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alt-right anti-Semitism antifeminism cuckolding men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA racism

Why are the internet’s worst people so obsessed with the word “cuck?”

Cuck: I do not think that word means what you think it means
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means

“Cuck,” short for “cuckold,” has become the insult of choice in this surreal political season, at least amongst alt-rightists and anime Nazis and other elements of Donald Trump’s political army.

The insult, inspired by a specialized porn genre in which white “hotwives” have sex with black men while their white “cuckold” husbands watch, is intended to suggest not just emasculation but also a kind of racial treason. Or at least that’s what the insult originally meant; at this point it gets thrown at anyone and everyone who stands in the way of the Trump revolution — including women, who by definition can’t be “cucked.”

The people who are most fond of this insult seem to think it has some sort of magical power. In a recent post on the alt-right site The Right Stuff, a guy who calls himself Auschwitz Soccer Ref declares that, in the word “cuck,” he and his comrades had found a sort of right-wing version of “racist,” which he describes as “a powerful, weaponized term” that leftists use to take down, well, racists like him.

The word “cuck” is an “absolutely devastating” insult, he explains.

“Cuck” works for the same reason that “racist” works: it is an irrational word that cannot be deconstructed with reasoning. Just as “racist” hits rightists hard because it attempts to psychopathologize the healthy preference for our own race, “cuck” is devastating to leftists because they are being described as the most humiliating kind of man possible, one who gets aroused by letting another man—or other men—have sex with his wife.

There’s only one problem with Mr. Soccer Ref’s theory: “cuck” isn’t “devastating to leftists,” or indeed to any white dude who isn’t pathologically preoccupied with the specter of black (or Muslim, or Mexican) men having sex with “our” white women. In other words, “cuck” only really stings as an insult to the very people who are tossing the insult around.

And insofar as the related term “cuckservative” actually bothers conservatives, I suspect they are less bothered by the sexual and racial overtones of the term than they are by the implication that they are not bona fide conservatives.

[J]ust like “racism” transcends political terminology like “fascist” and brings morality into the discussion, “cuck” transcends political terminology like “traitor” and brings sexuality and gender into the discussion, thus widening its implications. For years this kind of transcendent, weaponized term was missing from the right’s lexicon, but now it’s here, and that’s why “cuck” is so hurtful to the left and kosher conservatives.

Nope. One of the reasons that “racist” has the bite that it does is because the insult is so often true. What’s strange is that the insult doesn’t just bother garden variety racists; is also bothers alt-rightists and others on the far right whose ideologies are actually rooted in racism. Most racists hate to be labelled as such; that’s why you find so many of them on the far right resorting to euphemism, describing themselves as “race realists” or proponents of “Human Biodiversity” rather than simply admitting that, yes, they are huge bigots.

At-rightists and Trump enthusiasts aren’t the only ones obsessed with cuckolding. Men’s Rights activists are as well, though their definition of “cuckolding” comes not from porn but from one of the term’s original meanings. MRAs worry endlessly about the prospect of their wives (real or hypothetical) cuckolding them by conning them into raising children fathered by another man, presumably some alpha male lover she has on the side.

Indeed, many MRAs and Evo Psych professors have convinced themselves that this old-school variety of cuckolding is exceedingly common, with up to a third of the world’s ostensible fathers unknowingly raising kids who are not theirs.

But a new study published in Trends in Ecology and Evolution suggests that this is nonsense. Using genetic testing and genealogical research, the authors of the study found that the real rate of such cuckoldry has “stayed near constant at around 1% across several human societies over the past several hundred years.”

Somehow I doubt that this study will lead MRAs to be any less paranoid about being cuckolded, much less convince the internet’s Anime Nazis to give up an insult they think is “absolutely devastating.”

H/T — Thanks to both readers who alerted me to the new cuckolding study.

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Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

“Cuck” works for the same reason that “racist” works: it is an irrational word that cannot be deconstructed with reasoning.

“You sleep with people outside your race/disagree with me, therefore you’re a cuck!”

“…Okay? You’re a racist because you literally believe that white people are better than every other race on the planet solely because they were born white.”

“FUCK OFF YOU CUCK!”

Yep. Can’t deconstruct that with reasoning.

Just as “racist” hits rightists hard because it attempts to psychopathologize the healthy preference for our own race, “cuck” is devastating to leftists because they are being described as the most humiliating kind of man possible, one who gets aroused by letting another man—or other men—have sex with his wife.

I love how us LGBT folks don’t exist to these people sometimes. And I also love how he thinks “cuck” is a “devastating” word. At most, they just sound like a group of perpetually angry bigoted chickens, the imagery of which makes me giggle.

Also, how is having a kink “humiliating”? I have lots of kinks (TMI: including humiliation under the right circumstances /TMI), but I don’t ever feel humiliated for them.

Though, I suppose this ties into the misogyny that these buttholes share, which is: White cis women are the “property” of white cis men, and thus another (non-white) cis man having sex with your property while you watch is somehow “humiliating” like having someone defecate on your lawn while making eye-contact with you the whole time is supposed to “humiliate” you.

Pro-tip: Don’t lead with your kinks. It makes the whole conversation awkward.

magnesium
magnesium
5 years ago

Andy Richter had the best response to being called a “cuck”
https://twitter.com/AndyRichter/status/679085381644488706

is devastating to leftists because they are being described as the most humiliating kind of man possible, one who gets aroused by letting another man—or other men—have sex with his wife.

a) Stop shaming male sexuality, alt rights.
b) Everyone knows the most humiliated kind of man possible is a man who belongs to the alt right.

the_real_Nick
the_real_Nick
5 years ago

I’m pretty thankful for “cuck.”

It’s like holding up a sign that reads, “No need to take me seriously.”

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

Cuck-cuck-cuck-buh-CAW-cuck!

Skiriki
Skiriki
5 years ago

Note: the comments in Ars Technica’s article are pretty much examination-worthy on their own, due to extreme cringe-factor contained within.

Three Snakes
5 years ago

@Paradoxical Intention

I love how us LGBT folks don’t exist to these people sometimes. And I also love how he thinks “cuck” is a “devastating” word. At most, they just sound like a group of perpetually angry bigoted chickens, the imagery of which makes me giggle.

They remind me of middle school bullies who use “fudge packer” as an insult. The stupid burns.

Argle Bargle (formerly Carr)
Argle Bargle (formerly Carr)
5 years ago

Oh boy, reminds me of some talks with some people I know.You’d be surprised how many men in Eastern Europe have an issue with women sleeping with non-white dudes (or that sleeping with non-white people is shameful).I think they’d get on pretty well with these gents.

Idahogie
Idahogie
5 years ago

I’ve seen the word often, and assume it was a shortened form of “cuckold.” But I’ve never understood its meaning in relationship to the strange philosophies of the alt-right and MRA practitioners.

I agree with the_real_Nick. It’s just a warning flag for the idiots who use it.

Much like being called a “fag.”

That they think it hurts us really says more about them than they know.

History Nerd
History Nerd
5 years ago

I remember reading that actual adultery and divorce rates went up briefly during the 1960’s through 1980’s (while sexual liberalism was becoming acceptable and states passed no-fault divorce laws) but they’ve gradually stabilized at a “normal” level since the 80’s. The main difference now is that people wait longer to get married. The “conventional wisdom” that adultery and divorce are out of control is wrong.

Idahogie
Idahogie
5 years ago

An animated gif from Arrested Development — with all the chicken impressions — would be wildly appropriate in response.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

By “Devastating,” they mean “Confusing” or “Hilarious,” right? You’d think the 101st Flying Dictionary Brigade would’ve double-checked that first.

Iseult The Idle
Iseult The Idle
5 years ago

I’m going to make up/appropriate a word and start using it and then, because they won’t know it unless I tell them, telling the people I’ve used it on that they’ve been PWN’D SO HARD.

Er… do we still say “pwn”? Did I just show my age?

Well… shit.

The Thousand Cock Stare
The Thousand Cock Stare
5 years ago

I find the word cuck very useful. It lets me know right away that I can completely disregard the person throwing it around.

J^3 (@JoeKlemmer)
J^3 (@JoeKlemmer)
5 years ago

The answer to the question asked in the title of this post is quite simple: Because they are, themselves, deep in their hearts, desiring, with all their might, to be cuckold men. They do protest too much.

tricyclist
tricyclist
5 years ago

Agreed – as I have pointed out on twitter – use of the word cuck (amongs a few others) immediately disqualifies the user from adult conversation.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
5 years ago

they just sound like a group of perpetually angry bigoted chickens

Perfect.

A Space Alpaca
A Space Alpaca
5 years ago

I’m really sorry to do this here, I know it’s not an open thread, but I figured this would be the best place to get legitimate and/or well thought out ideas for dealing with a bit of a situation I’m having at work.

A coworker of mine who happens to also be a friend, is a very kind and attractive woman. She has trouble saying no to people and generally tries to spare everyone’s feelings even if it’s at the expense of her own.

Because she is a young, friendly and beautiful woman, she has had a lot of experience dealing with sexual assault and harassment.

The problem here is that there’s a young man who was hired maybe 9 months ago who is a harasser. He got hired because he’s friends with the son of the president of the company. He does not fit in with our team, he is incredibly negative and he regularly wanders out of his department into ours to talk to his friend, who happens to sit next to my friend the beautiful woman he’s taken to bothering.

A note here, he makes radio commercials and she regularly does voicing for them, so she does, unfortunately have to work with him in his voicing booth fairly often.

He used to physically touch her, make inappropriate and/or sexual comments and was really clear that he wanted her to date/have sex with/be interested in him, despite her repeated reminders that she has a boyfriend and that this is a work environment and his advances were inappropriate.

She made a complaint about the touching etc. and he was reprimanded and the physical contact has stopped.

Unfortunately, he’s still coming over to her desk daily, and calling her all the time on the work phones to ask her to voice, or join in his time wasting conversations with his friend, sits next to her during group events etc. Whenever she tells him she’s too busy to do voicing for him, he gets angry and says that she needs to be making time to do that work and doesn’t she know his department is busy too?

He’s been talked to before and ultimately still doesn’t seem to understand where the boundaries are in a professional environment and clearly is still holding some sort of torch for her. I seriously do not believe that the company will take action against him if she complains again (outside of giving him a talking to which obviously isn’t enough). This company is rather conservative, run by old white christian men (we literally cannot use even the vaguest reference to alcohol in our ads), and the harasser is a friend of the family who runs the company. He is definitely not going to lose his job over this.

I’m really upset by this whole mess. She doesn’t want to make another complaint. She doesn’t want him to know she’s been complaining, it didn’t work the last time, and she doesn’t want to be the fun-allergic-feminist as a few of you have called it. But she’s been telling me that it makes her so uncomfortable she wants to cry when she thinks about it and that she gets a pain in her chest when he’s around.

I can’t stand watching her go through this, but I can’t force her to complain and I just don’t know how to help, and I was hoping some of you might have a suggestion?

Again, sorry for doing this here, and sorry for the extremely long explanation.

David Gerard
David Gerard
5 years ago

CUCKED IN THE CUCK BY MY OWN CUCK “CUCKED IN THE CUCK BY MY OWN CUCK” by Cuck Tingle

sevenofmine
sevenofmine
5 years ago

@ A Space Alpaca

My suggestion would be to ask your friend how she feels about having one of the guys in the office speak to him on like “dude to dude” terms? Obviously he doesn’t respect her boundaries but maybe if other men he respects let him know they disapprove, he’ll clue in. Not necessarily taking him aside and lecturing him but just being like “dude, come on” when he behaves inappropriately can go a long way sometimes. I wouldn’t do anything at all without making absolutely sure that your friend is 100% OK with it. She may very well feel that the best thing she can do is just try not to rock the boat.

Back on topic: I pretty much take ‘cuck’ to be code for “I am someone who shouldn’t be taken seriously about anything ever.”

tricyclist
tricyclist
5 years ago

That is a really difficult situation due to him being a friend of the manager/owner.

I’d start with getting her (and helping her) to document everything. Everything he says to her (that is inappropriate) and everything he does – all dated and timed.

When there is a sufficient body of evidence – then either confront him with it, informing him that it will be taken further if he carries on, or take it straight to the bosses – not with the aim of getting him fired, but with the aim of changing things so that he no longer has anything to do with her professionally, and has no excuse for interacting with her.

Of course neither of those approaches are risk free career wise – and it might be just easier to find another job elsewhere.

Probably others will have better advice than I have.

FrickleFrackle
FrickleFrackle
5 years ago

I don’t have any advice with SpaceAlpaca’s predicament, sadly.

What I do know however, is that “cuck” is a hilarious word. When me and my friend were laughing at least week’s troll, she was like “yep there it is, people getting called cuckolds”, like these guys have a checklist for being offensive.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

How much wood would a woodcuck cuck if a woodcuck could cuck wood?

kale
kale
5 years ago

“Cuck” works for the same reason that “racist” works: it is an irrational word that cannot be deconstructed with reasoning.”

you know what, Im not sure I have the emotional fortitude to continue reading past that at this time.

sevenofmine
sevenofmine
5 years ago

@ FrickleFrackle

Right? They’re so predictable, you can practically set your watch according to the trajectory of their conversations.

“calls someone a cuck in 3…2…” *presses ‘set time’ button*

hugseverycat
hugseverycat
5 years ago

I don’t think he’s wrong when he says:

“Cuck” works […] [because] it is an irrational word that cannot be deconstructed with reasoning.

It’s one of those “fractally wrong” insults that is so wrong-headed and weird on so many levels that to engage in any way feels like losing.

However, he goes on to give some sort of “rational” definition of the insult and why he believes it is so insulting, so he kind of argues against himself here.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
5 years ago

Re: documentation – make sure there are copies, paper and electronic, in more than one place. Wouldn’t put it past him to try to destroy the evidence. 😛

Venice
Venice
5 years ago

in my experience, it started on 4chan with gamergate, was a sort of amusing meme for a while (the absurdity of making an accusation that the person is a cuckold out of nowhere, because of a disagreement) and then it got old and only literal morons still use it

Bina
5 years ago

women, who by definition can’t be “cucked.”

In their dreams. Cuckquean is a word, albeit an old one, and one specific to women.

“Cuck” works for the same reason that “racist” works: it is an irrational word that cannot be deconstructed with reasoning.

…says an irrational person who doesn’t use his reasoning to “deconstruct” anything. The irony is so thick, I can’t breathe!

Actually, “racist” is a perfectly rational word, used to describe something which actually exists. It is both a noun and an adjective, and in both cases, refers to racial discrimination in which white skin is elevated above all other colors.

“Cuck”, on the other hand, is just idiotic. And subscribed to entirely by idiots like these racists.

Hambeast, Social Justice Legbeard
Hambeast, Social Justice Legbeard
5 years ago

Paradoxy

I love how us LGBT folks don’t exist to these people sometimes.

Also polyamorous people!

Jamesworkshop
Jamesworkshop
5 years ago

Cuck, nah my V-powers keep me safe.

Freemage
Freemage
5 years ago

The advice to have her document everything, and store it securely, is a good start. Any incidents you witness personally, you should sign off on the documentation; even if you can’t attest to everything that she says, you can help establish the pattern that makes the rest more plausible.

Now, from there, a lot depends on where you are–what country, what state. Most Western nations have at least some form of agency that handles employee complaints about a hostile work environment, and that’s what this douchebag is creating. However, she should investigate, discretely, how far that agency usually takes action in cases like this, before going to them.

She may want to make one more attempt through the company, before taking this step, since it pretty much guarantees that she’ll need to change employers before getting anywhere in her career (they may not be able to fire her for fear of a lawsuit, but there’s no way she gets promoted, ever). If she does, the best approach to take would be to present them with one copy of the evidence, and lay out this approach:

“I would rather this be handled in-house, but I will not tolerate the current situation anymore. From now on, I want him to only contact me through my supervisor. Likewise, if he wants to talk to his friend, he can call him on the phone or have [friend] come down to his workspace, rather than come to our area to chat.”

Giving the company an option other than firing him or letting the situation continue may be what is necessary for them to act.

All that said, in the end, it’s her choice to make, and you need to respect it; if she doesn’t want to make waves, just let her know you support her decision and are willing to listen when she needs to vent.

Cthulhu's Intern
Cthulhu's Intern
5 years ago

Question: Why am I supposed to care if another man has sex with my wife if I don’t HAVE a wife?

Brony, Social Justice Cenobite

This follows pretty closely with my experience of people who spout “cuck”. It sounds ridiculous and does nothing for them in a context outside of their own group.

Auschwitz Soccer Ref is either a liar, or lacks introspection to the point where even they don’t know why they are saying what they are saying. In all fairness either could be true. Insults don’t just appear out of nowhere, someone decides to try something and it resonates with a group strongly enough that it is picked up like a meme. That resonance is key to why an insult spreads in use and this one can’t escape its history, their emotional connection to cuckolding is why it spreads.

It’s about fear, dominance and conflict. It has always seemed that these people treat relationships like conflicts, including and especially relationships with the opposite sex. So to them a word that represents something they fear very greatly and that they socialize over, gaining and losing control over sexual “partners”, is a word they would use to coerce one another instead of persuade. It’s ideally placed to become a euphemism for things they value and fear. Fortunately they end up confusing most people outside of themselves.

“Cuck” works for the same reason that “racist” works: it is an irrational word that cannot be deconstructed with reasoning. Just as “racist” hits rightists hard because it attempts to psychopathologize the healthy preference for our own race, “cuck” is devastating to leftists because they are being described as the most humiliating kind of man possible, one who gets aroused by letting another man—or other men—have sex with his wife.

Actually it can be deconstructed precisely like racist can, you are deconstructing it, and the wonderful end result is how it makes you look. It’s use tends to suggest that the person they are calling a cuck is acting like a coward, or a socially defeated person or similar. It’s a sexist and racist version of “loser”, which is pathetic in any kind of debate. So depending on the context not only do I get to demonstrate that they think simply asserting that I have somehow lost a conflict because I hold a position is utterly ridiculous, I get to show they are a sexist or racist too.
It’s only devastating in your own heads.

They literally do not know what reasoning is.

Just like “racism” transcends political terminology like “fascist” and brings morality into the discussion, “cuck” transcends political terminology like “traitor” and brings sexuality and gender into the discussion, thus widening its implications. For years this kind of transcendent, weaponized term was missing from the right’s lexicon, but now it’s here, and that’s why “cuck” is so hurtful to the left and kosher conservatives.

It’s absolutely hilarious when you try to use it this way. You don’t think that “race traitor” or “traitor against male/men” is not already a thing? Do you know how easy it is to show how awful your own views when it comes to implications on men or male people? Or how ridiculous it is to organize by race when you are white? All that shitty behavior that leads to the racism makes you shitty political allies, in an ideal world race would not even be a rational factor for political organization.

The only thing these people have going for them is group activity.

Dalillama
5 years ago

Cuckolding? Here’s an old-fashioned MRA ballad about it:

K
K
5 years ago

They forgot the original meaning of “cuckold” was “didn’t try hard ENOUGH to please a woman”.

It’s apparent that none of them know how.

TiredTexan
TiredTexan
5 years ago

A Space Alpaca – are you working in the US? If so, what state? I ask this because some states allow conversations to be recorded with the consent of only one person. See this link for a listing of the rules, updated earlier this year: https://www.mwl-law.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/LAWS-ON-RECORDING-CONVERSATIONS-CHART.pdf.

If you are in a state that allows recording by only one person in a conversation, your friend should record as many conversations as she can using her cell phone. If you are outside of the states, google your country and you can usually find sources that will let you know how your jurisdiction handles these matters.

Earlier recommendations of keeping a diary and copies of emails, etc. are absolutely crucial. Oftentimes, these situations escalate and build up until the harassed person can no longer ignore or tolerate the abuse. The paper trail, and if at all possible, recorded conversations of abuse, make a clear and compelling record of the entire ugly picture, and often will not be ignored by the employer. The more evidence and documentation by the harassed employee has, the more likely termination will result. The employer will feel they have no choice.

Additionally, if your friend gets no relief from her employer after turning over the evidence, she can contact a lawyer who can send a demand letter, or help her file an EEOC complaint (if in the US).

Finally, harassers often harass because they enjoy making a woman nervous and fearful because they love the power it gives them over the woman. Sometimes, this abuse dynamic can be broken up using a boyfriend or husband. In one situation I’ve was involved in, a woman being harassed by her boss told her husband about the harassment. He started visiting the workplace at times and places when he knew the boss would be present and would glare menacingly at the harasser whenever he encountered him. Surprisingly, this worked. The harassment stopped dead within a month. Although harassers don’t believe women have agency or personal rights, they often believe that other men do, and will sometimes respect that male’s territory. Sad, but true.

Often, simply taking steps to record in a diary and documenting the abuse makes a harassed person feel better. They don’t feel so hopeless, so without a plan.

skybison
skybison
5 years ago

I’m the Cuckest Cuckable Cuckold Cuckfully Cucking Cuckology in the Cuckhood.

Antisocialite
Antisocialite
5 years ago

“absolutely devastating.”

What an emotional choice of words.

TiredTexan
TiredTexan
5 years ago

One more thing. Your friend should record the amount of time this person is taking out of her day talking to her about non-work related issues. I’ve seen employers fire harassers for wasting time rather than for the sexual harassment.

Nequam
Nequam
5 years ago

Racists calling themselves “Proponents of ‘Human Biodiversity'”?!

Moggie
Moggie
5 years ago

When I’ve seen “cuck” used as an insult, the commonest reaction from the target is “lolwut?” or equivalent. These people are doing an excellent job of hiding that they feel “devastated” by the epithet.

Banananana dakry
Banananana dakry
5 years ago

‘Cuck’ makes them sound like particularly brainless chickens. Which is an insult to chickens because as Carlin said, chickens are decent people. Only people who don’t get outside their own little yes-manning echo sphere would say that that kind of thing is a devastating insult to anybody except themselves.

Steampunked
Steampunked
5 years ago

@TiredTexan…a terrible ex boss of mine only stopped being a relentless asshole to me when he met my partner and found he was 6’2. It was pretty gross as he just assumed my partner would hit him, and THAT stopped the harassment.

One thing that can work is to say you’re studying time management, whenever Distracting Idiot turns up, obviously flick a timer on and enter things into a spreadsheet. Keep working, but time being distracted and say you’re working on an efficiency report. Bonus if you can start out by saying you are working with HR on ‘increasing velocity’ and tying it to office distractions.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
5 years ago

How would “cuck” be any more devastating to lefties than any of the millions of other mindless 4chan memes? Not that I care what Scrooge McTrump’s nephews call me in general, but even so I think “cuck” is pretty much the least devastating word they can throw around, since 1) it is not true, 2) I wouldn’t give a fuck if it were, and 3) it doesn’t really mean anything.

Just keep saying random words, guys.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
5 years ago

Is it wrong that I sometimes call my cat a cuck, just because it makes me laugh?

skybison
skybison
5 years ago

Also if they were actually about “Human Biodiversity” wouldn’t they want more racial/ethnic groups around instead of a one race monoculture? A forest with only White tailed Deer isn’t going to last very long. You need wolves, bears, rabbits, beavers, songbirds, mice, bazillions of insects and a lot more to have a healthy ecosystem. That’s what biodiversity means.

ParseThePotatoes
ParseThePotatoes
5 years ago

@A Space Alpaca
In the short term, document everything. In a case of “he said/she said,” the unfortunate reality is that management will lean towards “he said.” It’s a lot more convincing to turn it into “he said/she said AND her documentation said.”
In the slightly-less-short term, does her direct manager have her back? If so, explain the situation and ask for their help in running interference. “I’m sorry, but my manager has requested that all voice work be scheduled out in advance,” or “I’m busy right now; can you talk to [manager] about scheduling this?” or even just “Schedule this through [manager], please.” The best managers I’ve had have encouraged me to route all ‘casual’ work requests through them, especially because otherwise I’d spend all my time on “Hey can you do this” tasks.

In the long term, work out with your friend exactly how much energy and social capital to spend on this, and what you two want the ending state to look like. Check your employee handbook – is there a way for you to report him? (If you’re a guy, you may get accused of white-knighting, but it’s not as permanent and career-killing as ‘fun-hating-feminist’ would be for your friend.) Or if her manager has her back, they can make the report – it’s more likely to be taken seriously coming from a manager (especially if they’re a guy).

Unfortunately, if an asshole is politically protected, the main way to get away from them is to find another job. Common wisdom says that it’s easier to find a new job while currently holding one, but I can’t say whether or not that’s true.

In terms of what YOU can do:
– The biggest thing is, as hard as it is, keep your emotions within reasonable bounds. It’s okay to get angry on behalf of your friend, and it can be reassuring to them to know that somebody else thinks that this is fucked up. It’s not okay to get to the point of where they need to worry about managing their emotions, dealing with Mr. Harassyface, AND calming down their angry friend.
– Ask your friend what support she’d like, with specific suggestions. Ie, less “Anything I can do?” and more “Would you like me to do X?”, where X can be anything from (assuming you’re a guy) giving the guy-to-guy talk sevenofmine suggested, to scheduling mental-battery-charging fun outside of work, to being a second pair of eyes on her resume, to finding interesting jobs that she might be interested in.
– Support whatever decision your friend makes. As much as it hurts to see her in pain, if she doesn’t want to do anything about it, it’s her choice. Be part of her Team Me, to borrow a Captain Awkwardism.

Good luck.

And finally, to pull it back to the topic at hand, I’d say that this thread has caused ‘cuck’ to reach semantic satiation, except that I don’t consider it to have any real meaning to begin with. (Well, beyond what everybody else has said, that it’s a great “I’m an asshole, ignore me!” flag.)

A Space Alpaca
A Space Alpaca
5 years ago

@Skybison, Biodiversity is just another in a long line of words they don’t understand the meaning of.

Thank you for your replies everyone, I will bring up the option of documenting it with her and see what she thinks.

She has been offered a job somewhere else, and I’m encouraging her to take it, it’s an excellent opportunity, as well as a potential way to escape Captian Creep at work. She’s on the fence as it would be a pay cut, so we’ll see whether or not that pans out.

For those who asked, I’m in Canada (Manitoba) so I’m not sure how we compare to the states in this regard, but I’ll do some research.

I also feel like I may remember one or two other women in the building mentioning being uncomfortable with him (all blondes, it seems he has a type), so perhaps we could talk to them about recording their interactions as well.

edit: @ParsethePotatoes You just made me really wish I was a man! These situations sure would be easier. I think our manager does have her back, but I don’t think she’s comfortable bringing it to him. She is a very ‘don’t rock the boat’ kind of gal, and unfortunately in this case I may end up having to accept that she doesn’t want to deal with it at all. I just hate seeing what his presence does to her, she doesn’t deserve that shit, especially when she’s just trying to work and can’t get away.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

@A Space Alpaca

Where is your friend’s boss? Can her boss be engaged? If nothing else, this dude is wasting your friend’s time, and the time of the person who sits next to her. If your friend’s boss can be alerted to come run interference to drive the dude off in the interest of preserving her time to do her work, that would at least be a band-aid.

The cure, however, is for her to find another job. I’m sorry to be the one to bear that news. All of the best options will have career impacts. I definitely encourage her to document-document-document as others have suggested, but she’ll probably face retaliation if she actually tries to use it. She might as well anticipate the fallout and start sending out resumes now.

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