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Gals! Drive away creepy dudes with dirty socks, condoms, and the Pixie Cut of Doom

Hideous lady monster, totally Would Not Bang
Hideous lady monster, totally Would Not Bang

Famously lady hating garbage site Return of Kings has published another one of their helpful posts outlining simple ways that women can drive away the sort of guy who takes dating advice from, well, Return of Kings.

In the post, titled “30 Signs That An Eastern European Girl Isn’t Relationship Material,” regular RoK contributor Jean-Batave Poqueliche provides a handy guide to all sorts of things that RoK Red Pillers see as red flags.

I’ve adapted some of my favorites into my own list of 8 Ways Eastern European Women Can Send Roosh Fanboys Running for the Door. Happily, many of these suggestions should also work for non-Eastern European women as well.

Throw your clothes (and possibly your birth control) on the floor

Poqueliche warns his readers to avoid women who are messy.

If you go to hers and … you discover that she has clothes on the floor and everything is out of place, beware. She is careless and has probably the same behavior towards sex and protection.

Let’s just set aside the irony of seeing this statement on a site run by Roosh V, who, by his own admission, had unprotected sex with multiple women over the course of several years even though he thought there was a good chance he had HIV.

The good news here is that women can scare off a Roosh fanboy by simply throwing some dirty socks on the floor.

Buy a few condoms

Apparently Roosh and his fanboys are more terrified by women who are so loose that they own their own condoms than they are of having sex with a woman they barely know without condoms.

Have friends from other countries

This, according to Poqueliche, is a sign that a women “likes foreign culture, ergo she is partial to a foreign knob that is not designed to be static.”

Wait, penises can generate static electricity? I should have probably read the manual a little more carefully.

Tell your date you prefer poetry to firearms

Poqueliche warns men not to date any woman who’s

repulsed by the idea of violence, manliness, or weapons.

She does not understand that a man could fight for his family, enjoy masculine hobbies or knows how to shoot. She wants a progressive man that reads poetry and is not ashamed to cry.

Do bawdy limericks count?

Learn enough about pickup artistry to know when some dude is trying it on you

Poqueliche tells men to shun any woman who

calls you out for escalating, not by playfully delaying it but putting it in words in the “I know what you are doing” way.

Alternately, you could simply work “player” or “pickup artist” or “you’re one of those creepy jackasses who reads Roosh, aren’t you” into your conversation, as that is also a sign to them that YOU KNOW.

Show your bellybutton

As Poqueliche sees it, this is a big slutty tell, and “generally the mark of an especially childish and irresponsible girl.”

Weirdly, RoK’s graphics-master chose to illustrate Poqueliche’s discussion of this important topic with a picture of a woman baring her belly in such a way that … her bellybutton is not actually visible.

Which raises the question: Do RoK readers actually know what a bellybutton is? Is it possible that Roosh and his readership come from some far-away planet where they reproduce by, I dunno, laying eggs, or cell division, or publishing crappy eBooks?

Be older than 25

RoK readers regularly express deep disdain towards women who make it past the quarter-century mark without snagging a man, declaring them unfit for serious relationships. So you’ve got that going for you.

Unfortunately Roosh and his fanboys are still totally willing to “bang” spinsters in their late 20s and up. Sorry old gals! While they don’t want to marry you, Roosh’s fanboys will still pester you for sex, especially since, as Poqueliche sees it, you decrepit old hags are basically easy pickings with

usually a higher notch count and some kind of a despair for a cock that comes with a prospect of relationship.

Henri here feels a similar despair, though in his case he hungers not for sex but for tuna fish

Oh, wait, is that a can opening?
Oh, wait, is that a can opening?

Cut your hair short

If you’re unable to ward off Roosh’s fanboys using any of the tips above, you can always CUT YOUR HAIR, something so terrifying for Poqueliche that it conjures up images of French villagers shaving the heads of women suspected of being Nazi collaborators in the aftermath of D-day.

No, really. You can practically hear him shudder as he asks

Why would a man want to have sex with something that looks like an underfed woman that got sheared just after the locals found out she slept with the occupying army?

Short hair: apparently the most effective form of creep-repellent after pepper spray.

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space garbage
space garbage
8 years ago

She has been drunk, even once, to sickness

It is still a rare occurrence among EE girls

http://static.tumblr.com/330858e01ed8aa364d04724b4e7ccd67/d0vpizp/b3gmjvpc5/tumblr_static_a1vsrhuceaacsd-.jpg

jake
jake
8 years ago

Like I said I don’t care that women want me to go my own way but it’s pretty telling that women still expect mgtow’s to still help them if they’re in trouble, there is a definition for this it’s called entitlement.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

@Moocow:

Nothing like taking a crap on history for the sake of shoehorning in women and minorities. I am a female myself and I hate the idea of a woman being in a WW1 game just for the sake of pandering. In fact, women and minorities should downright be insulted by this. Going out of your way to kiss our asses only makes us appear more weak and whiny. We don’t need to be catered to. Only the truly weak and whiny expect that sort of treatment. DICE is obviously filled with a bunch of delusional Eurotrash who wished everything was some crazy leftist fantasy. This game is a total turnoff now.

This smacks of “Possibly written by a dude” or “Lookit me, boys! I’m a cool girl who likes playing the same games you do and I don’t want to be represented! Pay attention to meeeee!”

Because yeah, us wimmens and minorities are totally insulted by being included in a game that calls back to history, where, you know, women and minorities did things. Important things. Things that helped The Real People (cishet white men) win wars.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being black, white, orange, blue, purple, or whatever the hell you want to call yourself. There’s nothing wrong with gay people, or women holding prominent roles in entertainment. It’s actually a good thing, as long as it fits well and is balanced. Why does everyone need to have such a big emphasis on minority groups in entertainment?! I play games, or watch movies/TV shows, etc., because I enjoy them. I love games. Watching TV is relaxing, funny, etc. Why do we need to bring politics into everything? I hate politics, I hate SJW’s, and I hate that everything needs to be like this. For God’s sake, race doesn’t matter! Gender doesn’t matter! Does anybody else agree with me? Am I the only sane person here?

Why is it that the moment women or people of color are allowed to be leads in a game, suddenly it’s “bad politics”? Why is my existence as a queer woman “bad politics”, and a cishet white dude’s isn’t? Why is a woman and a man of color’s inclusion in a game “politicized” and none of the other Battlefield games are not, despite the fact that they deal with war and the politics thereof? (Which leads to me laughing even harder at this person’s comment of “I hate politics!”)

And “Race doesn’t matter! Gender doesn’t matter!” Says the cishet white dude who has never been racially profiled or treated as a commodity because of his gender.

“I hate that everything needs to be like this!” Said the man who was forced to recognize that women and minorities are people who have existed and have contributed to history. “Why does everything have to be about politics?!” He yelled, slamming his fist on his keyboard. “I hate SJWs!” He cried, batting his mouse off of his desk. “I don’t care if you’re a colored person! I just don’t see why you need to be in my game! I just want to relax with another burly white dude!”

katz
8 years ago

It’s the lead in to the finale of the Thanos saga for criminy’s sake.

Honestly, this doesn’t give me a lot of hope; all these characters who get introduced at the tail end of the franchise are going to get first movies that are tangled up in the middle of the convoluted mythos and full of characters and plotlines you have to see other movies to understand. They won’t get enjoyable stand-alones like Iron Man or Thor. Hell, they aren’t even introduced in their own first movies.

So will they even get that much screen time in their own movies or will they constantly be getting edged out by Marvel’s need to have so-and-so do thus-and-such to set up the thing in that other movie? Will the movies work as introductions to the character or will they assume we all know them already? Will they even be watchable as individual movies?

Parse The Potatoes
Parse The Potatoes
8 years ago

And here I thought Batave was where Batan parked the Batobile.

On topic, there are so many different “Don’t go for feeeeemales who do/have/are X” rules, and so many of them that are contradictory, that I think it’s intentional. So long as you can point to a rule that says “Avoid women in category X,” if your ‘game’ fails, it’s expected. Since every women will fall into at least one of these categories, well, it’s like those coupons that say ‘25% off everything in the store!’, only to have the fine print have so many exceptions and exclusions the only thing you can use it on is the little trinkets by the register.

Well, no, it’s not like that, because 1) women aren’t goods to be bought and sold, and 2) the users (generally) realize it’s an issue with the coupon being terrible, not with what they’re shopping for.

xthetenth
xthetenth
8 years ago

The whole condom thing is because they feel entitled to unprotected sex without any of the risk of having unprotected sex with somebody who has unprotected sex.

And regarding guns, it’s about appreciating guns as a male thing because getting off on power dynamics.

Dalillama
8 years ago

@Catalpa

These dudes are never foreign!

Like this

Cupisnique
Cupisnique
8 years ago

I don’t believe for a second these guys wouldn’t still try to hit on a woman that they claim to be unbangable and then totally flip it around when they inevitably get rejected.

Friendly Neighborhood Dragon Arthur
Friendly Neighborhood Dragon Arthur
8 years ago

@Moocow

What’s particularly funny about this is that whenever power fantasy in video games is brought up, is that guys assume that everyone’s ideal power fantasy exists only in the form of a white guy with the body of a roided-out body builder, and not you know, something completely different.

Letting people have their choice of what they want to be and even tailor that avatar to their own tastes is seen as a “threat to the creativity of the developers” for most part.

Florkje
Florkje
8 years ago

there are so many different “Don’t go for feeeeemales who do/have/are X” rules, and so many of them that are contradictory, that I think it’s intentional. So long as you can point to a rule that says “Avoid women in category X,” if your ‘game’ fails, it’s expected. Since every women will fall into at least one of these categories, well, it’s like those coupons that say ‘25% off everything in the store!’, only to have the fine print have so many exceptions and exclusions the only thing you can use it on is the little trinkets by the register.

Very very cleverly done by those saddoes I must say.

History Nerd
History Nerd
8 years ago

I don’t get why being attracted to women with short hair is so terrible for these guys. They must be profoundly insecure about their own sexuality. Or they think they’re “perverts” if their sexual preferences don’t match up with some pseudo-evo psych standard of attractiveness that’s not supported by any evidence other than some biology graduate student’s inconclusive speculation about data sets.

Axecalibur
Axecalibur
8 years ago

@PI
26? Happy belated Post Wall Day! /s, but only kinda

@katz
Short answer: Yes, no, the latter, and you can, but it’s better if you have

Much, much longer answer: Halfway thru Antman, they were like, ‘how about Scott fights Falcon?’ ‘But… why?’ ‘Something, something, MacGuffin?’ ‘That’ll do.’ Then, they used that interaction to put Antman on Team Cap. Marvel kinda specializes in making the relentlessly artificial seem more organic than it has any right to be. Speaking of Civil War, there’s a cornucopia of hanging threads in that thing, yet most people didn’t notice, and those of us that did notice mostly don’t care or are happy to wait for BP and Homecoming to tie em up
The MCU master plan has always been to make each individual movie subservient to the brand. I didn’t go to see Guardians, I saw MAHVEL STUDIOS PRESENTS, MAHVEL’S GotG, FROM MAHVEL. I understand the concern, and you’re absolutely right. Those who don’t watch every single one of these, and even those that do, are gonna find following the story increasingly difficult. However…

1)That’s just kinda the price of admission now. For the grand experiment to work, in order to revolutionize the industry, sacrifices must be made. In this case, we’re losing the completely self contained narrative. We still get 3 act structure and full character arcs, but it’s a bit more flexible. I say worth, but YMMV
2)WB/DC doesn’t know what the fuck they’re doing, Fox doesn’t even care anymore, and Sony ran begging for help. IMO, as yet, no MCU film has been bad (IM2, Hulk, and the Thors are just… fine), and I still like even the ‘not quite as good’ ones. With that track record, I gotta give em the benefit of the doubt here
3)I’m so sick of superhero origin stories at this point, I’m totally fine with Tchalla, Carol, and Spidey being fully formed before their solos release. The core 4 each had complete arcs in Avengers, a movie with 3 main protagonists, 6 secondaries, and a show stealing villain. They gave everyone as much introduction as they needed, and nobody was lost for who’s who. And besides, Marvel world building has thus far been very unintrusive and done without overwhelming everything else. That’s what casual references and end credit scenes are for

Bottom line, I think we’re in good hands 🙂

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
8 years ago

@ParadoxicalIntention

This smacks of “Possibly written by a dude”

I think you hit the nail on the head there. Does anyone know any women who refer to themselves as “a female”? It’s like saying “I am a gay”.

There seems to be one in every comment section. “Hello. I am a female and…(proceeds to catalogue MRA talking points, concludes by rating attractiveness/SMV of female co-workers and how terrible it is for men to be around unsmiling women over 25)”

This was by far my favorite part though:

Going out of your way to kiss our asses only makes us appear more weak and whiny.

Posted on a blog which demands that everyone kiss the asses of white men.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
8 years ago

Did someone say limericks?

I have tattoos and purple hair
which make me look quite debonair.
Rush says he hates me
and won’t even date me!
Why does he think that I care?

My tattoos are lovely to see
and all have deep meaning for me.
I embrace them with passion,
but not just for fashion –
when MRAs see them, they flee.

RosaDeLava - Praying for Sexbots
RosaDeLava - Praying for Sexbots
8 years ago

And here I thought Batave was where Batan parked the Batobile.

I should not have laughed as much as I did.

@Paradoxical Intention
I love how those people just assume there has to be some sort of “nefarious” reason to include minorities in videogames. Have they even talked to the developers? Perhaps including characters beside the straight-white-cis-man with the personality of a loaf of bread is what the people who make those games want? Why do they think that anything that escapes the status-quo has to be some SJW conspiracy?

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

RosaDeLava – Praying for Sexbots | May 13, 2016 at 3:32 pm
@Paradoxical Intention
I love how those people just assume there has to be some sort of “nefarious” reason to include minorities in videogames. Have they even talked to the developers? Perhaps including characters beside the straight-white-cis-man with the personality of a loaf of bread is what the people who make those games want? Why do they think that anything that escapes the status-quo has to be some SJW conspiracy?

Because Their worldview (the worldview of the cishet white dude) is The Default. Anything that deviates from The Default (worldviews and/or stories of women, LGBT people, or racial minorities) is automatically The Fault of the SJWs, and thus is Bad because it deviates from The Default.

If a developer decides to maybe make a game that isn’t about Them (the cishet white dudes), then it’s suddenly deviating from The Default, and that means it’s The Fault of the SJWs, but not the developer, because something, something, Artistic Integrity, something something, Games are Art and Should be Respected, something, something, Developers Should be Allowed to Make What They Want (unless it deviates from The Default, then it’s bad, but that’s okay if they want to do that, because then it’s The Fault of the SJWs).

space garbage
space garbage
8 years ago

Okay, so I’m an actual Eastern European, and I find it difficult to believe that this “30 Signs” article isn’t some kind of satire.

Eastern Europe taught him everything he knows

Yeah if by Eastern Europe he means “depictions of the eastern bloc in cold war era american movies”. Come on, he even describes the region as a culturally homogenous monolith, with mores that don’t change whether you’re in a city of millions or in a 2-barn village. I’m betting dollars against walnuts that the whole of this guy’s EE experience (if any) amounts to attending one stag do in Kraków, 90% of which he spent passed out under the table and/or inappropriately exposing himself to locals.

She has been drunk, even once, to sickness

It is still a rare occurrence among EE girls

I just can’t get over this chucklefuck writing that EE girls “STILL” don’t get shitfaced, as if hard drinking was invented by Anglos & a passing fad that needed to be brought over from the West. Yeah, them Russians and Poles sure need his (dubiously) French ass to teach them how to drink vodka. Dude needs to look up some worldwide alcoholism/death by overdose statistics. (Pity these don’t reach to the Middle Ages.)

religion

one of the pillars of her culture

Like in the Czech Republic, where the most popular religion, Roman Catholicism, is followed by a staggering 10.3% of the population!!!!

But the slutty belly show is quite recent as it was considered indecent (if not on a beach) in the Socialist era.

You know what elseactually was considered indecent in the Socialist era? Hint: it starts with “R” and ends with “eligion”. But that’s still a pillar of our culture, apparently??? Ah, the mystery of the Eastern European psyche!

The local guys are in majority looking for a girlfriend or wife. This leaves the foreigners around her to satisfy her urges.

B-but I thought it is natural for men to want to fuck around??? Aren’t EE men supposed to be untouched by the pussification of the Western male?

EE considers girls over 25 who are not engaged or married to be social failures

EE girls are natural at cleaning and expected to do so.

it is expected of them to take care of their man. Their mothers have prepared them since their childhood for this

Girls that voluntarily cut their hair short are mocked there by men and women alike.

Either this guy is a time traveller or his poosy paradise fantasy has become strong enough to deflect reality and common sense.
Also, here are some mean age at 1st marriage statistics:
http://w3.unece.org/PXWeb2015/pxweb/en/STAT/STAT__30-GE__02-Families_households/052_en_GEFHAge1stMarige_r.px/?rxid=475a2ae8-b87b-420e-9f0a-efc99fa395d3

Their native place is not dashingly pretty

Eastern Europe (…) is his second home

Clearly, having travelled the region extensively, he’s informed by experience and not decades old media portrayals of the lands east of the Iron Wall, consisting solely of decaying, inbred villages and brutalist cities full of concrete blocs and communist propaganda.

Some pics of the postapocalyptic hellscape that is EE:

ugly ass lake
http://www.fakt.pl/m/crop/1200/0/faktonline/635758538579876852.jpg

boring ass mountains
http://s8.flog.pl/media/foto/5981884_w-drodze-do-zbojnickiej-chaty–tatry-wysokie–slowacja.jpg

ugly ass citycomment image
http://www.inseec-travel-tips.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Budapest_Stadtansicht_572x333.jpg
http://www.saint-petersburg.com/images/virtual-tour/stock.jpg

Dr. NicolaLuna, Epic Slut
Dr. NicolaLuna, Epic Slut
8 years ago

Their hatred for short hair makes me want to shave my head! Fortunately, my hair is dyed red, blue, green, purple and yellow which they hate. Not sure why it bothers them so much, but the fact they hate it makes all the hours I regularly spend on dyeing it worthwhile.

Also, my next tattoo is in 15 days. A fairly big sternum piece. My sleeve will also be finished by the end of the year, I reckon another 18 hours on it will complete it.

Thanks for all the other tips though, I’ll stock up on condoms and use the packets as accessories to scare these guys away.

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

There’s an obvious white dude trolling all over Gawker today with the username ProudBlackWoman. So yeah, one in every comments section. At least.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

Relevant to the video games discussion as well:

comment image

Emily Purcell
Emily Purcell
8 years ago

Longtime Lurker but not much of a poster. I don’t know anything about the video game you guys are talking about. But

comment image

If anyone things there were no

comment image

African-American Soldiers

http://www.gwpda.org/wwi-www/Scott/images/08p192/S108.jpg

In World War I.

Or that women

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/72048000/jpg/_72048615_86958059-b91f-4e71-982e-e285e2b70878.jpg

Never got closer to the front

http://chnm.gmu.edu/courses/rr/s01/cw/students/leeann/historyandcollections/history/imageswwi/Women-In-WW-Ism.jpg

Than sitting an ocean away knitting socks

comment image

Has another think coming.

http://www.devonremembers.co.uk/_assets/others/from%20fairlynch%20museum/vadtight.png

(There was an image of of an ambulance blown up near the front with dead ambulance drivers but it was too graphic to show.)

katz
8 years ago

I’m so sick of superhero origin stories at this point, I’m totally fine with Tchalla, Carol, and Spidey being fully formed before their solos release.

I’m sick of origin stories too, but there’s a difference between an origin story and a character introduction. For instance, Tim Burton’s Batman isn’t an origin story, but it introduces you to all the key elements of the Batman mythos without assuming you already know them. I’m worried that these movies will feel like they’re the middle of something and not work well on their own.

I personally feel like the MCU’s been on a decline after the first Avengers movie as each one becomes more crowded and convoluted than the last. I thought Age of Ultron was a nigh-unwatchable mess.

feartheminotaur
feartheminotaur
8 years ago

@ weirwood and very clumsily I might add

littleknown
littleknown
8 years ago

Completely OT, but I find it amusing that Trump went on Hannity and basically pulled a Candace Owens regarding Jeff Bezos, Amazon, and the Washington Post.

I am also cancelling my NPR support and upping my monthly donation to the Human Rights Campaign, instead, after I had to listen to this on the way to work this morning. Sad face.

amandajane5
8 years ago

You know, it’s taken me *years* to grow my hair back out after losing it all to cancer, but this is tempting me to cut it off again. 😛