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Return of Kings is now providing parenting advice. The world’s worst parenting advice

Tech your daughter she's a second class citizen by forcing her to wash dishes with mom while you play a manly game of Battleship with your son
Teach your daughter she’s a second class citizen by forcing her to wash dishes with mom while you play a manly game of Battleship with your son

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Alleged martial artist Jean-Batave Poqueliche, a regular Return of Kings contributor, declares in his bio on the site that he spends his life “travel[ing] the world looking for new fighting techniques and new beautiful women.”

So naturally his boss at RoK, pickup artist and sentient glob of smegma Roosh V, tapped him to provide child-rearing advice to the site’s readers, a demographic that should probably be prevented by law from breeding.

In a post today, Mr. P sets forth a detailed list of things he thinks parents should do in order to keep their kids from turning into evil Social Justice Warriors; the advice is so bad it borders on abuse.

Mr. P starts off by celebrating, sort of, the hypothetical first pregnancy of a hypothetical RoK reader’s hypothetical first wife. Let’s just say that Mr. P is not a romantic.

You have found the least damaged and slutty girl you could find that also looks like you,” he writes, making sure to toss in an implicit rebuke of those who marry outside of their race. “She passed all the loyalty tests and the seed has taken root.”

So far so good. But what happens when this seed develops into an actual human baby walking and talking and pooping its pants?

Well, Mr. P advises, you start to watch the thing like a hawk in order to make sure it never encounters any of the Social Justice Warriorism that runs rampant in our fallen culture.

“Elites and media cannot wait to put their gender-fluid sausage-fingered paws on your children and format their young brains,” he warns in a sentence with perhaps more metaphors than it needs. “It is your role to shield them from that peril … .”

That means setting aside your quest to learn every style of martial art from here to Timbuktu and basically being in your kids’ face all the time. “Spot the early signs of SJW friendly attitude and nip them in the bud,” he writes.

A girl with an absent father, like a ship with no rudder, will turn to an ocean of cocks.

An ocean of what, now?

A boy with an absent father will turn to crime, or worse, feminism.

Ba-dump-tish!

“Don’t let them go to university,” Mr. P insists, lest they be corrupted by some evil academic SJWs. And consider leaving the country if you don’t get your way in the November elections.

Leave America if Trump does not make it great again. Find the fertile ground that will allow your children to grow well and safe. Pick a country that despises SJWs and outright mocks them.

Does it have to be a country? I have some uninhabited islands to suggest.

And of course you need to make sure that your daughter knows how worthless she and all women really are.

Tell them that a man has only his integrity and guts for him while a woman has only her fleeting beauty and sexual purity to rely on.

Teach your son to mock fat people, just because.

While they should not laugh at people that are truly handicapped, when [your son] asks “Dad, why is the lady so fat and smells funny?”, it is your sacred duty to answer: “Because she is lonely, has no self-control and is lazy, my son.”

Keep them away from the internet, because god forbid they get a chance to take advantage of the most significant technological development of our age.

Have more than one kid. Not so much for your kids’ sake, but for your own. After all, Mr. P reminds us, each new kid you have is

[a]n extra root to a strong family tree and one more defender and carrier of your name. If unfortunately you messed up one, (no one is safe) you have a few others to save your line from vanishing into PC-approved degeneracy.

Definitely consider your children to be little more than vehicles for your own weird genetic/ideological agenda because, you know, there’s no way that could end up backfiring and making your kids rightfully hate you for the rest of their lives or anything.

Some people should never have kids. I wouldn’t trust these guys with a pet rock.

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Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
4 years ago

Pretty much my only deciding factors on whether or not I change my last name if/when I get married: Is his name easier to spell and pronounce than mine? If it hits both counts, I’ll change it. If not, I’m keeping mine.
I’ve also thought of taking his middle name as my new last name, if he has one and I like it-that way I’d have my own name but our names would still be connected.

Diptych
Diptych
4 years ago

Something I like about my state – married folks can freely use either of their surnames, or a combination thereof, without any special paperwork. At least one other state restricts that possibility to women only, which is just… ugh. (Of course, this being Australia, who can actually get married in the first place is rather more limited… but, hey, maybe today’s election will go well, and that will change within a few months.)

Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
4 years ago

My father’s surname, my surname is in the top ten most common in the UK, but my mum’s is very unusual. There is only one family who have her surname in the world. It would make sense for me to take it, but unfortunately is isn’t a very nice sounding name and I don’t like it.

StarStorm
StarStorm
4 years ago

A girl with an absent father, like a ship with no rudder, will turn to an ocean of cocks.

What, haven’t you sailed the Great Phallus Ocean?

LostInLindsey
LostInLindsey
4 years ago

Re: names
My last name is incredibly rare (as in there’s only a couple of hundred of us in the entire world) and my combination of first, middle and last is unique because of the spelling of both first and middle names. My last name is linked strongly to locality and family history. In the highly unlikely event that I get married there is no way in hell I’m changing my name. I like my name, it reminds me where I’m from.

My sister only changed hers when she married because she was mad at our dad for betraying mum (and us) by having several affairs and then leaving her a year before my sister got married. Sometimes I forget my niece and nephew don’t have hyphenated last names and call them both-names when I have to tell them off. My other sister has decided not to marry her partner but if they ever did they’d hyphenate. Mother still uses her married name even though she’s divorced almost a decade because it’s a faff going back to her maiden name, and she’s suppose to be marrying her partner at some point anyway.

On titles,

Mr and Mrs used to be used for people who were ‘master’ or ‘mistress’, those who employed others. Miss was only used for girls and women with a shady reputation, like actresses. They weren’t actually linked to marital status but social status. That changed around the late eighteenth/early nineteenth century.

wynne
wynne
4 years ago

One of my cousins did a nice name changing compromise with his wife. They found a surname that showed up in both of their family trees (so obviously this won’t work for everyone), and then both of them changed their last names to that. Fair, equal, honors both families without the dreaded hyphen. It was actually kind of genius.

Herbert West
Herbert West
4 years ago

In doubt Saudi Arabia or the ISIL occupied territories would welcome them.

Dragonflygirl
Dragonflygirl
4 years ago

“You have found the least damaged and slutty girl you could find that also looks like you,” he writes, making sure to toss in an implicit rebuke of those who marry outside of their race. “She passed all the loyalty tests and the seed has taken root.”

It sounds more like instructions on breeding the anti-Christ or the Chosen One.

mrex
mrex
4 years ago

@Alan

“That’s appalling. I’m a fanatical defender of social services. They do a thankless “damned if you do; damned if you don’t” job. But to not even attempt to investigate. The mind boggles.”

Perhaps the situation with child services is different in Britain, but I’m not such a big fan of calling Child Services for small stuff like hearing a parent yell once. The reason why CPS is so overworked is because people call on everything, including allowing your children to play barefoot outside in warm weather. CPS also has to weigh whether intervening (which will cause immense stress on both the parents and children) will do more harm than good. Also, investigating a parent for yelling (something that just about all parents do at least once) means that CPS is spending time and resources that could be better used for situations where a child is being physically hit.

I agree that education is necessary here. But I agree that CPS is inappropriate for that job unless the situation is extreme.

RosaDeLava - Praying for Sexbots
RosaDeLava - Praying for Sexbots
4 years ago

@mrex
They yelled at least three times. And I heard the child again last night, giving short screams.
I was going to go downstairs to check on it, but it stopped before I could.

mrex
mrex
4 years ago

@Rosa

“They yelled at least three times.”

Three times over what time period? A day, month, a year, a half-decade?

I’m not being a bitch here; if you want to show abuse to the authorities, you have to know what verbal abuse legally is and document it. As I said before, I can’t speak for how things are in Britian, but in the States (or at least my state) CPS is a. Already overwhelmed by their existing caseload, B. Triages their cases, and C. Can legally only investigate cases where there already is a “reasonable suspicion” that the child is in danger. Which means that even if CPS had the resources to go “door to door” to investigate as Alan suggested, they could not legally do so if the caller could not positively identify the suspected abuser first.

Now, I don’t know if Brazil has the same “reasonable suspicion” standard as the US, but it would be a good idea to find out your child abuse laws, rather than rely on the advice of an American or a Brit. Because I can tell you, what boggled Alan’s mind sounded perfectly reasonable to me.

“And I heard the child again last night, giving short screams.”

Which means what, exactly? You’re assuming there *must* be abuse present on very, very little information.

Some reasons why my children have screamed in that weird, hiccuping, hyperventilating way during their lifetimes;

*A sibling took a toy.
*A sibling looked at them. (No, for real)
*I did not allow them to have a coca-cola before bed, or dinner.
*I “ignored” them by cooking dinner, or by going to the bathroom.
*I told them to clean their room.
*Their older sister wanted her own room and to ditch the bunkbeds.

And most of all,

*I combed their hair.**

Look, there is a difference between bad parenting, and abusive parenting. Most parents loose their cool and yell something regretable; I know I have. You aplologize, and try to do better. Abuse needs to either physically endanger a child, or to be so consistant that it emotionally endangers a child. (Consistency is key).

People bitch about CPS doing nothing when they’ve called when what really happened was that CPS was not given the evidence to show abuse. Government agencies are not superheros; they can only work with what is given to them. Yelling at a child is not enough. You have to prove that the child is being constantly yelled at, in an abusive way, with documentation. This means writing down dates and times, or better yet gathering the neighbors to make a joint complaint. If you can get audio or video evidence legally, then do so.

RosaDeLava
RosaDeLava
4 years ago

@mrex
I’d say a couple months.

The info I found on their website said that giving general direction was acceptable (they said specifically after suggesting to give an adress).
I could write down dates and hours and maybe even try to find a way to record audio. Video would be pointless, and trying to talk to my neighbors might be a problem if there is abuse involved.

I sincerely have my suspicions that everything is ok when I hear a grown up below at a child to “shut the fuck up” (best translation I could think of).

mrex
mrex
4 years ago

**I used to have to close my windows before combing their hair because I was afraid my neighbors would think I was murdering them. We’re talking about screaming “Mommy NOooo, IT HURTS” over and over again at the top of their lungs before I even got the comb near their hair. I would just let their hair naturally dread, as they obviously hated having it combed daily, but I was sick of being threatened by know-nothing busy-bodies who thought I was “neglecting” my oldest daughter with uncombed hair. It’s less of a problem now as they are combing their own hair, with threats of being given a “boy’s cut” if they do not do so daily. Which would probably be considered abusive by those same know-nothing busy-bodies.

I feel sorry for CPS because of the seriousness of the conseqences of their actions/inactions, but parenting is the worst “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” bullshit on this planet. No matter what you do, it will be either too hard or too soft for some expert. Children are their own people, but yet we’re supposed to control them, but at the same time we’re not supposed to be controlling. All while being judged by people who think they know everything about you, your child, and your parenting, based upon the little they’ve seen.

Look at all the online rants about mothers. Check your email at the playground after long days of constant kid’s stuff? Well, obviously you always spend all your time on the phone, because it’s not like any mother could use the playground as a break from paying constant attention to their kids. Good mother’s don’t need breaks! I’ve had men, who spend an hour a day with their kids, tell me so!

I could go on, but it would be even more of a rant.

mrex
mrex
4 years ago

@Rosa

“I sincerely have my suspicions that everything is ok when I hear a grown up below at a child to “shut the fuck up” (best translation I could think of).”

You’re not getting it. Swearing, and even nastiness, alone is not enough. It has to be consistent, over a period of time. Screaming “shut the fuck up” at your child, once, is not abuse. It’s in no way good parenting either, but not abuse.

If you’ve heard the nasty yelling and swearing, and not just the crying, over the past few months, then that’s abuse. But that’s not what you first said either.

Document, document, document.

RosaDeLava
RosaDeLava
4 years ago

I can get children crying, because when I was a baby I had cramps that – according to my mother – made me scream like I was being murdered, and even when I was a toddler I would throw tantrums for the silliest things, but, as I said, what the parent yelled and how loud they yelled is what makes me seriously scared.

mrex
mrex
4 years ago

@Rosa

Yes, be concerned, even be afraid, but don’t jump to conclusions either. It’s easy to judge when you’re outside the situation. For all you know, the parent apologized for their outburst later. Which is why CPS takes such a conservative approach*, and why its so helpful to document that this is a regular thing.

*Despite horror stories, my knowledge is that CPS generally tries to be conservative in their judgements. There definately are grey areas though, such as at what point a messy house becomes dangerous.

www.smahu.com
4 years ago

), I have to say I never liked GG more than when Ms.
“I do want to connect with her and others, and I’m not sure how to do it. Gossip news this week Few of these channels include Discovery Channel, The National Geographic, Science Channel and many more.

s birthday bash), Katie Price just had time to catch up with an old pal whilst in LA. Gossip magazines online usa And it did not escape me that the recent plot surrounding Blair Waldorf (who also happens to be my favorite character) has centered around the significance of her internship at W Magazine. What a great time to talk with your pre-teen daughter about the dangers out there.