So the question on the table for today is: Are asskicking women in action films an affront to “godly, awesome, beautiful, feminine women” and, well, now that you come to mention it, our heavenly Father too?
According to Christian cultural critic Nathan Alberson, the answer is “yes.”
That’s the short version of his answer, in any case. The long version is a rambling 3000-word diatribe that Alberson casts as “AN OPEN LETTER TO REY FROM STAR WARS.” Originally posted in March on Warhorn, a site I’ve never heard of before, his post is now being passed around by irritated feminists, many of whom aren’t quite sure whether his argument is real or an elaborate parody.
Having poked around Warhorn a bit, I’m pretty sure that Alberson is sincere. He genuinely thinks that characters like Rey in Star Wars are an affront not only to his own masculinity but to God, for whom Alberson seems to think he’s a spokesman.
Alberson starts out his “open letter” by addressing not only Rey but an assortment of other heroines in science fiction and fantasy films, including, among others,
Princess Leia. And Wonder Woman. And Sarah Connor and Trinity and Imperator Furiosa … and Katniss Everdeen and River Tam … And Feminist Elf-Kate from The Hobbit. … And the godmother of them all, Ellen Ripley.
The problem with these fictional women? They’re strong. And women in the real world are weak. Because God made them that way. So kickass women in action movies (and the women who play them) not only “look ridiculous,” they’re also
behaving … in ways that do not befit your sex or glorify God. … Your friends and family and fans may not laugh at you. But the angels do and history will.
I’ve seen this same argument made by antifeminists I don’t know how many times — though generally without all that stuff about God and the laughing angels. Women in the real world are, on average, weaker than men, all these guys say. So it’s unrealistic to think that any female heroine could beat up a man.
Here’s my open letter to Alberson:
Dear Mr. Alberson,
Have you ever actually seen an action movie?
Sincerely,
David
I mean, dude, seriously, you’re mad that Trinity from the Matrix can jump high and beat up dudes?
The Matrix movies are about a dystopian future in which humans “live” in a computer-generated virtual world while their bodies in the real world are used to generate electricity. And the part of the movie that seems the most unrealistic to you is that Trinity, while she’s in the video-game-like matrix, can jump high and beat up dudes?
You do remember that by the end of the movie Neo can slow down time, repel bullets with his mind, and, you know, FLY?
In the original Star Wars, Darth Vader strangles a dude with his mind, by using a mysterious force called, you know, The Force. But the unbelievable thing to you is that Princess Leia knows how to use a blaster?
It’s true that in the real world women can’t do all the amazing things that fictional women in science fiction and action films do. But, as I pointed out the last time I wrote about this goofy argument, neither can men.
Seriously, have you seen any movie with Jason Statham in it? Sure, Statham could kick my ass, and probably yours, in the real world. But he can’t actually do all the unbelievable things his characters do on film.
I mean, the first Crank movie, as unrealistic in its violence (and its physics) as a Roadrunner cartoon, ends with Statham’s character, Chev Chelios, dispatching his arch nemesis, then calmly calling his girlfriend and leaving her a message — all while plummeting to earth from a helicopter without a parachute. SPOILER ALERT: he lives.
No, really.
And here’s a sort of greatest hits compilation from all his films:
I eagerly await Alberson’s Open Letter to Chev From Crank.
And then he’ll need to write open letters to James Bond, Jason Bourne, Rambo and John McClane. And practically every character Arnold Schwarzenegger has ever played.
But of course, Alberson isn’t just worried that kickass women in action films are unrealistic. He also think they send the wrong messages to women — and to men.
[T]he cumulative effect of watching movie after movie wherein fine ladies … suddenly crunch the bones of a dozen bad guys at a time is that some silly people get the idea there’s no real difference between men and women’s bodies … .
Really? I don’t think that’s the message being sent by, oh, Tomb Raider.
Or any of the innumerable action films in which the heroine wears skin-tight, often fetishistic outfits that sexualize her in a way that most male action stars aren’t.
I mean, sure, Bruce Willis wore that cute orange tank top in The Fifth Element, but Milla Jovavich wore, you know, this:
Hell, in the Underworld movies, Kate Beckinsale wears a corset while fighting the werewolf menace.
But apparently all these women look pretty manly to Alberson.
Movies and TV were a big part of how I learned who women were. And they lied to me. They told me that women were glorified boys who tagged along on adventures, took care of themselves, and wouldn’t let you have sex with them until sometime late in act 2 when, for no particular reason, they would.
These are terrible things to learn about women.
These movies, he thinks, should have been teaching him that women were frail flowers who need to be protected by men like him.
What I need is something to fight for, someone to fight for, someone to protect. If you rob me of that, you rob me of my dignity as a man.
Because men are supposed to be the white knights who rescue women (mostly from men who aren’t white knights).
As men, we were born with bodies and minds crafted for war. We are the warriors, the peacekeepers, the protectors—the bloodshedders, when the time is right. Every man is a father, whether of his own children, or the people that work for him, or the folks he leads at church. As such, he must be ready to uphold what is virtuous and punish what is evil.
And so Alberson has decided that his white knight quest for the moment is to take on the “wicked men” who make action movies with kickass heroines. He feels he needs to stand up for “all the girls and women out there who want to be godly, awesome, beautiful, feminine women,” who “feel beaten up” every time they see a fictional heroine beat someone up.
If only, he laments, the fathers and/or husbands of the actresses who’ve played action heroines had “loved them enough to tell them they weren’t allowed to do what they did.”
Alberson is pretty big on the whole “men telling women what to do” thing, urging his male readers to
Protect your wives and mothers and daughters and sisters. Honor them. Make them feel special. … When you see them trying to be like the ladies in those movies, tell them no. Tell them that isn’t what you want.
Indeed, Alberson seems to think that women trying to be like kickass female action stars is one of the leading causes of divorce.
Men lie to themselves and women about the sort of women they want. Women are gullible and believe the lie and become the women they think men want. Then men reject them because men never wanted those sorts of women in the first place.
And men do reject them. Look at the divorce statistics, look at the TV shows and books and articles by women desperately wondering why it’s so hard to hold on to a man. That’s a bigger problem than the purview of this letter, but you fictional female warriors are part of it.
I’m pretty sure no man has ever divorced his wife because she reminded him too much of Milla Jovavich in The Fifth Element. Or Sigorney Weaver in Aliens. Or Charlize Theron in anything. Well, anything except Monster.
Alberson’s argument really needs to have a stake driven through its heart. Buffy, can you do the honors?
Jael hammers a tent stake through a motherfucker’s skull.
OT women are not frail.
This all sounds like a man scared of women going around and doing things outside of his comfort zone. Since his diety hasn’t struck any women with a lightning bolt dead the minute they choose to stray from this man’s vision, I can safely assume his God is okay with women making their own decisions, and he should respect that.
Also Ripley could kick his ass 9 times out of 10.
Oh my God! Women have agency, can handle themselves just fine in a crisis and just won’t you have sex with them any old time you demand it! How horrible!
going on a warhammer themed rant here after the mentions of space marines,
The warriors of Khorne inherently seek out the strongest enemies to do battle with. It’s their nature to seek an honorable and challenging fight whether they’re honorable champions or raving psychos. Sometimes they’re both.
Mr. christian warrior here is no warrior. If anything, he’s shying away from a challenge. I would say that his privilege has made him weak and cruel and instead of rising up and gaining spine when the going gets tough; his go to response is to beat down the women under him.
Because that’s the issue. he is weak and like the gullible fools who buy into game, he’d rather find that “one weird trick” to video game cheat his way to honorable victory rather than win honorably.
I mean, in my experience if you want to be better, you need to find a better opponent.
Toxic masculinity in a nutshell.
I always hear that argument about men wanting women who are not their equals leading to high divorce rates. That is usually a clue that they are talking out of their ass, and paying no attention to actual divorce statistics, which don’t support their argument. Women who are strong, educated, professional, and equal partners with their mates are not more likely to get divorced. No matter how many as jerks say it – and no matter how many times my mother said it, either.
So I guess I should quit working in construction? I mean, if you’re a make-believe woman in a make -believe man’s industry then you for definite cannot be a real woman in a “real man’s” industry.
Am I doing this right? I’ve had a few whiskeys so my lady brain may be more useless than usual.
I’m surprised that Xena and Jessica Jones didn’t appear on his list, oh well.
Rey grew up stripping parts from wrecks. The movie introduces us to her, wearing climbing gear and ripping components out of a crashed spaceship. So even if the average woman has less upper body strength than the average man, the movie demonstrates that she’s in an occupation where you tend to build up extra muscle mass.
Plus, you know, she’s Force-sensitive, and the Force is basically magic.
If he’s talking about Galadriel, he’s extra-clueless, since Galadriel is very like Mary, godly woman par excellence. While physically imposing because of her height and beauty, Galadriel’s strength is spiritual rather than physical.
I found it really odd that the author devoted several paragraphs to all the ways Hollywood subtly disempowers its supposedly strong, independent female protagonists, noted that both feminists and mainstream movie-goers and film critics have called the writers out on it, but then has no real explanation for why it happens. Sexism in the film industry must be pretty obvious if a laughably out of touch Christian fundamentalist can’t ignore it. Even though a lot of these women still have to be rescued (or stuffed into the fridge), still get relegated to help mate or love interest or token chick (maybe all at once), still get defined by their sexuality/appearance or ‘feminine energy’, it’s still not sexist enough for this guy. Which is kind of darkly ironic, because many of these characters were designed from the ground up to appeal specifically to men.
That’s a lot of words for “women go back to the kitchen”. Could have saved some time there, buddy.
So women are defined by men and men are defined by fighting…got it! But then there’s this:
As men, we were born with bodies and minds crafted for war.
Okay, so this guy is a Christian, no problem, but his theology seems a little warped. If God made men for war (and just who was Adam going to war with in the Garden of Eden? Doesn’t make sense, as really there would be no war until after the Fall, but the Fall doesn’t change God’s creation), and then God manifests as His Son and tells us all to love each other, including our enemies (this is part of the Greatest Commandment: Matt 22:36-40 and the Sermon on the Mount), just where does the war come into play? The “fight,” in Christian terms, would be a fight against the sin WITHIN YOURSELF, not others (the whole thing about ignoring the beam in your own eye but noticing the speck in your brother’s eye, for example).
Some people aren’t going to be happy until we cut out girl’s tongues at birth.
Does he really not know any strong women in real life? My family is full of strong women, my colleagues include some seriously badass women, many of my female clients have overcome stuff that this asshole can’t even imagine and many of them have been in those shitty situations because of men.
If he really wants women to be helpless, frail flowers, what the fuck happens to those women when there’s no “protective” man around to look after her. Does she just cease to exist until another man comes along?
This reminds me of that Shitlord movie reviewer who said women shouldn’t watch The Revenant.
I watched it, twice actually.
I thought it was hilarious.
Especially the bit when the bear was humping him, and the Empire Strikes Back bit with the dead horse.
Priceless 🙂
Okay, I read the article and he’s talking about Tauriel. I too object to Tauriel, but my reasons are nerdy rather than cultural.
Bottom line: women are people. Some of us are physically strong, some are not. Some are emotionally fragile, and some are unbelievably tough and resilient. We are PEOPLE. We exist.
I think he’s talking about Lilly’s character, since her actress played Kate Austen on Lost. I personally have massive issues with Tauriel, which is why I always cringe when misogynistic idiots attack her for stupid reasons.
It’s true. I was in a happy marriage for several years…. or so I thought. Then one night, walking to the car with my wife after a wonderful date night, we were suddenly surrounded by a gang of Ninjas.
This wasn’t the first time this had happened to me (I’ve already related to the WHTM commentariat an account of the time I was attacked in the shower and only survived due to my use of Dial for Men, The Only Soap With The Tactical Grip – so you know I can handle myself with the best of the Alphas), and so I wasn’t worried and calmly readied myself to dispatch them with my amazing martial arts moves. In fact, I was actually excited to have an opportunity to show off to my wife again (I hadn’t had a chance to kill anyone with my bare hands in front of her for several years. Kids! Amirite?)
However, to my surprise, my wife – who I thought I knew – seized the initiative and launched an attack of her own. By the time I recovered from my shock, half of them were already dead or unconscious.
Of course, I joined in as soon as I got my mental equilibrium back, but I was still mortified. WTF did she think she was doing? I actually apologized to one of them right before I broke his neck. How Beta, right? That’s how unsettled I was by her unnatural and unfeminine actions! Naturally, being a manly man, once I got started I took out 3 or 4 for every 1 that she got, but considering the head start she got the final tally was actually in her favor.
After that, the marriage just went down the drain. I could never forgive her for her unnatural and emasculating behavior. All she had to do was let me kill the ninjas. Instead she succumbed to the lie of Hollywood Feminism and threw away our life together. You know, she even had the temerity to blame me for getting her to watch all those action movies with their badass heroines!
*whew* That felt good to get that off my chest. I’m glad someone is finally brave enough to tackle this very important issue of Unnaturally badass movie heroines and Why We Need To Talk About It.
I’m pretty surprised more has not been said about Batman vs Superman, because basically they couldn’t sort their shit out and needed Wonder Woman to come and rescue them.
What about people who aren’t men or women?
*leaps from behind a curtain*
Nobody expects the gender nonconforming!
*belly laughs as the entire diatribe crumbles to pieces*
I didn’t see this posted yet but here is the same author dissing the awesome characters of TFA on another post:
“I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about Star Wars: The Force Awakens and he said the problem for him as a dad is that there’s no one for his boys (they’re both under 4) to pretend to be. “Han Solo is too old, and Finn and Poe are so inconsequential that they don’t even remember them,” he said. “So the character they end up playing as is Kylo Ren.”
Yes, woe is me, there are no male characters to play as, except all the ones you just mentioned.
Link if you want to fully rage:
http://warhornmedia.com/2016/04/07/rogue-one-trailerthe-feminist-empire-strikes-back/
Yeah, well, they lied to ME too. About how women are supposed to be, oddly enough. And what I learned was that we’re just sexual accessories to men, no matter what heroic deeds we do. We literally have to work twice as hard for half the respect (and three-quarters of the pay, at best), while also having to suffer the male gaze gladly and never age no matter how old we get. And that a “good” woman does all this while never once complaining about this shit treatment. And that this is called “equal rights” in La-La Land.
Take your sexist whines and stuff ’em back up your ass, Alberson — you’re learning about women from all the wrong sources. Try talking to a real one, and don’t interrupt her when she starts telling you what a sexist bore the movie industry is. Just listen. You might actually learn something useful for a change.
Apparently he didn’t get the memo that he’s now the laughing stock of the Internet, because he’s busily whinging himself inside out over the trailer for the new Star Wars movie. Apparently he’s run out ways to be patronizing and is now having a big sulk. And of course, he’s hunkered down in his fallout shelter predicting this total global apocalypse somehow caused by empowered female protagonists, equal pay, and comfortable shoes.
you got one critical thing wrong, David. you said he thinks men want to be white knights, but that can’t possibly be true, because we all know that white knights are pathetic beta loser cucks.
This is so bizarre. Yesterday, totally unrelated to this blog, I wound up on Warhorn, too.
I was trying to find out what sect my son’s friend’s Rapture-prepping, Kosher-law-keeping (when convenient) holy-roller mom & stepdad were in. And I ended up at Warhorn.
I even saw this same article, though I only read the first paragraph or so. Strange!