A long overdue Open Thread for Personal Stuff. (There’s also one for non-personal stuff.)
As always, no trolls or MRAs. Let me know if any show up.
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Open Thread for Personal Stuff, 5/16 Bearcat Edition
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
@Skiriki when I read the article shortly after it was posted, there weren’t any comments – I’ve subsequently read them, it looks to me like the usual mobbing. You know these blokes are like a flock of Starlings or a shoal of mackerel constantly zipping from one place to another mobbing and knee-jerking without the slightest though of how they will be perceived. My appologies
@Sinkable John, Nequam and Alan
So sorry for your loss. Hugs if you want them.
Not to drag this thread further into sad pet news territory, but I found out yesterday that one of my kitties has and aggressive form of lymphoma and only has a short time left. I get to pick him up this afternoon, so he’ll get plenty of cuddles later today.
autosoma:
Yeah, but the thing is, I don’t think that main article is actually good, either. While it raises some important points, it also has some serious myopia and I think it also draws wrong conclusions from overt generalizations and outright errorneous information.
@autosoma, wow, that page! It’s an interesting thing, and may have a lot to do with the current almost-boiling-over of the alt-right. Percolating? They’re percolating.
@ej, I am a planner too. I totally get how jarring it is when things change. And at the end of the PhD too! I hope it doesn’t disrupt anything. Just finishing a PhD on its own is such a monumental effort, doing it while going through issues is incredibly hard. Are you able to talk to your profs about the problem to see if you can get an extension of a week or so? I know that it can sometimes be impossible to reschedule the defenses and whatnot, but even if they can’t change anything it might be good for them to know your situation.
You’re right to pause when you’re too stressed to think straight, in any case. The anxiety over the deadlines will happen regardless. I hope you’re avoiding adrenaline-inducing things, like caffeine or loud music! Those can have a surprisingly powerful effect on anxiety.
Best of luck. If you want to talk about it, I’m sure you’re welcome here, even if it’s just to vent. Or to talk about your PhD work! I know I’d love to hear about it.
@Nequam, @Sinkable John: hugs. One way trips to the vet are dreadful.
http://sheilacrosby.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/sqirrelKiss%C3%A7.jpg
@Chiomara Your mother sounds exhausting, but your niece is utterly gorgeous.
@Autosoma: good luck.
My own, not very exciting news is that I passed my German exams with rather good marks and I’m making good progress editing the whodunnit.
This made my day.
Percolating.
I love it. Let’s make it the official word to describe said kind of reaction from the alt-right. Percolating percolating percolating. Dammit my coffee’s cold.
All the feels for the folk who have lost pets. I know I will be very distraught when my Hamkitty goes. (not kittybeast because he will do anything for ham!)
I’m going to share a story that I found very cute: My aunt, who was married to one of my dad’s older brothers, recently sent me an old newspaper article she found about a fundraiser that the town put on to raise money for band uniforms at my aunt’s high school. It was where she met my uncle, who was the lead in the play “Wild Nell” which was part of the Follies-type show.
Uncle Beast was just out of the Navy in 1951 and was, I think, nine years older than my aunt, who was in high school at the time. Once he spotted her and chatted her up, he decided that she was going to be his wife someday and told her as much! He told the rest of his family, as well. His family was skeptical, since Uncle Beast was rather a ‘wild man’ that everyone figured would end up dead or in prison by the time he hit 30. He had a reputation in two counties for drinking and fighting!
Long story slightly shorter, Uncle Beast and my aunt weren’t allowed to date while she was in high school but they corresponded surreptitiously. Then my aunt joined the Army and they could openly correspond. Uncle Beast really had to clean up his act during this time so that my aunt’s family would accept him. He farmed and “kept his nose clean” and got a lot closer to my dad during this time.
They married almost immediately after that, settled down to a life on the farm and had five kids. Uncle Beast was happy as could be, even when farming and doing all the child care at home while my aunt went to work in town. He died in 2013 at the age of 91.
The part we didn’t know about was revealed in one of the photos of the fundraiser; my dad was in the play as well! He was one of the Native Americans. My aunt didn’t know at the time since she didn’t know any of my dad’s family then. The photo is a hoot! I had no idea there were thespians of any kind in my family!
Thanks to all for the pet hugs; very much appreciated.
I didn’t mention her passing here because other people have so many real problems; it seemed a bit (trivial? can’t think of the right word and definitly not suggesting people shouldn’t, just my own view if my own situation ). But I miss her terribly. I know it’s a cliche but Sas was my best friend. We were a real team. Now though I’m at the happy-sadness stage if that makes sense. Just looking back and reminiscing about our numerous (mis)adventures together.
@Scildfreja
Unfortunately, my submission deadline can’t be moved. I have to submit before the end of September so I don’t have to pay for another year of tuition. Even though my defense will probably be in November or December, I would only have to worry about a small completion fee for that. I don’t have funding for another full year of tuition.
Thankfully, I’ve already starting putting together a few chapters, based on some publications, but I need to go back and revise somethings and make some additions. The last chapter is going to be the hardest to write, though. I had to change my focus a bit when my hypothesis turned out to be wrong. It’s a perfectly reasonable result and there are some interesting tidbits associated with it, but it just wasn’t worth pursuing further. The last bit feels incomplete because I just didn’t have enough time to really explore it properly, since I took it up so late. It does give me something to discuss in the “future work” section, so it’s not terrible, but I don’t like leaving things unfinished.
I actually feel pretty good about my thesis right now. I occasionally look at things and remember something else that I did and realize just how much data I have. It’s encouraging to know that I have so much to write about and it’s not quite as daunting to think about writing the first few chapters since most of that has already been published in some form or another.
If you’re really interested in the details, I’d be more than happy to share. Usually, people get really scared when I tell them that I’m a microbiologist.
This seems so stupid but I worry about my kitty cats dying sometimes and I’m overcome. I don’t know how I will carry on when they leave us. Part of my worry is that I lean on Boyfriend so often for emotional support, but when we lose the kitties (which were his for 13 years before he even met me) it will be him who needs support from me, and I worry that I’ll be too wrapped up in my own grief to do that.
Anyway I’m just borrowing trouble I know. All I really mean to say is that I know how important furry family members are and I can only imagine how devastating it must be to lose one.
@ viscaria
No-one who has furry friends will think that’s stupid. We’ve all been there.
Long time lurker, first time commenter here!
Guys, I’m so nervxcited. I have started working with a new therapist and, perhaps, this time all my past (rape and abuse) experiences will get unearthed. Hopefully, they will stop bothering me eventually.
So Chiaomara, good luck to you too <3 with your new treatment!
And thank you, David, for your work. This is all I can come up with right now, but I truly feel that by revealing and ridiculing the misogyny of the Internet jerkasses, you have made it easier to question the everyday microaggressions, rape jokes etc of the "real" world. It feels good to be acknowledged. Have a nice vacation!
It looks like I’m planning my first trip to Canada. A friend of mine is having some health problems, and I want to see her. Like most Americans, I don’t even have a passport, so I have to do that first.
Viscaria – I worry too; my furry old man is (about) 16 now. We got him from a friend about 7 years ago who had two other kitties that decided they liked to beat up on him. We promised friend that Hamkitty would be an only cat. He has really blossomed since leaving that home!
To me, a pet is a part of the family whose loss is equivalent to a person’s. I know some people* find that disrespectful, but it is what it is. The thing I worry about is, do pets have a quality of life that justifies us keeping them? I really hope so!
*probably not too many here, but I have been told before that equating an animal to a human is bad, bad, bad.
Viscaria:
Before I got my two snuggleballs of furry love, and I was waiting for their arrival to my place (and furiously cleaning everything), I already had dreams of that sort, where things went horribly wrong.
So yeah, you’re totally not the only pet-owner who feels that way.
I’ve lost cats to human cruelty, accidents and illness before, I don’t know how long Orcus is going to be here with us (but 20 years, that’s some!), and it never gets any easier. I think the only way to deal with that… is to enjoy every moment they’re with us.
Even if that moment is cleaning the litterbox, turning around for a moment, and finding that there’s either a queue starting up, or someone is busy using the box when your attention slipped for a moment. Didi, I’m not looking at you, I’m LOOKING at you.
@ hambeast
Some of my more hardcore animal rights friends hold that view; but from the other direction 🙂
Some of my most memorable cat anxiety experiences have been chronicled in these here WHTM interpages. Like the very first time I cat-sat for boyfriend, when, maybe an hour into the experience, Bailey ate a 2-inch length of string off of the floor while staring straight at me. Little jerk.
Alan – You mean they think that animal > human? Dunno if I agree, but I’m not gonna argue it as long as they’re not going to do harm to anyone.
Edited to change some questionable language
Hooray!!! I’ve negotiated half a day off tomorrow.
I’d forgotten that I’d arranged to meet a friend for her Krav training (didn’t realise it was Thursday tomorrow but she called me to confirm)
Just explained to my rather demanding client that, whether I met up with him in his office or met my friend on the beach, someone was getting strangled, so he’s agreed to reschedule to the afternoon.
Can’t tell you how happy that makes me, so need a break. 🙂 🙂 🙂
@ hambeast
Yeah. They’re very much in the ‘only humans are bastards’ school. I’m not completely on board with that, but I see their point.
The ‘harm’ thing is another subject; and something that crops up a lot. Some tricky ethical issues both philosophically and practically.
Hello everyone,
It’s been a hard few days for me. The pharmacy did not refill one of my meds when I thought they would, leaving me without an essential one for two days. There are side effects to stopping it and I was hospitalized for it this past July so I was very very scared. I made it until today without losing it and I got it refilled. I am still irritated at the all the problems with the meds and the fact that nobody gave a shit about whether I was going to have crippling rebound anxiety and panic attacks.
I also have a scary family thing coming up where there will be a lot of people from my Dad’s family (Dad I do not have contact with due to toxic relationship, but am still %100 with the rest of his side of fam cousins etc. which is good) but it’s stressful dealing with a family reunion (travel, etc. my cousin posted to FB about her flight over with a 2 y.o and a baby and it sounds like it just about killed her!) and also the emotional history. We are gathering to see my Grandparents who finally moved to a care facility closer the rest of the family but they are also very old (90’s!!) and grandpa is in bed/wheelchair most of the time. So it’s going to be hard I think. I did hear that my Dad visited them(He kindof has contact with some of them them sometimes, but avoids most of them for not properly shunning my Mom when they divorced), which I’m glad of for my Grandparents sake. He is not supposed to be there this weekend, but I’m always a little worried of him showing up at one of these things even though it has never happened yet. My mom recently told me that he still drives by her house sometimes (wtf!!) which I was not happy about, but she doesn’t seem concerned (she has dealt with his bahvior for a long time) . But, plus side, new baby cousin to meet! I’ll try to focus on that. 🙂
Good news: I am deeply considering finally getting a companion dog, which I really think will help with my anxiety issues. I know there are a lot of people here saying that they lost their pets and I am truly sorry for that. It does make me more scared about getting one of my own but even though I know it might cause sadness someday I think it will be worth it. I just need to start the process of finding a 30lb or less pooch that has the right temperament and won’t aggravate my allergies too much. I am looking forward to the starting the process of starting to meet some local adoptable dogs and hopefully find a new friend.
Internet hugs for any of you who need them! And thank you for sharing all of your lovely pet stories and pictures. Even with the sad bits, it’s definitely encouraged me to find one of my own.
http://positivemed.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/terrier-puppy.jpg
@ calmdown
It so very much is. For all Sassy’s passing fucked me up, I wouldn’t swap the time we had together for anything in the world. It’s impossible to convey the sheer happiness an animal friend can bring until you experience it; but I wish you joy. You’ll love it.
ETA: might I suggest you consider a rescue dog? They need a lot of love and patience but you’ll have a shared empathy and helping each other will do you both the world of good.
@calmdown
My husband’s companion dog is a short-haired miniature dachshund, and he’s an absolute dear, and very little shedding/allergy issues.
Thanks for the advice, Viscaria and Freemage.
So far she’s last-minute blown me off for three suggested museuming trips (my idea: a public place where there’s cool things to geek over.) Based on the behaviour she was exhibiting before we broke up, she’s extremely fond of it when we do her idea, but as soon as I say yes then it becomes our idea rather than her idea, and then she feels trapped and no longer in control of her life. It’s a pattern which means that it’s possible to more or less set your watch by the broken commitments.
So yeah, patterns.
@Pearl Clutcher:
Welcome to the site!
@Chiomara:
Ugh. At times like that, remember that you can’t sacrifice yourself for them, because no matter how much they whine, they need you healthy and active. Staying in good shape yourself (mentally as well as physically) is an absolute prerequisite for looking after anyone else. It isn’t selfish; it’s just sensible.
@Chiomara
*hugs*