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Gals! Drive away creepy dudes with dirty socks, condoms, and the Pixie Cut of Doom

Hideous lady monster, totally Would Not Bang
Hideous lady monster, totally Would Not Bang

Famously lady hating garbage site Return of Kings has published another one of their helpful posts outlining simple ways that women can drive away the sort of guy who takes dating advice from, well, Return of Kings.

In the post, titled “30 Signs That An Eastern European Girl Isn’t Relationship Material,” regular RoK contributor Jean-Batave Poqueliche provides a handy guide to all sorts of things that RoK Red Pillers see as red flags.

I’ve adapted some of my favorites into my own list of 8 Ways Eastern European Women Can Send Roosh Fanboys Running for the Door. Happily, many of these suggestions should also work for non-Eastern European women as well.

Throw your clothes (and possibly your birth control) on the floor

Poqueliche warns his readers to avoid women who are messy.

If you go to hers and … you discover that she has clothes on the floor and everything is out of place, beware. She is careless and has probably the same behavior towards sex and protection.

Let’s just set aside the irony of seeing this statement on a site run by Roosh V, who, by his own admission, had unprotected sex with multiple women over the course of several years even though he thought there was a good chance he had HIV.

The good news here is that women can scare off a Roosh fanboy by simply throwing some dirty socks on the floor.

Buy a few condoms

Apparently Roosh and his fanboys are more terrified by women who are so loose that they own their own condoms than they are of having sex with a woman they barely know without condoms.

Have friends from other countries

This, according to Poqueliche, is a sign that a women “likes foreign culture, ergo she is partial to a foreign knob that is not designed to be static.”

Wait, penises can generate static electricity? I should have probably read the manual a little more carefully.

Tell your date you prefer poetry to firearms

Poqueliche warns men not to date any woman who’s

repulsed by the idea of violence, manliness, or weapons.

She does not understand that a man could fight for his family, enjoy masculine hobbies or knows how to shoot. She wants a progressive man that reads poetry and is not ashamed to cry.

Do bawdy limericks count?

Learn enough about pickup artistry to know when some dude is trying it on you

Poqueliche tells men to shun any woman who

calls you out for escalating, not by playfully delaying it but putting it in words in the “I know what you are doing” way.

Alternately, you could simply work “player” or “pickup artist” or “you’re one of those creepy jackasses who reads Roosh, aren’t you” into your conversation, as that is also a sign to them that YOU KNOW.

Show your bellybutton

As Poqueliche sees it, this is a big slutty tell, and “generally the mark of an especially childish and irresponsible girl.”

Weirdly, RoK’s graphics-master chose to illustrate Poqueliche’s discussion of this important topic with a picture of a woman baring her belly in such a way that … her bellybutton is not actually visible.

Which raises the question: Do RoK readers actually know what a bellybutton is? Is it possible that Roosh and his readership come from some far-away planet where they reproduce by, I dunno, laying eggs, or cell division, or publishing crappy eBooks?

Be older than 25

RoK readers regularly express deep disdain towards women who make it past the quarter-century mark without snagging a man, declaring them unfit for serious relationships. So you’ve got that going for you.

Unfortunately Roosh and his fanboys are still totally willing to “bang” spinsters in their late 20s and up. Sorry old gals! While they don’t want to marry you, Roosh’s fanboys will still pester you for sex, especially since, as Poqueliche sees it, you decrepit old hags are basically easy pickings with

usually a higher notch count and some kind of a despair for a cock that comes with a prospect of relationship.

Henri here feels a similar despair, though in his case he hungers not for sex but for tuna fish

Oh, wait, is that a can opening?
Oh, wait, is that a can opening?

Cut your hair short

If you’re unable to ward off Roosh’s fanboys using any of the tips above, you can always CUT YOUR HAIR, something so terrifying for Poqueliche that it conjures up images of French villagers shaving the heads of women suspected of being Nazi collaborators in the aftermath of D-day.

No, really. You can practically hear him shudder as he asks

Why would a man want to have sex with something that looks like an underfed woman that got sheared just after the locals found out she slept with the occupying army?

Short hair: apparently the most effective form of creep-repellent after pepper spray.

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Jamesworkshop
Jamesworkshop
8 years ago

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
May 13, 2016 at 4:44 am
Completely unrelated but awesome/hilarious: Apparently, the new WWI Battlefield game stars a Harlem Hellfighter and a badass Bedouin woman. The MRAcists are, predictably, throwing a fit.

It’s complaining about the heavy handed implementation…

Heavy handed? it’s just box art

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
8 years ago

Poetry never left dozens of people dead in shopping malls. Poetry never deprived children of their parents and vice versa. Poetry has never maimed or robbed anyone, has never wiped out whole populations, has never slaughtered and driven people from their homes, has never caused a species to go extinct.

On the other hand, poetry has been instrumental in ending slavery and injustice, reducing bigotry and intolerance and the glorification of war, and rallying people to the cause of freedom. Poets are prophets and reformers. They drive human consciousness forward. Homer. Shakespeare. “Leaves of Grass”. Emma Lazarus. William Blake. “Dulce et decorum est”. Langston Hughes. Woody Guthrie. Charles Dickens, the Magna Carta, and the Declaration of Independence (if you want to stretch the definition of poetry). All of those have accomplished much more than bullets. Social change is sparked by the people with the best command of language, not the burliest goons with the biggest guns. In fact, the armed goons are usually employed to enforce the status quo – and sad to say, they’re almost always on the losing side of history.

“Poetry not guns” is probably their ham-handed way of weeding out SJWs. I’m trying to imagine how they test prospective conquests. Do they place a copy of Pablo Neruda and a Glock on the table and see which one the feeemale picks up first?

Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
8 years ago

Henri has such a great Thousand Little-red-dot Stare (or whatever they’d call it) in that picture.

occasional reader
occasional reader
8 years ago

> Florkje
No, my guess, as a French, is that its pseudo is based on Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, also known as Molière (who might do loops in his grave).
And Bataves were an old folk from around belgium and netherlands, no link to northern folks.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
8 years ago

I love the endless laundry lists of Red Flags and Warning Signs on the RoK site. It’s so patronizing towards their readers – as if they’re unsure of what they’re attracted to, and need constant reminders. Beware: Short hair! Danger: Flaunted belly button! If you’re not intrinsically attracted to these things, you wouldn’t need a list to help you screen potential partners. Only anxious, insecure men who are deeply invested in what other men think of their conquests need these guides.

And as if they would turn down the opportunity for sex, ever. They’re not looking for LTRs, they’re looking for notches, so who cares? Alphas gotta alpha, rapists gotta rape, and no pile of clothes is going to stop them.

“I was on the verge of pushing through her LMR and sealing the deal, but then I saw socks on the floor, excused myself, and left.”

…said no RoK reader, ever.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

@ buttercup

I agree with your premise that words can be as effective as actual weaponry in conflicts of all kinds (“the pen is mightier than the sword”) but of course poetry, as with any form of communication, can be used by all sides.

Throughout history there have been examples of just about every nation/cause/movement using poetry to inspire people to fight. I must confess to a bit of a fondness for the ode to Horatio on the bridge for example; I think it’s very inspiriarional.

As to your point about shopping malls, there is a lot of ‘terrorist’ poetry out there. Interestingly a lot of the modern groups seem to have a hatred of ‘slacktivism’ and there’s a plethora of poems based on telling followers to actually get out there and do something practical. This is a popular poem at the moment in those circles:

O, evil Facebook warriors,
Soldiers of the Whatsapp army,
O ye deputy sheikhs of Google,
You run in a vicious circle
Clicking on the top right corner.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

@ occasional reader

Batavians had a reputation for being good swimmers in Roman times and most legions had an attachment of Batavian auxiliaries who specialised in river crossings.

(They would swim across and rig up temporary ropes for the soldiers to climb along)

Florkje
Florkje
8 years ago

> Florkje
No, my guess, as a French, is that its pseudo is based on Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, also known as Molière (who might do loops in his grave).
And Bataves were an old folk from around belgium and netherlands, no link to northern folks.

Aah, thanks for that explanation re Molière. And as I am Dutch myself I might even have some “blood of the mighty Batave tribes” still in me, which is what made me laugh so hard in the first place about his presumptuous nonsense, and indeed, the non-link to northern folks.

The area in NL where the Bataves used to live is now called the Betuwe (etymology love), well known for its fruit trees & jam production, thus the little berry-man Flipje Tiel.

Florkje
Florkje
8 years ago

@Buttercup: Only anxious, insecure men who are deeply invested in what other men think of their conquests need these guides.

Yes yes a thousand times yes. Though the obession with women of MGTOWs might make it seem like women are the target, they’re in fact (at least that’s how I feel it) just collateral damage of their posturing. It’s all geared at the other MGTOWs. “Look, I can play Hate-That-Lady just as well as Alpha Dog McBasement and all you other guys.”

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
8 years ago

@Alan – Good point, poetry does get used both ways (though you could argue that “Ode to the Beta Uprising” probably isn’t going to be as anthologized, recited, and beloved by future generations as, say, Robert Frost. Propaganda poetry is generally terrible. ). In the heat of the moment, a sonnet isn’t going to stop an invading army, but it’s a lot more effective at articulating a cause and winning over hearts and minds.

Thinking further about the guns thing, weaponry cuts both ways as well. Wouldn’t a love of firearms actually be a red flag that a woman might be capable of turning a gun on them? Wouldn’t it be a signal that she’s capable of defending herself and thus less likely to put up with their abusive alpha nonsense? What would they do if a date told them “I hate reading, but I’m an expert marksman, grew up hunting, have a locked safe bristling with guns, and carry one in my purse at all times. Which I know how to use.” They’d probably run for the hills, but…no wait! The List said appreciating guns is good! So confused!

Mish
Mish
8 years ago

“…some kind of a despair for a cock that comes with a prospect of relationship.”

On several different levels, that is one of the saddest things I’ve read in a while. Not simply ‘pathetic’ sad; sad in general. There’s just such emptiness in it.

@dam of lances – I only de-lurked earlier this year, and it’s a great place. Lovely to meet you 🙂

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

@ buttercup

“Ode to the Beta Uprising”

Oh, we should get writing. If only I could think of a rhyme for “cuck”.

As for the women and guns thing (and combative women generally) I have very strong views on that. I won’t bore you with them, and they might breach the comments policy. Suffice it to say I personally am a big fan. I suppose it ties in with what we’ve just been taking about. A lot of women I admire both from history and contemporary times aren’t afraid to fight for causes. And, without going TMI, I have certain preferences in terms of partners that tally with that.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
8 years ago

Random question but why the fuck is Paul Elam still in charge of the AVfM twitter account if he’s no longer with AVfM?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

@ buttercup

You’ve now really got me thinking about the inspirational poetry thing!

I’ve been trying to think of any examples of poetry being specifically used prior to combat to inspire (there’s lots of post facto stuff of course). The nearest ‘real’ example is, perhaps ironically, Elizabeth I’s “I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman…”. Of course it’s likely that that event never occurred.

There’s the “Band of Brothers” speech from Henry V, but again that’s something fictional written after the event (apparently the real speech was along the lines of “Remember, if we win you get to steal their valuables”).

My favourite real pre-battle talk is from Operation Market Garden:

“Gentlemen this is a story you’ll be able to tell your grandchildren; and mighty bored they will be too”

kupo
kupo
8 years ago

Poetry never left dozens of people dead in shopping malls. Poetry never deprived children of their parents and vice versa. Poetry has never maimed or robbed anyone, has never wiped out whole populations, has never slaughtered and driven people from their homes, has never caused a species to go extinct.

You’ve been listening to the wrong Vogon poetry.

(Very eloquently put, and I agree to an extent, though I agree with Alan that poetry can inspire violence. I think the difference is that poetry is not a tool used to harm, it’s a tool used to sway minds.)

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
8 years ago

Yeah, poetry isn’t all kumbaya and flowers. It can function as a catalyst/rationale for violence (of course, one man’s freedom fighter is another man’s terrorist, so the line between revolution and unruly violence is pretty thin depending on who’s defining it). I think a lot of poetry gets written after the event occurred, though, to justify what happened. Emotion recollected in tranquility, and all that. Poetry becomes a tool for processing cultural change, and a behavioral guide for future readers.

And then you get people like Charles Manson, who hear incitements to violence embedded in song lyrics which the authors never intended. I don’t know what it was about the Beatles, but they seemed to attract violent fans who misinterpreted their songs, with disastrous results for John and George.

@Alan – Maybe some of Winston Churchill’s WWII speeches would qualify? Or Julian Grenfell?

Oh, we should get writing. If only I could think of a rhyme for “cuck”.

I hear there are a lot of cucks in Nantucket.

JustConfused
JustConfused
8 years ago

So it’s bad to have a messy room because it means you don’t take contraception seriously.

But if you have contraception, it’s awful also.

???

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

@ buttercup

Maybe some of Winston Churchill’s WWII speeches would qualify?

I read a really interesting book once comparing the effectiveness of Churchill’s speeches versus Goebell’s. The essential premise was that the German people would have reacted better to the “it’s going to be tough, but whatever happens we’ll go down fighting” approach of Churchill than Goebell’s “we’re so superior, it’ll be a walkover” rhetoric; especially when the realities of war struck home.

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
8 years ago

but they seemed to attract violent fans who misinterpreted their songs, with disastrous results for John and George.

I seem to recall that, unlike with Manson, the man who killed John Lennon didn’t actually care about the music at all: he just wanted to become famous by killing somebody famous. It could have been any celebrity that got within range of him.

Which is why a lot of people will deliberately never mention his name. He wanted to be famous? Let’s memory-hole him.

feartheminotaur
feartheminotaur
8 years ago

@occasional reader

Of course he’s never been on the ‘wrong side’*. He’s probably never been on either side.

People who fantasize in ass-kicking as a primary form of conflict resolution imagine they are always the foot and never the ass.

*Although I would say the ‘other’ side since, in my opinion, both sides are kinda wrong

jake
jake
8 years ago

This site is a funny, you women all say go your own way which is what I did when I figured out that I wasn’t attractive to women. The other night as im leaving my house I see my neighbor beating the shit out of his wife in the car and do you know what I told myself, go your own way. What’s even funnier is after discussing this with other women they felt that I was just as bad as him for not calling the police or helping. So I told them, women told me to go my own way don’t tell me not to when your in trouble.

Dr. NicolaLuna, Epic Slut
Dr. NicolaLuna, Epic Slut
8 years ago

Thinking further about the guns thing, weaponry cuts both ways as well. Wouldn’t a love of firearms actually be a red flag that a woman might be capable of turning a gun on them? Wouldn’t it be a signal that she’s capable of defending herself and thus less likely to put up with their abusive alpha nonsense? What would they do if a date told them “I hate reading, but I’m an expert marksman, grew up hunting, have a locked safe bristling with guns, and carry one in my purse at all times. Which I know how to use.” They’d probably run for the hills, but…no wait! The List said appreciating guns is good! So confused!

No, don’t be silly. Women don’t have actual interests. We just exist in relation to men. Men have actual real interests and personalities.

varalys the dark
8 years ago

I have a collection of weapons by my bed. A pair of nunchuks, a hunting knife, a replica automatic pistol and two foot long kukri in a leather scabbard which my grandmother left to me.

Moocow
Moocow
8 years ago

Wow, the comment section in that article is a battlefield (I’ll see myself out).

So far I’ve found two users calling others “cucks”. One Cool Gal who declares:

Nothing like taking a crap on history for the sake of shoehorning in women and minorities. I am a female myself and I hate the idea of a woman being in a WW1 game just for the sake of pandering. In fact, women and minorities should downright be insulted by this. Going out of your way to kiss our asses only makes us appear more weak and whiny. We don’t need to be catered to. Only the truly weak and whiny expect that sort of treatment. DICE is obviously filled with a bunch of delusional Eurotrash who wished everything was some crazy leftist fantasy. This game is a total turnoff now.

Oh yes, I’m sure women and minorities are horribly insulted by a game that features an african american man and a woman as a protagonist! Yeah, that’s clearly so “weak an whiny”.

And if only the “truly weak” expect to be pandered to then what does that say about the 90% of video games that pander to white dudes? And what does that say about white dudes when they show up to a comment section to complain about a video game not pandering to them?

My other favorite has to be the “equalist” who starts off with some “I’ve so above it all” elitism before devolving into this:

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being black, white, orange, blue, purple, or whatever the hell you want to call yourself. There’s nothing wrong with gay people, or women holding prominent roles in entertainment. It’s actually a good thing, as long as it fits well and is balanced. Why does everyone need to have such a big emphasis on minority groups in entertainment?! I play games, or watch movies/TV shows, etc., because I enjoy them. I love games. Watching TV is relaxing, funny, etc. Why do we need to bring politics into everything? I hate politics, I hate SJW’s, and I hate that everything needs to be like this. For God’s sake, race doesn’t matter! Gender doesn’t matter! Does anybody else agree with me? Am I the only sane person here?

‘race doesn’t matter’, says the white dude who’s so upset that a video game dare portray characters of a non-white race! How is he supposed to relax and enjoy himself without a white male lead character?

“It’s good as long as it’s fair and balanced”, he says, without a shred of irony or self-awareness.

@dam of lances

Welcome! Enjoy your complimentary welcome package. Made with 100% genuine male tears.

@Zatar

Well yeah. if she knows the shit you were trying to pull you never had a chance to begin with. I like the fact that these guys think THEY are the ones rejecting the woman and not the other way around.

Lol! It’s like their fragile masculinity will be broken if they ever get rejected.

It’s the same reason for all these red flags. It’s just “HA! You can’t reject me because I rejected you first! Flawless victory!”

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

(Apologies in advance for my teal-deering. My internet’s been spotty as fuck recently, so I’ve gotta do it all at once, or not at all.)

Aw, yiss! Guess who just turned 26 five days ago?

comment image

Though, while I can understand men who appreciate firearms (I have a friend who collects guns who wants to save up to make Samurai Edge from the Resident Evil games), I can’t understand men who fetishize them, and that’s why I don’t date RoKers.

They don’t appreciate guns, they just see them as penis extensions.

Same thing goes for their “violence”. They fling it around because it’s a chance to show off how “big” their dicks are, instead of realizing there’s a fucking time and place for violence, and in civilized society, it should be a rare fucking occurance.

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo | May 12, 2016 at 8:40 pm
Seriously, though. I fail to see the connection between throwing clothes on the floor and use of protection. I always keep a lot of my clothes on the floor and have also always been very diligent about condom use. I encourage RoK readers to avoid me anyways. You can never be too careful!

I don’t either. Being lackadaisical about housecleaning doesn’t mean I’m also willy-nilly about birth control.

In fact, I daresay it’s because I’m lackadaisical about housecleaning that I’m extra careful about birth control. I can’t clean up after a baby and myself!

davidknewton | May 12, 2016 at 9:37 pm
“takes a careless behaviour towards protection” – and not a paragraph later, “ditch her if she has condoms”! The lack of awareness of these people is unbelievable.

Of course! They’re a goddamned matrix of contradictions.

Though, I could interpret this as “That [slur] wants me to wear a condom instead of just going on the pill and being responsible! What a [other slur]!”, which is just another contradiction: “I don’t want to wear a condom, but I don’t want to get you pregnant so you force me to pay for a child I helped conceive.”

Zatar | May 13, 2016 at 12:45 am
I like the fact that these guys think THEY are the ones rejecting the woman and not the other way around.

Well, of course! They’re ALPHA MAYUNLY MEN. They don’t get “rejected”! That’s for weak-ass beta men! They do the rejecting around here! [/sarcasm]

It’s like when a guy gets rejected by a woman and he tries to turn it around on her. I see it happen all the time:

Man: “Hey, sexy! I’d love to talk to you, can I get your number?”

Woman: “No, thank you, I’m not interested.”

Man: “Well, you’re fat anyways! I wouldn’t want to date a cow!”

Woman: “Says the guy who just hit on me and asked me for my phone number…”

Kat | May 13, 2016 at 12:59 am
Ever notice how these guys never come up with a list of what women could do to be attractive to them? Telling, isn’t it? They’ll never be happy — even for a one-night stand — with anyone. That’s because they’re consumed with hatred and envy.

They can only focus on what the feeemales aren’t doing for them, instead of focusing on what they could do, because the grass is always greener on the other side of the chattel pasture.

Imaginary Petal | May 13, 2016 at 7:58 am
Random question but why the fuck is Paul Elam still in charge of the AVfM twitter account if he’s no longer with AVfM?

Because Judgy got kicked off of twitter?

Because everyone else who can work twitter at AVfM has either left due to a disagreement or was canned after being backstabbed?

The world may never know.