Fellas! I don’t know if you know this, but we men here in the western world are surrounded by secret sluts, undercover dirty girls with “PhDs in “hide my notch count-ology” so if men don’t take a good hard look beneath the surface, they’ll be taken for [a] ride to be sure.”
That, in any case, is the message of a new post by self-proclaimed slut expert Donovan Sharpe at internet garbage site Return of Kings. A few years back, another RoK writer warned men of several dozen “slut tells,” including tattoos, large breasts, divorced parents, past sorority membership, and of course “slut face.”
Sharpe now adds several more “covert slut tells” to the list, advising men to watch out for divorced women with “thousand cock stares” who live alone, work out at “meathead gyms,” make bad art and … work at call centers.
How are any of these things evidence of sluthood? Let’s go through them in turn.
Divorce:
Divorce? More like Div-WHORE-ce amirite fellas high five, you do see what I did there right?
Nothing elicits euphoria in today’s woman like separation and subsequent divorce papers. It is quite literally her golden ticket aboard the Cock Carousel Express and it takes them very little time to hop aboard and enjoy the ride. …
While this is awesome for slut slayers, it’s terrible for men looking to settle down. Any woman who has at least one ex-husband has no doubt been slammed by hordes of men. And as we all know, the more men a woman has been f**ked by, the less faithful she’ll be.
The Thousand Cock Stare:
The mysterious “Thousand Cock Stare,” as I noted in a previous post, is what Red Pillers think women develop after exposure to more than the lifetime recommended allotment of penises. As Sharpe explains, it’s
the look on a woman’s face that reveals spite, apathy, fatigue, and hopelessness all at the same time. This look is a direct result of being drilled and dropped by a shitload of men.
The spite is because she’s pissed off at the world for not having locked down a man because of her slutty ways. The apathy is from being desensitized to sex, an inevitable ramification of taking different cocks for an extended period of time.
Remember, fellas, if a woman has lots of sex with one man, she only suffers one penis-worth of penis-induced sex-desensitivity. The same amount of sex with a variety of penises will turn her into an empty shell of a woman.
The fatigue is her being tired of the constant battle to get and keep male attention and having to resort to sexual favors earlier and earlier as she gets older.
Yeah, that couldn’t possibly be because she enjoys sex and is tired of playing games.
And the hopelessness comes from her knowing deep down she’ll never have a relationship of consequence with a man she loves and respects, who finds her tolerable outside of sex.
No projection here, nope!
Living alone:
Aw, she’s got her own place, like, you know, lots and lots of single people. BEWARE!
[W]omen are heavily influenced by people who shame them …
Living by herself gives her carte blanche to sleep with as many dudes as her little heart desires without the judgmental gaze of her roommates or relatives. …
With male thirst at an all time high, it’s a pretty good bet that a woman who doesn’t share a residence with another human being is likely pushing triple digits in the notch count category, and it seldom takes long to get there.
Bad artist:
If she’s a painter, there’s a good chance she’ll let you STIR HER PAINT, nudge nudge. Maybe she’ll even let you STRETCH HER CANVAS, if you know what I mean, or USE MASKING TAPE TO COVER PART OF THE CANVAS IN ORDER TO GET A CLEAR EDGE BETWEEN PATCHES OF DIFFERENT COLORS wait none of these makes any sense as sexual innuendo never mind.
Just remember: ART means SEX.
I’m not a psychologist by any stretch of the imagination, but my guess is that expressing themselves artistically is a way to escape the fact that they can’t keep their legs closed around men. …
So the next time a chick wants to show you her collection of deformed bowls and vases she makes in her pottery classes, keep in mind that you’ve probably got a whore on your hands.
Meathead gym attendance:
Buff women hanging out around buff dudes apparently results in lots of buff sex, though apparently this only makes the women sluts, not the men,
Call centers:
Yep. If she works at a call center, you can be sure she’ll PUT YOU ON HOLD, if you know what I mean, or maybe even INTERRUPT YOUR DINNER WITH A SALES CALL EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE ON THE DO NOT CALL REGISTRY. If you’re really lucky, maybe she’ll let you SPEAK TO HER SUPERVISOR.
Crap, none of those make sense either. Just remember: call centers are slut centers!
Anyone who’s ever worked in a call center knows that commingling between employees is at least twice as rampant as any other workplace out there. Having managed a few myself I can personally attest to the fact that regardless of position, no one is exempt from the temptation of f**king their coworkers in this environment…or at least trying.
Girls who either are or have been employed at a call center are usually epic sluts in and outside of the office. Something about this particular work habitat is like an aphrodisiac for both males and females.
One ringy dingy indeed!
@Paradoxy and Jackie:
Please do not adjust your audio equipment. The high-pitched noise you are hearing is me squeeing from across the Atlantic for how cute you two are. Congratulations and I hope it goes really well.
@Dr NicolaLuna:
I feel that as a man, it’s not my place to call a woman a slut even if she uses the term to describe herself. Nonetheless I shall bear this in mind.
@PI & @Pandapool
Echoing EJ (The Other One):
Squeee!
And yeah, I know from personal experience that social anxiety stinks. I like to reframe any anxiety-provoking situation as an adventure.
Have fun, you two!
Women are all sluts, but male thirst is at an all time high?
Are we all lesbians now? How does that work? The prude/slut phenomenon Is confusing. Is it like how women supposedly love divorce and yet are miserable when we aren’t married to a man?
Consistency, how the fuck does it work?
@Lea
Easy. When misogynists make these claims, they’re talking about 100% of men, but only supermodel women. Those supermodel women are, allegedly, very “slutty” but they only have sex with a handful of “chads”, while the rest of the male population gets nothing. What about all the other women, you say? Easy! They don’t exist.
@PI and Jackie
Awesome! Hope it goes well. 🙂
In my limited experience, first dates usually go well if you have good reason to believe they will.
@ msexception
You missed your calling! You’d have been such a great 1960s London gangster.
“Nice kneecaps. Be a shame if anything happened to them” 🙂
@calmdown –
My husband had a pretty aimless early-20s – seriously, he had more jobs during that time than some people have their whole lives.
One of the ones that he tried on for size was a call center.
He lasted Training + 1 day, says it’s the worst job he’s ever had (and this is a guy who managed a whole summer doing construction work in Florida, so he knows bad jobs).
@Lindsay Irene @Thiazen Red:
Hear-effing-hear.
At 12, I was gangly, both physically and socially awkward, and bookish.
I was also 5’9” and had developed hips and breasts so quickly that I still have faint, silver scars from the stretch marks (and to give you an idea of the speed of development represented there, I have *no* stretch marks from any of my three pregnancies).
Fuck. That. Shit.
I very quickly learned how awful people – both my age and disgustingly older – can be.
Anyone out there who’s ever in a position to do so: Please, please step in if you see a developed child being treated inappropriately in public and please, please believe them if they ever try to tell you about the uncomfortable or scary things that have happened.
I don’t care what they look like, they weren’t asking for, receptive to, or ready to deal with it. If they’re smiling or seem to be engaging, it’s because they’re caught completely flat-footed and have no idea what to do.
And I know that the above doesn’t have to be said to the frequent commenters here, but I also know that this site attracts a number of lurkers.
I also know that this rant is sort of OT, but I get so worked up whenever this topic comes up.
My lingering anger about this always catches me off guard.
I was shaking when I went to warm up my coffee and put jam on my now-cold toast.
Thank you for getting angry over this. The people who are suffering due to it right now are too young to be able to raise the issue effectively, and it’s easy for those who no longer suffer to become complacent and forget.
You’re an inspiration to the rest of us.
@ Mockingbird
I hear you about the stretch scars. My step sister was 6 foot 2 at age 12 and my mother and her husband were constantly having to tell adult men that she was 12, stop hitting on her. And who even hits on a kid in front of their parents anyway, even if you think shes older? Thats pretty gross random 40 year old dude.
Seriously adults, don’t talk about a little girl’s breasts unless you’re her caretaker or doctor, and then just be reassuring and supportive. Don’t make a big deal about it, and shut that shit down if other adults start in about them.
@mockingbird
I had to tell off grown up men who would make passes at my older sister, not because of her breasts (my whole family is b cup or smaller), but because of her hips and butt. She’s a year and a half older than me, so when a 14 year old boy is telling a grown man to leave off hiring on his 15 year old sister, you know something is severely wrong with our society.
@Alan
Hey, I’m not sure that option can be entirely off the table for me yet – just need to commandeer something kind of like the TARDIS and I’ll bet set!
I’ll put an ad on Craigslist for “super smart tech savvy individuals”…still working on the best way of saying “you’re going to build me a time traveling police box and it better work or I’ll bury you under the floors.*”
*Obviously not *my* floors, that would get stinky and how am I supposed to do any time travel if I get locked up in prison. Not like the prison warden will let me have a great blue box – there could be WoMD or guns and stuff in there. They’re pretty particular about what inmates are allowed to have and do. 😛 Much easier to get away with murder if the bodies aren’t in my house.
@Mockingbird
I’ve worked in several, and I’ve never seen or heard of one that wasn’t an abusive hellhole.
@PI & Jackie
Add my squees to the pile, and hope the movie kicks ass.
I used to work in a call centre – it was a phone sex call centre*, in fact! Though there were people of all ages, I was often seated next to a grandmother who spent her time crocheting while entertaining callers. Pretty much everyone crocheted/knitted, or did word searches, or homework. When I quit, I had about 7 headset cozies.**
Groups of us would hang out after hours, but the one thing that didn’t happen at our call centre? Hooking up. 7 hours of moaning on the phone left most people pretty uninterested in anything other than not moaning any more, or perhaps ever again.
*also, psychics! I was one of those too. Also exhausting!
** made by others – I never got the hang of crocheting, dang it.
Jackie
Whoa, that sucks.
Just to show how old I am: At that age, the whispers were about who was wearing a bra and who wasn’t. Boob jobs still consisted of silicone injections. ICK!
Thiazin Red
QFT! When I was 11, a neighbor lady commented to my mom that it looked like she needed to take me bra shopping, wink, wink. Which led to her, my mom, and my friend snapping their attention to my chest.
I just wanted to shrivel up and disappear.
Wait, is there any chance that this craphead who wrote this screed is the same dude who wrote at Reddit about call center girls? Or am I just sleep-concussed?
Echoing everyone else’s good wishes for PI and Jackie. I’m only a recent de-lurker, so I’m hesitant to barge in when we don’t know each other (it seems very presumptuous) – but it’s just so squee-worthy. You two are kickass and I hope all goes wonderfully 🙂
There’s an express carousel?
How does that work?
Metaphors: do not try them at home. Or anywhere. If you’re an MRA, anyway.
@Moggie:
You just had to show that clip, didn’t you? 😛
(I’ve got, like, a huge crush on Alison Brie.)
@David:
…And those are bad things how…?
In reference to those who develop early: I really do feel bad for any girl in that position as well, given teen boys are quite wanton in trying to get off and extremely hostile when they don’t get it.
I’m not surprised that, despite being such judgmental assholes about appearance, they would still try taking advantage of girls they have no issue calling “fat uggos.” They’re hypocritical, of course, as they want to sleep with as many girls as possible yet are flabbergasted and offended by the notion of a girl doing the same but with boys…or just being intimate with anyone other than them. As if every woman is only allowed to have one romantic partner before being considered “used up.”
What an odd way to find out I am a slut.
I’m finding it hard to imagine a less sexually charged environment than a call center. That kind of work is just the polar opposite of sexy. Especially inbound customer service in a place that has an ’emergency’ button on every phone to notify a supervisor and start recording if a caller starts making threats. I had to use that less than a week out of training.
Maybe it’s a centrifuge like the one at NASA, except with cock. For aspiring space sluts.
This is one of those things that I just don’t get.
Why are sluts a bad thing?
If you want to have sex, then wouldn’t women who also enjoy having sex and are not too picky who they have sex with increase the odds of you getting sex? You would think they’d slut praise rather than slut shame.
Or is this really not about sex at all? Hmm…
@Stampede:
I’ve noticed that even the idea that women enjoy sex or could is dismissed, which is weird to me – why, as a cis-het male, would you not want to let your partner enjoy your intimate company? Why is them being more experienced with sex such a repulsive or unappealing trait anyway, unless enjoyment of such is not submissive enough for chauvinistic assholes?
I’d rather my partner enjoy herself, I’d not judge her for her past sexual experiences – because I’d rather they be happy nor feel I have any right to act superior to others.