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College gals! If you want a good man, stop protesting and shave your legs, crap man advises

College gals! There is literally a wall between you and the men of your dreams
College gals! There is literally a wall between you and the men of your dreams

College females! Listen up! A dude on the internet has some advice for you.

You need to stop protesting racism and rape culture, and soon, because if you don’t, you’ll never score the Trump-supporting probable-date-rapist of your dreams!

That, at least, is the recommendation given by one Jezebel commenter that our old pal Heartiste the Racist Pickup Dude has decided to feature on his blog today. The context for the comment, which now seems to have been deleted: Random internet dude is responding to a story about some frat bros at Tulane that built a veritable Trump wall out of sandbags around their frat house, covered with edifying and imaginative slogans such as “Make America Great Again” and “Trump.”

Note to college females who don’t want to marry “down.” You already outnumber males on campus 2 to 1. The ever fewer white males on campus are finally getting tired of the relentless and expanding PC environment that blames them from every ill from rape to black crime and at the same time expects them to pay more and more taxes to support the “47%.”

Mend your way, college females, because bitter white dudes don’t grow on trees!

If you want to marry at your social, financial and intellectual level, you are going to have to out compete the other two girls who are trying to land the same lacrosse player/frat boy/computer geek. It may be fun to chant “Black Lives Matter” and “take back the night,” but your best chance for finding a well matched mate is while you are in college.

That’s right, gals! We know your little secret!

You may literally be protesting a Trump wall built around a historically racist frat known for displaying Confederate flags in its windows and that until recently held an annual “Old South” formal celebrating the good old slavery days.

But we know that you secretly want to marry up each and every hunky frat bro behind that wall in a lavish Gone-With-the-Wind-themed ceremony in which you wear a hoop skirt and the groom and groomsmen are tastefully bedecked in Confederate uniforms.

You may be leading a Take Back the Night march, chanting “no means no,” but you secretly wish the guys chanting “no means yes, yes mans anal” would buy you a drink.

Oh, wait, I’m being told that none of that is even remotely true, and “are you kidding?”

The competition just gets tougher out in the real world (ask your older sister about how much fun the dating game is in your 30’s! ) Your future financial security, not to mention happiness, depends on beating the competition.

Apparently when women graduate from college they are all suddenly 30 years old.

So if Trump rallies are increasingly “where the bros are,” you might want to take a shower, shave your legs, put on some nice clothes and head for the next Trump rally.’

And if you don’t, it’s probably white genocide or something.

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Lagoon
Lagoon
4 years ago

This is funny to me because I attended Take Back the Night at my campus just yesterday and I haven’t shaved my legs in a while and my boyfriend didn’t up and leave me. In fact, he was incredibly supportive and comforted me after the event, since hearing and sharing stories of sexual assault is very draining. It’s almost as though #notallmen are like what the OP thinks!

Also what about women who don’t like men? Can they still be feminists?

@Kat
Thanks for sharing that article/video. It was hilarious, my favorite part is when the brother says “you can’t do that this is private property” as the football player ignores him and tosses another sandbag away. I really want to like Greek life, since my partner is involved in it, but man oh man if I ever caught a whiff of him and his frat doing something like this, I’d be the one ending the relationship, and it would have nothing to do with my hairy legs.

Joel
Joel
4 years ago

Awww, that axe commercial is sweet. I still won’t wear the body spray, though I have used their pomade before, it was inexpensive and held well.

KMCorby
KMCorby
4 years ago

He sounds like that “Princeton Mom” who’s always scolding young women about not being marriageable enough.

Clo
Clo
4 years ago

What’s with these guys thinking college girls wanting to marry them? Aen’t they anti-marriage or something?

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

KMCorby | April 15, 2016 at 2:43 pm
He sounds like that “Princeton Mom” who’s always scolding young women about not being marriageable enough.

I despise that woman.

Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
4 years ago

@PoM
Yeah, we know what we’re missing-a lot of slurs.

@PI
The Princeton Mom? Blargh times infinity.

Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
4 years ago

@KMCorby
Sorry for not crediting you for originating the Princeton Mom reference in this thread! My eyes were playing tricks on me and I didn’t see your name properly. I agree-these guys do sound like her.

Dr. NicolaLuna, Epic Slut
Dr. NicolaLuna, Epic Slut
4 years ago

Ooh, has “the wall” gone back up to 30? I thought it was 25 these days?
If they ever put it up to 50 before I hit it, I’m going to dig myself a bomb shelter and crawl into it.

Yeah I’m turning 30 in December this year and had the same thought. But then I realised that my multiple large tattoos and my rainbow hair are kryptonite to these guys so I’m officially safe. The 27 hours of work on my sleeve was even more worth it now.

guest
guest
4 years ago

A while ago someone was telling me about a guy she used to know who firmly believed that women should take care of the house, support their man, etc. He was (I forget the details) a member of some church with plenty of attractive single women who had the same beliefs as him and would have been happy to date/marry him, but he only dated well-educated ambitious women. It wasn’t so much that he was looking for a relationship with a woman who conformed to his worldview–he was all about controlling and ‘taming’ women who didn’t.