Fellas! Sorry to have to issue another warning about the devious females of our species, but I have learned of yet another way that these wily lady creatures secretly control our minds.
On the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit, a fella named cactiscat explains how the ladies manipulate us by “contorting [their] face[s] and voice[s].” And it’s all the fault of Starbucks and the Kardashians and possibly Rachel Zoe.
Women, cactiscat informs us, “are programmed for manipulation.” As little girls, they learn to charm their fathers by “act[ing] sweet and cute in order to get what they want at home.”
But they become true mistresses of manipulation as young adults, when they all, inevitably, get jobs at Starbucks or McDonald’s or somewhere else where they have to deal with idiots all day without punching any of them.
Modern women in the US have almost all worked customer service jobs, either as baristas, waitresses, cashiers, receptionists, ect. In these jobs they naturally hone and perfect their social manipulation skills. They have to put on a smile and make their voice sweet, hour after hour, day after day, regardless of how they feel inside. After doing that for long enough, they essentially become like sociopaths.
Damn you, Starbucks!
Of course, the problem has been around a lot longer than Starbucks. Back in prehistoric days, you see, wily cavewomen learned how to charm hard-working cavemen into giving them some of the mammoth they had so bravely hunted and killed.
Women have always been better at social manipulation than men. This is how they ensured their survival during the caveman days. They couldn’t hunt, or make tools, so they carved out the niche of being social manipulators instead.
Here is an authentic cave painting showing how these evil caveladies conned their men into giving them free stuff.
But there’s one sneaky new trick the ladies are using to control men: talking like a creaky-voiced Kardashian.
Have you heard of “vocal fry”? That’s one of the most blatant tricks in the modern woman’s arsenal. Its a tone style of speaking that sounds like after sex bedroom whispering, and a lot of modern women have shamelessly adopted it into their everyday speaking, because it gives them power.
Here’s Kourtney Kardashian showing us how it’s done:
And here’s dress-picker-outer to the stars Rachel Zoe with her low croak.
As you can see, Rachel Zoe’s vocal fry is so powerful that she’s given vocal fry to pretty much everyone around her except her loser husband.
So be careful, fellas. The next time you hire Rachel Zoe to pick out your outfit for the Oscars, stuff earplugs or bananas or something else in your ears to block out her beguiling croak.
“after sex bedroom whispering”?
Umm – why whispering?
Does this mean they’re afraid their parents will hear that they’ve got someone with them?
After sex in my bedroom we talk, laugh, sometimes sing, cuddle, scratch each other’s backs… and so on…
And yet how many times are women told by total strangers to “give us a smile”.
And I’m not sure how to reconcile “make their voice sweet” with the apparent evil manipulation that is vocal fry. (And personally I’ve never associated the croaking of vocal fry with “after sex bedroom whispering” — it sounds more like a dismissive Valley Girl to me.)
Back in the stone age, women didn’t do anything, because women are terrible!
These days, women work, because women are terrible!
Other things that prove that women are terrible:
Women are mammals
Women have skin
Women inhale and exhale
Women exist
Is post-coital whispering different from general whispering? Also, WTF?
This one is painful, just because of how close he comes to actually having the potential for a real epiphany. The opening bit about little girls actually sounds like he understands that our society socializes young children differently based on gender–that young girls are taught to ‘be nice’ from a young age, in comparison to the boys-will-be-boys reaction to young lads who roughhouse and make a lot of noise. He even comprehends that this social programming continues in adulthood, and that women who do not comply face constant pushback.
But then, having accepted this basic fact, he chooses to run, helter-skelter away from the obvious conclusion that feminism–which seeks to undermine such arbitrary distinctions–would actually help alleviate this issue, and instead assumes that the problem MUST be with the women, because Redpill evopsych bullshit. It’s like watching someone complete 23.9 miles of a marathon, only to go wandering off to sit in a drainage ditch with the finish line in sight.
As for “vocal fry”, this is hardly endearing to men–if anything, a lot of men (and women) complain about it. Enough, in fact, that NPR did a story about all the comments they received about younger, female hosts who were perceived as having too much vocal fry.
“Sex bedroom whispering”
No, not sex bedroom whispering! Anything but the sex bedroom whispering!
When you’re a woman, being polite and professional at work = manipulation.
Good to know!
Longtime reader, first-time commenter. I’m a linguist, and I feel like it’s incumbent upon me to say something preemptively before anyone goes off about how “I hate it when people talk that way, it’s so obnoxious, etc., etc.”
Simply: it’s no one’s place to tell anyone else what kind of vocal fold vibrations aren’t acceptable. Criticizing “vocal fry” (known in my world as “creaky voice” – much less catchy, I know) as a language phenomenon – most ubiquitous among young women – is as wrong as Manospherians telling women to shave their #legbeards.
Note: the Kourtney vocal fry supercut is still pretty funny. LA! Party!
@LindsayIrene: An astute observation; reactionaries won’t be happy either way with what women do. It’ll always just be spite and rage.
Also irked by the caveman science these MGTOWs are supposedly using; I think iirc the flintstones narrative was actively designed to fit around 1950s American life. I know this blog has done a couple posts on the evopsych stuff and the mis conceptions in it but I’d be intrigued to explore all this in depth so I have something to happy slap junk science spouters with.
It is all true. There was a great scifi writer named Frank Herbert who warned us about this, he even showed how real men poas like a Baron were punished by the evil womyn. He was so smart he even showed how men can deal with this. Be like the good Baron and sleep only with other real men, or go your own way, become sexless on your own ship, like the guild.
So Joe Scarborough was nagging Hillary Clinton to “smile” because he was manipulated by her evil vocal fry?
@WWTH:
Absolutely. How are they supposed to tell you to smile if you do it yourself?
“I find this very sexy. DAMN IT! If I find it sexy, it must be a devious plan to control me and therefore all men (even the gay ones)!”
I have mastered the Weirding Way.
The way these men even hate little girls and see a child smiling at her dad as proof of her evil makes my want to send them to colonize Pluto today.
Luckily, I can do just that with my customer service trained mind control powers.
*eyeroll*
Is anyone else reminded of Frolo from Disney’s Hunchback of Notre Dame? If he is attracted to a woman, she must be wickedly out to make him have what most of us see as perfectly normal feelings that people sometime have quite spontaneously. Not to mgtow. Nope. If they get a semichub, or a tummy butterflies it must be witchcraft!
Meanwhile, with all their spare time to better themselves they brag about, you’d think they’d wander into a library and learn something. Of course women hunted. Of course they were as capable of survival as men. Christ, what ignorant conjecture.
WWTH,
But if we don’t fall all over ourselves to please them it is because women are all rude and awful and out to bully men by not smiling for them.
There was a great article about vocal fry that I read last year – and here it is: http://www.emandlo.com/if-you-dont-like-vocal-fry-and-uptalk-youre-probably-old-andor-sexist/
Basically, vocal fry might have developed as a way for women to sound more authoritative than the a previous generational speaking style, but what it comes down to is that no matter how women speak, someone will complain about it. Because women shouldn’t be talking… I guess.
To be honest, the attitude that women exist at men is pretty bog standard, even among mostly not horrible guys. These guys just take it to an absurd extreme.
On the subject of vocal fry, men do it too. One more item to file under the heading of “Things Which Are Totally Fine When Men Do Them”.
Protip, MGTOWers: Assuming that women only smile at you or are nice to you because they are trying to manipulate you reduces the chances of you having a healthy relationship with a woman to zero.
I use vocal fry in various contexts, but after sex is pretty much never one of them.
I sometimes whisper after sex, if I’m really sleepy. It sounds absolutely nothing like vocal fry.
I think it was this NPR pdocast that talked about both men and women using vocal fry, but it’s women that kind of get blamed for using it more and actually people tend to regard it as “annoying”. So really just another way to blame and/or control women over absolutely nothing.
http://www.npr.org/2015/07/23/425608745/from-upspeak-to-vocal-fry-are-we-policing-young-womens-voices
When I get vocal fry, it’s because my throat is irritated from allergy-induced post-nasal drip. Sexxxxxy.
Really? They couldn’t hunt? Not rabbits? Not birds? They couldn’t fish or something? What, the scales of the fishies were scary? The fluffy bunny tails spooked them?
They couldn’t make tools? They looked at spears in awe and wondered at the science of the pointy stick?
In starting to worry about these people, they seem to think The Flintstones was a documentary.
I “like” how he says prehistoric women couldn’t hunt or make tools like, you know, it’s just self-evident. don’t need nothing to back up a claim like that, no sir. OF COURSE women can’t do those things.
blargh.
Yep. Being nice, friendly and having a friendly atmosphere is something only women are taught to do in the service sector. I remember that time an old boss of mine gave me a crash course in customer service etiquette because I was being too down which effected sales, but then they realized I was a boy and told me to just go back to scowling at and insulting people.
Also, again, I don’t understand these terrible names. “MrThrowaway” could be an attempt at self deprecating humor, I guess, but “cactiscat?” Cacti scat. When posting your opinion, maybe don’t pick a name that makes me associate you with a pile of shit in the desert. Or did you mean “cactus cat” and just bumbled your way into naming yourself after feces?
Some of the stuff these guys come up with are hilarious. Like “women who work retail jobs are masters at social manipulation”.