gold coins) that Jewish children get for the holiday season. After the brief surge of excitement that they have won “gold” (and attention whore themselves with it on Instagram), they can peel off the tin foil and feast on the chocolatey goodness inside until it’s all gone. “You go girl!” ?

You can tell it’s funny because of the smiley and the always-fresh use of the phrase “you go girl!”

After all, since women are ultimately just big children, they merely deserve to have big children’s candy. The REAL gold medals should be allocated to the real champions of a sporting discipline’s top tier, which will always be men.

Comedy GOLD!

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msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
8 years ago

Furry “gangnam style”

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
8 years ago

@James

nobody cares about the WNBA or womens’ hockey… people want to see the NHL, NBA, MLB, etc

Well, there isn’t a women’s major league, so that’ll be a difficult assertion to prove. Still, it’s a travesty, as I would watch the fuck outta the hometown lady club… The Atlantics, maybe bring back the Highlander name. The Excelsior of Brooklyn tho? I’m tuning in and getting the hat!

@Scildfreja
http://www.seabreeze.com.au/Img/Photos/Kitesurfing/tn/mini-8358970.jpg

Leda Atomica
Leda Atomica
8 years ago

In addition to Scildfreja, I would like to hand this evenings Comment Section Comedy Award to James, without whom none of this would have been possible!

http://i.giphy.com/d5XfnJ8mPyyvm.gif

comment image

Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
8 years ago

Why do these twits still keep referring to men and women as separate species?

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
8 years ago

Technically, one can argue that every single human male is its own specie, since he can’t produce fertile offspring with any other male. No fertile offspring, different specie. So there is about 2.5 billions different species of human male.

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
8 years ago

comment image

Just doin’ my duty for the cause!

Crys T
Crys T
8 years ago

@Ohlmann I personally know nothing about foxes, but on Instagram I follow the account of a woman who has a pet fox called Juniper (juniperfoxx), who I believe is a type of fox that has been bred for fur for so many generations that they are unable to live in the wild, but aren’t fully tame like cats or dogs.

Juniper’s human regularly does informational posts on keeping foxes, and according to her they are *very* difficult for a number of reasons from behaviour to nutritional requirements to emotional needs.

If you’re interested in foxes, her account would probably be the best place to start. Plus, Juniper is absolutely freaking gorgeous.

Terrance
Terrance
8 years ago

MGTOW: Never give a women or a white knight the legal, financial, social, physical, financial or psychological power to destroy your life.

ANTI-MGTOW: Say whatever is necessary to keep men from becoming MGTOWs, for our own sake. We need those little disposable betas to keep getting destroyed. It’s good for the womenz and white knightz – dontcha know.

Women and white knights hate beta males. Why? Because they’re ‘good guys’. Women and white knights look down their noses at men capable of responsibility, devotion, love, empathy and compassion. Why? Too boring. Not enough excitement. Easily manipulated. Boring, boring, boring. Plus – there’s a ton of money to be made and much forced wealth transfer to be had to the benefit of women and white knights – which is why ever more anti-male laws and policies need invoking. Beta males, while the engine of society, are the scorn of the earth. They need to be kept in their place – lest women and white knights suffer.

It’s all so simple – yet so difficult to comprehend for those without a clear understanding of women’s and white night’s hatred of 90% of men. How does one counter their hatred? Cut off their life support – which is your eventual destruction. Cut their jugular – their hatred of betas. Simply refuse to leave yourself vulnerable to the laws, policies and social constructs they use to destroy your life. Simple, simple, simple.

Handsome "These Pretzels Suck" Jack (formerly Pandapool)

Yeh, I suppose that’s why I wrote : “What we have are breeds, not races, but no one is going to call humans breeds.”

“What we have are breeds, not races, but no one is going to call humans breeds.”

“What we have are breeds,

“What we have are breeds,

“What we have are BREEDS,

BREEEEEEEEEEEDS

but no one is going to call humans breeds

Right, okay, sure. No in this thread used breeds to describe humans in any way. Alright.

Dalillama
8 years ago

Fully* domesticated foxes do exist; there’s about 2,000 of them and you can only get one in Russia,for several thousand dollars.

*insofar as that means anything. They’re at least as domesticated as cats or ferrets anyway.

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
8 years ago

You all betta listen to Jack, ’cause Jack is Jasper now, an Jasper don’t take no guff.

Unless you’re Garnet, cause she’s stronger than you.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
8 years ago

@Crys : many thanks !

Handsome "These Pretzels Suck" Jack (formerly Pandapool)

You all betta listen to Jack, ’cause Jack is Jasper now, an Jasper don’t take no guff.

Unless you’re Garnet, cause she’s stronger than you.

There’s actually a new episode of Steven Universe coming out today (in the USA) that I’m pretty sure has Jasper in it and I’m excited. Canada got it Friday, and I haven’t spoiled myself, but I’m pretty sure it has Jasper in it.

We’re in the last week of the Steven Universe episodes where some people in the crew were asking people to not seek out spoilers for it, so something juicy is gonna happen, especially considering the special they had last week, which was a doozy.

I can’t wait for the piledriver into my heart, I tell ya.

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
8 years ago

I haven’t been able to watch the series except for clips here and there, so don’t spoiler for me please! All I’ve been able to determine is that Garnet is Da Best, Peridot is adorkable (nyea-ha-ha-haa!) and the show’s writers and artists are magnificent. Oh, and Stevonnie is a brilliant piece of meaningful storytelling in so many ways.

Handsome "These Pretzels Suck" Jack (formerly Pandapool)

@Scildfreja

Hey, I’m not spoiling it for anyone, but you really should watch the series. In small doses. So you don’t die of dehydration from all the tears you’ll shed.

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

If I was going to have a fox as a pet, I would want a fennec because they are possibly the most adorable creatures on the whole planet.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
8 years ago

@weirwood : I find all foxes utterly cute. The redness of red fox compensate the smallness of fennec in my heart.

The account sadly show how it’s not meant to be a pet 🙁

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
8 years ago

@Handsome “Big Jasper” Jack, I know! I want to watch it. It’s just a case of time and other obligations. Do you know how many hours it is? It takes me a long time to ride the feels train. I need to take frequent stops.

kupo
kupo
8 years ago

Ha, I love that my fox image sidetracked the thread. Ohlmann, I want a Shiba Inu because they have an almost fox-like face. My cat would not allow it, of course, so I admire them from afar at the dog park.

http://ncrdm1bjo6u6ke917zs6njj6.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/SI5.jpg

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
8 years ago

Scildfreja, I absolutely adore you.

Seconded, thirded, fourthed and so damn manied. You are simply the best and most wonderfullest (as well as the funniest) <3

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
8 years ago

Piling onto the appreciation pile for Scildfreja.

And yes, Steven Universe is fun and heart-breaking and heart-healing.

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
8 years ago

I have just two words for Carver:

Simone Fucking Biles.

Oops. That’s three words.

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

Oh look, Mark is Terrance now.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

Scildfreja: Each episode is about 15 minutes long, and a lot of the first and a bit of the second season are relatively feels-free.

This latest season has just been one punch to the gut after another, really. ; u ; So much so, that I’m beginning to think it’s making me (more of) a masochist, because I’m really enjoying it.