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Alleged martial artist Jean-Batave Poqueliche, a regular Return of Kings contributor, declares in his bio on the site that he spends his life “travel[ing] the world looking for new fighting techniques and new beautiful women.”
So naturally his boss at RoK, pickup artist and sentient glob of smegma Roosh V, tapped him to provide child-rearing advice to the site’s readers, a demographic that should probably be prevented by law from breeding.
In a post today, Mr. P sets forth a detailed list of things he thinks parents should do in order to keep their kids from turning into evil Social Justice Warriors; the advice is so bad it borders on abuse.
Mr. P starts off by celebrating, sort of, the hypothetical first pregnancy of a hypothetical RoK reader’s hypothetical first wife. Let’s just say that Mr. P is not a romantic.
“You have found the least damaged and slutty girl you could find that also looks like you,” he writes, making sure to toss in an implicit rebuke of those who marry outside of their race. “She passed all the loyalty tests and the seed has taken root.”
So far so good. But what happens when this seed develops into an actual human baby walking and talking and pooping its pants?
Well, Mr. P advises, you start to watch the thing like a hawk in order to make sure it never encounters any of the Social Justice Warriorism that runs rampant in our fallen culture.
“Elites and media cannot wait to put their gender-fluid sausage-fingered paws on your children and format their young brains,” he warns in a sentence with perhaps more metaphors than it needs. “It is your role to shield them from that peril … .”
That means setting aside your quest to learn every style of martial art from here to Timbuktu and basically being in your kids’ face all the time. “Spot the early signs of SJW friendly attitude and nip them in the bud,” he writes.
A girl with an absent father, like a ship with no rudder, will turn to an ocean of cocks.
An ocean of what, now?
A boy with an absent father will turn to crime, or worse, feminism.
Ba-dump-tish!
“Don’t let them go to university,” Mr. P insists, lest they be corrupted by some evil academic SJWs. And consider leaving the country if you don’t get your way in the November elections.
Leave America if Trump does not make it great again. Find the fertile ground that will allow your children to grow well and safe. Pick a country that despises SJWs and outright mocks them.
Does it have to be a country? I have some uninhabited islands to suggest.
And of course you need to make sure that your daughter knows how worthless she and all women really are.
Tell them that a man has only his integrity and guts for him while a woman has only her fleeting beauty and sexual purity to rely on.
Teach your son to mock fat people, just because.
While they should not laugh at people that are truly handicapped, when [your son] asks “Dad, why is the lady so fat and smells funny?”, it is your sacred duty to answer: “Because she is lonely, has no self-control and is lazy, my son.”
Keep them away from the internet, because god forbid they get a chance to take advantage of the most significant technological development of our age.
Have more than one kid. Not so much for your kids’ sake, but for your own. After all, Mr. P reminds us, each new kid you have is
[a]n extra root to a strong family tree and one more defender and carrier of your name. If unfortunately you messed up one, (no one is safe) you have a few others to save your line from vanishing into PC-approved degeneracy.
Definitely consider your children to be little more than vehicles for your own weird genetic/ideological agenda because, you know, there’s no way that could end up backfiring and making your kids rightfully hate you for the rest of their lives or anything.
Some people should never have kids. I wouldn’t trust these guys with a pet rock.
I hear Saui Arabia might share a lot of RoK users’ ideas.
My grandma tried most of that bullshit (or variations on that bullshit) and ended up with a kid who listened to rock music (race music, the horrors!), drank from the colored fountains, went to Mississippi (I think?) to help register black voters, jumped off the management track at a local company to marry my mom and move to Colorado, etc, etc. This shit backfires more often than it succeeds, in my experience.
If I get married, changing my name would depend on whether Mr. Buttercup’s last name works with my first name and, more importantly, is easier to pronounce and spell than my current name. My last name is the name of a widely known place, fairly common and pretty simple to spell once you catch on, and yet everyone always thinks it’s something else. “Owen? Collins? Loudon? Brody? Hahn?” I get really tired of spelling it over and over, and then having to say “No, it’s [last name] as in the [place]” and then finally they’re like “Ohhhh!”
I have considered changing it legally to “[Last name]asinthe[place]” since that’s how I always end up introducing myself, but that would just confuse things even more, and wouldn’t solve the issue of why people seemingly stop understanding this word when it’s someone’s last name instead of a place on the map.
It will be interesting to see if my two Defenders and Carriers – er, sons – face the same problem as they grow up.
Speaking as a seafarer rudderless ships don’t normally lead to cocks. At least not in my experience…
That’s the one that’s supposedly set around about the late 19th century, but the writing’s full of modern idioms and 80s slang, right? Very strange game. And, yeah, the main character’s a complete arse and deserves to be very haunted by many ghosts.
@Axecalibur:
How coincidental that both names have the same number of syllables and end with the same sound…
Policy of Madness
I can only imagine how far Australia must have felt for them. Must have felt like Australia was on another planet entirely! O.O
Our name plan game plan, fwiw, is 1) bf legally changes his name to something that has family significance for him, 2) I legally hyphenate, mine first and bf’s 2nd, and 3) I commonly use just the 2nd name, so the first one becomes a sort of middle name – like ej’s relatives. That way we both get a new name, and we both retain something of our old identities. Not right for everyone, but definitely right for us.
Very little chance of me getting married, but I’d never expect my wife to take my weird Breton last name.
No Koreans or Quebecois here? Traditionally women in Korea keep their maiden name. Since 1981 women aren’t allowed to automatically take their spouse’s name after marriage, and in fact it’s very hard to get a name change.
How is this waste of skin and air pr*ck and the rest of his nazi/rapist followers still not in jail!?
Me and my brother were raised by a single mom and now my brother grew up to be the top of his schools, is working for NASA, he’s married and has two kids and I got to work for NASA alongside my brother for a little while, traveled to Haiti, writing books and working a $10 an hour job.
I also know some people who were raised by single moms and they’re awesome.
Not to be a ‘misandrist’ but some families I know have fathers and they’re spoiled and violent a**es or they’re in therapy from all the horror they been through, There are reports that most of the physical, sexual and emotional abuse comes from the fathers and other men in the family and among friends. It’s like kids can come from all sorts of families and still grow up to be awesome or a-holes. It’s like misognists can’t stand it that women can live without them.
No but I’m imagining placing a pic of Doosh over Darth Vader’s face and saying “I’m your father” towards Luke. Im not going to create a meme and seeing his face. :shivers:
Anyway love for anyone who had abusive Doosh clone fathers and shut up Lars and Woody.
I’m very shocked with all the mention of Saudia Arabia, Iran and everything here.
Whoops, the latter bit in my comment is about women in Quebec. Getting married isn’t seen as sufficient reason for you to easily change your name.
Lady M, why, is there a lot of sentient smegma in Scotland?
Anagram of Roosh Valizadeh:
Ooh, Vile Hazards!
I took both my husbands’ last names (at the time… divorced the first one but kept the name until I married this one) because my maiden name was a garbled mess and nobody understood how to pronounce it. Admittedly, nobody knew how to spell the ex’s last name because it was an English interpretation of (what I think is) an Irish name, and nobody knows how to pronounce my current last name because it’s French, but that doesn’t bother me as much. Probably because neither of them have the association with the horrible “nickname” I got in middle school. (It is terrible to be called “garbage”. I still say “trash” in preference.)
I must have just gotten “lucky” because for me it was my mother who was emotionally abusive. I can feel for her in an abstract way because she learned it from her father, but when the rubber meets the road, I still cut her out of my life. (She recently emailed me, and I was just like “NOPE”.)
(((Her Grace Phryne))): Tool of the Butt-Worshipping, Lesbian-Powered Elite
Hugs and kisses if you want them.
My sister’s partner was really surprised when my sis insisted their son carry his family name not ours. I guess he’s just a beta, mangina etc etc. They aren’t married, didn’t want to hyphenate and my his father is way more of a worthy of being a grandpa than our dad. Neither me nor sister 2.0 nor mum especially disagreed with this. I’m pleased that he’ll grow up the entire opposite of the RoK shitheads who post crap like this.
I’ve been on this site too long, because the first reponse I had to this sentence was “Only borders on abuse? I was expecting worse.”
Though the following segments did indeed prove to be worse.
…Ships without rudders can’t turn. That’s what the rudder is for, turning the ship. The ship might drift into an ocean of cocks, but turning ain’t gonna happen.
RE: names. Assuming I ever get married, I’m keeping my own name, because I’ve got a whack of certifications and degrees and things and they’ve all got my maiden name on them. I ain’t updating all that friggin’ paperwork, no how.
(((Her Grace Phryne))):
Hugs (or best wishes if you dislike hugs) for going through that. I had a similar thing with my mother and… yeah. It’s not pleasant and it leaves scars.
Yeah, I should have left out the “borders on” as it pretty much is abusive.
I didn’t change my name when I got married (basically couldn’t be bothered). though to be honest I think my life would be easier in terms of spelling, etc. if I’d changed it and because of its origins it’s always been a bit of a burden in my adopted country.
I was really into genealogy for a while, and I gave my son a name which is a genealogist’s dream in terms of naming patterns and the number of surnames packed in there. He has my surname as one of his middle names (I wasn’t going to make the poor mite go through life hyphenated) but it’s turned out to be a good thing for travelling – as we must often travel on passports of two different nationalities and we have different surnames – which has (quite rightly) raised suspicion a few times at passport checks. Kid looks just like me though, so not too much suspicion.
My ex said he honestly didn’t know that women kept their surnames after marriage (????) and when he started reading MRA sites, etc he got into a real huff about it and started banging on about it in a really annoying way. I finally told him “If it really bothers you so much having a wife with a different surname, we can fix that.” He never mentioned it again.
IP
Hah. Mrmagnificent and I have been married for almost 40 years. My mother still introduces us, refers to us, as my daughter mildly and her husband hisfirstname hislastname. If anyone writes to us having been given our name & address by her we get Mr and Mrs hislastname. I’ve long ago given up reminding her. If we’re at a family event and I give someone our contact details, the whole room can hear her sigh-snort-grunt when I give my full name.
Ocean of cocks, really ? Someone had watched too much tentacle porn, i guess…
And does this JBP person post really authorized ? This looks so much as a sectarian behavior, including abuse of children which is a big no in France (or so i hope), and it would have been ordered to be deleted (at least). Isolate people, instill fear in them, cult of personnality, destruction of free will and free speach (so strange, for supposed advocates of free speach…)… No, definitively, this is the kind of indoctrination that must be denounced. Have you consider to report this kind of pamphlet to authorities, mister Futrelle ? Well, i do not know how are the laws in the US, but this should raise an alarm about JBP and his way to consider the life (but can this be still called life) of children.
@Buttercup
My spontaneous guesses for your last name were, in chronological order,
Stonehenge
Leicester
Scranton
New York
Lancastershire
Sarajevo
Chabaloo
Then I gave up. Chabaloo is the standard guess that pops into my head when I have no idea. Whenever I get to Chabaloo I know it’s time to stop.
@occasional reader
Some Americans think that it’s their right to deny rights to a child. Similar to how some people view women, to them they are property and some Americans will fight to the death to keep rights to their property. I know, It makes no sense. Some will completely lose their shit if the “Nanny State” Tries to take away the rights to abuse their children. The same people will probably claim that lack of beatings is what made this new generation of ESJAYDUBYA pansies so weak and and terrible, and they don’t appreciate all that they do for those damn bra-burning spoiled brats.
I apologize for speaking out of emotion but I hate this attitude because it makes it so hard to address the issue of DV in the US.
re name changes, I always liked the custom here in Spain: women don’t change her name and people get two last names, the first one from their father and the second one from their mother. So if Juan García Moyano and María Jiménez López have a daughter and call her Clara, her name would be Clara García Jiménez.
It still has the effect that the father’s name is the only one who’s preserved down the line – and only if there are male children – but *at least* the women don’t have to assume a new identity and family out of the blue.
And in case your mother’s family name is so important or unusual that you want to preserve it, you have the option of reversing the order (that’s a fairly recent possibility) or of course hyphenating or compounding, which is why aristocratic types have names so long.
No, need for any alarm! JBP’s article was was actually SATIRE all along!