Fellas! Sorry to have to issue another warning about the devious females of our species, but I have learned of yet another way that these wily lady creatures secretly control our minds.
On the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit, a fella named cactiscat explains how the ladies manipulate us by “contorting [their] face[s] and voice[s].” And it’s all the fault of Starbucks and the Kardashians and possibly Rachel Zoe.
Women, cactiscat informs us, “are programmed for manipulation.” As little girls, they learn to charm their fathers by “act[ing] sweet and cute in order to get what they want at home.”
But they become true mistresses of manipulation as young adults, when they all, inevitably, get jobs at Starbucks or McDonald’s or somewhere else where they have to deal with idiots all day without punching any of them.
Modern women in the US have almost all worked customer service jobs, either as baristas, waitresses, cashiers, receptionists, ect. In these jobs they naturally hone and perfect their social manipulation skills. They have to put on a smile and make their voice sweet, hour after hour, day after day, regardless of how they feel inside. After doing that for long enough, they essentially become like sociopaths.
Damn you, Starbucks!
Of course, the problem has been around a lot longer than Starbucks. Back in prehistoric days, you see, wily cavewomen learned how to charm hard-working cavemen into giving them some of the mammoth they had so bravely hunted and killed.
Women have always been better at social manipulation than men. This is how they ensured their survival during the caveman days. They couldn’t hunt, or make tools, so they carved out the niche of being social manipulators instead.
Here is an authentic cave painting showing how these evil caveladies conned their men into giving them free stuff.
But there’s one sneaky new trick the ladies are using to control men: talking like a creaky-voiced Kardashian.
Have you heard of “vocal fry”? That’s one of the most blatant tricks in the modern woman’s arsenal. Its a tone style of speaking that sounds like after sex bedroom whispering, and a lot of modern women have shamelessly adopted it into their everyday speaking, because it gives them power.
Here’s Kourtney Kardashian showing us how it’s done:
And here’s dress-picker-outer to the stars Rachel Zoe with her low croak.
As you can see, Rachel Zoe’s vocal fry is so powerful that she’s given vocal fry to pretty much everyone around her except her loser husband.
So be careful, fellas. The next time you hire Rachel Zoe to pick out your outfit for the Oscars, stuff earplugs or bananas or something else in your ears to block out her beguiling croak.
@Policy of Madness- I find the piercing Lemongraab voice is very effective when it comes to getting my way. I just have to threaten to do it the next time my partner does something UNNNAAAAACCCCEPPPPPPTTTTAAABBBBLLLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! That thing will not happen a second time.
http://www.blindfiveyearold.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/lemongrab-unacceptable-1024×571.png
I thought human females always had opposable thumbs, but I guess I was wrong about that. Thanks goodness for womanly wiles.
Does he explain why Rachael Zoe’s male assistant talks exactly the same way? Since that may lead to homophobia, it’s probably best if he didn’t.
@Freemage
I’m stealing that line and putting it in my pocket for future use.
I don’t get how anyone can talk in that creaky voice for more than like three words. Doesn’t it get hard on the windpipe?
Vocal fry is an element of many singers’ signature styles, in obvious quite subtle incarnations. You’d hear it discussed on The Voice and whatnot. And yep, a throat cold will get you there.
Evil woman with a terrible throat cold manipulating you with her infectious sex bedroom laryngytis whispers (men do not watch)
Also, when in my youth I tried to make myself like a sociopath, I didn’t do it by smiling for hours on end. Man, it’s almost like this guy doesn’t know anything about how social manipulation is actually done. Guess he’s not feeemale enough and social scheming is one of my gay unicorn powers.
EDIT: Brooked, there are ways of simulating the sound that happen in your upper throat and soft palate more than your voice box. You could look at Felicia Ricci on YouTube or something, although she touches on it in passing and I’m sure some vocal coach covers it more directly.
Creaky voice or glottal rattle, perhaps. You might find this interesting:
http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=3626
Anecdotally, I’ve been reading discussions about it for years now. Most of the links so far in the thread are a year or two old. This graph suggests useof the term even peaked in the 80s:
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=vocal+fry&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t4%3B%2Cvocal%20fry%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bvocal%20fry%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BVocal%20fry%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BVocal%20Fry%3B%2Cc0
I like how the dark triad/sociopathy is so cool and edgy when MGTOW or red pillers do it. But a female sociopath? The horror! Never mind that saying “have a nice day” when you don’t give a shit isn’t even actually sociopathy.
Interesting because I just recently read an article about this “vocal fry” phenomenon. As I assume Mr. Cactis must also have done, since I doubt he just independently discovered this very same phenomenon.
I think the article was about how women are generally at the forefront of the evolution of language.
ETA @Jo: it may be an older term but it must have recently come up on Facebook or Twitter recently, which is probably how I stumbled over it.
Correct! But instead of being afraid of the person described, it makes more sense to me to think, “Wow, that sucks,” and try not to make their life harder.
OK, can I just say I’m dead jealous of anyone who’s able to get the vocal fry at will. As a long time country music fan, I’ve always loved the creak and the crack and wish I could reliably do it. I am able to do it right now, but I have a very bad cold.
In addition to the links specifically about vocal fry already posted, here’s an article about young women leading the way in language change/innovation in general. And, of course, usually being criticized for it.
http://qz.com/474671/move-over-shakespeare-teen-girls-are-the-real-language-disruptors/
All I could think of was my favorite scene from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (and the scene that cemented Rarity as my favorite pony. The episode’s from S1E19 called “Dog and Pony Show” if anyone wants to watch the whole thing, because it gets SO MUCH BETTER).
@Freemage:
QFT.
@ThatBear – Right?
If I were the Grand World Ruler, I’d decree that every blessed person has to work at least 1-2 years in a retail or food service job. Not a posh one, either – something with definite rushes and weekend/holiday hours.
If they haven’t seen the light at the end of that time, they’ll be assigned to an indefinite term working at A FAMILY OR KIDS’ THEMED RESTAURANT dum dum dummmmm .
*maniacal laugh*
*crack of lightning*
My cruelty shall know no bounds.
Seriously, though – I invariably overtip if I’m out someplace and it’s obvious that the server’s having a rough day but is still really trying…or if I eat anyplace and have young children in tow.
That shit’s hard.
So, Afaict, ‘vocal fry’ means ‘not forcing your voice higher,’ is that more or less it? I can see why that would annoy MRAs, certainly.
I tend to get irritated at people using their voice to denigrate others regardless of whether they are using upspeak or vocal fry while doing so.
And as a bi man I reserve the right to use vocal fry when I damned well feel like it.
Wow.
Yet another MRA who thinks prehistoric women didn’t do anything but make babies. Because when your group is struggling to survive, you can afford to have half the group sit around and eat bon bons. Pfft.
Dalillama: I thought it’s that growly tone in the throat when speaking.
Women are socialized to speak and act in polite, conciliatory, placating ways, but we’re evil for doing so? Whatever. I second the suggestion to send these guys to colonize Pluto.
@Jo: Ira Glass’ unpleasantly nasal timbre overshadows his vocal fry, in my opinion. I love the show, but his voice grates on me a bit.
*Reads thread* Oh so…”vocal fry” is an actual thing. Huh. So yeah, who cares except whiny MGTOWs?
@leftwingfox
… isn’t that usual in lower vocal registers?
You know what’s more unattractive than vocal fry? Whining.
“They have to keep and smile on their face, and a sweet voice, day after day, regarless of how they feel inside” Shit, they get so close sometimes, man.
It’s normal in the lower vocal registers of a given person’s range. It happens when you push your voice down and people don’t tend to get it in the center of their range.
As one of those people with a naturally very high voice (think Britney Spears on helium), I admit to using vocal fry on occasion. Namely, when talking on the phone, when trying to get voice recognition to work, and when speaking to people with hearing loss who do better with lower registers.
It gets uncomfortable when I speak at length, and I can assure lurking MRAs that I’m not trying to be sexy. I’m doing something far more objectionable: trying to explain substantive points to other people.
They connect every. single. thing. women do with trying to please/defy/control men. Because everything we do is connected to pleasing or purposefully defying men we don’t know. We can’t ever just live our damn lives like they do, can we? Like all autonomous beings do.
It’s like we’re not separate entities. Like we’re somehow always “connected” to men at all times and everything we do is for/about them. It’s never about us. Not really.
ETA: I do use vocal fry on occasion, sometimes without even realizing it. Whatcha gonna do, PigTOWs?