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Open Thread: GROUP HUG!

Everyone gets a hug (if they want one)
Let’s stick together

An open thread to lighten the mood a bit, and give me a chance to use the above picture. Brain-bleach, oddball YouTube videos, movie recommendations — all welcome. Anything positive and distracting, really.

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weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

Mr Robot is coming back on the 13th. I’ve also been enjoying Braindead. It’s kind of like a cross between House of Cards and Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

I’m always good for show recs. I watch them more than movies these days because I think television/streaming service shows tend to be more creatively written with more diversity in cast and characters. They’ve replaced the mid-budget movies that have all but disappeared.

Biot (yet again!)
Biot (yet again!)
4 years ago

I don’t know if anybody listens to “A Prairie Home Companion,” but Garrison Keillor’s last live show is being broadcast right now on APHC’s website; he’s retiring after 42 years of hosting the show.
That news is mildly depressing, but somebody special called in just a few minutes ago to express his thanks for the show: President Barack Obama. He listened to the show during commutes between Springfield and Chicago during his time in the Illinois State Senate, and he liked hearing the updates from Lake Wobegon.
If you can’t listen to or stream the show right now, have a heart: there’s an archive on the show’s website. You just have to turn all of your ad-blockers off in order to listen to the old shows.

Biot (yet again!)
Biot (yet again!)
4 years ago

Also: have a towhee. He would like for you to drink your tea.

Paradoxical Intention - Mobile
Paradoxical Intention - Mobile
4 years ago

@Oogly: Thanks for the info. I had no idea, I just thought it was a cute video.

Some bad news: I’m unfortunately getting into a depression downswing again. Just with the Pulse shooting and the stabbings here and personal stuff, I just feel so…numb.

And when I’m not numb, I’m testy and upset, and it doesn’t help that my uncle got upset with me today because I snapped at him. While I was putting away groceries, I was putting boxed pasta into jars so the rats don’t get it, and he came up and was like “It won’t fit in there. I bought more pasta than can fit”. And I knew that. It was obvious.

So I tell him I knew it, and maybe I came off a little ruder than I should have, but he gets huffy and says “I was just trying to help! If you’re just going to argue, then I’m not going to bother!”

I just get so tired of him always treating me like I don’t know how to do anything and constantly talking to me like I’m stupid, and even though he never lifts a finger to help with the housework, he tries to correct me on that too, and I’m really sick of it.

I wouldn’t have minded if he said “Could you put the pasta here instead, please?” That would have been better than “You’re doing this wrong.”

And I do feel bad about it because he doesn’t know that that’s what my ex-step-father used to do all the time and it makes me feel useless and awful because that man made me hate myself for so long and I have to fight SO HARD to convince myself that I’m not an incompetent, stupid waste of life who is a burden to everyone around me.

But I hate it. And he won’t listen.

I just have to keep moving forward and remind myself that I only have two more months here.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
4 years ago

@SFHC

Revelations for the 3DS was so much better than I expected. I bought Revelations 2 on Steam but I couldn’t get it to run smoothly enough to be remotely playable. Seemed like lots of people were having similar problems. Maybe they’ve fixed it by now, but I was so annoyed at having spent money on a useless game that I might never pick it up again. :/

Mish
Mish
4 years ago

@PI – really sorry to hear this. Those seemingly small interactions just add up and up, and chip away at one’s sense of worth and competence.

I haven’t “known” you for very long, but you’re obviously an incredible person. Sending hugs and corny “you go girl” vibes from the southern hemisphere 🙂 🙂

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ Paradoxy

Sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be.

In practical terms it’s good to focus on the fact that you’ll soon be entering a whole new phase of life, with all the opportunities that brings. It’ll probably seem a bit scary at first; big life changes often are; but it’s going to be wonderful. You’re still really young. I don’t mean that in a patronising or condescending way. What I mean is, that all the shit you’ve had to go through in the past is just a small part of your time here. That’s not to downplay its significance, but it’s made you the person you are. You’re strong, you’re witty and you’re really bright. You’ll soon be in a place where you can finally use all that to the fullest and be the person you really want to be. But don’t be on a rush to find out what sort of person that is. Enjoy your new freedom, bum around for a bit, explore and experiment. You might not figure it out until you’re 90. Don’t worry too much about the destination, just enjoy the journey.

epitome of incomprehensibility

Ooh, cyriak just released a new YouTube video, the first in a year. With rabbits. I don’t know if scary-cute rabbits, and rabbits made out of rabbits, are other people’s cup of tea, but I was excited!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKPhjkw3Y84

@PI – Gah, that sounds aggravating. I’ve had to deal with a supervisor like that at work. It’s hard to know how to respond to his criticism, because my response will be criticized too – if it’s sorry, “I don’t want to be sorry, I want you to do this properly.” If I try to explain why I made a mistake, I’m being too defensive. Anyway, I hope everything goes well so that you can move – keep us updated (if you like, of course).

@Mish – glad the conference went well! Sounds interesting.

Mish
Mish
4 years ago

@Alan – thanks for the details about the social media/activism stuff in the context of animal rights back on the earlier thread. I won’t take it up in detail here, obviously, but it’s another area of personal and political interest to me. The landscape of animal rights activism has changed SO much and these are really important questions. We must discuss this further!
Sorry, all – not derailing. Just saw Alan was here and wanted to mention it 🙂

Paradoxical Intention - Mobile
Paradoxical Intention - Mobile
4 years ago

Trovic | July 2, 2016 at 12:03 pm
So I’m a gay man and I decided to read the redpill glossary from they page. Surprisingly, that demon bug with it’s spawn was an effective brain bleach. I mean, they are all insane, what the fuck. send help.

Hello and welcome! It’s always nice to have a new commenter.

However, I would like to direct you to the comments policy section of the website. We don’t tolerate ableism here.

Asshole is not a mental illness, being a bigot doesn’t make one “insane”, and those of us here who are mentally ill do not appreciate being thrown under the bus so you can “other” said assholes. Not everyone with bigoted views is mentally ill, and not everyone who is mentally ill is a bigot, because mental illness isn’t the cause of bigotry.

It isn’t our place to diagnose them.

Please be mindful of that in the future.

Mish
Mish
4 years ago

Just saw Elie Wiesel’s obits being covered on Twitter. Mentioning it here because this (from his Nobel speech) really struck home:

comment image

@epitome – cyriak!! Yay!! thank you for sharing.

dslucia
dslucia
4 years ago

So, revealing some personal info once more, a recurring issue between myself and my SO is that I’m very bad at expressing the empathy that I feel, and I can’t always empathize with the things she’s having issues with because I just don’t know what it’s like. I had a rather socially stunted childhood and teenage years and my brain usually tries to make my first response to anything relatively… er… practical? I would hesitate to say clinical myself, but that might be more accurate. So it doesn’t come across that I’m actually accepting and acknowledging the problems she’s experiencing, when I am (or at least I think that I am as much as I’m capable) and I don’t know how to respond.

mildlymagnificent
mildlymagnificent
4 years ago

Bluecollarnerd

I reckon your camp kitchen looks just fine.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

I saw the Elie Wiesel stuff on the news today too, and the clip they used of him was where he was giving a speech saying that “neutrality only helps the oppressors and not the victims”, and it really hit home for me.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@PI

“I was just trying to help! If you’re just going to argue, then I’m not going to bother!”

http://orig02.deviantart.net/5024/f/2015/286/a/1/shadowboxing_kirby_by_evanspritemaker-d9d0s62.gif
Ooh, them’s fightin words, right chea! You have more strength than me. Fuckin pasta, bruh!?
Anyway, in case you don’t have it right now to convince yourself how awesome you are:
comment image
Here’s a little boost

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@dslucia
Luckily, expressing empathy is something that you can do even if you’re not feeling that empathy (years in customer support taught me that). Try saying things like “I’m sorry you’re going through that” or “that must really suck” or things along those lines. It feels uncomfortable and in-genuine at first, but you get used to it and after you see it work it stops feeling so awkward and becomes your default response (for me that’s how it worked, anyway). The point is to listen to what she’s saying and express that you heard her and understand that she’s upset. Don’t offer solutions unless she asks, or if you feel like you have a good solution ask her first if she wants one or if she just wants you to listen. I hope this helps.

dslucia
dslucia
4 years ago

@kupo:

I do kinda struggle with overusing phrases like those because, as you say, it feels a bit insincere. I guess to me it doesn’t feel like it’s enough, but I have no idea what would be, if that makes sense? Although, based on the talk I had with her tonight and your response, it would seem that’s a personal hang-up I need to get over.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@dslucia
I get it. You feel like it’s just an empty platitude and you want to do something to help. I feel the same way sometimes, especially when it’s my partner and especially when he’s hurting. But often all they need is a little support, and trying to offer solutions makes them feel like you’re not hearing them out, like you think their problem is simple and easy to solve, or just like they’re inadequate and not handling things well. Another thing you could try is saying an empathetic phrase and then asking if there’s anything you can do to help. That way she feels heard and you know for sure whether there’s more you can do to help out other than just listen. I usually get back, “you already are” when I ask this, and while I often wish there was more, I know I’m doing enough.

If you’ve ever had a time where you felt like I just described above when you were talking to someone about a problem, try to remember that feeling when you’re on the other side of the conversation.

guest
guest
4 years ago

@PI if it makes you feel any better it’s not just you, this is a really common male-female interaction. A guy I dated once thought it was important that he inform me that I peeled garlic wrong. I once read a woman’s comment on a blog that she once needed to give someone a dime, for some reason, and she shook her coin purse and a nickel fell out as she was looking for the correct coin. ‘That’s not a dime,’ a man felt it was necessary to explain to her, in all seriousness. It might have been from this tumblr:

http://mansplained.tumblr.com/

Good luck with the move–I hope it opens lots of doors for you.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

@guest: Yeah, I’m aware of mansplaining, it’s a topic that comes up here a lot. : P I try not to think that’s the reason why my uncle does it though. I kind of don’t want to think that’s why he does it, at least.

Thanks for the link though, it sounds awesome! Have The Manslator in return!

guest
guest
4 years ago

🙂 thanks for the link–I was rereading the one I sent you, but now I’ll read yours instead, except that I should actually get up and do stuff…. I apologise if it sounded like I was mansplaining to YOU–it’s just that the way you described that interaction made it sound as if you thought it was him, specifically, attacking you, specifically, whereas to me it just sounded like more of the same old male condescending crap. Of course you, a grown adult, have no spatial awareness of how much stuff can fit into a jar.

guest
guest
4 years ago

In an attempt to maybe contribute something of value to the conversation, as PI has pointed out that I really haven’t (fair enough), I want to share an insight I got from Ginmar. I don’t know if any of you remember her; she’s an Iraq vet who became internet-famous, or at least LJ-famous, a decade or so ago for her writing about her experiences in combat. But most of what she wrote about in her LJ was observations on how women are treated. She described how she’d called the cops on her drug-dealing neighbours; a policeman came to her door and when she answered the first thing he said to her was not ‘thanks for calling us’, ‘how can I help’, ‘what’s the problem’, but rather ‘you should shovel your walk.’ She pointed out something I hadn’t understood until she said it–that women live in a sea of criticism. We are constantly being told that whatever we’re doing is wrong.

I realised that I do it too. When I’m sitting on a bench watching people go by, when a man walks by I may think he’s attractive, or not, or make observations about his clothes, looks or behaviour…but when a woman walks by my brain automatically goes to ‘that shirt doesn’t flatter her’, ‘her bra doesn’t fit’, ‘she should dye her hair a different colour’, ‘she’s wearing makeup badly’. I may have a favourable or unfavourable opinion about a man, but I don’t immediately insist (in my mind) that he change.

Now that I’m aware of how I fall into criticising mode with women, I don’t do it any more–but I wasn’t aware of my double standard until Ginmar described it.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

Uh, thanks, but I wasn’t trying to say that you weren’t contributing anything to the conversation, guest. I’m really sorry if that’s what you think I meant! It wasn’t! 🙁

guest
guest
4 years ago

Hey, it’s good. I apologise if it sounds as if I’m trying to start an argument, or criticise you–you were right to point out that I was describing something to you that the chances are very high, as someone who reads this blog, you were already well aware of. And I was properly embarrassed when I thought about it.

GardenGallivant
GardenGallivant
4 years ago

Dalillama, you have my sympathy. Getting doored is so hard to avoid

I was doored in 85 in a way that separated my shoulder and herniated a disk besides scraping the bike and removing a pannier. What I learned is that this is entirely the drivers fault for opening the door into traffic. My friends from the paceline made sure I got the insurance information by telling her if she continued to refuse and left the site they would report her as a hit and run to the police.

The drivers insurance company listened to my story, called the driver, who told them about the cyclist getting in the way of opening her door with pretty much all the same details I had given them, so they made a cash offer for all medical, mechanical and time lost from work compensation with no quibble.

I do hope you recover soon and do not have to many flash backs in riding near opening doors. I also hope you can make a claim to cover your costs.

14 Cats And Counting!
14 Cats And Counting!
4 years ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w“>

Don’t know how many here like British comedies. I personally think Fawlty Towers is the funniest series ever. While poking around on youtube I found Harry Enfield, an English entertainer I admit I had never heard of before. He did a series of satirical shorts for the BBC that had me in hysterics.

My favorite is Women: Know Your Limits. The above should be the link but for some reason I seem to have a bit of a problem with things like that. Of course you can just go to youtube and type in the title. I think it’s worth it. The last line about dear little kittens is priceless. Afraid my writing is a bit boring but Enfield’s is wonderful.

My second favorite is Paul Enfield Takes a Wife. This is another superbly crafted satire on the supremely chauvinistic veddy upper class Englishman.

Unfortunately due to some stupid copyright crap the BBC pulled Women Keep Your Virtue (hilarious) and another one about why women shouldn’t be allowed to drive. Glad I saw them before they got yanked.

varalys the dark
4 years ago

I was in terrible pain from my back yesterday, so ended up staying in bed doped up on painkillers with the cat cuddled up next to me and I marathoned all seven Saw films. It was cathartic! I’m a bit of a horror buff, I like western horror and Japanese/South Korean horror equally but I go through phases and I am squarely in a western horror mood right now. I also spent last week watching all the DTV Hellraiser films which weren’t as bad as I had been led to believe. Hellraiser: Revelations still blows though.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
4 years ago

dslucia and kupo, that rings so true! Sometimes what you want so damn much is just to know that you’re heard/somebody hears you. If someone’s actually prepared to listen to you for five minutes – and even feels sympathy – that can be incredibly restorative and helpful in itself, especially if a non-antagonstic listening ear is something that’s in short supply.

Asking if there’s anything you can do to help/what the other person would like you to do to help is good, before suggesting solutions (or at least express suggestions not as “you should …” or similar, but instead as “do you think maybe you should …?” or “do you think it would work if you … ?” – it makes a big difference to me anyway, if I feel that someone’s recognising me as a person somewhere in the mix by offering a suggestion rather than short-cutting me out of any relevance by just steamrollering and giving me instructions. This may be more important to people who are generally overall used to not being listened to/having their opinions dismissed.)

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@opposablethumbs
Great suggestion. I would add that the worst possible opener for a suggestion anyone is about to give me is, “why don’t you just…” Not only does it come off as similar to “you should” but the “just” implies that the thing being suggested is easy. It’s usually given in response to a complex problem the listener has only heard a small amount of before jumping in with the suggestion, too.

Example:

Person A: “I’ve been feeling really thirsty lately.”
Person B: “Why don’t you just carry a water bottle around so you can drink whenever you’re feeling thirsty?”
A: “No, like I think there might be something more to it. I have to pee a lot, too.”
B: “Doesn’t your employer let you have bathroom breaks? I heard you can sue if they don’t because it could give you a kidney infection.”
A: “No, that’s not the issue! I’m worried because I have a family history of diabetes and these are often early symptoms.”
B: “Why don’t you just make a doctor appointment, then?”

…etc. Person A is just worried and wants to express that worry and get a little emotional support but Person B is just making them feel unheard and assuming the problem is easily solved (and that person A hasn’t already thought of those solutions).

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
4 years ago

@kupo, yes, exactly!

EJ (The Other One)
4 years ago

@Dalillama:
Ugh, that sucks. Housing issues are the most stressful ever. They touch on basically every other stressful thing and make you feel totally unsafe even in your safe places. Many hugs and best wishes.

@Dr NicolaLuna:
Go you! Congrats on that. WHTM is slowly growing its own little community of kickass female scientists, which is great and I admire very much.

@PocketNerd:
Stellaris is pretty cool, and the people who made it seem to be on the side of the angels. If you look at Martin Anward’s twitter feed, a good chunk of it is him SJWing it up and mocking #GGers.

Are you active on the forums? If so, you probably know me there.

Dalillama
4 years ago

@GardenGallivant

Fortunately I partially dodged it, and I’m not that badly hurt. The only expenses to date was a couple days bus fare while I healed a bit. I think that my wheel might be further out of true than it was, but it was already pretty warped and I couldn’t prove a difference. It feels like I’ve bruised a bone in my shoulder, and it didn’t do my bad knee or ankle any good, but I need to go in for more physical therapy anyway, so it’s kind of a wash ( my health insurance will pay for that, fortunately)

Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
4 years ago

@wwth
I’m loving BrainDead, too! I’d take your “House of Cards meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers” analysis and toss in a little X-Files for the major Mulder/Scully vibes I’m getting from Laurel and Gareth, who will almost certainly end up together despite being from different sides of the aisle.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
4 years ago

@Dalillama

That’s the exact kind of incident that led to me giving up bikes forever (presumably). I had a factory job back then, and got caught by a car door on my way home from work. I went over the handlebars and messed up my shoulder, and the bike was wrecked. I never got another bike after that, and had to take a week off work to rest my shoulder. :/

PocketNerd
PocketNerd
4 years ago

Thus Spake ZaraEJ (The ZaraOther One):

Stellaris is pretty cool, and the people who made it seem to be on the side of the angels. If you look at Martin Anward’s twitter feed, a good chunk of it is him SJWing it up and mocking #GGers.

Are you active on the forums? If so, you probably know me there.

Alas, I’m not. Maybe I should be!

Dalillama
4 years ago

@ IP
This incident isn’t even in the top 10 times my person and/or bike was fucked up by someone in a car. I’ve lost 4-5 bikes and probably a couple square meters of skin that way, although luckily I only actually broke any bones the one time.

EJ (The Other One)
4 years ago

@PocketNerd:
I wouldn’t recommend it, truthfully. These days the forums are overrun with whiny entitled brats DEMANDING changes and additional features in order to fit their own personal paradigm of what they think it should be. There’s still some good people around but ugh.

It’s a good game, despite what they say. I don’t have internet in the new flat but if you fancy some multiplayer, I might be up for it.

PocketNerd
PocketNerd
4 years ago

I wouldn’t recommend it, truthfully. These days the forums are overrun with whiny entitled brats DEMANDING changes and additional features in order to fit their own personal paradigm of what they think it should be. There’s still some good people around but ugh.

Yeah, sounds about right. Yay gamer culture. ::sad noisemaker sound::

On the other hand, some forums like that can be amusing just for the hilarity factor of the occasional pompous, overwrought post in the vein of “I Shall Carefully Enumerate Everything This Game MUST Do Differently, And You Should All Listen To Me Because I Am Very Important: A Brief 20,000-Word Treatise.”

It’s a good game, despite what they say. I don’t have internet in the new flat but if you fancy some multiplayer, I might be up for it.

Heh. Sure! I’m still pretty bad at it, but there’s only one way to get better at anything. 🙂 I use the same handle on Steam (and I’m in the nigh-defunct WHTM group here https://steamcommunity.com/groups/WHTM/ ) so you shouldn’t have any trouble finding me. Feel free to friend me up!