As some of you no doubt noticed, I didn’t post over the weekend. The reason is simple: After last week’s Republican convention — that bizarre festival of hate that’s somehow given Trump a boost in the polls — I needed a couple of days to clear my head and remind myself that there’s more to life than Anime Nazis and woman-hating dolts. I’ll probably be doing this more in the future, though I’ll try to store up posts that I can put up on the days I’m taking off.
The weekend was a welcome respite, as was that little staycation I recently took, but there’s a big part of me that still feels guilty for taking the weekend off. Like a lot of those at least roughly on the left, I still find it hard to justify the simple act of taking care of myself. With all the hate in the world, shouldn’t I be on call 24/7? Isn’t self-care a sort of bourgeois cop-out, a narcissistic retreat from collective action?
As Laurie Penny (there’s that name again!) notes in a recent Baffler piece, it’s not hard to understand why so many leftists, especially those of the activist persuasion, look upon self-care with a certain cynicism.
The slow collapse of the social contract is the backdrop for a modern mania for clean eating, healthy living, personal productivity, and “radical self-love”—the insistence that, in spite of all evidence to the contrary, we can achieve a meaningful existence by maintaining a positive outlook, following our bliss, and doing a few hamstring stretches as the planet burns.
As Penny suggests, you can’t make your life better by running it through an Instagram filter, or by adopting the Coca-Cola ad slogan “choose happiness” as a personal credo. If happiness really were a simple choice, I’m pretty sure all of us besides the most cynical would have chosen it already, even if we had to buy a couple of liters of Coke (or eat some kale) to seal the deal.
But rejecting the capitalist fetishization of consumerist “self-love,” Penny argues, does not require that you “fetishize a species of abject hopelessness.” There’s nothing revolutionary about malignant depression.
It’s also galling, as Penny notes, to see brocialist types “refusing to do the basic work of self-care and mutual care that keeps hope alive and health possible, because that work is women’s work.”
Lefty miserablists, Penny continues, need to look not just to feminism but to queer activists, who understand all too well “that caring for oneself and one’s friends in a world of prejudice is not an optional part of the struggle—in many ways, it is the struggle.”
Self-care can mean a lot of different things. It may be as simple as logging off Facebook and going to look at some art, as a feminist friend of mine did recently when she was feeling so burned out her stomach was churning. Or binge-watching a season of a favorite show. (Seriously, folks, check out The Leftovers.) Or putting this on in the background instead of MSNBC while writing blog posts.
But it can also mean more systematic — and in the long run more effective — ways of dealing with stress and depression and general burnout. Penny, for her part, has taken up yoga, noting almost guiltily that “it’s changed my life to an extent that I almost resent.” I’m learning mindfulness meditation, using headspace.com, and have been systematically exploring other ways to get the better of anxiety and depression and general burnout.
And so, for my own sake as well as for anyone else feeling a bit burned out in this monumentally shitty year, I will be posting more about self-care in the months to come, as well as making a point of posting some more uplifting posts, alongside my regular dissections (humorous or otherwise) of some of the worst people in the world. I’ve also been working for some time on a sort of side-project related to self-care that I hope to be able to share with you in the not-so-distant future.
I’d like to get the discussion going by asking everyone here what sort of self-care strategies you use — what works for you, what hasn’t worked, what you’re considering trying in the future.
H/T — Thanks to the person who linked to Penny’s piece in the comments here
ySorry I just thought I might have over shared massively! :/
Thanks (in advance) for the self-care posts, David. I really need to remember self care in the next few months. I’m writing up my thesis and it’s going to be stressful. I find it really hard to justify taking time for myself when I know there is always work to be done. I was at a conference last week and, even though I knew I wasn’t likely to get much done, I still couldn’t justify leaving my computer at home for five days.
I also came back from that conference with a cold, which knocked me out for the weekend. I’m guessing that my stress levels had something to do with me getting sick. I’m feeling better, but I’m still having to remind myself to not feel guilty for not working over the weekend.
I do like walks outside for self care. There are some nature paths behind my university that are really nice. And, of course, any time with animals is good stress relief. I’m pet-sitting this week, so I have borrowed animals (a cat and a bunny) to cuddle.
As for tea, my current favorite is a black tea with orange blossoms.
@кат,
You’re advice is spot on 🙂 thank you so much. I’m going to have to br honest with myself on this one I think.
My form of escapism to get away from the news of all the hate is anime to be honest, mixed with a beer or two.
It makes me genuinely sad that this blog had to refer to some of these people as ‘anime nazis’ – don’t get me wrong I am not denying that this is a thing but just that my interests are being taken over by the alt right. I just need to say that we aren’t all like that still, so please don’t hate us all!
Obviously gaming is suffering the same fate and I must confess I have been forced to withdraw from a lot of the online communities I used to be a part of due to the rampant rise in bigotry and the like.
Meh I’ve just made myself miserable again.
@Ohlmann
Wow, that sounds tough to try to choose between a very well-paid but stressful job and a job that’s less stressful but that also pays a lot less.
I hope that your job eases up a bit so that you have the time and emotional space to really think this through.
@Valentine
You’re welcome. Best wishes.
I’m thankful to have found We Hunted the Mammoth, and enjoy the thoughtfulness and humor you have shared. Your diligence and creativity is truly admirable. When I first discovered this site your passion, intelligence, and wit were immediately apparent and I binge-read all the posts that came before the same way one does when they come across any work of art that inspires and entertains.
Glad you are taking care of yourself. I can appreciate the necessity of doing things that help maintain a sense of balance, of perspective, and of hope.
This blog is one of the few I come back to regularly because it is both educational and fun. But it is not more important than you are.
One thing that’s been good for me the last few weeks is binge-watching videos on restoring forest and agricultural environments. Watch the first 90 seconds of this one, and then the segment from 5.45 to 7.15 with the before and after shots, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sK8JNXHcBMA for the general idea.
I’d been thinking this was a very odd thing to do until I took real notice of one comment from a Chinese farmer who now has a good income and a well-fed family and A Brick House!, our dreams can’t keep up. I was getting the same good feeling just from seeing what other people are doing.
Now I have pages of a tabulated list of such videos from all over India, 20 or so African countries, South America, Philippines and other SE Asian countries on everything from reforestation, constructing check dams and other simple water infrastructure, vetiver grass, permaculture and all sorts of dandy stuff. I can look at something technical from India or something heartwarming from just about anywhere to suit my inclination of the moment.
Self-care for me starts with making sure I get enough sleep. Luckily this has been pretty easy for me this year, though I’ve had nights where I didn’t sleep as well as others.
I’ve also been working on giving myself enough time to do some sort of hobby activity every day. I don’t always manage that, but I’m trying. Even if I only just knit a few stitches, that counts, and it helps feed that desire to be creative outside of the work environment.
I’m really trying to make room for self-care right now; I know things that help, but I am awful at actually doing them. It’s hard for me to shake the feeling that I’m wasting time and/or that my self-care is not important enough to turn other things down for.
But, top on my list is taking a long walk–preferably somewhere outdoors and pretty, but any place that has interesting things to look at will do.
Kootiepatra, ej (the original one) and some other people have said it already, but walking is great. It’s a form of meditation in which your limbs move.
For me, self care consists of remembering that I am not merely a mind, but that I have a body which I need to tend to as well. At times this feels like a distraction from my work and my more cerebral pleasures, but the truth is that I’m a single biological entity and if I neglect my body then all of me suffers. Self care means exercising, remembering to eat and wash, making sure I don’t neglect sleep, and listening to what my body is telling me.
Greya Christina said that she tried to progress from “I have a body” to “I am a body”, and like most of what she’s said I think that’s very wise.
First time caller, long time listener.
Self care. I could go on for hours about why it’s important and different ways to be more proactive about it. As a full time caregiver to my abusive, elderly father, if I didn’t do self care, I would not be alive. (I’m working to change that status, too. Of course. But while I’m here and caregiving, regular self care must be a part of my life.)
Caregivers to elderly family know a lot about self care. There are websites with threads all about self care. Aging Care is such a site.
For me, I’ve learned that I can’t slack on my nutrition at all. My body/mind just got to the point of being so stressed, that I had to learn what is scientifically proven to combat effects of stress in the body/brain. There are academic lectures on the subject on YouTube, if you’re interested. Whole omegas are known to heal DNA that has broken down due to stress — and “stress” is just a catch-all word for anything that causes you to lose energy, not gain it… erm… not exactly that definition, but I’m trying to say that “stress” is more than just “I’m so stressed.” There are countless ways we stress our bodies/minds.
Going back to the “not slacking on nutrition,” I still have breadsticks and cookies and whatever else I want some of the time. Most of the time I keep my diet very clean and it helps to keep things relatively detoxed. Green juicing regimen is great for a reboot, if you need one. I recommend the one in Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.
Vitamins are a key part of my diet now. Most westerners are deficient in D3, magnesium, other stuff I can’t think of atm. I take a lot of B vitamins for nervous system support. I know that’s the only way I’m avoiding needing SSRI or similar right now. (Def understand if vitamins aren’t going to take away your lifelong mood disorder… not judging anyone, just speaking to my experience. <3) People understand that vitamins can prevent disease but I don't think many of us understand that we can heal our bodies with mega doses, also. Check the toxicity for any supplement/vitamin before doing that, but for example, B vitamins have virtually no known toxicity level, so I take a shit ton every day – especially 3 & 12, and a high potency B complex.
There are days where I want to drown my frustration with my mentally challenged father in a bottle of vodka, and those are the days I take off, if I can, and stay in bed with blinds drawn watching movies. I feel a little guilty/self indulgent, but mostly I just know by now that I HAVE TO DO IT to stay positive and well. Doing the smallest treats for myself help, too – fresh flowers, a pedicure.
Three things known to improve mood: music, animals, exercise. Seeking out/engaging in a little or a lot of any of those things counts as self care.
If we're going to live in a world that is toxic to us, and we are going to be people that care to make changes for the better, then I think self-care has to be a part of that or you just won't be at your best after awhile. It takes a toll. This is an interesting but draining time in history if you're aware, and observing the world around us. We've just begun this Information Age, and now we see every baddie, jerk, and horrible human that wants to take to the webs. Doing any kind of activism (online, whatever) takes a positive perspective… otherwise it's just a masochistic endeavor. That's what I think.
I'm not proofreading this. Hopefully it mostly makes sense and may be helpful to someone. xoxo
Oh… consider a micro dose psilocybin regimen if you’re having any chronic anxiety/stress. There is plenty of research on the safety and effectiveness online.
I have no idea how you don’t take MORE time off of reporting on these garbage people, David!
@dave: good for you. Burnout is real, and self care is vital.
Someone up above was talking about a Facebook friend who was coming down on people for taking care of themselves, and I just wanted to add that there are many doctors who are that way. As a result, one in four medical students develops clinical depression by the end of their fourth year.
Fortunately, the medical community is starting to recognize this as a problem, but progress is slow.
Things I do to restore myself? I used to play wow while listening to Lorie Lines music. I’ve always had a thing for her music, but that’s mostly because she’s also from Reno. My classmates in medical school always complained that her music put them to sleep.
In med school, I’d have a lot of late night discussions about religion and philosophy with my classmates studying in other rooms. There was a group of three Mormons and an ex-Methodist atheist whom I’d drop in on occasionally, as well as an older man who was a Quaker. It helped us all refocus to talk about something important to us but not related to what we were cramming about.
I also spent a great deal of time playing foozeball (our school had two tables in the rec room, and the Mormon group were all into it), and I also did wall climbing in Reno, and actual rock climbing when doing my clinical years in Las Vegas (red rock canyon has some of the best climbing in the country, IMO. The sandstone provides amazing grip).
When all else failed? I’d read through the Hobbit. It’s the book I learned to read from, so it was always comfort food for me.
@VP: bingo about the sleep. I found in third year that coffee can substitute for food and sleep for a time, but eventually, the debt has to be paid.
@phryne: one of the med students I had long chats with in med school had ADHD and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. She was the year behind me, but we bonded over the fact that we both had to retake a year because of medical issues. We sort of lost touch during residency, and I haven’t spoken to her since I got married last year. I should give her a call…
Is there anyone else who likes meditation, but gets put off by religion and woo? If so, I recommend https://www.amazon.co.uk/Secular-Meditation-Practices-Cultivating-Compassion-ebook/dp/B016SOZWPY/ref=sr_1_1
I heard about it from Greta Cristina, and I’m finding it really good.
For me, self care also involves being assertive about house work. There are 3 adults in this house, and every now and then I have to remind the other two to do their share. Then I have time for yoga, meditation, creativity and walks. It’s extra important because I have a tendency to overfull my life.
Seconding everyone who has said to David – please don’t feel bad about taking time off. I have to take time off from reading this blog (not Mammotheers’ comments, obviously, but the content) just to remind myself that the whole world is not a cesspool of hate. Not to mention the stuff I see you regularly dealing with on Twitter…
Laurie Penny’s slightly embarrassed confessions about yoga resonated with me. I don’t go on about it because I don’t want to come across all evangelical, plus different things are going to work for different people. However, yoga rescued me from a horrible place around 18 months ago, and I’ve been practising it ever since. On the other hand, at previous points in life, therapy and medication have done the job.
As people have already said, cats are great, and also dogs. I don’t have a dog, but I love watching them play. Gaming and watching anime with my son is also brilliant – like little pockets of isolated fun away from the world.
Finally, I do like it here at WHTM very much. It’s the only online community so far where I feel truly at home, but it also stretches my intellect. proudfootz’s comment above captures my own feelings beautifully.
Take good care, everyone <3
@Alison : in your post, about each time you tried to toe in biological mechanism, it was to say some kind of classic alimentation woe, unsupported by actual science. That being said, it’s not bad to self-care via alimentation, but it giving you pleasure is more important than its actual composition.
In particular, I advice to avoid anything with supposed detoxification effect, because it’s where you have the highest odds of encountering actually toxic compound sold as a remedy. I think the rest, to the best of my knowledge, is close enough to innocuous so that’s up to personal taste.
My community level destresser just got a lot more stressful, cos some drunk jackass couldn’t keep his hands to himself. I’m cool doing it (the destressing activity, that is), but thinking about it just makes me feel empty and heavy. I just wanna sleep and not wake up until like October. Maybe a few months fixes it some…
Anyway, so now I’m stuck with the more personal level stuff. I’ve mentioned before that music helps me. 1)I put on a song with a lot of high notes and sing along. Not well, but focusing on hitting those notes is perfectly distracting. 2)Memorizing the lyrics to something, especially something difficult, works great. I don’t hafta do it all at once, and it’s a goal I’ll want to accomplish. Just finished this one (TW for Gun Violence, Drugs, and a Racial Slur):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9ZwpC5VSBw
Or I write some crappy erofic. A different kinda stress, but a nicer kind, so I’m about it 😛
If you can find a form of movement that works for you, that can be so great. For some people that’s yoga, some people feel at peace when they’re running, I’ve got a bunch of powerlifter friends… When I finally found a way to move my body that I wanted to do because it made me feel good, instead of something that I was forcing myself to do because I’m supposed to, it was a revelation. I felt better all the time, and I found I was less inclined to overeat because I felt so great, which made me feel even better and it became this marvelous positive feedback loop.
These days I don’t work out much, because all of my energy is going into trying (and failing) to do my job. Burnout is so real. Take time off if you need.
I read. I open a book, fall in, and the world goes away; it’s almost like some sort of guided meditation. I’ve never been quite sure how that works and I have a hard time trying to describe it; might have been a side effect of learning to read before I started kindergarten. But it is the most relaxing thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve indulged in a lot of it over my lifetime.
@phryne: my BFF has Ehler-Danlos, and I feel for you (and her). She used to lift weights and dance, and neither of those things really work for her any more.
I sew, I read, I go out dancing. I embroider. I talk to my daughter, whose head is always full of wonderful things. I go for a hike (though that can backfire).
My day-job is in the environmental field/climate change and I have burnt out many times. I’ve learned through the years that however much I might *want* to volunteer on top of that, my resources end up stretched too thin and I end up being no good to anyone. Hope may be inadequate, but it’s also a precious resource that needs to be carefully managed and maintained.
Good luck to you.
Something that’s helped calm me down lately is trying to make crossword puzzles. I use a notebook of graph paper and a pen. Haven’t been able to make a full-sized puzzle yet (it’s quite hard!!!), but it’s fun and distracting and it puts my mind in a neutral, abstract puzzle-solving mood.
I was reading an article from gaytimes.com about a sudden increase in demand for male sex workers around the GOP convention.
I feel like this should have been expected.
Last night I spent an hour working on a cross stitch and watching Ocean’s 13 (I love those silly, fluffy movies). Sometimes I write letters to people. I love photography. I go to antique stores. I collect fountain pens. You just need to have hobbies that have nothing to with fighting the alt-right and misogyny, ideally ones that don’t require you to be online, and you have to make time for them. At least an hour a day and more on weekends–I for one have often thought you shouldn’t update so much on the weekends, but I didn’t want to tell you your business.
I had a horrendous four months this year when I was going through the process of having my sick benefit reassessed and my self care, already pretty bad due to the normal amounts of depression I suffer got a lot worse. I wore the same clothes for weeks, T-shirts with huge rips in. I kept myself clean because I do find baths neccesary to relax but otherwise I was a ball of misery pinging between mania and depression to wrung out to even brush my hair most days.
Videogames and horror films got me through it, I think it was catharsis via bodily destruction and the triumph over evil. And the small community of friends I have on another forum I spend a lot of time chatting with helped immeasurably as well. Also my cat is very receptive to my moods and by the time Final Decision fortnight rolled around he barely left my side, always providing lots of purrs and head bumps.
Anyway, I ended up having the decision not only go in my favour, but raised the amount I get by a quarter! I’m still a bit shocked two weeks later. I’ve started eating better again, washing and changing my clothes regularly and general perked myself up a bit. I know that probably makes me still sound like a right slob to a lot of folk, but for me it’s a big improvement. I’m still on a videogame kick and making my way through the pile of horror films I splurged on (one of our local second-hand dvd shops has horror in its own easy-to-find-what-you-want section) but not to the super-obsessive extent I was using them a couple of months back.
The thing that keeps me going is that i tend to see a positive side to everything. I also mentally prepare myself for the most likely outcomes. If Trump loses, it will be awesome. If he wins, i sit back, grab some popcorn and enjoy the carnage. It’s mostly win-win for me. I’m adaptable. Don’t let expectations drive you into despair. Politics are usually a joke and it’s healthy to laugh.