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Alleged martial artist Jean-Batave Poqueliche, a regular Return of Kings contributor, declares in his bio on the site that he spends his life “travel[ing] the world looking for new fighting techniques and new beautiful women.”
So naturally his boss at RoK, pickup artist and sentient glob of smegma Roosh V, tapped him to provide child-rearing advice to the site’s readers, a demographic that should probably be prevented by law from breeding.
In a post today, Mr. P sets forth a detailed list of things he thinks parents should do in order to keep their kids from turning into evil Social Justice Warriors; the advice is so bad it borders on abuse.
Mr. P starts off by celebrating, sort of, the hypothetical first pregnancy of a hypothetical RoK reader’s hypothetical first wife. Let’s just say that Mr. P is not a romantic.
“You have found the least damaged and slutty girl you could find that also looks like you,” he writes, making sure to toss in an implicit rebuke of those who marry outside of their race. “She passed all the loyalty tests and the seed has taken root.”
So far so good. But what happens when this seed develops into an actual human baby walking and talking and pooping its pants?
Well, Mr. P advises, you start to watch the thing like a hawk in order to make sure it never encounters any of the Social Justice Warriorism that runs rampant in our fallen culture.
“Elites and media cannot wait to put their gender-fluid sausage-fingered paws on your children and format their young brains,” he warns in a sentence with perhaps more metaphors than it needs. “It is your role to shield them from that peril … .”
That means setting aside your quest to learn every style of martial art from here to Timbuktu and basically being in your kids’ face all the time. “Spot the early signs of SJW friendly attitude and nip them in the bud,” he writes.
A girl with an absent father, like a ship with no rudder, will turn to an ocean of cocks.
An ocean of what, now?
A boy with an absent father will turn to crime, or worse, feminism.
Ba-dump-tish!
“Don’t let them go to university,” Mr. P insists, lest they be corrupted by some evil academic SJWs. And consider leaving the country if you don’t get your way in the November elections.
Leave America if Trump does not make it great again. Find the fertile ground that will allow your children to grow well and safe. Pick a country that despises SJWs and outright mocks them.
Does it have to be a country? I have some uninhabited islands to suggest.
And of course you need to make sure that your daughter knows how worthless she and all women really are.
Tell them that a man has only his integrity and guts for him while a woman has only her fleeting beauty and sexual purity to rely on.
Teach your son to mock fat people, just because.
While they should not laugh at people that are truly handicapped, when [your son] asks “Dad, why is the lady so fat and smells funny?”, it is your sacred duty to answer: “Because she is lonely, has no self-control and is lazy, my son.”
Keep them away from the internet, because god forbid they get a chance to take advantage of the most significant technological development of our age.
Have more than one kid. Not so much for your kids’ sake, but for your own. After all, Mr. P reminds us, each new kid you have is
[a]n extra root to a strong family tree and one more defender and carrier of your name. If unfortunately you messed up one, (no one is safe) you have a few others to save your line from vanishing into PC-approved degeneracy.
Definitely consider your children to be little more than vehicles for your own weird genetic/ideological agenda because, you know, there’s no way that could end up backfiring and making your kids rightfully hate you for the rest of their lives or anything.
Some people should never have kids. I wouldn’t trust these guys with a pet rock.
@IP
A guess about Buttercup’s last name, plus a fun fact about the classical composer Rimsky-Korsakov and a family name that is also (almost) a place-name:
Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov
https://www.sfcv.org/learn/composer-gallery/rimsky-korsakov-nikolai
That is my guess: Buttercup’s last name is Rimsky-Korsakov.
Women divorce better than men: They’re happier, more confident and less likely to self-destruct
http://www.salon.com/2016/07/01/women_divorce_better_than_men_theyre_happier_more_confident_and_less_likely_to_self_destruct_partner/#comments
Baffling! All along the manospherians have been assuring us that the opposite is true. This 2015 study will certainly have them reexamining everything they’ve ever thought, posted, tweeted, scrawled on a large piece of cardboard, or screamed.
Or, you know . . . maybe not.
I’ve seen plenty of MRAs talk about how men are more likely to commit suicide after divorce. This is of course, the fault of the ex-wife. Not mental illness or the fact that our culture doesn’t teach men how to deal with their emotions and instead teaches them to rely on women to do the emotional work. Nope. Bitches love driving men to suicide. And of course the solution is just to never marry.
And here I was thinking that I was the only person who wanted to get away from the tail-end of the alphabet. I blame it on too much stress having to wait for my report card in elementary school and middle school.
The other advantage for me is that my original last name is in the top 100 most common last names in the US. Another woman at my bank had my EXACT first name, middle initial, and last name. There were occasionally mistakes. They got corrected, but that was really irritating.
My partner’s last name is easy to spell and pronounce. It has an “s” on the end that occasionally gets dropped, but that “s” also means that fewer people have it, compared to the non-plural version. Although I like moving up in the alphabet, the real benefit is going from a name in the top 100 in the US to a name that is not in the top 1000.
Re: names
I really like the Icelandic convention (mum or dad’s first name + ‘son’ or ‘dottir’).
We’ve obviously moved on from purely descriptive surnames (based on family, locale, or profession) but I wonder if in 100 years time people will be so used to living their lives on-line and having usernames, that surnames will need to contain “at least two upper case characters, two lower case characters, two numerals and a symbol”.
In serious need of advice – and it’s related to child abuse
I live in a flat, and from my bedroom I can ocasionally I can hear a small child crying loudly. I didn’t always think much of it because that’s a thing small children do, but a few weeks back I also started hearing an adult screaming at the child to shut up. I’m worried about the child, but I don’t know where they live, just that it’s most likely in a floor below me.
Can anyone tell me what’s the best course of action at this point?
@ rosa
Personally I would call the NSPCC (or your local equivalent) and report your concerns immediately.
We can’t know exactly what’s going on but where there’s even the slightest hint that a child could be at risk then there only one course of action.
ETA: Even if this is a parent who means no harm to their child and it’s just a bit of frustration after a long day, then the relevant services might be able to offer some advice, help or just a sympathetic ear.
@IP and Kat – You’re both very close. 🙂 It’s Buttercup Q. Rimsky-Chabaloo-St. Louis du Ha! Ha!
Another thing about having a place-name surname: people are always asking if my family originated from that place. We don’t have any ancestral connection to it, unfortunately. My surname is an Anglicized version of a Gaelic last name (my father is Irish). The original surname wasn’t geographic, but since it sounded very similar to the English word for the WELL KNOWN AND EASY TO SPELL PLACE (/sarcasm), it got changed into its current form a couple of centuries back. Now everyone thinks we’re from a different country. It’s kind of like being named Baker, but being terrible at cooking.
I still have hope that someday customer service reps will view it as a valid last name, and not an address.
P.S. That’s a cool fact about the “Roman” Korsakovs, Kat…I like the idea of permanently embedding accomplishments and place visits into the family name. Like Donald Wallogarbage-Trump.
@ Alan
I used that for a lot of my Skyrim characters. ‘Mac’ and ‘Mc’ means ‘son of’ IIRC and my own family name ends in ‘-son’ (Scottish)
@Alan Robertshaw
Do you think they’ll be able to do something even if I can’t point them to a specific apartment? If so, I’ll call as soon as I get their number.
@ rosa
I can only speak from the UK experience (have some friends in child protection work) but they’re pretty smart people and this isn’t an unusual situation.
There’s all sort of things they can do from just asking around neighbours if anyone knows where there’s a baby to checking official documents like tenancy records, medical registers and DWP info.
@ pitshade
Heh, had a discussion once with a Scots mate (a McPherson) as to whether his name was a tautology or a redundancy.
The Welsh equivalent is “ap”.
Wait, no college? So how are his hypothetical kids going to get jobs? You need a BA for lots of things now.
(I know I’m injecting logic into this and I shouldn’t do that, but)
Thank you, fruitloopsie and ej. I’m in therapy, so at least I’m moving forward. 🙂
One nice thing about having an unusual last name is that I can tell if someone on the phone has met me or not, because they mispronounce my last name. My middle name is the same as my MIL’s first name, and I go by first and middle when I have to use legal names (since I got tired of instinctively cringing, another legacy of my mother), so that’s amusing sometimes too. I have a nickname that I use with people I like, and I’ve been considering legally changing it, but that’s a lot of hassle.
I have a very unusual name. I am related to every person in the country with my surname. Not only that, but if you take the full form of my first name then I am the only person in the country with that firstname-surname combination. If you take the common form of my first name then there’s one other person in the country with that name, and maybe a few hundred in the world.
The moral of the story is, do not name your children according to nineteenth-century Prussian naming conventions, unless you happen to be in the nineteenth century and live east of the Elbe.
Should I ever marry someone with a more common name, I’m absolutely going to take it. I’m fed up of having a name that nobody can spell.
I have a first name that has at least half a dozen different spellings and a last name with two. As a result, I’m on four different mailing lists for the same thing and one of them is because of switching two letters in my first name, not one of the common spellings that isn’t the one I use.
Also, I kept my surname because I’m lazy and taking husbeast’s name wouldn’t have helped any of the above. I have older relatives that send me snail mail with husbeast’s surname, but it’s not important enough to me to try to correct them.
As for making up a fake name, I’d use Ivy Moeller.
@Alan Robertshaw
Unfortunately, they told me they can’t do anything if I don’t have the exact house number. I think I’ll run downstairs when I hear crying to find out where it is next time.
Not to mention public K-12 schools are getting more and more inclusive, and that presents opportunities for his precious white kids to come into contact with lots of “undesirables” like brown kids and transgender kids.
And I sincerely doubt that Mr. ALPHA MALE is willing to take the time to home school his kids because he’s busy writing for RoK and doing ALPHA MALE stuff, or have his wife do it, because his wife isn’t smart enough on account of being feeemale.
And the children might be told to respect the undesirables as *gasp* people.
Or worse, his kids might actually do it.
(This post contains your daily dose of sarcasm)
My forename is hard to say over the phone. The airwaves give one a bit of a lisp, and that just fucks everything up. Not to mention it’s got a similar cadence and vowel distribution to a lot of other names. My surname is awesome, except that nobody knows how to spell it at 1st. It’s an odd spelling of a word that kinda sounds like a lot of other words. That also means people generally ask before they try to spell it, which is helpful. Still, it’s like:
‘What’s your name?’ ‘Uh, ****** ******.’ ‘OK, I’m gonna need you to say that 7 more times, and then, when I still don’t get it, do the whole thing in NATO code’
@dslucia
@tim guegen – I live in Quebec, and my parents got married here in 1985. My mother’s legal name is her original last name (which is the default, as you noted) although she uses my dad’s last name in her everyday life.
I don’t think I’d change my name if I ever got married, but it’s interesting to learn about the different traditions when it comes to marriage and names.
My pet peeve with English is the whole honorifics for women thing: in the not-so-distant past, you were either “Miss” or “Mrs”, so you’d be literally defined by whether you were married or not. “Ms” is a better equivalent of “Mr.”, although I don’t really like the way it’s pronounced and I’d happily do without honorifics altogether.
In French, “mademoiselle” and “madame” (“Mlle.” and “Mme.” for short) used to be like that, but these days (in Montreal at least) the first is used for girls and the second for women. So it’s about age now, not marital status, which is pretty sensible.
I recently read an interview of a folklorist (a white US born guy) whose entire legal name is Frog. No really. His parents were Eugene hippies, and they apparently did not get him a birth certificate or whatever. Eventually a childhood nickname was recorded as his legal name.
He works at my university (of Helsinki) and studies Finnish folklore, which is why a local paper interviewed him.
That opening picture reminds me of something just the other day. My wife had serious medical problems for a couple of years and still suffers from severe fatigue. So I do not just yard, car and repair work but much of the housekeeping (yes, Roosh, I’m “owned”). Anyway, I temporarily wasn’t thinking of the fatigue issue and was feeling a little irritated about the housework. Then she mentioned wishing she wasn’t so tired all the time and it snapped me back.
It occurred to me that “pissed” doesn’t BEGIN to describe what I’d feel if someone failed to pitch in, not for a medical reason, but simply out of a sense of entitlement. Now to be fair, doing housework while the other partner cleans the gutters or replaces brakes is often a fair division of labor, but the 50’s sitcom where Dad relaxes with his pipe while Mom works in the kitchen? Yeah, I wouldn’t blame her for dumping a strainer of pasta on him.
@ rosa
That’s appalling. I’m a fanatical defender of social services. They do a thankless “damned if you do; damned if you don’t” job. But to not even attempt to investigate. The mind boggles.
That’s like:
What country are you in? This is surreal.
@Alan Robertshaw
Brazil – though I’m not sure if this problem is widespread or just a particularity of the town I live in.
I can’t say I was surprised, though.
I’d rather do dishes than play Battleship tbh.