An open thread for personal stuff. As always with these threads, no MRAs, trolls, jerkfaces, etc.
Categories
Open Thread for Personal Stuff: April 2016 Dogs Enjoying Couch Edition
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
Dawgies :3
those dogs are just looking for the cats…
Since the last time I bothered to post in an open thread, I started a new job that has higher pay and less stress. It’s such a fantastic switch that I actually feel guilty about it. I get together about once a month with the friends I left behind in that job, to chat and catch up, and I feel so guilty talking about my great new position and fantastic co-workers, because they don’t have those things.
That sounds like a humblebrag now that it’s down in words, and maybe it is, but I don’t know how to handle this guilt. I’ve never felt guilty before about being successful and I don’t know how to process it.
Also: have a cat.
http://i.imgur.com/LU12Wnv.jpg
@PoM
Sounds similar to survivor guilt. I used to feel guilty about silly things like enjoying a movie that late fiancé would have loved. It’s hard to get rid of those feelings, but keep telling yourself you deserve to be happy. Eventually you’ll believe it. 🙂
@PoM
Congratulations! I hope you feel less guilty as time goes by.
@kupo
I reckon it’s not unlike that, but I hesitate to apply that kind of label because my friends aren’t dead or anything. I think they could find new jobs, better jobs, if they tried at all because this city’s economy is getting pretty robust and jobs are available. They’re just reluctant to look, which I fully understand – it took me years to make this switch myself. The people who find it psychologically easy to switch jobs jumped ship long, long ago and the only ones left when I was there were those of us who have a hard time sending out resumes.
It seems disrespectful to survivors to apply that label to my silly guilt.
eta:
@Victorious Parasol
Thanks! I hope my friends get better jobs. I think that would resolve a lot more problems than me just learning how to shrug at their sorrows.
Nothing is really enjoyable anymore. I hope I don’t lose my job, because I need it, but what I really want is to never have to go to work again. Or do anything. I just want to lie down and cry. Things that are fun turn into sources of anxiety and guilt when I can’t bring myself to do them.
Blergh. Sorry to whine. I’ve been sitting on stuff for a while.
After seeing the beautiful black kitties in an earlier thread I have really wanted to post a pic of my own black kitty. I don’t know if I will do this right.
Forgive me! He’s just very pretty. Persnickety, though, but duh, he’s a cat.
http://postimg.org/image/i4uipzr0j/
ETA well I was not successful but you get the idea.
I hope you have someone professional to talk to about this, because that’s what happens to me during a down cycle.
Don’t try to make yourself do “fun” things if they aren’t fun for you. You aren’t obligated to perform happiness. It’s okay to act like you’re depressed when you are depressed.
Um, I’m more of a bird person. Although I only own a cockatiel, here is a parrot asleep at the computer, to go with the “sleeping animals” state of things.
Can I shill for myself a minute?
I work in a hospital lab, and when it comes to rejected samples (to all nurses: we really hate to do that really it’s not for fun!) the same questions kept coming over and over, so I wrote a book answering them. “So that blood sample is rejected because it’s hemolysed, but what does hemolysis even do to blood? Why can’t the tests be attempted anyway?”
I posted it on Amazon Kindle, it’s only in French for now but there’s a nurse that promised to help me with the technical terms so I can have an English translation soon.
For now:
http://www.amazon.com/tube-jaune-est-h%C3%A9molys%C3%A9-%C3%A9chantillons-ebook/dp/B01DH2XTUU
@Viscaria
I’m in the same kind of situation. 🙁
Needs more doge.
http://i1063.photobucket.com/albums/t518/danleewilliams/Ryu%20-%20Shiba%20Inu/shiba-inu-information.jpg
http://i747.photobucket.com/albums/xx113/HUSKY-ALBUM/WALLPAPERS%20SHIBA%20INU/12.jpg
@Viscaria @Imaginary Petal:
I don’t know either of you, nor am I well-known here. But it seems to me that many Mammotheers have experience with a variety of mental illnesses, including anxiety and depression.
I have suffered from depression my entire life from the age of 12. It has been well-controlled (with medication and anything else that works) for the past 9 years, my last major depressive episode was in 2007.
I don’t know what your experiences may have been. I’m sure you already know that you should talk to an experienced mental health professional – preferably one you trust and have worked with before – but just in case you’ve never been through it before, I’ll mention it.
It’s so hard to see the truth about things when you’re in that hole.
I am truly hoping for the best for both of you.
I’ve been dealing with my depression by escaping a lot into writing fanfiction and creating an elaborate pre-war backstory for my Sole Survivor. Immersive make-believe FTW
My dad keeps on keeping on. He’s started his radiation and chemotherapy and I’m hoping for the best.
Other than that, it’s mostly been petty craft stuff: practicing the caterpillar stitch (and realizing that 1mm waxed beading cord, while it looks terrific for the job, is a bit big for the size of books I tend to make); cleaning up and repainting a toolbox (trying to decide if the handle should be leather-wrapped); considering what it’ll take to repair my mom’s old Singer sewing machine…
Depression is a tricky beast, isn’t it? I’ve always been an optimist, but the past decade has been so utterly crushing that – well. I wholly empathize and understand with you, Viscaria, and PoM, and dreemr, and – well, everyone. I’ve known enough of it now to know how terrible it is.
My cure has been philosophical, mostly, and sort of what Brony does. Try to figure out how the depression works, what causes it, how it’s worsened, how it improves. It’s slow going, but I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I hope it’s not a train!
I hope you all are doing well in your own journeys. It isn’t easy!
Had a visit with my mom that just left me missing my dad. Then the Intrusive Thought Police came by. I just went to my husband and told him the ITP was telling me I didn’t have a true self.
One conversation about the nature of existence led me to remember that whenever I’ve had a hallucination (it happens occasionally), I always know they’re not real. So if ‘not real’ is so easily detected, maybe there’s something to compare it against.
Florida Senate Bill 668 is proceeding to Governor Scott’s desk for ratification. It is an MRA’s dream. Here is a copy of my email to the Governor.
On several occasions, I represented –at greatly reduced cost– women who had either fled abusive marriages, or been jettisoned by (frequently abusive) husbands who had decided to replace them with newer models. Even under the laws of the time, these women were often left without resources and were threatened with the loss of their children if they insisted on their “rights” — rights which existed only on paper for those left without means to pay an attorney. There have been statistics demonstrating that men are, on the whole, enriched by divorce, while women are left impoverished. I can’t cite them off the top of my head, but my own observations suggest that, except for women who have access to wealth in the first place, this is true, *even under the present law*. The bill arriving on your desk will shred what few protections exist.
Some “men’s rights” advocates are genuinely concerned with issues affecting men. Most are simply misogynists, who have never opened a single men’s shelter, taken action to address sexual violence against men, sponsored research into men’s health, seriously sought to have military service requirements fall on both sexes equally, tried to relieve male homelessness, or done anything else calculated to relieve men’s problems. They are interested solely in hurting *all* women, whom they see as protean lampreys, without individuality or even humanity. Such sentiments cannot be allowed to shape our laws. Veto this bill and appoint a competent task force to frame policies that better accord with reality.
I too have (well-controlled) depression.
It does get better, though it’s hard to see when you’re at the bottom.
It’s not easy to get help, but if you can, do. It’s hard to believe it, but things like therapy and meds do help a lot of people. They could help you.
Just remember: mental health IS health. If you became diabetic, you’d go to the doctor.
Having a chemical imbalance isn’t magically different because it’s in your brain rather than your pancreas.
Hit up your local doctor as a first step; if you can’t bring yourself to do it (this can be very difficult, like many other tasks that are simple when you’re not sick) ask a friend to make the appointment for you and come with you.
They’re actually happy to do this and no, you’re not being a nuisance to them, because it feels good to do nice things for people, especially when they’re as easy (for a non-sick person) as making a phone call and hangin’ out. Then they get to feel smug about being a good person for a while and you get a hand when you need one.
@Everyone experiencing depression
You are amazing. You work so much harder at everything than most people just to get through the day, and that’s an absolutely wondrous feat. Keep up the hard work. I know it’s not rewarding right now and it’s not easy, either. Don’t push yourself too hard; you’re allowed to relax sometimes. Don’t forget that you matter and that you are fucking awesome.
Get ready for some cute!
I’ve been having thoughts lately that are very eating disordery. Whether they turn into actual disorder eating remains to be seen, but I didn’t buy all that much food at my weekly grocery store trip today.
It wasn’t triggered by our recent discussions about weight and starvation. The thoughts were in my head just a couple of days before that. They came from nowhere.
I’m hoping that it’ll pass now that it’s getting warmer and sunnier. Vitamin D deficiency does bad things to my brain. I wasn’t even going to mention it, but everyone else was talking about their jerk brain stuff so I thought I’d add mine to the pile.
Hugs and solidarity for all those who want it.
http://imgfave-herokuapp-com.global.ssl.fastly.net/image_cache/133050376488271.jpg
So, my plans to move cross-country are becoming more and more solid. Finances are still a huge issue, but those are looking less and less huge as I find new ways to move my (tiny amount of) shit.
Luckily, I don’t own any furniture beyond my computer chair, and that’ll most likely get replaced once I move because it’s broken anyways, so that’ll most likely be thrown out before I leave.
The rest of it is planning a yard sale to downgrade my shit so there’s a lot less of it, and going through it to find what I don’t want or use anymore either.
Most of the stuff I’m moving is like 45% books, 50% clothes, and the remainder is computer and misc stuff.
I’m also thinking of setting up a GoFundMe or something in the interim, but I’m still working through feelings of guilt over that. (I’m also still working on enough stuff to feel good about starting up an Etsy store.)
I know me moving out will be a huge help to my mental health (I’ve had quite a few mental breakdowns because of my family, and have contemplated suicide a few times while living here), and it’ll help me find work as I can’t find anything here, and it’ll get me out of this old house that has mice and a bug problem, but I still feel guilty for even thinking of asking, really.
It’s also getting super hot here, which isn’t helping my motivation to work on things that could earn me money any. I get lazy when it gets above 75 degrees. It’s just way too hot.
If my grandma didn’t get on my ass about sleeping through the day instead of just letting me sleep when I’m tired (“It’s not healthy!”) I’d totally just work at night and sleep through the day because it’s cooler and quieter and people don’t bother me as much, so I can focus a lot easier. I’ve always been a night owl, but of course, I can’t actually be a night owl around here, because my grandma, as much as I love her, thinks she knows everything.
At least I’ve dropped the idea of me moving to my family (barring the bits about me hating the way they treat me) and they seem pretty okay with it.
I can’t wait for August. I’ll be out of this house come hell or high water and things will be better (I hope).
Here is the email for Governor Scott:
[email protected]
I just want to amplify what @Jarnsaxa said: you are NOT a burden to your friends! It’s hard to believe when you’re in the throes, but you can trust them. They DO want to help you. They DO want to know if you’re struggling and suffering. They CAN understand.
Having been through it, I recognized it in another friend of mine here in real life. And it’s just like Jarnsaxa says – I went to her. I talked to her. I told her I was going to make an appointment and that I would go with her. I did go with her and I held her hand. I was very very happy to do it. I would do it again for anyone I care about.
I know I would not have lived very far into my 20s if another person, a woman who had also battled depression and anxiety, hadn’t recognized it in me and reached out to me.
Please, you don’t have to suffer. When you are at the point where nothing sounds fun, where you can’t imagine ever feeling happy or excited about something ever again – the time when you honestly feel least like taking action – that’s when you really have to take care of yourself. Please do go see your doctor, or go to a clinic. Talk to a friend you trust. Tell them what’s happening, ask them to help you take those first steps, or repeat steps if you’ve been through this before.
You feel so alone in depression, it lies to you – you are NOT alone. You are important and you are loved, even if you can’t feel it.