An open thread to lighten the mood a bit, and give me a chance to use the above picture. Brain-bleach, oddball YouTube videos, movie recommendations — all welcome. Anything positive and distracting, really.
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Open Thread: GROUP HUG!
Mr Robot is coming back on the 13th. I’ve also been enjoying Braindead. It’s kind of like a cross between House of Cards and Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
I’m always good for show recs. I watch them more than movies these days because I think television/streaming service shows tend to be more creatively written with more diversity in cast and characters. They’ve replaced the mid-budget movies that have all but disappeared.
I don’t know if anybody listens to “A Prairie Home Companion,” but Garrison Keillor’s last live show is being broadcast right now on APHC’s website; he’s retiring after 42 years of hosting the show.
That news is mildly depressing, but somebody special called in just a few minutes ago to express his thanks for the show: President Barack Obama. He listened to the show during commutes between Springfield and Chicago during his time in the Illinois State Senate, and he liked hearing the updates from Lake Wobegon.
If you can’t listen to or stream the show right now, have a heart: there’s an archive on the show’s website. You just have to turn all of your ad-blockers off in order to listen to the old shows.
Also: have a towhee. He would like for you to drink your tea.
@Oogly: Thanks for the info. I had no idea, I just thought it was a cute video.
Some bad news: I’m unfortunately getting into a depression downswing again. Just with the Pulse shooting and the stabbings here and personal stuff, I just feel so…numb.
And when I’m not numb, I’m testy and upset, and it doesn’t help that my uncle got upset with me today because I snapped at him. While I was putting away groceries, I was putting boxed pasta into jars so the rats don’t get it, and he came up and was like “It won’t fit in there. I bought more pasta than can fit”. And I knew that. It was obvious.
So I tell him I knew it, and maybe I came off a little ruder than I should have, but he gets huffy and says “I was just trying to help! If you’re just going to argue, then I’m not going to bother!”
I just get so tired of him always treating me like I don’t know how to do anything and constantly talking to me like I’m stupid, and even though he never lifts a finger to help with the housework, he tries to correct me on that too, and I’m really sick of it.
I wouldn’t have minded if he said “Could you put the pasta here instead, please?” That would have been better than “You’re doing this wrong.”
And I do feel bad about it because he doesn’t know that that’s what my ex-step-father used to do all the time and it makes me feel useless and awful because that man made me hate myself for so long and I have to fight SO HARD to convince myself that I’m not an incompetent, stupid waste of life who is a burden to everyone around me.
But I hate it. And he won’t listen.
I just have to keep moving forward and remind myself that I only have two more months here.
@SFHC
Revelations for the 3DS was so much better than I expected. I bought Revelations 2 on Steam but I couldn’t get it to run smoothly enough to be remotely playable. Seemed like lots of people were having similar problems. Maybe they’ve fixed it by now, but I was so annoyed at having spent money on a useless game that I might never pick it up again. :/
@PI – really sorry to hear this. Those seemingly small interactions just add up and up, and chip away at one’s sense of worth and competence.
I haven’t “known” you for very long, but you’re obviously an incredible person. Sending hugs and corny “you go girl” vibes from the southern hemisphere 🙂 🙂
@ Paradoxy
Sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be.
In practical terms it’s good to focus on the fact that you’ll soon be entering a whole new phase of life, with all the opportunities that brings. It’ll probably seem a bit scary at first; big life changes often are; but it’s going to be wonderful. You’re still really young. I don’t mean that in a patronising or condescending way. What I mean is, that all the shit you’ve had to go through in the past is just a small part of your time here. That’s not to downplay its significance, but it’s made you the person you are. You’re strong, you’re witty and you’re really bright. You’ll soon be in a place where you can finally use all that to the fullest and be the person you really want to be. But don’t be on a rush to find out what sort of person that is. Enjoy your new freedom, bum around for a bit, explore and experiment. You might not figure it out until you’re 90. Don’t worry too much about the destination, just enjoy the journey.
Ooh, cyriak just released a new YouTube video, the first in a year. With rabbits. I don’t know if scary-cute rabbits, and rabbits made out of rabbits, are other people’s cup of tea, but I was excited!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKPhjkw3Y84
@PI – Gah, that sounds aggravating. I’ve had to deal with a supervisor like that at work. It’s hard to know how to respond to his criticism, because my response will be criticized too – if it’s sorry, “I don’t want to be sorry, I want you to do this properly.” If I try to explain why I made a mistake, I’m being too defensive. Anyway, I hope everything goes well so that you can move – keep us updated (if you like, of course).
@Mish – glad the conference went well! Sounds interesting.
@Alan – thanks for the details about the social media/activism stuff in the context of animal rights back on the earlier thread. I won’t take it up in detail here, obviously, but it’s another area of personal and political interest to me. The landscape of animal rights activism has changed SO much and these are really important questions. We must discuss this further!
Sorry, all – not derailing. Just saw Alan was here and wanted to mention it 🙂
Hello and welcome! It’s always nice to have a new commenter.
However, I would like to direct you to the comments policy section of the website. We don’t tolerate ableism here.
Asshole is not a mental illness, being a bigot doesn’t make one “insane”, and those of us here who are mentally ill do not appreciate being thrown under the bus so you can “other” said assholes. Not everyone with bigoted views is mentally ill, and not everyone who is mentally ill is a bigot, because mental illness isn’t the cause of bigotry.
It isn’t our place to diagnose them.
Please be mindful of that in the future.
Just saw Elie Wiesel’s obits being covered on Twitter. Mentioning it here because this (from his Nobel speech) really struck home:
@epitome – cyriak!! Yay!! thank you for sharing.
So, revealing some personal info once more, a recurring issue between myself and my SO is that I’m very bad at expressing the empathy that I feel, and I can’t always empathize with the things she’s having issues with because I just don’t know what it’s like. I had a rather socially stunted childhood and teenage years and my brain usually tries to make my first response to anything relatively… er… practical? I would hesitate to say clinical myself, but that might be more accurate. So it doesn’t come across that I’m actually accepting and acknowledging the problems she’s experiencing, when I am (or at least I think that I am as much as I’m capable) and I don’t know how to respond.
Bluecollarnerd
I reckon your camp kitchen looks just fine.
I saw the Elie Wiesel stuff on the news today too, and the clip they used of him was where he was giving a speech saying that “neutrality only helps the oppressors and not the victims”, and it really hit home for me.
@PI
http://orig02.deviantart.net/5024/f/2015/286/a/1/shadowboxing_kirby_by_evanspritemaker-d9d0s62.gif
Ooh, them’s fightin words, right chea! You have more strength than me. Fuckin pasta, bruh!?
Anyway, in case you don’t have it right now to convince yourself how awesome you are:
Here’s a little boost
My heart goes out to all of you dealing with tough stuff at the moment! I’ve opened up a new open thread for personal stuff in case anyone feels awkward posting it here.
@dslucia
Luckily, expressing empathy is something that you can do even if you’re not feeling that empathy (years in customer support taught me that). Try saying things like “I’m sorry you’re going through that” or “that must really suck” or things along those lines. It feels uncomfortable and in-genuine at first, but you get used to it and after you see it work it stops feeling so awkward and becomes your default response (for me that’s how it worked, anyway). The point is to listen to what she’s saying and express that you heard her and understand that she’s upset. Don’t offer solutions unless she asks, or if you feel like you have a good solution ask her first if she wants one or if she just wants you to listen. I hope this helps.
@kupo:
I do kinda struggle with overusing phrases like those because, as you say, it feels a bit insincere. I guess to me it doesn’t feel like it’s enough, but I have no idea what would be, if that makes sense? Although, based on the talk I had with her tonight and your response, it would seem that’s a personal hang-up I need to get over.
@dslucia
I get it. You feel like it’s just an empty platitude and you want to do something to help. I feel the same way sometimes, especially when it’s my partner and especially when he’s hurting. But often all they need is a little support, and trying to offer solutions makes them feel like you’re not hearing them out, like you think their problem is simple and easy to solve, or just like they’re inadequate and not handling things well. Another thing you could try is saying an empathetic phrase and then asking if there’s anything you can do to help. That way she feels heard and you know for sure whether there’s more you can do to help out other than just listen. I usually get back, “you already are” when I ask this, and while I often wish there was more, I know I’m doing enough.
If you’ve ever had a time where you felt like I just described above when you were talking to someone about a problem, try to remember that feeling when you’re on the other side of the conversation.
@PI if it makes you feel any better it’s not just you, this is a really common male-female interaction. A guy I dated once thought it was important that he inform me that I peeled garlic wrong. I once read a woman’s comment on a blog that she once needed to give someone a dime, for some reason, and she shook her coin purse and a nickel fell out as she was looking for the correct coin. ‘That’s not a dime,’ a man felt it was necessary to explain to her, in all seriousness. It might have been from this tumblr:
http://mansplained.tumblr.com/
Good luck with the move–I hope it opens lots of doors for you.
@guest: Yeah, I’m aware of mansplaining, it’s a topic that comes up here a lot. : P I try not to think that’s the reason why my uncle does it though. I kind of don’t want to think that’s why he does it, at least.
Thanks for the link though, it sounds awesome! Have The Manslator in return!
🙂 thanks for the link–I was rereading the one I sent you, but now I’ll read yours instead, except that I should actually get up and do stuff…. I apologise if it sounded like I was mansplaining to YOU–it’s just that the way you described that interaction made it sound as if you thought it was him, specifically, attacking you, specifically, whereas to me it just sounded like more of the same old male condescending crap. Of course you, a grown adult, have no spatial awareness of how much stuff can fit into a jar.
In an attempt to maybe contribute something of value to the conversation, as PI has pointed out that I really haven’t (fair enough), I want to share an insight I got from Ginmar. I don’t know if any of you remember her; she’s an Iraq vet who became internet-famous, or at least LJ-famous, a decade or so ago for her writing about her experiences in combat. But most of what she wrote about in her LJ was observations on how women are treated. She described how she’d called the cops on her drug-dealing neighbours; a policeman came to her door and when she answered the first thing he said to her was not ‘thanks for calling us’, ‘how can I help’, ‘what’s the problem’, but rather ‘you should shovel your walk.’ She pointed out something I hadn’t understood until she said it–that women live in a sea of criticism. We are constantly being told that whatever we’re doing is wrong.
I realised that I do it too. When I’m sitting on a bench watching people go by, when a man walks by I may think he’s attractive, or not, or make observations about his clothes, looks or behaviour…but when a woman walks by my brain automatically goes to ‘that shirt doesn’t flatter her’, ‘her bra doesn’t fit’, ‘she should dye her hair a different colour’, ‘she’s wearing makeup badly’. I may have a favourable or unfavourable opinion about a man, but I don’t immediately insist (in my mind) that he change.
Now that I’m aware of how I fall into criticising mode with women, I don’t do it any more–but I wasn’t aware of my double standard until Ginmar described it.
Uh, thanks, but I wasn’t trying to say that you weren’t contributing anything to the conversation, guest. I’m really sorry if that’s what you think I meant! It wasn’t! 🙁
Hey, it’s good. I apologise if it sounds as if I’m trying to start an argument, or criticise you–you were right to point out that I was describing something to you that the chances are very high, as someone who reads this blog, you were already well aware of. And I was properly embarrassed when I thought about it.