A long overdue Open Thread for Personal Stuff. (There’s also one for non-personal stuff.)
As always, no trolls or MRAs. Let me know if any show up.
Categories
Open Thread for Personal Stuff, 5/16 Bearcat Edition
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
@Pearl Clutcher
Welcome, I love your name, and that you used the word nervxcited.
http://t07.deviantart.net/SKWXhDAfQgXEs-twxJ2HaLTGb5Q=/fit-in/150×150/filters:no_upscale():origin()/pre02/be10/th/pre/i/2012/050/7/2/pinkie_holding_a_check_mark_by_felix_kot-d4qaadr.png
@Dalillama
Sounds adorable! I will keep that breed in mind.
@Alan
Please excuse my ignorance (still learning about all this dog adoption stuff) but is a rescue dog the same thing as a dog from a shelter? That is where I am planning to look first, but still not totally sure how to go about it other than combing through Petfinder. If you have a recommendation of a website or anything that lists local rescues for U.S. that would definitely be helpful. I definitely would like to give a home to a dog that really needs one. 🙂
@ calmdown
Yeah, technically a rescue animal is any one from a shelter. And you should always get animals from shelters rather than breeders or pet shops. But in my circle we tend to use the term (incorrectly I guess) to specifically mean animals that have been abused or neglected.
I don’t often use the word privilege in everyday conversation but it really is a special sort of privilege to be trusted by an animal that’s previously been abused. I had that experience once with a pair of horses that had literally been tortured, and so were understandably wary, and the fact they became friends with me actually made me cry.
I think the best words anyone can ever say are “No one will ever hurt you again” and be able to mean it.
@calmdown
Yes, shelter dogs and rescue dogs are pretty much the same things. Petfinder is a great place to start your search. Just keep in mind that not all shelters/rescues list their pets on there. If you can’t find what you’re looking for, try googling pet rescues, animal shelters, and humane societies in your area.
calmdown:
I got myself two cats as therapy kitties, and they’re working wondrously CARISMA GET OFF THE SERVER RACK despite occasional snaggles that need some apartment rearrangement I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO THERE OH COME ON STOP PLAYING IN ETHERNET CABLES. *ahem*
Anyway, if you bond with dogs, then it is quite possible that a dog would be ideal for you. If some friend of yours has a dog, you could offer dog-sitting for a day/weekend as a test, just to see how things go.
@Alan
That’s an amazing story. I would cry as well. It sounds wonderful to have a connection like that with an animal and to be able to have it trust you by showing it love. I am definitely going to be looking at shelter/rescue animals for adoption. That’s were all of my friend got their dogs and they and their families love them! And of course the dogs love them back 🙂
@Skiriki
Dog sitting for a friend is a great idea, I’ll definitely keep that in mind.
Also:
I don’t have any pets per se, the fear of having to deal with their mortality is one reason, the terms of the lease are another. However when we moved in there were a number of cats around and I’ve sort of adopted them. At least they tolerate my presence when I spill cat food out there in the dish that happens to have been left out there. They also stare at the kitchen window before this happens and run around the house to stare at me if I go to the car beforehand.
http://i306.photobucket.com/albums/nn259/pitshade/Mobile%20Uploads/20160503_0743240.jpg
@pitshade
You don’t adopt cats. They adopt you. I just found mine in the bathroom sink… he’s about the size (and weight) of an ocelot, and it’s not such a large sink, so the sight is worth it. And he shed his hair all over my toothbrush. The message is clear : for the next two weeks, the bathroom belongs to him, and if I need to shower, well that’s what neighbors are for eh ?
@Alan
That’s a wonderful story. My pepper was so afraid of people and other cats when I got her that she would spend all day hiding and would freak out and slap you if you tried to pet her. Now she rides my husband’s shoulder voluntarily. It’s great to know that we helped her to feel safe when she never did before. She still doesn’t enjoy the company of other cats but she tolerates them now. She was neglected by the owner before me and the shelter didn’t think they would find her a home because of her issues, but she made it clear she had adopted me, and I couldn’t refuse that face.
Mr. B is back from the vet and responding well to the medicine. We’re napping together. 🙂
http://i.imgur.com/8TjDsRz.jpg
It is my birthday today. I am 51. I actually forgot for a bit how old I am and thought I was going to be 52. My memory has got incredibly bad! But I am feeling better since my nutrient deficiencies were identified and I have supplemented. Memory still terrible, eyesight appalling, but at least the aches and pains have lessened.
@calmdown
Best pic of all time <3
Um… personal stuff, personal stuff…
We're currently taking care of the dog of a family friend (the word 'family' being an essential addition). I like my dog. I do not like this dog. My dog likes this dog, but my dog likes everyone and everything that's new. I do not like dealing with 2 aminals, and it doesn't help that the visitor is way more hassle than the resident. *Sigh*
I don't mean to 'that guy', when everyone else is gushing about their multiple friends. I guess I'm just a mono… philist(1 aminal friend at a time. Best I could come up with) at heart. The guest goes back in 8 days, and I honestly can't wait. *Shrug*
Oh, and hugs and ears to those with more pressing personal stuff
The only context I saw this being said was when some people started calling theirselves “cat/dog parent”. What do you guys think about that? I am not “emotion police” to tell people if they should love humans more or less than pets, and I don’t mind people doing this in a casual way, but it bothers me depending on the context.
Still about loving cats as much as humans, I was extremely glad my cat survived to the fire, i tried to find him before leaving and I went after him at the second the fire was controled, but I did not risk myself for him, not like I risked myself for the rest of the family.
I have always said that he is part of the family and I felt very bad for not finding him fast enough and leaving him… It’s not a nice feeling and I am ashamed, but I imagine most humans would act the same in such a situation, even if we say otherwise. We say there’s no difference but maybe there’s an instinctive will to care more about the members of our own species. I don’t know. Just a thought.
But hey, if you say you love your pet as much as youd love a human baby, I don’t mind and I even believe you. I just honestly hope you never really are in a situation where you have to find out whatever the objective truth is.
This is my lovely trouble maker, 7yo (Steven) Tyler chilling at my brother’s legs. We rescued him when he was 2 weeks old and we never parted ever since ^^ I was so happy when I entered the smokey home, said “Tyler!” and he ran to my arms and purred as never before. I’m so glad to have him.
http://i.imgur.com/i3JpLEx.jpg
Axecalibur:
We had three cats very recently, on account of Bob the visiting cat and Carisma’s suitor being housed at my place. Juggling with the needs of three cats, two of them in one part of the house, and Bob confined to bathroom+sauna, was frankly a bit of pain, even if Bob was a perfect gentlecat, and did not spray, and about the worst I can say regarding his habits was disturbing enthusiasm for digging in litterbox which resulted gritty floor. So yeah, I totally get it.
I’m just 😮 there’s gonna be kittens very soon OMG how can I deal with all that for 12-14 weeks?
Chiomara:
AWWWWW! Tyler is so cute!
@Chiomara
I’m so sorry you were put in such a tough situation. I’m so glad all of the humans and the cat were safe in the end 🙂 He’s cute as heck.
ETA: I know it sounds weird to say we rescued a 2 week old kitten, but I don’t think I am misusing the word. I wont tell the story cause I think I tell way too many sad stories here, though. 😛
To the ones who have recently lost their pets, I am so, so sorry. All the hugs for you.
I don’t know if this suggestion sounds heartless, but my advice is to get a new pet asap. When we lost our previous cat mom brought Tyler home 1 week later. We were still sad, of course, one does not replace the other, but a new pet brings so much joy (and trouble!) that your heart gets full of joy again.
Look at Tyler’s big, playful blue eyes! How can you cry when that kitten is inviting you to play hide and seek? ^^
Well, our older son has finally agreed to start taking medication for his psychosis (with schizophrenia symptoms) again. We got him into a 28 day residential program near us, so he could adjust to the new neurochemistry in a supportive environment. It’s been wonderful seeing my husband actually sleep through the night without worrying about him wandering off. He (our son) comes home next Tuesday. I am working to get his bedroom cleaned up and ready, so he can have a new start.
Younger son has been doing quite well. The ten years of therapy (his and mine) and associated personal transformation are really bearing fruit. He may never have native fluency in Empathy, but at least he’s got ‘hello, goodbye, where is the train station’ down. It tears at my heart with claws of pity to realize how badly his preverbal trauma has affected him; meanwhile, his older brother is the kind of kid who *everybody* likes, and his neurochemistry is turning him into somebody noone can reach. We never expected that Younger Brother would be less of a worry. My consolation is that we’re having ‘normal’ problems – any parents could be going through this, and many have. While nothing we did caused the problem, what we’re doing is as close to helping as possible.
In short, this has been taking up lot of bandwidth for us. Meanwhile, my husband is working hard to build his small business and I’m doing what I can to keep the household in clean clothes, clean dishes, and ample dinners.
It’s all a bit overwhelming. The fact that I don’t have to work outside the house is tremendously helpful; regular supplies of medicinal cannabis certainly help. Also, when things are looking bleak, I remind myself how fortunate it is that our sons have parents who genuinely appreciate them as human beings – there are people out there who just couldn’t.
Thank you all for listening; it’s been challenging to live in such interesting times.
I’m so sorry for all who have lost furbabies, over here we have a different kind of problem.
We’ve had a feral in the house since we took in and rehomed her kittens, her kittens were 2 weeks old when we took them all in. We’ve been trying to get her in the trap so we can get her fixed (she ate the food in the trap without setting it off.) Well, a couple of days ago we found this in her room…
http://i.imgur.com/8jiniXq.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/bYdjEsO.jpg
@PaganReader
Thank you for the advice about the pet search! It’s nice to know I’m on the right track! 🙂
Cleverforagirl:
OMG SQUEE!
ITTIBITTIFURRYKITTIES!
@Shiriki
Your furball situation sounds absolutely precious… at your place and far from mine 🙂 🙂
And thx for understanding 🙂 *100
I have been struggling with this existential feeling of being the odd man out and not belonging anywhere, and feeling like trying to connect with other human beings is a one way street. I often feel like the invisible person in the room who never gets acknowledged when they speak. For some reason even my phone number and email mysteriously fails to connect with people and they often are unaware I’m reaching out.
For a while I was worried there was something wrong with me, that I was driving people away, but when I asked for people’s honest assessment they were much more positive than I had anticipated, that I’m engaging, pleasant, memorable and generally easy to get along with. Which only confuses me more.
My friends and coworkers will enthusiastically make plans and get buddy buddy with me, but then often flake out at the very last minute with very little notice, often after I’ve spent significant effort on preparation, leaving me feeling resentful. I’m the black sheep in my family and have no connection with my relatives, very few long term friends because I have been uprooted so many times. I recently had the sad realization that if I were to get married or some other major life event, there would be no point in marking the occasion because no one I cared about would bother to come. I don’t really get invited to things, I’m always the one who has to reach out and ask to be included.
It has kind of been giving me a complex and I’ve become increasingly socially withdrawn and living in nearly total radio silence. (I’ve been boycotting facebook after they suspended my account and demanded my govt ID, I recently tried having a twitter, which lasted only for a few days before I deleted it because I felt like it was pointless and too constraining to have a conversation anyway) As a result I’ve become really isolated in the past years. I don’t want to make my friends feel like they’re responsible for my well-being, and it feels humiliating to beg, but sometimes I really want to just say it straight that I’m lonely and need someone to be there for me. Sometimes I feel very sure that if I were to disappear most of the people in my life wouldn’t even be aware of my absence, and that makes me very sad. Even though I get depressed I think my internal life is worth living for, but sometimes I wish I was an innately solitary animal entirely without social needs.
@GenJones
Well I wish I could say something in the lines of “that sounds awful, I can’t imagine how it must be”, buuuut… well, it’s pretty much the same for me. And I can’t exactly talk to you from a “post-recovery” position either. The first thing to do, and I can’t freaking believe I’m about to say this, is to see a psychiatrist to have them determine whether your case calls for medication or not. It certainly won’t solve the actual problem but it will give you some room to ensure it doesn’t get worse. Loneliness often leads to crippling depression and as a lot of people here will tell you, that’s not somewhere you want to be, assuming you aren’t already there. You can get stuck on this weird line between wanting to die and not wanting to die, and you end up literally banging your head on the walls hoping you’ll knock yourself out and when you wake up things will somehow be different (hint : they won’t, except for the headache).
So yeah, stabilizing yourself is important, especially since the only way to actually make things better requires you to be stable enough in the first place.
Go see those people you care about, and tell them the whole story. Don’t just ask them if there’s something wrong with you, tell them what you KNOW is wrong with everything, namely how lonely you get. I do hope for your sake you don’t live in a somewhat secluded area with no means of transport (which is my situation and the reason why I can’t take my own goddamn advice) because then you’re pretty screwed. If needed, meet new people. Go get drunk with random folks in a bar and make friends, just watch out for the depression episodes that inevitably follows when you get home (this can be solved by going for another round). I say “get drunk in a bar” but really, anything that works for you is good. But DO SOMETHING. That’s the most important part.
And lastly, if someone tells you to stop being a downer and “you just have to want it”, DO. NOT. LISTEN. That is the worst kind of bullshit anyone can feed you. NO ONE knows your struggles better than you and NO ONE can tell you that you have it one way because you want it that way. Even if they say they’re talking from experience, because we all have different experiences. Which is also the reason why all my advice here might be completely useless to you in the end, because it’s from my own experience. But even knowing that won’t protect you. Someone served it to me recently and I ended up stewing in it for the whole evening, even though I knew how stupidly wrong they were. Hell that simple sentence causes exactly the opposite of the desired effect. So yeah, you don’t “just have to want it”, and if someone tells you that, educate them. Might even make you feel a little better while you do it.
Hope that helps.
@GenJones
Hi! I saw your message and thought I’d reply. I feel that way sometimes. In my case, I think that it’s a combination of me, my personal history, and the time and place in which I live. I’ve read that the USA has gotten to be a much lonelier place in the past 30 or so years. There’s even a book about it, Bowling Alone.
I’ve heard that volunteer work is really good in addressing this kind of thing.
I’ve noticed your well-thought-out comments here before. I think I responded to one or more of them.
Best wishes in dealing with this issue. It’s a challenging one!
*****
I was so sorry to hear about people’s animal companions dying. I know what that’s like.
All best wishes to those dealing with challenges.
Hugs to anyone who could use them.
I’ll take one ;_;
I mix a good Bloody Mary, if anyone needs something with kick. I also have my own recipe for “feel-good-coffee” (the trick is to use powdered milk – unlike actual milk it doesn’t add more water to the mix and creates a somewhat thicker texture that does wonders on the heart) – yeah I’m a cool bartender without a job B|
Also, here’s a free 10 minutes of soothing : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKKLt7rjA98
@GenJones Just posting to say I am in exactly the same boat. I used to have lots of friends and an active social life, but circumstances have changed. But I’m learning to accept my self-sufficiency and, as my mom used to say, ‘make my own fun’. (I say to myself I’ve had to learn to get by on a restricted diet of ego-strokes.)
Hello, all!
So, good news: I’ve recently made a sale on RedBubble, and I’ve reached my bare-minimum goal on my fundraiser to help me move out of my awful house.
And I’m trying to let that (and video games) distract me from the fact that I’m having to deal with my student loan people right now and wait for the SSN to do some paperwork so I can do MORE paperwork with my student loan people and I’m slowly dying inside.