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Gals! Drive away creepy dudes with dirty socks, condoms, and the Pixie Cut of Doom

Hideous lady monster, totally Would Not Bang
Hideous lady monster, totally Would Not Bang

Famously lady hating garbage site Return of Kings has published another one of their helpful posts outlining simple ways that women can drive away the sort of guy who takes dating advice from, well, Return of Kings.

In the post, titled “30 Signs That An Eastern European Girl Isn’t Relationship Material,” regular RoK contributor Jean-Batave Poqueliche provides a handy guide to all sorts of things that RoK Red Pillers see as red flags.

I’ve adapted some of my favorites into my own list of 8 Ways Eastern European Women Can Send Roosh Fanboys Running for the Door. Happily, many of these suggestions should also work for non-Eastern European women as well.

Throw your clothes (and possibly your birth control) on the floor

Poqueliche warns his readers to avoid women who are messy.

If you go to hers and … you discover that she has clothes on the floor and everything is out of place, beware. She is careless and has probably the same behavior towards sex and protection.

Let’s just set aside the irony of seeing this statement on a site run by Roosh V, who, by his own admission, had unprotected sex with multiple women over the course of several years even though he thought there was a good chance he had HIV.

The good news here is that women can scare off a Roosh fanboy by simply throwing some dirty socks on the floor.

Buy a few condoms

Apparently Roosh and his fanboys are more terrified by women who are so loose that they own their own condoms than they are of having sex with a woman they barely know without condoms.

Have friends from other countries

This, according to Poqueliche, is a sign that a women “likes foreign culture, ergo she is partial to a foreign knob that is not designed to be static.”

Wait, penises can generate static electricity? I should have probably read the manual a little more carefully.

Tell your date you prefer poetry to firearms

Poqueliche warns men not to date any woman who’s

repulsed by the idea of violence, manliness, or weapons.

She does not understand that a man could fight for his family, enjoy masculine hobbies or knows how to shoot. She wants a progressive man that reads poetry and is not ashamed to cry.

Do bawdy limericks count?

Learn enough about pickup artistry to know when some dude is trying it on you

Poqueliche tells men to shun any woman who

calls you out for escalating, not by playfully delaying it but putting it in words in the “I know what you are doing” way.

Alternately, you could simply work “player” or “pickup artist” or “you’re one of those creepy jackasses who reads Roosh, aren’t you” into your conversation, as that is also a sign to them that YOU KNOW.

Show your bellybutton

As Poqueliche sees it, this is a big slutty tell, and “generally the mark of an especially childish and irresponsible girl.”

Weirdly, RoK’s graphics-master chose to illustrate Poqueliche’s discussion of this important topic with a picture of a woman baring her belly in such a way that … her bellybutton is not actually visible.

Which raises the question: Do RoK readers actually know what a bellybutton is? Is it possible that Roosh and his readership come from some far-away planet where they reproduce by, I dunno, laying eggs, or cell division, or publishing crappy eBooks?

Be older than 25

RoK readers regularly express deep disdain towards women who make it past the quarter-century mark without snagging a man, declaring them unfit for serious relationships. So you’ve got that going for you.

Unfortunately Roosh and his fanboys are still totally willing to “bang” spinsters in their late 20s and up. Sorry old gals! While they don’t want to marry you, Roosh’s fanboys will still pester you for sex, especially since, as Poqueliche sees it, you decrepit old hags are basically easy pickings with

usually a higher notch count and some kind of a despair for a cock that comes with a prospect of relationship.

Henri here feels a similar despair, though in his case he hungers not for sex but for tuna fish

Oh, wait, is that a can opening?
Oh, wait, is that a can opening?

Cut your hair short

If you’re unable to ward off Roosh’s fanboys using any of the tips above, you can always CUT YOUR HAIR, something so terrifying for Poqueliche that it conjures up images of French villagers shaving the heads of women suspected of being Nazi collaborators in the aftermath of D-day.

No, really. You can practically hear him shudder as he asks

Why would a man want to have sex with something that looks like an underfed woman that got sheared just after the locals found out she slept with the occupying army?

Short hair: apparently the most effective form of creep-repellent after pepper spray.

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kupo
kupo
8 years ago

Compassion from women is as useless as women themselves.

He said, from a computer that wouldn’t be programmed without a woman having invented computer programming.

Zatar
Zatar
8 years ago

Note that before he was pretending that his motive was how little sympathy he’d gotten from the women in his life. As of today he’s suddenly decided that Women’s compassion is “useless.”

Funny that.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
8 years ago

@kupo

… And using an Internet that wouldn’t exist without a second woman having invented wi-fi.

dlouwe
dlouwe
8 years ago

So, not only did he fail to stick the flounce, but he stewed for two days before running back here to “Rebut” us (if that languid slug of a one-liner can even be called a rebuttal).

Men Going Directly To The Nearest Feminist Blog.

Men Going Their Own Way Until They Think Of A Better Way To Get The Attention Of Women

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
8 years ago

@Jake,

Your motivations are something of a mess,
I don’t think that they’re very clear.
you think women are evil ’cause your mom was mean,
and she gave you far less love than fear.
So women are evil, compassion’s a joke,
and sympathy should not be held dear?
It’s that which you wanted, that which you lacked,
and that which you seemed to revere.

It’s not that love’s worthless, you’ve just given up;
it’s better to lie to yourself
and say women are evil, and selfishness good;
it’s better to preserve your health.

But you know that that’s wrong, you know it’s a lie
that you tell to keep from feeling bad
and one day it’s all going to come crashing down
and you’ll wish that you’d not been so mad
with compassion, and sympathy. Fear and abuse
will hunt you ’till you face your hate
and the love and the sympathy, that which you’ve lacked,
will remind you that you chose your fate.

kupo
kupo
8 years ago

@SFHC
Not to mention that we’d never have such complex programs without compilers.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
8 years ago

Women should care more about me!
Stop caring about me!
The police keeps killing black people!
Stop complaining about the police killing black people!

Dude, if you’re gonna make things up you need to aim for internal consistency. You’re making it way too easy for us.

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

Jake is just giving me more and more reasons to continue my policy of finding bigotry completely unacceptable whether it’s coming from someone with a sob story or not. Why let ourselves be manipulated by some asshole who says things like “women are useless?”

pitshade
pitshade
8 years ago

How long before Jake returns to spin the sad yarn of how he hates rhyming verse ever since the poetry club called him rude names?

Argle Bargle (formerly Carr)
Argle Bargle (formerly Carr)
8 years ago

Compassion from women is as useless as women themselves.

You know what, Jake? If you want to blame all women for what happened to you (if it happened at all, because I’m starting to doubt a lot of things that you claimed) and treat women badly, you can’t complain that people call you out on your a-hole behavior.

Robert
Robert
8 years ago

I am beginning to suspect that ‘Jake’ showed up because Encyclopedia Dramatica had our gracious host as Page of the Day recently. He’s trying to count coup on the scary feminists so he can go back to the treehouse and boast to the other truculent manchildren.

jake
jake
8 years ago

That poem meant nothing to me and you can call me whatever you want, i’ll just use it to fuel my fire. Be careful it might get out of control, who knows what will happen then.

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

i’ll just use it to fuel my fire. Be careful it might get out of control, who knows what will happen then.

Meh. You’re no mother of dragons. Not scared.

Jake Hamby
Jake Hamby
8 years ago

(I’m not the other Jake, obviously)

He said, from a computer that wouldn’t be programmed without a woman having invented computer programming.

Well, if Ada Lovelace hadn’t launched the field of computability, somebody else would have (maybe 50 or 100 years later). We acknowledge her because she was the first person to clearly express what computers could and couldn’t be programmed to do. Also, Lovelace’s story is tragic because she died at age 36, and because Charles Babbage was never able to actually build the mechanical computer he designed that inspired Lovelace’s writing on the subject.

I’m not trying to diss Ada Lovelace, but to put her contribution in perspective. It’s simply not true to say that we wouldn’t have computer programming without her. Lovelace was the first person to articulate what computer programming is, and deserves to be recognized for her insights, but she wasn’t able to develop her potential because real computers hadn’t been built yet.

Not to mention that we’d never have such complex programs without compilers.

Yes! For those who don’t know who this is referring to, Grace Hopper invented the first high-level language compiler, was one of the designers of COBOL (which contained many new features that were later copied by other languages, even if COBOL itself is considered “uncool” today), and made major contributions to programming language design and software development during her career in the US Navy. Hopper retired as a Rear Admiral, while overcoming the many sexist stereotypes and obstacles in her path.

Hopper’s story deserves to be at least as well-known as Lovelace’s. She was a pioneering software engineer at the very beginning of the digital computer era who advanced the state of the art substantially through a combination of intellect and sheer force of will. An inspiration to software engineers everywhere (especially those of us interested in compilers and programming languages).

jake
jake
8 years ago

Could be the fire of a gun.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

jake | May 17, 2016 at 12:05 am
That poem meant nothing to me and you can call me whatever you want, i’ll just use it to fuel my fire. Be careful it might get out of control, who knows what will happen then.

Oooh, typical manbaby threats. “Don’t be mean to me, or else!”

Or else what? You’ll beat a woman? You’ll kill a woman? You’ll cause a woman harm? Or will you just sit here and try to bluster to us some more?

Because some women were mean to you in your life and said not-nice things about you? This is why you do this?

You have so much emotional growing-up to do. Your threats are absolutely toothless.

EDIT: And if you do go through with it, you’d better pray that you don’t try it on a woman who knows how to fight. Good luck figuring out which ones of us do.

EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago

Hi Jake, I asked you a question and you seem to either not have read it or not have felt like responding. Let me try again.

I get that you’re a misogynist. I also get that, contrary to your claim about not feeling emotions, you’re threatening people with anger and possibly violence.

Dude, are you okay? Do you have someone you can talk to, as one man to another, without needing to hide behind a tough-guy persona? If you don’t have such a person, I can be available.

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

People who have to make death threats on the internet to feel good about themselves are pretty fucking pathetic.

katz
8 years ago

Interesting Jake: I’m always in favor of injecting a little nuance into conversations about history. I think we say a lot of “we wouldn’t have programming without Lovelace” because so many dudes show up here going “you women wouldn’t have bonbons and scented candles if it weren’t for men!”

EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago

Am I alone in thinking that at least part of the reason why Countess Lovelace is fêted more than Hopper, is that Lovelace was young and pretty when she did her work?

That’s not to say that she wasn’t a remarkable engineer and mathematician, of course. She richly deserves to be lauded for her accomplishments. But I have the sneaking suspicion that those accomplishments are only looked at because she passed the first barrier, which was being pretty.

JennyWren
JennyWren
8 years ago

I think it’s also because she’s earlier. When you’re bringing up examples of female noteworthies to prove a point, it sometimes feels a bit… too easy to do people from the 20th century, y’know?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

@ EJ & Jenny

I think it’s probably also because most people have at least a vague idea of what a computer programme is, but compiler is something a bit geeky and specialist.

As I’m on a Philomena Cunk roll here’s what she had to say on the subject.

comment image

Kat
Kat
8 years ago

@Jake

MGTOW means what ever we want it to mean.

So you’ve defined men going their own way to mean “men trolling feminists.”

So how is MGTOW differentiated from, say, the Men’s Rights Movement or the Pick-Up Artists community? Or neo-Nazis? Or just your everyday, garden-variety, woman-hating batterer (no group required)?

Also, has no one ever told you that words mean things?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

Completely off topic but just to say Happy Norway Day!!!! to all our Norse friends (who are probably already too hammered with that weird aquavit drink to even notice)

http://pre02.deviantart.net/1c20/th/pre/i/2006/106/2/6/norwegian_nature_by_catocalafraxini.jpg

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