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Alleged martial artist Jean-Batave Poqueliche, a regular Return of Kings contributor, declares in his bio on the site that he spends his life “travel[ing] the world looking for new fighting techniques and new beautiful women.”
So naturally his boss at RoK, pickup artist and sentient glob of smegma Roosh V, tapped him to provide child-rearing advice to the site’s readers, a demographic that should probably be prevented by law from breeding.
In a post today, Mr. P sets forth a detailed list of things he thinks parents should do in order to keep their kids from turning into evil Social Justice Warriors; the advice is so bad it borders on abuse.
Mr. P starts off by celebrating, sort of, the hypothetical first pregnancy of a hypothetical RoK reader’s hypothetical first wife. Let’s just say that Mr. P is not a romantic.
“You have found the least damaged and slutty girl you could find that also looks like you,” he writes, making sure to toss in an implicit rebuke of those who marry outside of their race. “She passed all the loyalty tests and the seed has taken root.”
So far so good. But what happens when this seed develops into an actual human baby walking and talking and pooping its pants?
Well, Mr. P advises, you start to watch the thing like a hawk in order to make sure it never encounters any of the Social Justice Warriorism that runs rampant in our fallen culture.
“Elites and media cannot wait to put their gender-fluid sausage-fingered paws on your children and format their young brains,” he warns in a sentence with perhaps more metaphors than it needs. “It is your role to shield them from that peril … .”
That means setting aside your quest to learn every style of martial art from here to Timbuktu and basically being in your kids’ face all the time. “Spot the early signs of SJW friendly attitude and nip them in the bud,” he writes.
A girl with an absent father, like a ship with no rudder, will turn to an ocean of cocks.
An ocean of what, now?
A boy with an absent father will turn to crime, or worse, feminism.
Ba-dump-tish!
“Don’t let them go to university,” Mr. P insists, lest they be corrupted by some evil academic SJWs. And consider leaving the country if you don’t get your way in the November elections.
Leave America if Trump does not make it great again. Find the fertile ground that will allow your children to grow well and safe. Pick a country that despises SJWs and outright mocks them.
Does it have to be a country? I have some uninhabited islands to suggest.
And of course you need to make sure that your daughter knows how worthless she and all women really are.
Tell them that a man has only his integrity and guts for him while a woman has only her fleeting beauty and sexual purity to rely on.
Teach your son to mock fat people, just because.
While they should not laugh at people that are truly handicapped, when [your son] asks “Dad, why is the lady so fat and smells funny?”, it is your sacred duty to answer: “Because she is lonely, has no self-control and is lazy, my son.”
Keep them away from the internet, because god forbid they get a chance to take advantage of the most significant technological development of our age.
Have more than one kid. Not so much for your kids’ sake, but for your own. After all, Mr. P reminds us, each new kid you have is
[a]n extra root to a strong family tree and one more defender and carrier of your name. If unfortunately you messed up one, (no one is safe) you have a few others to save your line from vanishing into PC-approved degeneracy.
Definitely consider your children to be little more than vehicles for your own weird genetic/ideological agenda because, you know, there’s no way that could end up backfiring and making your kids rightfully hate you for the rest of their lives or anything.
Some people should never have kids. I wouldn’t trust these guys with a pet rock.
Ya know, Jean Claude van Dingbat, if you’re having to settle for the “least damaged and slutty girl you can find”, maybe girls ain’t for you. I mean, if the best option for anything I wanted was ‘the least shit’, I wouldn’t be searching the world for it. Seems a lot of effort for so much bitterness and disappointment
Wait, what was that? The bitterness and disappointment is the whole reason you’re doing any of this? Huh? You like damaged and slutty girls when they let you fuck them but then complain about em on the internet? Come again? You’re whole sense of self is wrapped up in being a supes mayunly street fighter and lady killer (I so hope that’s not literal) to the point of seeing all other men as an “ocean of cocks” in competition with you?
Oh. Well, never mind then…
Well, in our defense, it’s an easy mistake to make. They do sort of look like rudders.
There has been a”white people are incestuous” joke going around for a while, and there seems to be a grain of truth about that with racists.
When I’m not in college I return to a small city and live with my parents. A lot of people are related here (turns out two of my friends were unwittingly related to me. A lot if people go to school with their cousins.) and I admit I would rather date someone outside of my ethnicity to avoid reproducing with my 6th cousin or whatever.
But racists aren’t afraid to spread more mayo on the mayo sandwich, all in the name of ~purity~.
Also, a lot of times, white purity is a lie in America. PoC ancestors get swept under the rug all the time. I look pretty white, but I have at least three indigenous ancestors.
Ah, another round of PUAs/ROK fans proving how strong and manly they are by advocating child abuse. I’m so impressed. There’s nothing that gets my naughty parts tingling faster than a man who has to crush the spirit of a child to make himself feel all macho.
(Think I made that scornful enough for a Roosh-type to grasp?)
Oh yes, preventing your child from further education is really going to set them up for life, not.
I seriously hope any RoK followers grow up and out of their woman hating phase before they ever try to procreate.
Yes! Please leave the country!
Can you imagine having roosh as your father?
Really dude? Only fat people smell funny? And how do you go from someone being overweight to them being lazy?
He should be banned from having children. All he’s doing is ensuring that bigotry is passed on to the next generations.
Of course, again this is an example of their medieval understanding of the reproductive process, in which the male plants a ‘seed’ in the female, her contribution to the process is nothing more than walking gro-bag.
Now now David, maybe he’s not a racist and really just wants to marry some who really does look like himself; like his mother for instance.
Patricia,
The stereotype about fat people being lazy and smelly is common in fat shaming. I’m more curious about how he came to the conclusion that loneliness causes fatness.
@Virgin Mary
Clearly, In an attempt to keep his child from becoming an evil-SJW, Poqueliche sir didn’t even allow his kid to attend middle school. Looks like he was successful!
Oh, these kings who are back on their thrones! They are indeed all-powerful. Lords who leave their fiefdoms to roam the world, looking for beautiful women to ruin and discard.
Snort.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
I’m sorry, but the image of the purity of a sandwich being ruined by endless blobs of mayo just makes me feel quesy. I hate slutty sandwiches 🙁
Don’t want them to have kids, their ideology is so fragile they resort to classical christian indoctrination child raising to prevent the posssibility of their kin to doubt them.
I’m starting to think these guys have a non-consensual BDSM relationship with the English language.
“Defender” of your name? Well, there’s a giant giveaway that he thinks his name is weak and constantly under assault from all directions. Things that stand on their own merits generally don’t need defending.
“Son, I want you to insult people, get into constant fights, have trouble holding a job and a relationship, and be in and out of jail on assault charges. That way, people will continue to associate our name with only the best that humanity has to offer.”
I get the feeling he wants to mold his hypothetical future sons exactly in his image, not because he’s such a big winner at life, but because he’s afraid they’ll surpass him. It wouldn’t take much to have a better life outcome than being a disgusting internet wankbigot who’s scared of his own shadow and thinks
brainwashingraising kids in a cultural vacuum is the highest form of parenting.Sounds like a recipe for producing classic hippies. I approve.
Why does he need to “travel the world looking for new fighting techniques”? Seems to me the already-known fighting techniques work pretty well. Is he some kind of violent hipster?
“So, what martial art do you practise?”
“Oh, it’s something called Ei-Khee Th’oomp. You probably haven’t heard of it”
This is the worst thing I have ever read ever. This whole thing is the worst thing ever.
Imma go back to finding CC for my Sims game now.
Jean-Batave Poqueliche is definitely an anagram for J Bean Paleo Veat Bean Quiche, a specialty of the excellent J Bean Coffee & Café in the Chicago area.
@ moggie
I’m guessing you know that a man literally died laughing at that sketch?
Surely if they want to bring up perfect specimens of manly maleness, they should try to duplicate their own childhoods. In other words find a partner similar to their mother (obviously she *would* look like them!) and try to create a dysfunctional family dynamic which breeds the lifelong resentment towards ones mother that manly men apparently require. No need to leave the country or learn any more martial arts.
Too soon?
@ moggie
Now that made me laugh 🙂
(His family wrote a nice letter to The Goodies about it; they thought it was a great way to go)
I have found the character theses people want to emulate :
http://i.imgur.com/XmzvvV3.jpg
Look at Tamoru Sawagoe. Count the loops. And I spare the gory details, because his behavior is even viler than what Heartiste and co suggest. I guess that count as “being a role model” to thoses gentleman, no ?