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Open Thread for Personal Stuff, 5/16 Bearcat Edition

catbear
Best Friends 4 Ever

A long overdue Open Thread for Personal Stuff. (There’s also one for non-personal stuff.)

As always, no trolls or MRAs. Let me know if any show up.

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Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

That picture needs a tiger; oh my!

Nothing very exciting happening with me. Just so busy work wise. So dazed this morning I put toothpaste on my razor. Luckily realised before I hacked my gums off (or ended up with a minty fresh scalp).

Skiriki
Skiriki
5 years ago

It is getting horribly hot here (I don’t deal well with high end of temperatures, so anything above +20 C is “horribly hot” for me; on the other hand, I can wander about in 0 C weather in a t-shirt just fine). Cats are melting. I need to get that safety net for my balcony so I can air my apartment better during those scant cool hours.

Carisma is cranky and pissed off for some reason, and keeps making creaky complaints about everything. When I took a nap, she climbed Mt. My Butt and sat there and kept complaining. I’ve tried to play with her, but she loses interest with almost all toys after a while, only laser pointer has worked for her, and even that is losing some of its shine by now. She likes to play “chase”, and the toyboy Bob who was here as her beau knew how to play it. I mean, “run around apartment and chase each other”, not in some sort of MRA fantasy, just plain game of tag between girl cat and boy cat.

Didi doesn’t play chase. It’s not a game for her. She occasionally humors Carisma with it, but it tends to end up in small fights, since Didi is a tank and she has even less brakes than Carisma and collisions are imminent.

Nequam
Nequam
5 years ago

We had to put our cat down Monday morning. I think I cried most of it out that day but there are still pangs.

EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

I’ve been astronomy blogging. It’s enormous fun. I’m now uploading the essays onto my personal blog a day at a time.

In other news:

My fairly-toxic ex has come back into my life recently, claiming that she’s done a lot of self examination and is no longer toxic. I’m not a hundred percent sure of what to do, but she was a very fun, very smart person to be around at times and part of me wants that back. Not sure what to do.

EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

Hugs, Nequam.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ nequam

Oh my heart goes out to you; that’s so horrible. My doggie of 16 years passed away last month and it was devastating; so I really empathise.

Chiomara
Chiomara
5 years ago

So, these were tough two weeks, with the fire and everything…
My PTSD is crazy strong, I can’t sleep, I am startled like a kitten 24/7. I put my bed by the side of my parents’ and obsessively hear their breathing until the morning. And then I spend the day cooking, cleaning or medicating, and running after my mother, who insists on doing stuff she is not supposed to do, either because I don’t do it right, fast enough, or happily enough to her taste, and then she guilts me for “making” her do “more stuff than me” when she is sick.
Dialogue goes like:
-Mom, go back to bed, I cook, just wait for me to come back from the pharmacy.
-I am hungry, you can’t let us starve, we are sick.
-All right, then I begin cooking right now.
-You have to go to the pharmacy. We can’t wait for the meds, we are sick.
-All right, mom, then I run to the pharmacy and come back to make a faster food.
-No way, have you seen your face? You are lethargic. You look weak. You should rest.
-How would I rest?
-HAHAHA, HOW?!? You rest the entire day! You rest more than us, who are sick! You even LOOK sick! I have to do EVERYTHING around here!
Repeat this ad infinitum. This is literally a dialogue we’ve had. So, all in all, it’s been very stressful and tiresome, but I find time in my day to just look at my still standing house and family and feel so grateful and lucky, and find some more patience and strength to go through another day.

I have good news too (other than me and my family being alive and my house still standing, of course). They stayed in a very good hospital and the psychiatrist who talked to us wants to make me a study object in rape in the best university of my country. On the negative side, my case and behavior will regularly be discussed by many students. On the positive, I will be treated by the best psychiatrists in the area for free, and my case may help other rape victims!
And the bestest News: CLOE FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO SMILE AND LAUGH and will brighten our days even more with her toothless little mouth ^^

http://i.imgur.com/dTMfQEJ.jpg

Skiriki
Skiriki
5 years ago

Nequam:

Oh, so many support-hugs. πŸ™ That’s horribly sad. πŸ™

Chiomara:

Also, hugs to you too!

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

Nequam and Allan, I’m so sorry for the loss of your pets. They were lucky to be so loved.

EJ, I hope that your ex is telling the truth, and really has done a bunch of work on herself to become a better person. If you want to reconnect with her, though, I would probably recommend caution. Maybe set some pretty rigid boundaries, like yes I’d like to see you, but only for coffee for an hour; yes you can text me, but please no texts at 4 in the morning; please no big dumptrucks of emotion straight to my inbox. Or whatever makes sense for your situation.

Also, I’m sure you know this, but even if she’s made some really great changes you still don’t owe it to her to be her friend. It sounds like you want to connect because it would be positive for you, but just in case… You’re allowed to not trust her because of how she’s behaved in the past, even if she’s better now. You’re allowed to not forgive her. That’s assuming she has meaningfully apologized, which I hope she has.

I’m glad you’re having fun with the astronomy blogging! I’ll check it out when I get some time (not that I’ll understand it XD).

pitshade
pitshade
5 years ago

Hugs to Nequam and Chiomara!

Sinkable John
Sinkable John
5 years ago

Heart goes out to Nequam and Alan, it’s a horrible thing when hairy-faced friends die πŸ™
Had to put down one of my cats last week – he adopted me when I was 6 and I’ve been living in his house ever since, so he’d been here for pretty much all of my life and died aged 18. I think even the other cat cried – he wakes me up in the middle of the “night” (that is, the afternoon these days) meowling in unusually high pitches, it’s kinda distressing.

In other news, while running errands in town I spotted nazis again. Like, actual nazis with swastika tattoos (thought those were illegal in most of Europe but I keep seeing them ?). I think the absolute worst part is that of all the people standing or walking by, I seem to have been the only one actually shocked. Good thing I’m moving to another town soon.

Freemage
Freemage
5 years ago

Nequam: My deepest sympathies. I still get the occasional pang for Legolas, three years later.

EJ: Free advice, and worth every penny: Keep in mind that even if she’s changed how she acts while not around you, a big part of toxic behavior is pattern-based. So getting back together with you might also be a trigger to fall back into old (bad) habits. (After my own toxic relationship, I resolved to never date someone with a flash temper, because I knew my own habit of lying to prevent a blow-up would come back, as well.) Move with caution. At the same time, don’t necessarily shut yourself off from a potential Good Thing. Suggest you start as friends, maybe in group activities with other mutual friends (ideally, including other single friends so you are not automatically being ‘paired off’) for awhile, to see how you interact.

My Own Bit:

As I mentioned in the other thread, I’m going to be a volunteer greeter/escort at a PP clinic. After completing the approval process (very thorough–background check, personal and professional references, and both a phone and a Skype interview) and dealing with some side-issues at work, I am going to a training session in two weeks, and will be spending at least one Saturday morning a month (I’m probably going to do 2 or more; 1 a month was their minimum commitment).

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

If y’all recall, I felt guilty over having a shiny new awesome job when my friends were still stuck in the old, crappy job. Turns out they are all getting shiny new jobs. So no more (irrational) (silly) guilt for me.

@Nequam

Grief over a pet is real grief, and there is no timetable for “getting over it.” I am still not over a pet who passed away in 2005.

pitshade
pitshade
5 years ago

@ EJ & Freemage

I second the Patterns thing. I was somewhat of a misanthrope in high school and shortly after. A few years ago I tried reconnecting with an old friend from back then but had to stop. It really felt like some if the old patterns were coming back and it didn’t help that he had gotten a bit worse.

Nequam
Nequam
5 years ago

No, but we gave her 6-1/2 years of love after her previous family abandoned her (the vet thought she was about 12). I was taken aback to find that at some point, probably between her abandonment and our finding her, that she must’ve been hit by a car or something equally traumatic; when the doctor showed me her X-ray and how she was having fluid buildup in her lungs and abdomen, her ribcage was asymmetrical! We knew she had suffered an injury to her left hind leg, but now I wonder what she had soldiered on through before we took her in…

autosoma
autosoma
5 years ago

It’s been a long time since I commented here (Autosoma), so Hi All, I’ve missed you. I start a new job on Tuesday. I haven’t worked in six months due to depression, brought on by my partners decent into alcoholism. Its going to be tough as the issues caused by the alcoholism haven’t been resolved and there are huge chunks of denial. I’m not confident about how things will be at home while I’m out at work, given that my partner gets “lonely” about lunchtime, which rapidly turns into wine’o’clock, which means turning up at the schoolgates shitfaced drunk to pick up the kids. I have some major trust issues to face.

I’m gobsmacked that I’ve got us to this point with no major financial problems, it’s been an “enlightening” experience living off UK ESA benefit and housing benefit.

The big ray of sunshine on the horizon is that I’ve booked a holiday over Christmas and New Year to Aquaworld Budapest http://www.aquaworldresort.hu/, so now I have six months to save up and pay for it.

My sprogs are doing well, my eldest has joined Brownies, Cubs and Sea Cadets (Royal Navy) (and is thinking about becoming a Royal Marine Cadet at 13) and has met the Mayor of our city three times since we moved out of London, she discovered that she can become a City Councillor at 14 so is aiming to become involved in politics. My youngest is only doing Brownies and Cubs ( for the non-UK readers Brownies is the junior Girl-Guides and cubs is Junior Scouts), she can only join Sea Cadets when she gets to 10.

So as always life has its ups and downs.

ej
ej
5 years ago

Internet hugs for anyone who needs them.

I’ve been pretty quiet around here lately because my life has kind of imploded. I’m coming up to the end of my PhD and I have to submit my thesis in September, which is coming up fast. Meanwhile, my fiance left me last month. We’d been together for over three years and most of it was long distance. He decided not to tell me that he was unhappy with certain things and instead tried to subtly influence the changes he wanted to see in the relationship. Of course, it didn’t work and he just got more and more frustrated. Meanwhile, I didn’t even know there was a problem. Every time I asked if something was wrong (because he would go quiet and withdraw during conversations), he told me he was fine. So, by the time I found out anything was wrong, he had pretty much already decided that the relationship wasn’t worth the effort any more, even though I hadn’t even had a chance to try to fix the problems he had.

I am proud of myself though. I forced him to actually break up with me. He tried some emotional manipulation in that last conversation. I don’t think he was doing it maliciously, but he was trying to ease some of his guilt for what he was doing. He tried to say that he wanted a 6 month break and that we could “re-evaluate” after I move back to America. I, of course, told him this wasn’t logistically feasible (because I don’t have a job lined up yet and a long-term, committed relationship would be a factor when I’m looking for jobs). He told me he didn’t want to influence that decision, so that tells me that he didn’t really want this, but he didn’t want to actually have to break up with me. I wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to ghost on me and I wasn’t going to let him break up with me, but still keep me on the hook. I held firm and said, “Either you want this or you don’t.” And he didn’t.

It’s just really frustrating because my plan was to move in with him after I finish here. My whole future plan was built around the fact that I expected us to get married. I got rid of most of my furniture and things when I moved because I didn’t think I was going to need them, since we’d be living together. Now I’m basically starting from scratch again. I have started putting in some job applications. It’s still early for that, but I’ll see what happens. The one good thing about the breakup is that I don’t have to restrict my job search to one location.

In family news, my mother is having heart surgery in 2 weeks. Luckily, I am headed back to America for a conference in a few weeks, so I can be there to help out after she gets home from the hospital. She’ll be about 2 weeks post-surgery by the time I get there, but I’m sure my dad will be happy to have some extra help.

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
5 years ago

Gosh, my heart goes out to all of you – Chio, that sounds incredibly hard to keep up with. You have a lot of loved ones to take care of right now. I hope you’re able to take care of yourself too. The opportunity for the psychiatric help is great, too! It sounds like a really positive thing, and I hope it helps as much as it seems to. You deserve it! <3 You're incredibly strong.

Neqam and Alan, losing pets is so hard :c I am worried for my kitties, they sometimes seem like my only friends. I hope that time will bring peace for you.

As for me – I am getting more exercise and it seems like I've finally landed a non-academic work contract that I can do on the side, which is really nice. Academia's wonderful and all for the blue-sky research, but the pay is terrible and it's much more about science-as-social-standing than actual discovery. I could use the cash to pay down some bills. (And have been invited for a vacation to Japan this winter, which I'd love to do if I can afford it!) So, information scientist for hire!

On that note, I'm glad that your circle's gotten some great jobs, PoM! Feeling guilty for doing better than everyone isn't irrational or silly, it's a normal thing. We don't want to leave our friends behind, or enjoy good fortune without them. I'm glad you don't have to feel that anymore!

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
5 years ago

@autosoma, I’m glad to hear from you! I’ve been wondering how you have been doing. It sounds sort of rough :s I hope that you can get some help for your wife, alcoholism can be quite a trap. I’ve almost gotten lost in it twice now. Self-medication is a bad, bad business. <3 Take off whatever time from the blog you need. It sounds like your little one is a very bright light, though! I hope that helps.

@ej, that sounds really rough :\ . It seems like a common end-of-PhD story, somehow – a great number of them hit some really big rocks in life as they're sailing to the end of the thesis. He should have been more clear with you from the start :\ painful all around. I'm sorry you're going through that. I hope that you can see the bright future ahead of you, though! No plan doesn't mean no future, it just means that you've got a clean canvas to work with. I hope it all works out. And I hope your mom’s surgery goes well!

mockingbird
mockingbird
5 years ago

I plan to read this after showering and putting nugget down for a nap, but before I do either of those:

Anyone up for helping me bat around the pros and cons of some career-type stuff?

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
5 years ago

Sure, mockingbird, sounds fun.

autosoma
autosoma
5 years ago

@Scildfreja – Ta muchly.
@mockingbird – always up for giving people career advice (though often I can’t take my own).

Anyone who’s interested this is an interesting article on Marginal Revolution http://marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2016/05/what-in-the-hell-is-going-on.html – an economics professor (and a very good one at that) has a think about our current global state of affaires

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ mockingbird

Sure. Remember the general rule though: “Listen to Al’s advice; do opposite” and you won’t go far wrong.

Skiriki
Skiriki
5 years ago

autosoma:
I… what the hell is with that page. o_O

Also, the comments. Ugh.

ej
ej
5 years ago

Thanks, @Scildfreja. I am trying to see the bright side of things, like being able to apply for jobs wherever I want to. I’m a planner, though, so having my plan wiped out like that is really rough for me, especially at such a critical time. My emotions are such a distraction and I have bad days where I just can’t focus, which of course makes me more anxious because I’m not getting things done. I’m trying to be more patient with myself when I need to take time for self care, but looming deadlines do not help.

autosoma
autosoma
5 years ago

@Skiriki when I read the article shortly after it was posted, there weren’t any comments – I’ve subsequently read them, it looks to me like the usual mobbing. You know these blokes are like a flock of Starlings or a shoal of mackerel constantly zipping from one place to another mobbing and knee-jerking without the slightest though of how they will be perceived. My appologies

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

@Sinkable John, Nequam and Alan
So sorry for your loss. Hugs if you want them.

Not to drag this thread further into sad pet news territory, but I found out yesterday that one of my kitties has and aggressive form of lymphoma and only has a short time left. I get to pick him up this afternoon, so he’ll get plenty of cuddles later today.

Skiriki
Skiriki
5 years ago

autosoma:
Yeah, but the thing is, I don’t think that main article is actually good, either. While it raises some important points, it also has some serious myopia and I think it also draws wrong conclusions from overt generalizations and outright errorneous information.

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
5 years ago

@autosoma, wow, that page! It’s an interesting thing, and may have a lot to do with the current almost-boiling-over of the alt-right. Percolating? They’re percolating.

@ej, I am a planner too. I totally get how jarring it is when things change. And at the end of the PhD too! I hope it doesn’t disrupt anything. Just finishing a PhD on its own is such a monumental effort, doing it while going through issues is incredibly hard. Are you able to talk to your profs about the problem to see if you can get an extension of a week or so? I know that it can sometimes be impossible to reschedule the defenses and whatnot, but even if they can’t change anything it might be good for them to know your situation.

You’re right to pause when you’re too stressed to think straight, in any case. The anxiety over the deadlines will happen regardless. I hope you’re avoiding adrenaline-inducing things, like caffeine or loud music! Those can have a surprisingly powerful effect on anxiety.

Best of luck. If you want to talk about it, I’m sure you’re welcome here, even if it’s just to vent. Or to talk about your PhD work! I know I’d love to hear about it.

Sheila Crosby
5 years ago

@Nequam, @Sinkable John: hugs. One way trips to the vet are dreadful.
http://sheilacrosby.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/sqirrelKiss%C3%A7.jpg

@Chiomara Your mother sounds exhausting, but your niece is utterly gorgeous.

@Autosoma: good luck.

My own, not very exciting news is that I passed my German exams with rather good marks and I’m making good progress editing the whodunnit.

Sinkable John
Sinkable John
5 years ago

wow, that page! It’s an interesting thing, and may have a lot to do with the current almost-boiling-over of the alt-right. Percolating? They’re percolating.

Percolating

This made my day.

Percolating.

I love it. Let’s make it the official word to describe said kind of reaction from the alt-right. Percolating percolating percolating. Dammit my coffee’s cold.

Hambeast, Social Justice Legbeard
Hambeast, Social Justice Legbeard
5 years ago

All the feels for the folk who have lost pets. I know I will be very distraught when my Hamkitty goes. (not kittybeast because he will do anything for ham!)

I’m going to share a story that I found very cute: My aunt, who was married to one of my dad’s older brothers, recently sent me an old newspaper article she found about a fundraiser that the town put on to raise money for band uniforms at my aunt’s high school. It was where she met my uncle, who was the lead in the play “Wild Nell” which was part of the Follies-type show.

Uncle Beast was just out of the Navy in 1951 and was, I think, nine years older than my aunt, who was in high school at the time. Once he spotted her and chatted her up, he decided that she was going to be his wife someday and told her as much! He told the rest of his family, as well. His family was skeptical, since Uncle Beast was rather a ‘wild man’ that everyone figured would end up dead or in prison by the time he hit 30. He had a reputation in two counties for drinking and fighting!

Long story slightly shorter, Uncle Beast and my aunt weren’t allowed to date while she was in high school but they corresponded surreptitiously. Then my aunt joined the Army and they could openly correspond. Uncle Beast really had to clean up his act during this time so that my aunt’s family would accept him. He farmed and “kept his nose clean” and got a lot closer to my dad during this time.

They married almost immediately after that, settled down to a life on the farm and had five kids. Uncle Beast was happy as could be, even when farming and doing all the child care at home while my aunt went to work in town. He died in 2013 at the age of 91.

The part we didn’t know about was revealed in one of the photos of the fundraiser; my dad was in the play as well! He was one of the Native Americans. My aunt didn’t know at the time since she didn’t know any of my dad’s family then. The photo is a hoot! I had no idea there were thespians of any kind in my family!

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

Thanks to all for the pet hugs; very much appreciated.

I didn’t mention her passing here because other people have so many real problems; it seemed a bit (trivial? can’t think of the right word and definitly not suggesting people shouldn’t, just my own view if my own situation ). But I miss her terribly. I know it’s a cliche but Sas was my best friend. We were a real team. Now though I’m at the happy-sadness stage if that makes sense. Just looking back and reminiscing about our numerous (mis)adventures together.

ej
ej
5 years ago

@Scildfreja
Unfortunately, my submission deadline can’t be moved. I have to submit before the end of September so I don’t have to pay for another year of tuition. Even though my defense will probably be in November or December, I would only have to worry about a small completion fee for that. I don’t have funding for another full year of tuition.

Thankfully, I’ve already starting putting together a few chapters, based on some publications, but I need to go back and revise somethings and make some additions. The last chapter is going to be the hardest to write, though. I had to change my focus a bit when my hypothesis turned out to be wrong. It’s a perfectly reasonable result and there are some interesting tidbits associated with it, but it just wasn’t worth pursuing further. The last bit feels incomplete because I just didn’t have enough time to really explore it properly, since I took it up so late. It does give me something to discuss in the “future work” section, so it’s not terrible, but I don’t like leaving things unfinished.

I actually feel pretty good about my thesis right now. I occasionally look at things and remember something else that I did and realize just how much data I have. It’s encouraging to know that I have so much to write about and it’s not quite as daunting to think about writing the first few chapters since most of that has already been published in some form or another.

If you’re really interested in the details, I’d be more than happy to share. Usually, people get really scared when I tell them that I’m a microbiologist.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

This seems so stupid but I worry about my kitty cats dying sometimes and I’m overcome. I don’t know how I will carry on when they leave us. Part of my worry is that I lean on Boyfriend so often for emotional support, but when we lose the kitties (which were his for 13 years before he even met me) it will be him who needs support from me, and I worry that I’ll be too wrapped up in my own grief to do that.

Anyway I’m just borrowing trouble I know. All I really mean to say is that I know how important furry family members are and I can only imagine how devastating it must be to lose one.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ viscaria

This seems so stupid but I worry about my kitty cats dying sometimes and I’m overcome

No-one who has furry friends will think that’s stupid. We’ve all been there.

Pearl Clutcher
Pearl Clutcher
5 years ago

Long time lurker, first time commenter here!
Guys, I’m so nervxcited. I have started working with a new therapist and, perhaps, this time all my past (rape and abuse) experiences will get unearthed. Hopefully, they will stop bothering me eventually.
So Chiaomara, good luck to you too <3 with your new treatment!
And thank you, David, for your work. This is all I can come up with right now, but I truly feel that by revealing and ridiculing the misogyny of the Internet jerkasses, you have made it easier to question the everyday microaggressions, rape jokes etc of the "real" world. It feels good to be acknowledged. Have a nice vacation!

peaches
peaches
5 years ago

It looks like I’m planning my first trip to Canada. A friend of mine is having some health problems, and I want to see her. Like most Americans, I don’t even have a passport, so I have to do that first.

Hambeast, Social Justice Legbeard
Hambeast, Social Justice Legbeard
5 years ago

Viscaria – I worry too; my furry old man is (about) 16 now. We got him from a friend about 7 years ago who had two other kitties that decided they liked to beat up on him. We promised friend that Hamkitty would be an only cat. He has really blossomed since leaving that home!

To me, a pet is a part of the family whose loss is equivalent to a person’s. I know some people* find that disrespectful, but it is what it is. The thing I worry about is, do pets have a quality of life that justifies us keeping them? I really hope so!

*probably not too many here, but I have been told before that equating an animal to a human is bad, bad, bad.

Skiriki
Skiriki
5 years ago

Viscaria:
Before I got my two snuggleballs of furry love, and I was waiting for their arrival to my place (and furiously cleaning everything), I already had dreams of that sort, where things went horribly wrong.

So yeah, you’re totally not the only pet-owner who feels that way.

I’ve lost cats to human cruelty, accidents and illness before, I don’t know how long Orcus is going to be here with us (but 20 years, that’s some!), and it never gets any easier. I think the only way to deal with that… is to enjoy every moment they’re with us.

Even if that moment is cleaning the litterbox, turning around for a moment, and finding that there’s either a queue starting up, or someone is busy using the box when your attention slipped for a moment. Didi, I’m not looking at you, I’m LOOKING at you.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ hambeast

I have been told before that equating an animal to a human is bad, bad, bad.

Some of my more hardcore animal rights friends hold that view; but from the other direction πŸ™‚

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

Some of my most memorable cat anxiety experiences have been chronicled in these here WHTM interpages. Like the very first time I cat-sat for boyfriend, when, maybe an hour into the experience, Bailey ate a 2-inch length of string off of the floor while staring straight at me. Little jerk.

Hambeast, Social Justice Legbeard
Hambeast, Social Justice Legbeard
5 years ago

Alan – You mean they think that animal > human? Dunno if I agree, but I’m not gonna argue it as long as they’re not going to do harm to anyone.

Edited to change some questionable language

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

Hooray!!! I’ve negotiated half a day off tomorrow.

I’d forgotten that I’d arranged to meet a friend for her Krav training (didn’t realise it was Thursday tomorrow but she called me to confirm)

Just explained to my rather demanding client that, whether I met up with him in his office or met my friend on the beach, someone was getting strangled, so he’s agreed to reschedule to the afternoon.

Can’t tell you how happy that makes me, so need a break. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ hambeast

Yeah. They’re very much in the ‘only humans are bastards’ school. I’m not completely on board with that, but I see their point.

The ‘harm’ thing is another subject; and something that crops up a lot. Some tricky ethical issues both philosophically and practically.

calmdown
calmdown
5 years ago

Hello everyone,

It’s been a hard few days for me. The pharmacy did not refill one of my meds when I thought they would, leaving me without an essential one for two days. There are side effects to stopping it and I was hospitalized for it this past July so I was very very scared. I made it until today without losing it and I got it refilled. I am still irritated at the all the problems with the meds and the fact that nobody gave a shit about whether I was going to have crippling rebound anxiety and panic attacks.

I also have a scary family thing coming up where there will be a lot of people from my Dad’s family (Dad I do not have contact with due to toxic relationship, but am still %100 with the rest of his side of fam cousins etc. which is good) but it’s stressful dealing with a family reunion (travel, etc. my cousin posted to FB about her flight over with a 2 y.o and a baby and it sounds like it just about killed her!) and also the emotional history. We are gathering to see my Grandparents who finally moved to a care facility closer the rest of the family but they are also very old (90’s!!) and grandpa is in bed/wheelchair most of the time. So it’s going to be hard I think. I did hear that my Dad visited them(He kindof has contact with some of them them sometimes, but avoids most of them for not properly shunning my Mom when they divorced), which I’m glad of for my Grandparents sake. He is not supposed to be there this weekend, but I’m always a little worried of him showing up at one of these things even though it has never happened yet. My mom recently told me that he still drives by her house sometimes (wtf!!) which I was not happy about, but she doesn’t seem concerned (she has dealt with his bahvior for a long time) . But, plus side, new baby cousin to meet! I’ll try to focus on that. πŸ™‚

Good news: I am deeply considering finally getting a companion dog, which I really think will help with my anxiety issues. I know there are a lot of people here saying that they lost their pets and I am truly sorry for that. It does make me more scared about getting one of my own but even though I know it might cause sadness someday I think it will be worth it. I just need to start the process of finding a 30lb or less pooch that has the right temperament and won’t aggravate my allergies too much. I am looking forward to the starting the process of starting to meet some local adoptable dogs and hopefully find a new friend.

Internet hugs for any of you who need them! And thank you for sharing all of your lovely pet stories and pictures. Even with the sad bits, it’s definitely encouraged me to find one of my own.

http://positivemed.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/terrier-puppy.jpg

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ calmdown

even though I know it might cause sadness someday I think it will be worth it

It so very much is. For all Sassy’s passing fucked me up, I wouldn’t swap the time we had together for anything in the world. It’s impossible to convey the sheer happiness an animal friend can bring until you experience it; but I wish you joy. You’ll love it.

ETA: might I suggest you consider a rescue dog? They need a lot of love and patience but you’ll have a shared empathy and helping each other will do you both the world of good.

Dalillama
5 years ago

@calmdown
My husband’s companion dog is a short-haired miniature dachshund, and he’s an absolute dear, and very little shedding/allergy issues.

EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

Thanks for the advice, Viscaria and Freemage.

So far she’s last-minute blown me off for three suggested museuming trips (my idea: a public place where there’s cool things to geek over.) Based on the behaviour she was exhibiting before we broke up, she’s extremely fond of it when we do her idea, but as soon as I say yes then it becomes our idea rather than her idea, and then she feels trapped and no longer in control of her life. It’s a pattern which means that it’s possible to more or less set your watch by the broken commitments.

So yeah, patterns.

@Pearl Clutcher:
Welcome to the site!

@Chiomara:
Ugh. At times like that, remember that you can’t sacrifice yourself for them, because no matter how much they whine, they need you healthy and active. Staying in good shape yourself (mentally as well as physically) is an absolute prerequisite for looking after anyone else. It isn’t selfish; it’s just sensible.

Dalillama
5 years ago

@Chiomara
*hugs*

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