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We’ve met Ian Ironwood before, a Men’s Rights Activist and sexbot enthusiast with retrograde views on gender and a taste for similarly retro art from the fifties. Ironwood is a prodigious meme-maker, but one with a tendency to repeat himself.
One of his primary themes — you might even call it an obsession — is the notion that HA HA FEMINISTS, NO MAN WILL EVER WANT YOU. Today, we’ll examine just how Ironwood conveys this totally super original notion with the help of old magazine illustrations.
May you swallow spiders in your sleep.
May your barista always serve you caf when you said decaf, and decaf when you said caf.
May your coffeehouse always be out of sprinkles.
May the shows you love be immediately canceled. May the shows you hate air forever.
May your clock-radio always wake you up to bad news.
May you forget to zip up before you exit the bathroom. May you notice just after you say hello to the cute new hire in Accounting. May that intriguing new hire laugh as you walk away.
May your bus always be heading toward your stop . . . and pull away just as you reach the front door. May you walk to the next stop just to keep warm . . . and repeat the process.
May you find a perfect and delicious product at the supermarket which disappears after 2 weeks.
May you get stuck at every red light – but only when you’re in a hurry.
May the non-cuddly cat finally settle on your lap one night – just as you’re planning to go to bed.
May you find an awesome blog that distracts you horribly when you know you need to be working.
@Moggie –
Thank you for the coffee snort XD
Ms. magazine used to have a classified section in back. That was how I discovered Mother Courage restaurant in Greenwich Village. When I traveled to New York City, I made sure to visit it. It was super exciting to be 19 years old and, along with my boyfriend, visiting a restaurant owned and operated by feminists! As I recall, cheesecake was $1 and delicious. It may have been the place I discovered chocolate mousse — still in love!
Also in the classified section: feminist bumper stickers. Here’s one of my favorites:
Men of quality aren’t threatened by women of equality.
@Mish
You’ve inspired me too.
The following are ripped from the pages of my own life:
May you find a perfect and delicious new product at the supermarket. May it be recalled due to contamination. May you discover this just after you ate it.
May the water that you thought was rusty turn out to be brown due to raw sewage. May you hear this news just after you drank it.
May the (expensive!) juice you drink be recalled due to contamination. And a few deaths. May you find out just after you drank it.
May reality be everything you think it is, and nothing more.
@Kat – the brown water one is just cruel. Can’t unthink it!
May Mr. Ironwood remain an untalented, ridiculous hack.
May all the chain letters finish one day or another in your mailbox.
May you have dog attractive legs and each dog you cross try to hump it.
May there be streets with only ladders above your head and black cats crossing it.
May you begin to forget anything and… er… what was i going to say ? (Alzheimer is really a pain in the bottom).
@Cleverforagirl That is fantastic and it went straight to my hard drive, thank you.
@dslucia
Whoa, I’d say in this decade that’s a pretty niche doppelgang. Good for you! And possibly them.
@Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Haha, I’m fortunate enough not to look like any celebrity, major or minor. But now I’m wondering if there’s a market for GRRM impersonators…
@Kat re: climaxes – ooh, yes, even meaner! re: sewage water – Ugh! Where was that? 🙁
@Mish, @BoogerGhost
Yeah, the brown water one was really mean. That was in Santa Monica, California.
On the plus side, none of that food or drink made me sick. Yay for immune systems!
@Mike Hisbandry
The cruelest curse of all!
One that these woman haters are pretty much living out already.
May you only ever turn on the car radio to hear the last notes of your current favorite song.
May your boss favor 4 PM Friday afternoon meetings that invariably run a little long.
May you always mistake the cinnamon jelly beans for cherry, and vice-versa.
May you accidentally send your hate-screeds to your friends and family, so they know what a true asshole you are.
May your short-and-curlies get caught in the zipper.
May you suddenly need to use the bathroom after chopping habanero peppers without using gloves.
May your workspace be the one spot in the office that is either a bit too hot or a bit too cold, so that no one else agrees with you when you say you want the temperature adjusted.
May you live the life you deserve.
How about an inversion of an Irish blessing:
“May the worst day of your past be the best day of your future”
Also, anyone notice that the picture of the lady with a cat on her head looks like Denise Richards?
Anyways back to cursing:
May you always find a hair in your food.
May every toilet you use turn out to be clogged (before you use it)
May you always have your most embarrassing itches in public
http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnnnext/dam/assets/151204091942-santa-school-classroom-intros-large-169.jpg
Apparently so. They just call themselves “Santa Schools”, for some odd reason…
May you always end up oversleeping because your alarm didn’t go off.
May your water heater always go caput whenever you take a shower
May your conure only get the urge to squawk up a storm when you have a headache
May you always end up on the sunniest side of any vehicle when there’s heavy traffic (yes, that one is about me…gods-damn redhead skin)
May you never remember your sunscreen when going to the beach, pool or waterpark
May you never be able to complete any missions or reach any portals (for the Ingress nerds out there, yes I’m one)
May every portal hack turn up no items (another Ingress curse)
May you fall prey to a Guardian hunter (Guardian=Ingress portal you own many days in a row)
May you always have the Oompa Loompa songs stuck in your head (too harsh?)
May you always bite your tongue while chewing gum
May others treat you as you treat them (if this guy’s screed is any indication, he’s in for a world of hurt!)
May you either put on your shoes only to find Lego(s) and/or cat/dog shit
May your ringtone spontaneously change to Bobcat Goldthwait’s iconic scream, and your phone is at max volume and you are unable to turn down the volume or change the ringtone (I have nothing against Bobcat but his scream as a ringtone? Yikes! Plus I had to work him into a curse somehow)
May people always take everything you say as either an insult, a lie or a come-on (inspired by a Would You Rather?)
May it always be spaghetti night whenever you wear your good white shirt.
May your house always be a mess just before you have company
May people only want to take your picture when you look like shit for any reason (hungover, tired, sick, etc.)
May you see food commercials during a medical fast (for surgery or blood work)
May your nostrils be assaulted with tantalizing breakfast aromas before your fasting blood test
May that annoying “friend” call you to talk about unimportant BS when you’re just about to drift off, especially when you have morning shifts (inspired by my BF’s ordeal…yep, another feminist in a relationship)
May you always be caught picking your nose on the big screen at the ball game
Off-topic, but I felt the need to share: Marvel is now handing the mantle of Iron Man to a fifteen year old black girl who is an MIT student.
Riri Williams is going to be the new Iron Man, and I personally cannot wait.
Of course, queue up the angry “fans”, who are upset that the new Iron Man isn’t another cishet white dude, and the fans who are upset that Tony Stark isn’t Iron Man anymore, at least for now.
Fun drinking game: Take a shot whenever someone says the word “pandering”.
I also did a rant on my tumblr about the “Why can’t they just make new characters?!” bullshit.
*Crosses fingers and hopes this works because tumblr’s still fucking broken as fuck and I can’t see my own fucking blog*
@PI: That reminds me of a T-shirt I saw and want to get at some point: FeMale–The Original Iron Man
@Paradoxical Intention Whoaaa
@VioletBeauregarde Haha, took me a second. 😀
How DARE you!
My cats are VERY well trained, thank you very much!
@PI:
“Why can’t they just make new characters” is especially hilarious because it treats the uniform as more of a character than the person actually inhabiting said uniform.
You’d really think that with all of the different people who have been Spider-Man by now (and even the recent changing of Captain America), someone else picking up an Iron Man suit wouldn’t be surprising.
(Of course, many of the people who actually get upset don’t read the comics in the first place. They’re just mad because the status quo is maybe-possibly-okay-probably-not-really changing.)
Women of quality don´t touch misogynist filth with ten feet pole!
This seemed like the most appropriate thread to post this to. The menz will get sexbots, and the wimmenz will get… sexmonsters!
I actually made that point in that tumblr rant I wrote.
I compared the title of Iron Man to job titles, and said that what they’re suggesting is like saying my job title of “Graphic Designer” is its own character, and thus no one but me could be a Graphic Designer, and whoever wants to do the same job as me would have to come up with a different title in order to do the job. It’s a silly notion.
Hey, wouldn’t “Kitty Litter” make a great name for some feminist super-villain?