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#gamergate antifeminism catcalling empathy deficit entitled babies evil sexy ladies evil ugly women imaginary oppression misogyny

Men oppressed by feminists telling them that maybe they shouldn’t constantly ogle women

If feminists get their way, this will be illegal!
If feminists get their way, this will be illegal!

Fellas! I don’t know if you know this, but we’re living in an, um, let me be sure I have this right, a “totalitarian regime dictatorship of forcing social justice and politically correctness.”

That might seem a little bit farfetched, at least to you blue pill people. But I read about this dire new development in the Kotaku In Action subreddit — where Reddit’s GamerGaters mostly hang out — so it must be true.

How the totalitarian regime dictatorship of forcing social justice and politically correctness is all about forcing guilt onto us in every situation

 

The post linked to INCONTROVERTIBLE PROOF of this terrible SJW totalitarian regime dictatorship: a picture of some dude holding up a parody of a “I need feminism because … ” sign designed to show just what mean, mean meanies those feminists really are.

Totalitarianism in action
Totalitarianism in action

I’m pretty sure that every red-blooded heterosexual man knows just what he’s getting at here!

I mean, if some hot babe walks by me, and I, as a thoughtful and considerate man, offer her a nice compliment on her appearance by, say, yelling out “hey, titty girl, show me your titties” while making kissy sounds with my mouth, the feminists are all like, “why the hell did you do that, what’s wrong with you, you living piece of crap.”

You see how they get you with the guilt?

BUT, ok, so some other babe walks by, and maybe she’s not really my type, and I think to myself, well, I’m not going to make the mistake of complimenting her on her titties and get yelled at, especially since her titties are nothing to write home about.

But, you know, I don’t want to be rude and simply ignore her, so I yell out “woah, what’s wrong with your saggy-ass titties, you should get a doctor to look at those cuz I sure don’t want to!”

And so maybe I’ve just saved her life from the breast cancer. But do I get any thanks for it? No.

HEY SJW’S GEORGE ORWELL WOULD BE PROUD OF YOU.

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Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

“It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his manhood depends on him not understanding it.” (apologies to Upton Sinclair)

I’m constantly amazed at the way these twits fight tooth and nail for the “right” to remain entitled assholes. Whenever they’re faced with a choice between slightly modifying their behavior to be more adultlike, or deciding that they live under an oppressive jackbooted regime, they’ll pick the Godwin option every time.

The point at which attraction crosses the line to objectification depends on several things: you don’t have a relationship with the person, you don’t care about the other person’s feelings, and the other person isn’t able to freely voice their opinion on the matter. Objectification is a performance meant to give off signals of dominance and ownership. It’s often based on attraction, but it doesn’t always have to be.

Catcalling, porn, numerical ratings, legislation regulating women’s bodies and medical options: objectification.

Referring to women as broken or defective because they don’t operate like sex vending machines: objectification.

Referring to women as used up and worthless because they’re too old or have had too much sex (whatever that means): objectification.

Using violent terms to describe women and sex acts (bombshell, knockout, gash, bang, slam, smash, “I’d hit that”): objectification.

Referring to women as “the” + noun or body part, as in “the blonde”, “the C cup”, “the view”, “the HB8”: objectification.

Treating her personality like an annoying obstacle that stands in the way of getting access to her vagina: objectification.

Depicting women in advertisements, books, TV shows, movies, and video games as prizes to be won by the male protagonist: objectification.

Treating women as if their best self is their sexual self: objectification.

Quietly thinking to yourself “That woman has nice XXX”: attraction. Keyword: QUIETLY. The minute you voice that thought aloud within the person’s hearing, you are probably making them uncomfortable, taking advantage of the fact that culturally, women are discouraged from pushing back on unwanted compliments, and prioritizing your own feelings over theirs. Even if a woman is at a bar specifically to meet men, she probably does not want to be told she has nice XXX until you’ve established some kind of rapport with her.

It’s not that hard to tell the difference, but like consent, these guys are willfully obtuse about it, because to admit otherwise would be to allow that women are humans, not things. Can’t have that.

Skiriki
Skiriki
5 years ago
Eitan rosen
Eitan rosen
5 years ago

I am attracted to women yet I don’t feel sympathy for these guys.

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
5 years ago

Puns!

http://i.imgur.com/totXtIj.jpg

(I love these adorable blue-footed goofballs somethin fierce. It’s a shame that no one can talk about them, since it dissolves into prepubescent giggles almost immediately D: )

katz
5 years ago

The topic was a magazine article about sexy scientists that Bernadette was going to be in. Amy objected it, pointing out that such a story would not be written about male scientists. Bernadette’s response was something along the lines of “no one wants to see that!”

Uh huh.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo | May 12, 2016 at 7:37 am
It really is a good test to differentiate attraction to versus objectification of women to gender flip. If you see a photo of a woman on all fours in short shorts and a cropped top with her back arched, butt in the air and her mouth opened, that would be pretty humorous if it was a man. Not sexy.

We have a good litmus test for this over in the comic book community called The Hawkeye Initiative.

See a woman in an oddly sexuaized pose? Draw, imagine, or even pose as Hawkeye in it.

Of course, this has expanded to other superheroes as well. I like to drop the question of “Would you be okay with Superman in that costume?” whenever I see dudes try to defend the ridiculousness of skimpy costumes. (C’mon guys, he gets his powers from the sun! That means he shouldn’t be wearing clothing that covers him from the neck down!)

And of course, my favorite one features Spiderman and Deadpool.

@Katz: Thank you for bringing up Carlos.

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
5 years ago

WARNING: Big Words Ahead. MRAs are recommended to prepare a dictionary and thesaurus.

I love how these guys completely forget that there are people out there who are attracted to women and manage to find some of them attractive (and some of them not so attractive) WITHOUT getting villified by these evil evil feminists! (Blackrising, 2016)

Why act like a douche and then pretend you’re the victim if someone tells you off? Ugh. (Blackrising, 2016)

I’m constantly amazed at the way these twits fight tooth and nail for the “right” to remain entitled assholes. Whenever they’re faced with a choice between slightly modifying their behavior to be more adultlike, or deciding that they live under an oppressive jackbooted regime, they’ll pick the Godwin option every time. (Buttercup Q. Skullpants, 2016)

Objectification is a performance meant to give off signals of dominance and ownership. (Buttercup Q. Skullpants, 2016)

I think that my esteemed colleagues B. Rising and B.Q.S. Pants are very close to the core problem that MRA’s face in acknowledging reality. I’d suggest that:

1) They don’t actually think that there are any men who are able to be attracted to women without objectifying them. Our more recent troll, Glenn, made this very clear in his disgorgements in the penultimate Sargon thread. He said that every man needs sex, and any man who said he did not was lying. He simply could not accept the thought that there were men who did not think like him.

2) They don’t think that their entitlements are entitlements; instead they believe that they are only behaving naturally and properly, and it is the interlocutor who is being unreasonably intrusive. This is why they so quickly reverse the accusation of being entitled. They can’t believe that they might be behaving improperly, so they interpret the intrusion as entitlement. Not projection, but an incomplete perspective which does not properly examine their own actions.

(On projection – I think that accusation is often used inappropriately, here and elsewhere, by both sides of an argument; I do wish people would stop going to it so quickly. It is a thing, but I don’t think I’ve ever really seen it used properly in discussion. At least not to my failing memory!)

It all breaks down to an inability to examine the self, I think. They can’t admit their faults to themselves. Or, perhaps more likely, they’ve got an inkling of their flaws but examining them is too painful to continue doing so. It makes them miserable and angry; that anger keeps them from continuing their self-examination to the point where they might actually realize what’s going on.

Anyways, sorry for ramble. Just thought those were really good points made by my esteemed colleagues.

Axecalibur
Axecalibur
5 years ago

@katz
Exactly! Like how does anyone, let alone the ‘need show’, think that nobody would wanna see the real versions of these 2

http://s3.foreveryoungadult.com.s3.amazonaws.com/_uploads/images/30959/sciencebros__span.png

dlouwe
dlouwe
5 years ago

Do any of you have advice on how to indicate interest in someone without commenting on their looks? And I don’t mean that in a “How am I ever supposed to indicate interest without commenting on appearance???” kind of way but more of a “I’m clueless about conveying interest in general, and I already know comments about appearance are out, so any input is helpful” thing. Nonverbal cues are largely lost on me, so does it boil down to just speaking plainly about my intentions? Or is there a middle ground between that and hoping they’ll notice me batting my eyelashes and making moon-eyes at them?

mrex
mrex
5 years ago

““I’m clueless about conveying interest in general, and I already know comments about appearance are out, so any input is helpful” thing.”

This is one of those sitations where commenting on appearence *may* be fine provided you *already* have a good friendly and flirty rapport and provided it’s not an inappropiate place to be flirting. And you make the comment vague enough that it doesn’t feel aggressive.

If you don’t want to risk it, just saying something like “hey, want to grab a coffee at [coffeeshop] alone sometime?” has worked on me in the past. 🙂

katz
5 years ago

Exactly! Like how does anyone, let alone the ‘need show’, think that nobody would wanna see the real versions of these 2

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

@Scildfreja

That’s doubly awesome because it’s a white man ‘splaining at women of color. Who is the lady in the middle? I don’t recognize her, but she makes her eyebrows very eloquent.

dlouwe
dlouwe
5 years ago

This is one of those sitations where commenting on appearence *may* be fine provided you *already* have a good friendly and flirty rapport and provided it’s not an inappropiate place to be flirting. And you make the comment vague enough that it doesn’t feel aggressive.

Right, that’s a good point. I’m aware that there’s certain times where comments on appearance are suitable, but that probably depends a lot on context and is difficult to give broad advice for.

If you don’t want to risk it, just saying something like “hey, want to grab a coffee at alone sometime?” has worked for me in the past.

My partner has related to me that when we first started seeing each other, even after we had been at the point of “netflix and chill” she still wasn’t sure that I was interested in her until she explicitly asked me about it, so I’m not always confident that going on a coffee date is going to do the trick. Apparently I’m really good at being aloof.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

@dlouwe

What’s wrong with using words? “Would you like to go out on a date sometime?” If this receives a positive response, follow up with specific suggestions as to time/location to test for true (rather than polite only) interest. If you make 2 or 3 suggestions and magically none of them work for the other party, and the other party does not make any suggestions of their own, the “interest” was probably the polite version only and the answer is actually a soft no.

Don’t come out with this out of nowhere, though – start with non-date-related conversation or friendship – and be mindful of cues that tell you that the person you want to date isn’t open to being approached at all. Don’t be Glenn, in other words. People who want to be/wouldn’t mind being approached affect an open posture, they look people in the face, and they might even speak to you first. They aren’t looking down, looking at everything other than you, or look like they are on a mission or on their way to somewhere else or engrossed in some task or errand. If in doubt, just keep yourself to yourself and that will never be the wrong answer.

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

@dlouwe
I would agree inviting the person to coffee alone (or tea or anything easy to quickly leave if things go poorly, so they feel safer) is a good option. The key is alone; I missed signals from a guy because he invited me to go to a bar with a group of coworkers and because I’m bad at reading signals. We cleared it up later, though, when he straight up asked me directly.

Moocow
5 years ago

@dlouwe

It really depends on a lot of things. What someone might consider flattering another would consider uncomfortable.

Generally, compliment on things we can control (since you’re complimenting their choice of style rather than their body parts) but even then you have to watch out for social cues. For example, if someone is dressed in a way that says “please don’t notice me”, they they probably won’t enjoy being told that their attire is pretty.

If you wanna communicate interest. Compliments on hobbies or personality traits are a lot better than compliments on physical appearance early on.

Once you know the person enough, it’s far more likely to be ok to compliment them on their looks.

katz
5 years ago

It really depends on a lot of things. What someone might consider flattering another would consider uncomfortable.

Generally, compliment on things we can control (since you’re complimenting their choice of style rather than their body parts) but even then you have to watch out for social cues. For example, if someone is dressed in a way that says “please don’t notice me”, they they probably won’t enjoy being told that their attire is pretty.

One slam dunk: If they’re wearing a fandom thing, you pretty much can’t go wrong with “OMG, I love that show/movie/game/book!”

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

Scildfreja | May 12, 2016 at 12:26 pm
Doodlogic in action:

Y’all need to see the video of this, because it gets better with the tone and the way dudebro gets shut down.

mrex
mrex
5 years ago

“My partner has related to me that when we first started seeing each other, even after we had been at the point of “netflix and chill” she still wasn’t sure that I was interested in her until she explicitly asked me about it, so I’m not always confident that going on a coffee date is going to do the trick. Apparently I’m really good at being aloof.”

Lol, be less aloof? ;p

Is this scientific curiosity or are you and your partner open/poly/whatever? Because if it’s the latter then isn’t there the option of letting your partner do all the hard work? ;p

Yeah a coffee date can be vague, but I do think that most people would get the idea once you *specifically* asked to go alone. Other than that I’ve always been “asked out” by being kissed. Which is a hella risky move.

pitshade
pitshade
5 years ago

One slam dunk: If they’re wearing a fandom thing, you pretty much can’t go wrong with “OMG, I love that show/movie/game/book!”

http://aceofgeeks.net/wp/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Dark-Vader.jpg

Moocow
5 years ago

@katz

Oooh yes!

In fact, not just for hobbies, but unique articles of clothing usually lead to interesting stories. The only way that can go wrong is if you’re complimenting say… a pendant hanging between someone’s breasts, because it’s pretty obvious as to what’s really being complimented.

Such as Basil Fawlty in this episode of Fawlty Towers:

(Skip to 15:55 in the video to see what I’m talking about)

dlouwe
dlouwe
5 years ago

@PoM

Nothing wrong with using words at all, I’m just bad at figuring out what words are appropriate at what times. Your advice is particularly helpful, thank you!

@kupo, et al.

Could inviting someone to group things be useful as a low-pressure way to build up rapport and/or gauge interest before dropping the “Hey wanna date?” Or is it better to be clear about intent earlier on?

@mrex

Lol, be less aloof? ;p

I’d love to! Though first I gotta figure out how. ;p

Is this scientific curiosity or are you and your partner open/poly whatever? Because if it’s the latter then isn’t there the option of letting your partner do all the hard work? ;p

Yeah, we’re non-monogamous. And by “hard work” do you mean getting me dates? If so, definitely not! I gotta be responsible for my own social life.

Also thanks everyone for your replies! I know that a lot of this stuff is just kinda trial and error and figuring it out through experience, but I can get really anxious about navigating less-than-familiar social interactions, and hearing various viewpoints helps with that.

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

Could inviting someone to group things be useful as a low-pressure way to build up rapport and/or gauge interest before dropping the “Hey wanna date?” Or is it better to be clear about intent earlier on?

Absolutely. Plus it gives you a chance to ask them about their interests so you will be able to prepare a mental list of talking points when on the actual date.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

Seconding the group activity idea. That’s a good way to get to know someone and build up a shared history, so you automatically have something to talk about on your first date.

The problem with manosphere dudes is that, because they’re only interested in women for sex, it’s literally the only thing they know how to compliment women on. They don’t care about hobbies, jobs, school, travel, life backstory, or our take on current events. I’m sure even the act of telling a woman she’s hot or beautiful makes them grit their teeth. Most of them would probably be happier if they didn’t actually have to talk to women, and could just point at them instead, like a kid at a candy counter.

That’s why they get so explosively angry when someone proposes to remove the only tool they have for approaching women. “How else are we supposed to get laid?!?” Which is a less blunt way of saying “If I’m not allowed to appraise her body, then I have absolutely nothing else to say to her.” (But I’m such a Nice Guy!)

The corollary: because women exist entirely to please them, they also think women universally love being told they’re pretty, and there’s something wrong with women who don’t get warm fuzzies when total strangers assess their bangability.

Axecalibur
Axecalibur
5 years ago

@katz

They was like
http://nerdreactor.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/science-bros-meme-600×338.jpg
And then, I was like
comment image
comment image
<3<3<3<3<3

RobinG
RobinG
5 years ago

@dlouwe

With compliments, perhaps it might help to think of complimenting as quite similar to touching?

For example, a stranger complimenting my breasts feels really icky. It’s not as bad as if they touched them without invitation, but my mental response of feeling like my privacy and bodily autonomy has been invaded is similar. (Street harassers know this, of course.)

Whereas hair, clothes, jewelry are things that many of us routinely let friends/strangers touch in a non-sexual way without feeling too invaded, as long as some level of comfortable connection has been established. Of course different kinds of compliments have different levels of privacy invasion, just like different kinds of touching. Saying “your hair color is the bomb”, is similar to a friendly high-five, but “your hair looks so silky soft”, very vividly evokes the idea of stroking it.

In that way, it can also be used positively as flirting and foreplay. Complimenting a body part can be a nice way to indicate that you are thinking about touching it, and as a way to gauge the response. (If you already have at least some expectation that the person is interested, don’t move too fast, and are willing to back off immediately if the response is not positive.)

So perhaps that can be used as a rule of thumb? Would you like to compliment some part of someone’s body? Are you close enough that they would feel comfortable with you touching that body part physically? If not, are you okay with evoking that idea?

dlouwe
dlouwe
5 years ago

@RobinG

I also have some trouble discerning peoples’ comfort level with physical contact (so I tend to err on the side of caution and keep my hands to myself), but regardless this perspective is helpful, and is something I will definitely keep in mind, thanks!

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

@dlowe

A group activity is absolutely acceptable. However, if you want to date, don’t spend large amounts of time with a person before you spring the “Would you like to go out on a date sometime?” question. A couple of group activities in, you need to ask and make it clear that you would be interested in dating. Otherwise the person you’re asking might get into a comfortable “we’re friends” groove with you, and then suddenly out of apparently nowhere you want to change the relationship.

Sometimes friendships grow into romances, but don’t try to replicate that organic growth artificially. That’s Nice Guy™ territory, and it almost never works. If you want to date, ask the person out on a date as soon as you’re comfortable doing it (and sooner rather than later).

Also, use the word “date.” If you’re asking someone out for coffee, call it a “coffee date.” If you’re asking them out to dinner, call it a “dinner date.” If you want to go to a movie, call it a “movie date.” If you’re afraid of making the person feel uncomfortable (or you are afraid of feeling uncomfortable), don’t turn ambiguous or omit the word “date.” Instead, specify, “I just want to get to know you better” and avoid all mention of alcohol.

Good luck!

katz
5 years ago

Y’all need to see the video of this, because it gets better with the tone and the way dudebro gets shut down.

Man, that lady has the best unimpressed face I’ve ever seen.

chosen_name
chosen_name
5 years ago

Wow Nick, way to misunderstand someone’s post. Bryce, I totally got what you were getting at and I’m really not sure how it could have been misinterpreted.

Bryce
Bryce
5 years ago

@dlouwe

IMO there’s no need for it. The interest is implied in wanting to talk and see them again. You don’t need to make it clear by letting them know you find them attractive; it’s likely they’ve already gathered that.

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

It was quite a time reliving that CNN segment on cat calling. It raised my blood pressure, just like last time. I love how his solution to cat calling is carrying a gun. What!? That’s a better solution than simply just saying “okay, women say they don’t like to be cat called, maybe we shouldn’t do it.” And what would men say if women actually pulled a gun on every guy who cat called them? The cries of “misandry!” would reach all the way to the Andromeda galaxy.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
5 years ago

Thanks for the advice, everyone. 🙂

Nequam
Nequam
5 years ago

@Paradox: The closest I’ve seen to a skimpy Superman outfit was this charming piece by Jon Morris, who was imagining him in a sort of Jack Kirby “New Gods” style, as a solar hero:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QPta83an1JI/ULf4qirzwsI/AAAAAAAAuW8/Kzq1zYtuvVE/s1600/Reign452.jpg

Jon’s had a lot of fun reimagining superheroes over the years, and these two especially crack me up:

http://www.tencentticker.com/projectrooftop/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/tumblr_mo60tqSl4s1s4tnaho1_1280.jpg

http://www.tencentticker.com/projectrooftop/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/tumblr_mmqu3dnh3M1s4tnaho1_1280.jpg

Bryce
Bryce
5 years ago

@policy of madness

I get that this is what Nice Guys are about – faking friendship in order to hit on women from the proximity of a “friend”, but it’s not always the reason for hesitating. Sometimes it seems better to get to know them a bit better, so it’s from position of knowledge of who they are, rather than superficial attraction. Or we simply lack gumption, and would rather get more comfortable around the person in the hope of getting up enough courage to ask them out at some future point.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

@Bryce

Let’s say we’ve been casual friends for 2 years, hanging out with the same group, and you ask me out on a date. I accept. We go out. You know what will be the almost first thing I’m going to say once we get to wherever?

“So what made you decide to ask me out after all this time?”

Be prepared for that question and have a good, non-creepy answer for it.

dlouwe
dlouwe
5 years ago

@PoM

Again, thank you so much! Your posts on this subject have been very illuminating to me. Particularly the bit about not trying to suddenly trying to switch from friendship to dating; I’m not particularly concerned about finding myself in a “comfortable friend” role – anyone I’d want to date I’d be happy to friend as well – but I think the point of “unexpectedly trying to switch tracks can cause friction” is a good one and can be applied to a lot of different situations.

Zero
Zero
5 years ago

One thing I never understood was; why do men catcall or comment about the looks of a woman at all? I mean if they find someone attractive cool, I do find some people attractive too but don’t feel the need to comment on them based by my personal opinion esp. not if I just met someone. Do they really think they get something out of it? That a woman will turn around and say; “what you think my tits are great, thanks you can touch em if you like!”
Like that will ever happen…

And another thing I do make videos and the first time I actually showed my face I was so worried because people are even more rude here on the internet than out on the street. I just noticed that men, even if they look like they just came out of bed, rarely get those comments but a woman always get’s comments from people about her looks. And in most cases people who write them are male. I’m not saying it’s always like that just my observation. I was just happy that I rarely get them myself maybe because I have 80% female viewer? But the times I get them, (either rude or creepy “compliments”) they are written by guys.

RobinG
RobinG
5 years ago

@Zero

“Do they really think they get something out of it? That a woman will turn around and say; “what you think my tits are great, thanks you can touch em if you like!”
Like that will ever happen…”

They know that. They know that women don’t like it. That is exactly what they get out of it: making women feel unsafe and uncomfortable.

If you ever doubt that, see what happens when women react negatively to harassment. They’re not surprised. They don’t say “Oh my god, I am so sorry. I made you uncomfortable. I’m so embarrassed.” They just ramp it up.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

@Zero

One thing I never understood was; why do men catcall or comment about the looks of a woman at all?

It’s a power trip. He feels that she — by being both attractive and out of reach — has an unfair advantage over him. So to tip the scales in his favor, he tries to embarrass/annoy/frighten her. Bonus: He gets her attention.

dlouwe
dlouwe
5 years ago

It’s a lot like macho posturing among men; talking about fighting, and threats of violence, but rarely do they actually want to get into a fight. It’s about demonstrating power (real or perceived). Catcalling is a similar sort of posturing, but modified so that it’s “acceptable” to direct at women.

Binjabreel
Binjabreel
5 years ago

Lol oh my god it’s so goddamned telling that the guy in that CNN video tries to say “well I’m a guy so I have insight into what these guys are doing, you can’t know what they’re thinking like I can’t know what you’re thinking” then proceeds to tell the women what *they’re* actually thinking instead.

Like, how can someone put those ideas in that order and not just die of shame?

Catalpa
Catalpa
5 years ago

There are two sort-of exceptions to the “don’t compliment people’s body parts, it’s creepy”, I’ve found, at least culturally speaking. (Not to say that these things are ALWAYS appropriate, or even appropriate most of the time, but there’s more situations that I, personally, can think of where the application might be more flattering than creepy.) There’s hair, which can be appropriate sometimes because people put work into their hair, same as the rest of their style. And then there’s eyes. Complimenting someone’s eyes is generally a very clear indication of romantic interest, yeah, but it usually doesn’t hit on the same level of creepiness as other body parts, at least to my mind, and I’m not exactly sure why? I mean, people can no more control their eye colour than they can the size of their breasts (well, you sort of can, but you need technological intervention), but hearing that one has beautiful eyes is almost always completely different in tone than hearing about one’s alledgedly gorgeous breasts.

Possibly it’s because of what people sexualize in our culture? Or because of the social connection formed by eye contact? Or maybe it has to do with the fact that the eyes aren’t a part of the body that would be touched by someone else, and thus there isn’t the unsaid “and I would like to grope them” addition to the statement?

Not sure, but I have found that a bit weird.

RobinG
RobinG
5 years ago

@Catalpa

That is true. Although it has been way over-used and now it mostly sounds like a cheap line to compliment someone’s eyes. I connect it to people who are trying too hard to not sound shallow.

(I have heard eye compliments that sounded sincere, but I don’t recommend it for early dating.)

Argle Bargle (formerly Carr)
Argle Bargle (formerly Carr)
5 years ago

They know that. They know that women don’t like it. That is exactly what they get out of it: making women feel unsafe and uncomfortable.

I think that’s in some of the cases. Sure, there will be these asswipes who do something because they make others uncomfortable. But a lot of guys don’t get WHY women find it uncomfortable. In their eyes, they’re being nice. They’re making a compliment and how rude is it to not only reject his compliment, but get angry at him!

And I’ve seen this kind of mentality in several people lately. They try and do something ”nice”. Now, that thing they’re doing may not be very nice (said cat calling) or it may be nice, but unwanted. And they are upset when people don’t respond to their niceness as they wanted. It seems they don’t care all that much whether or not their actions actually do make somebody feel better, they just care about what they think is nice. Kind of like they’re the main character in a story and everyone exists to make them to most awesome person ever. It’s not about making other people feel better, it’s about making other people think you’re Super Nice Guy.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ catapalta

Complimenting someone’s eyes is generally a very clear indication of romantic interest

I was in a Chinese restaurant when someone said I had beautiful eyes. I said “Waiter, I ordered aromatic duck”

(I’m in town all week, try the veal)

Saraphm
Saraphm
5 years ago

@Catalpa

Just an n of one, but I get complimented on my eyes quite frequently and here’s my take on it:

Generally, when people I don’t know and especially men make comments about how beautiful my eyes are, I feel uncomfortable. The comments feel inappropriately intimate to me, and I am unsure how to respond (I had no involvement in the color or shape of my eyes.) It’s even weirder when there are follow-up questions about my parent’s eyes, or whether I hear that a lot.

katz
5 years ago

Complimenting my eyes if we weren’t already dating would make me think you were staring at me way too closely.

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
5 years ago

I have been complimented on my eyes once! Came entirely out of left field from a particularly introverted friend of mine (She and I are rather similar to be honest). Didn’t know what to think about it for quite some time, but I eventually figured out that she saw how depressed I looked and was trying to cheer me up. It worked, but was rather awkward, since we’re both sort of awkward people :s